The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Fire Swamp
May 17, 2013 According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, there are NOT three dangers of the Fire Swamp, my friends; there are seven.
Don't Panic!
Instead, grab your sonic screwdriver,
;)
(With both hands...)
and your ugliest tie-dye beach towel,
;)
(You know, the one with the ugly flowers and the nutrient-soaked hem.)
...and let's go see if we can find the other four!
Wait, I'm forgetting something...
Hey! You! In the red shirt! Wanna join the team?
;)
Great! We wouldn't think of leaving without you.
*
***
********
Look, up above! It's a Cthulpoo Pony!
;)
Watch out for their aerial bowel assault!
Now, step lively! The Guide warns of AFGs. You could fall and break your neck.
;)
"Areas of Fluctuating Gravity? I don't think they exi-- aiieeeggghhhh!"
Listen! Do you smell something?
;)
As I suspected: it's the herbivorous blast-ended skrewt!
("They call me... Tim.")
Mind the pincers; they've got nasty, big, pointy teeth!
Well, that's three. There's just one more danger --
The Excitable Squirrels of Amorosity!
;)
Look out, men! They'll go straight for your nuts!
(Whose idea was it to bring all these peanuts, anyway?)
*SPROING!*
RUN AWAAAAAY!
Thanks to Robert S., Stacy, Gillian, Anony M., Kellee C., Rachael E., and Jane B., for sending us pictures of cakes that are mostly harmless.
Reader Comments (58)
This, my friends, *THIS!!!!!!!* is why I come here. And also why I make sure to finish anything I'm drinking or eating first!
Have I mentioned lately how much I love you guys...? In a strictly Platonic way, of course.
My Little Eldritch Horror is deliberate, right?
Now, just imagine every fandom in the Internet exploding at the speed of light...
Dear Jen,
My wife and I have been long-time readers of your blog and we love your wry humor. However, I have an erratum to report in your post that, perhaps, others have pointed out too. You said "let's see if we can find the other FOUR". There were five more. Unless that was also a joke reference but sailed over my head. I got all the others. Also, more MLP:FiM references, please! :)
Have a victorious day, madame,
David
@David - five cakes yes, but *four* dangers because the Red Shirt is not *a* danger; s/he is *in* danger! (As all Trekkers know, the Red Shirt dies first. :-)
@SuBee - Waitaminute! You *knew* what a blast-ended skrewt was all along...didn't you?! You just wanted to start that whole "A rabbit is a lagomorph, not a rodent!!" Epcot again, didn't you?! Clever girl...waaay more than me since it only took THE WHOLE WEEKEND for me to figure that out!!!
Great Belin!
Wait, wrong novel...
Hahahah I love all the nerd references. Absolutely awesome. :D
Does any one else think the Sonic Screwdriver looks like a, well, a vibrator?