Get Used To (More) Disappointment
April 5, 2013 What's that? You want more "Missed Marks" wrecks?
AS YOU WISH.
First up, Randee C. ordered this simple zebra-stripe cake from her local bakery:
;)
... and ended up with something only a finger-painting preschooler could love:
;)
Zebras of unusual stripes?
I don't think they exist.
Next, Tahneea made two notable discoveries: first, this gorgeous cake:
;)
There's a shortage of perfect ruffles in the world. 'Twould be a pity to damage yours.
And second, a use for leftover coffee filters!
"I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six hundred coffee filters on hand?"
"Do you always begin conversations this way?"
"YUP."
And finally, Mel D. ordered this beauty for her wedding:
;)
She tells me her baker showed her an impressive portfolio of gorgeous cakes, which made the final reveal on her big day that much more, well, you know ...
;)
And ... EMBIGGIFY!
;)
On the plus side, that silver glitter really clumps together nicely.
Bye bye, brides! Have fun ordering your cakes!
("Think they'll be wrecks?"
"If not, it'll be a miracle.")
BYEEE!
Reader Comments (97)
I do not envy the headache you will have when you see these wrecks. But in the meantime, rest well, and dream of Sunday Sweets.
Mwawage is what bwings us togwether today... and ugly cakes!
Do you think the brides shouted "Inconceivable" when they received their wrecks?! Or maybe they asked if they could go lie down in their royal chambers until a certain Pirate came to rescue them.. with 4 white horses.. and a giant.. cuz you have to have a giant.
Thanks for keeping the Princess Bride references going Jen.. made my Friday!
The zebras of unusual stripes was good.
Hope that glitter isn't Disco Dust! While non-toxic, that stuff is NOT EDIBLE, people!!!!
And, there's a huge problem with bakers stealing photos of the work of other bakers in an effort to gain business. Clearly, that's what happened with the last cake; beyond their skill level.
I love the disconnect between the classy black-white-and-cream cake and the final product. Where did GREEN flowers and polkadots come in?! And the cake layers look like they've been stuffed into too-small cake girdles and then dressed in spackle. Mmmm...spackle...and...cigarette ash.
Princess Bride narrative, wrecky wedding cakes, witty commentary...my weekend is complete and it hasn't even started.
Well I was going to watch the third episode of Sherlock while cleaning my room but now I have to watch Princess Bride!! I suppose I should thank you for saving me the heartache :)
You guys are killing me with these comments!
Looking at these horrible cakes, I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was a little bit concerned but that's not the same thing.
Do you think these wreckers were mostly dead when they were designing their cakes?
Would I order a cake from these bakeries? DEATH FIRST!
I could go on all day!
Baker," I just sucked $100 dollars of your money away,how does that make you feel?" "And remember this is for posterity,so, be honest."
And I thought Andrea was just really prolific today. To new commenters: mind if we call you 'Andrea', just to avoid confusion?
You know, of course, @Andrea, that someone else could be using your name so as to remain anonymous...
I would like to express my deep appreciation for the absence of "you get what you pay for" comments on today's board. So far, anyway. (Please don't take it as a challenge, please don't take it as a challenge...)
I agree, that was clearly not her portfolio. I wonder if bakeries operate like florists? My mom was a florist, and all the floral wire services supplied her with catalogs, and that's what customers looked through and ordered from if they didn't have their own idea of what they wanted. So, they weren't looking at any of my mom's work, but my mom was a talented florist so she could copy to a tee any of the designs in the books. Perhaps the baking supply companies supply fake portfolios for their clients?
I am pretty sure that those might be cupcake liners... lol What makes it even worse is that you can see the cake underneath!
LOVE all the PB references, from Jen and commenters alike. Happy Friday!
Bakers, friendless, brainless, helpless, HOPELESS! Do you want us to send you back to where you were? Unemployed, in Greenland?
Y'all are amazing! I had never actually watched PB until I got more regular here (wait, that doesn't sound right!) Thanks Jen and all of the amazing commenters for opening my eyes!
@Craig we'll know it's really you because honestly, how many other 7 foot tall wrestlers could there be around here? And what the heck are you doing??? Trying to send us all to the bunker??? I don't think @KarateLady has enough treats for all of us!
OMG - Today's comments are *STELLAR*!!! I'm laughing *SO* hard!! I've been rushing around since I put in my little comment early this morning, so this is my 1st chance to read everyone else's notes and...BWAHAHAHAHAH! It's hard to pick a favorite with so many good ones, but I think I like Joan's "Indeegnant Bridezeela" the best! (Though I also admire BADKarma's subtle eel skin reference - good one!) Of course, then there's Tejayes take-off on the Bishop's speech (?Reverend) @ the wedding...and Sharyn's comments, and zoomom, and SuBee, and...heck, everybody else. Ok, better stop there - The Daughter's Girl Scout Troop is having a garage sale tomorrow morn...at MY HOUSE. I've got work to do...<sigh>
PS to Jodee - I less than 3 you too - thanks so much! :-)
"I've seen worse." (They were on cakewrecks earlier)
I cant believe Im gonna say this but I think my daughter and I could have done a better job copying the picture of that last cake than the the cake massacrer did!!!!
Slime! Filth! Muck! Boooo! Boooo! Boooooooooo! and that's just the first cake....
We need to throw these cakes to the shrieking eels and go watch The Princess Bride. (At least, that's what I'm going to do!)
Thank you all for quoting Princess Bride. Seriously. You have made my weekend. *SRSLY*
"Buttacweam". My new favorite word.
Bride: "Baker, this is what I want the cake to look like. If it is otherwise when I see it, I shall be very... put out."
If I was a bride and received one of these wrecks, I would've fallen into "the pit of despair".
So bow down to it if you want, bow to it. Bow to the Cake of Slime, the Cake of Filth, the Cake of Putrescence.
They're wrecking again. Do we HAVE to see the wrecking cakes?
I think the bakers were decorating left handed.
You truly love this cake and so you might have been truly happy. Not one bride in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so, I think no bride in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.
My husband was wondering what flavor that beef jerky is on the first wreck.
Wow. Just wow. Those poor brides. I am sure they wanted to fling the cake at someone once they saw them lol. And I adore those Princess Bride references. I love that movie.
Sorry to be the buzzkill -- it's still early here, and I haven't had my coffee, and I'm having a hard time quoting myself, let along PB (I've been to Haddon Hall, though, where they filmed it -- does that count?)
Serious question, though -- what happens with these cakes? Does someone actually pay for them? Is there much sobbing and rending of vestments? Do they find a presentable cake? I know there's not one answer...but I can't imagine my whipping out my credit card for any of these travesties.
Good night, Wreckarators. I shall most likely kill you in the morning.
The last cake has so many dissimilarities with the original...Let me count them.
1. The flowers are the wrong shape, size and colour.
2. There are no silver stripes on the proper one.
3. The blobs are the wrong colour and were SUPPOSED to be HEARTS!
4. The icing is lumpier than a badly-stuffed pillow.
5. Where did the glitter come from? Not the original, that's for sure.
Did the 'decorator' (I use this term loosely) actually know what the cake LOOKED LIKE?
Ahh - A "Princess Bride" post! Wonderful, funny, clever, and snarky as ALways!
And the comments were, as is almost always the case, just as funny and clever as the post.
I can't possibly improve on any so I won't try. Well done, everyone!!
Hahaha, I LOVE the Princess Bride references.
This is my favorite type of cakewrecks post. Keep 'em coming when you have enough.
I'm getting married later this year and I'm hoping a simple design will spare me some grief. Honestly as long as the cake is structurally sound and has fairly smooth icing I'll be happy. Thanks for the doses of reality and lowered expectations cakewrecks!
Worse comes to worst I'll have a photo for your next installation. (lol)
"I have no... Wedding cake like the picture I promised."
"Fezzic, tear his arms off."
"There's a shortage of perfect wedding cakes in this world, its a pity that is still the case."
"Dear God, what is that thing!"
Sadly, not even Miracle Max could help these cakes. Thanks for the inconceivably entertaining post!
The Princess Bride references (in the comments as well as your post) are killing me! :)
This is one time where I think the comments are just as funny as the post itself! Good job, everyone!
I think the brides cried, "Dear God, what is that thing?" upon seeing their "cakes".
WV: Phffb: Sound I made at the sight of wrecks and Princess Bride. Combination of groaning in horror and giggling in delight.
Bye kids! Have fun storming the bakery!
(Sorry, late to the party, but I just had to add to the pile of "Andrea"s.)
My hubby pointed out that the last cake appears to be a Dalek in springwear.....
Y'know, the cake for our wedding was about the level of that last one. The thing is, it was *exactly* like the sample the bakery showed us when we went to choose a cake design. If you can't do a sleek fondant style, don't advertise them.
Otoh, I would be seriously impressed with the baker who could recreate the coffee filter cake out of actual frosting.
WECKS! WECKS ARE WHAT BRINGS US TOGEDER!
I love this: "HHHHHYALLO!!! My name is Indeegnant Bridezeela. You keeled my order.
PREPARE TO DIE."
April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan
And I am guessing there was no support in that cake, at all. Just cake stacked on cake.
Brilliant! This is funny, funny stuff.
On Cake #1...Was that the original picture the "baker" got shown. If so...and a true cake decorator would have to be really um...not to bright to put it nicely, but if you get a picture of a cake that you can't see it clearly, especially in this case the contours of the cake...common sense would tell you that each tier is to be the same height. I see where the bottom and top tier were assumed to be thinner cakes than the middle but come on...really. I am a cake decorator and some things just make me SMDH, lol. Too bad the craftsmanship didnt make up for the mismatched tiers.
As a pastry chef I have seen my share of cake wrecks but I have to say nothing was worse then the wedding cake that came back to the kitchen from an outside baker as we were cutting it we of course had to sample the cake. Well I looked at the floor manager she looked at me and at the same time we spit that cake out. Needless to say it was spoiled verrrry spoiled pastry cream. the bride well she said serve it anyway.
The Dalek bridesmaid's dress actually translates well to cake...