A Kwanzaa Tradition
December 26, 2012 It's time again for everyone's favorite Kwanzaa tradition: making fun of Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa cake!
;)
For those who've somehow managed to miss it in previous years: that is an angel food cake, covered in chocolate cinnamon frosting, filled with canned apple pie filling, and "garnished" with pumpkin seeds and corn nuts.
Yes, CORN NUTS.
The giant taper candles jammed in the cake are presumably there for "culture."
And if you missed any of that, kindly refer to this handy diagram:
;)
(Available as a t-shirt for your next First Fruits Festival!)
This ill-concieved creation has spawned a veritable plethora of ironic baking adventures over the years, as people first recreate it in their own kitchens and then dare each other to eat it. Do a search and you'll find plenty of videos and photos - and the reaction shots of people tasting it are pretty priceless.
Why, Elizabeth in Georgia even made this miniature version for one of our book tour stops:
;)
You must admit, using popcorn kernels in place of corn nuts is pretty inspired.
However, no replica can ever really compete with the original, so gather 'round, my friends, while Aunt Sandra tells us a tale of family, first fruits, and cultural sensitivity:
Also, Corn Nuts are called "acorns." Did you know?
As a side note: I've lost count of how many times I've seen this video over the past four years, but somehow it still unleashes fresh horrors with every viewing. Just looking at that icing makes my teeth hurt, and when you throw in angel food cake - which should never have icing on it to begin with - topped with pumpkins seeds and corn nuts, I'm pretty sure I'd rather gnaw on one of the taper candles.
Oh, and here's an interesting nugget: the person Sandra Lee hired to write this "recipe" later confessed, and her only defense? "The candles were her [Lee's] idea." (I know; I'm still reeling over the fact that Lee paid someone to come up with Corn Nuts and cinnamon icing, too.)
Say, do you think Lee would be in the market for my new St. Patrick's Day recipe? It's a store-bought pie shell filled with frozen orange soda, chopped Circus Peanuts, and Cool Whip. For garnish I have Andes Mints and Doritos crumbs, and for decoration, a can of Guiness jammed "festively" in the middle. I'll be rich, I tell you, RICH!! MWUAH-HA-HAAA!
Feel free to share your own semi-homemade recipes in the comments, since my family's all gone home, John's playing Borderlands 2 again, and I might be a little bored. And....GO.
Reader Comments (122)
Did anyone else notice that on the video it stopped before she could take a bite??
This cake is a hate crime. That is all.
My semi-homemade recipe (which seems to mean "sickeningly sweet *and* disgusting looking") is for Easter:
* one store bought angel food cake
* a jar cheap jam--something red, maybe?
* canned white icing and green food coloring
* some colored but flavor-free jelly beans (don't use "jelly belly")
* a bag of sweetened coconut
* plastic "grass" used for Easter baskets
Slice cake and fill with jam. ("just get in there with your fingers...." see - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al6HqEf994M )
Put cake top back on and frost cake with some icing that's been dyed to an ugly pastel, maybe pink? Dye the coconut green but not the same green as the plastic grass.
Sprinkle green coconut on the top of the cake. Place some jelly beans on top of that. If you have an ugly plastic rabbit that would also be a great addition.
The final touch is to surround the cake with plastic grass ("you know, of course, these are not edible, so before you cut your cake take them off ... " - see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sj89Ax60DEI ) and sprinkle it with jelly beans.
Hmmm, I think this cake still needs some sort of horrible filling in the center hole, and maybe an inedible topper, but I'm at a loss.
Thank you for the great St. Patrick's day ideas! The orange, white, and mint layers sound just lovely. A true tribute to a beautiful flag. I'm most excited about the Guinness, as any Irish girl should be.
I bet I could get some of my friends to try it after some Jameson.
@Mindy1-As a fellow New Yorker, I feel the need to point out that Sandra Lee is our state's
FirstLivingInSin Lady. I take pride in knowing that, even as I type this, Ms. Lee is busy preparing this fine confection for our governor.
@RuthAnn-This is a Kwanza cake. If it were a Channuukkaahh cake it would have eight giant candles and matzoh meal in place of the "acorns."
I have to go bake a birthday cake now. I don't know if I should make Jen's St. Patrick's Day cake (it's a little early for that,) or Rebecca's Twinkie-daisy cake (it's a little late for that.) I think I'll have to go for Lorie's Eastern Kentucky New Year's Eve Cake. Yummo!
@Paulie: The wreath and candles you are referring to are for the Christian season of Advent, which is observed by most liturgical churches (Lutheran, Catholic), and is not just a German tradition. The four candles (either all blue or three purple and one pink) symbolize the four weeks of Advent (the four weeks before Christmas). Some Advent wreaths include a white candle in the center (the Christ candle), which is lit on Christmas. According to the official Kwanzaa website, the 7 candles lit for Kwanzaa symbolize the 7 principles of the holiday, and are black, red and green. So at least Ms. Lee got the colors right.
At least she has not tried to do a healthy eating agenda as First Girlfriend of my state.
Addition to my semi-home Easter recipe:
How could I have forgotten to include some marshmallow peeps?These are sweet enough to make anyone's teeth cringe! And they come in all kinds of disgusting colors.
Orange Cream yogurt with blue corn chips on wheat bread
Vivianne sez:
Here's our favorite holiday recipe, which also calls for circus peanuts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ZG0GDkz58
"...and garnish with a wind up shrew."
Alright! Another MSTie heard from! And from one of my favorite episodes, too!
While I think Crow and Servo's original recipe is a bit heavy on the sweets, it sounds as if it could actually be pretty awesome; I've come up with a "light" version as I think it'd make an excellent vodka drink:
-Lose the Marshmallow Peeps. I've never been crazy about Peeps; I liked them at Easter when I was a very young boy, but got tired of them quickly as they're pretty much pure sugar, and essentially flavorless.
-For the same reason, I'd lose the vanilla frosting and Mrs. Butterworth's. It looks as if Joel is using almost half a can of that pre-mixed vanilla cake frosting and almost half that bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's. Whoooaaa, Nellie.
-Lose the Sweet Tarts. By the time they get to the Sweet Tarts, adding more sugar to the mixture is pretty much gratuitous and pointless.
-Lose the Good'n'Plentys. Your tastes may vary, but I've really never been into Good'n'Plentys, as they're esentially candy-coated licorice, and I've never been into licorice, either.
-Crow & Servo have Joel emptying almost half a 2-liter bottle of Mr. Pibb into the pitcher. As much as I really dig Mr. Pibb, I'd only use maybe a third of a pitcher so the final product isn't too heavily carbonated -- and, of course, to make room for the booze.
-Once everything else goes into the pitcher, it's time, of course, for the booze. Considering the recipe, I'm thinking this would be a really good vodka drink as vodka is pretty much flavorless and odorless, and wouldn't affect the delicate balance of sweel flavors -- not to mention being mighty potent stuff. I'm not sure how many glasses can be served from one pitcher, but I'd go with a jigger of vodka per person.
-At this point, it's time to serve. Crow & Servo call for the drink to be garnished with a fake wind-up toy shrew. This doesn't seem quite practical, as it's a wind-up mechanical toy with moving parts inside. Personally, I'd substitute one of those little fake rubber mice from the practical joke shop.
...aaaaand, it's cocktail time!
The strangest cake I ever ate was one my brother made when he was, oh, 10 or so. He decided he liked cake and he liked milkshakes, so he made a milkshake cake. He mixed up a chocolate cake (from a mix, probably), then made a chocolate milkshake and poured that into the cake mix and baked the whole thing. It had the strangest texture (sort of rubbery) but actually tasted pretty good!
I think you are being unfair to Ms. Lee. After all, she didn't use canned frosting. She worked on it. She added cinnamon, chocolate and vanilla.
Re the Hanukkah cake, I'm Jewish and marshmallows have never been a big part of our food culture. Perhaps, if she makes the cake again, she can replace them with gefilte fish or chopped liver. It would probably tasted better (once you scrape the blue frosting off your slice.)
I'm stunned by the "Nutrition Facts" shown for the Kwanzaa Fruitcake (linked above). Here are some highlights--and please note that these supposedly are PER SERVING:
Calories 7460
Total Fat 197g = 303% of Daily Value
Saturated Fat 123g = 615% of Daily Value
Jillie: I took you up on your suggestion, and am still recovering. OMG, that was a Star of David? And spice cake with chocolate? Right up there with chocolate frosting and apple pie filling. I haven't laughed that hard or snorted that much in a long time.
How did this woman get a TV show if she can't bake, can't decorate and makes such disgusting concoctions? And actually puts CARDBOARD between her cake layers?!?
We had the turtle thingies at Christmas this year, along with several other yummy confections. My mother is a most excellent cook, so I don't have any horror stories.
My oldest son is 16 today, but I'm far too tired to make him a cake from scratch. Semi-homemade to the rescue! Start with the fruitcake some relative brought yesterday and no one ate. Scrape the icing off of all leftover Christmas cookies and bars. (Don't worry if they are all different colours; you will be adding a lot of food colouring anyway!) Mix in enough blue food colouring to make it clear that this cake is for a boy. If the icing is too stiff to spread add some leftover mulled cider. Spread over cake. Dig through your kids toys and find the Hot Wheels. These will be the perfect decoration for a 16th birthday! Decoratively smoosh the toy cars into the icing. Use as many as will fit. Ta da! A birthday cake that ant 16 year old boy would love!
On second thought, I think I'll go make a real cake now...
(KarateLady- our GF vegan dinner was great! And my kids always enjoy grossing people out with meat facts when they ask about our food choices, so that was fun too!)
@ahimsa: Might I suggest guacamole for the filling?
Happy Turkey Sandwich Day everyone!
Sharyn ~ You've outdone yourself again. One of my childhood memories is when I had chickenpox and sat around watching Gilligans Island all day (really it was only on maybe twice because this was in the days before cable). I totally sang along with your version... again!
kim ~ So sorry for you and your friend. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!
KarateLady ~ your cakes made me throw up a lil' in my mouth o_O Thanks for that!
As for todays wreck... I've seen it before but it's still just as disturbing, maybe more so this time because I'm still so full from yesterday...
Is it bad that I see this as a challenge and totally want to see if I can figure out how to make this taste good and look pretty? o.O
For the Texas Pecan Pie with yellow icing: cinnamon tortas. I eat the Ines Rosales kind for breakfast.
For whoever commented about chocolate and apples: No, seriously, dark chocolate dipped apple slices are delicious - if you like dark chocolate. I can see a bit of cinnamon on them as well. Yes, canned in corn syrup apples with milk chocolate God knows what is in the canned icing container is probably pretty disgusting but I'm biased as I'm allergic to corn.
As for the actual cake...anything store bought on the food channel should only be used as an example of what not to do or for taste comparison purposes (ie, store bought versus made from scratch). For some reason, I'm having flashbacks to that horrible episode (I think it was Good Morning America?) where a lady came in to show how to make all the "cute" character cakes using store bought sugar cookies rather than icing. Am I the only one that remembers that travesty?
And there you have. A recipe for a cake which requires absolutely no actual cooking or effort on your part.
A Semi-Homemade New Year's Eve Snow Cake:
Take a pre-made angel food cake, slice in half horizontally. In a bowl, stir together a jar of marshmallow fluff with instant vanilla pudding mix. Spread this on the bottom half of the cake, then press the top on firmly. Take a can of cream cheese frosting, fold in a can of sweetened evaporated milk, 1/2 cup of lemon-lime soda and two cups of miniature white chocolate chips, and then carefully pour this on top of the cake so it dribbles down the sides. Sprinkle generously with shredded coconut Take a bottle of cheap champagne, shove the bottom firmly into the center of the cake. Insert sparklers in a circle around the champagne bottle. This can be made up to two weeks in advance. Light sparklers immediately before serving.
2 things I took away from this video: 1) she says she can't wait to taste it, but we actually don't get to see her actually eat any of that nastiness. And 2) I hardly bake, but even I could bake a better cake than that! My mom has a recipe for a cinnamon cake that you use the bundt pan for, if you want the taste of cinnamon why not do that? So disgusting, and now I must watch her other videos. And mock them too. :)
I just have one thing to say, Angel Food cake CAN be good with icing, provided it's homemade chocolate whipped cream icing. :) However, I wouldn't touch Lee's monstrosity.
LOL. I love Sandra Lee. A favorite family tradition is to gather around the computer and watch the Hanukkah - the horror, the horror. No beverages allowed while watching! Too much clean-up the first year.
KarateLady, I'm surprised that we aren't currently at EPCON 1 over your 'Cajun Delight'. [Marks March 2nd on calendar]
The Hanukkah Cake has been 'featured' on CW before -- that was my portal to the SL universe.
Why didn't we see her eat the present monstrosity? She has a 'no-eat' clause in her contract. (Still wrestling with the idea that people are paid to do this, and wondering who the sponsors could possibly be -- "The following program is brought to you by several companies that have paid us fabulous sums of money not to mention them by name.")
DB, I'd like to suggest using chocolate bark in your recipe. Just take some bark, dip it in chocolate... Canada Day cake,
ehyou say? I'll save a place for you in the Bunker.The St. Paddy's day cake needs something green and something potato. (No, that's not a stereotype, it's just that potatoes are awesome). Instead of turning potatoes green with food coloring, I prefer potatoes that are naturally green. You may have heard that those aren't good for you, but I
read somewherehave it on good authority that they're fine. As long as you follow SL's example and don't eat them.According to Wikipedia, her show actually won two daytime Emmys this year. TWO!! One was for Outstanding Culinary Host and the other was for Outstanding Makeup. Standards must be pretty low for those categories. My favorite is the reference to Tulsa World's criticism of her Kwanzaa cake: "the most ghastly-sounding dish in Lee's culinary repertoire". Kinda makes me proud to live in Tulsa.
Out of white cake mix?
Try crushed conversation hearts.
Mix, bake, serve huge me.
@Rebecca: Chocolate-covered Twinkies (AKA 'Choco-diles). Still lamenting their apparent demise...
Update: In the interest of further research (who am I kidding -- laughs) and as a connoisseur of foodie snark, I decided to search 'bad recipes'. The result was this gem which I certify I am not making up (and which made me laugh to the point of crying on seeing the poster's attempt at the finished product):
Dissolve one package lemon gelatin in 1 cup hot water.
(In the interest of redundancy) Stir until thoroughly dissolved.
Add 1/2 cup cold water.
Add 1 can drained mixed vegetables (I deleted the brand name, figuring the maker no longer wishes to be associated with this).
Rinse 8-inch pie pan with cold water.
Pour in mixture.
Chill until firm.
Unmold on flat plate. (Not sure I would have used any form of the word, 'mold', but wait -- there's more!)
Garnish with tartar sauce (yes, you read that right) or salad dressing, pimentos and lettuce.
Serve in pie cuts (so you get the full visual impact of the various veggies suspended in the... never mind).
Note that this isn't associated with any particular holiday, but that just makes the application universal.
The squirrrels want their acorns back.
@Craig: You win. I think that tops KarateLady AND anything Sandra Lee has done...maybe.
Craig -- I've HAD the jello monstrosity -- my VERY old (circa Yoda) sweet piano teacher invited my family over for dinner when I was 11, and served it. And, because my Mom raised me right, I ate the wretched stuff. (She garnished it with 1000 Island dressing -- it was 999 Islands too many...)
There's something in my head that is reminding me that I think Sandra Lee is dating (or living with) a governor of a state just north of PA. I hope I'm not mistaken. I'd hate to state something that's not accurate. Especially about a politician. (Maybe that's how she got her show!) Can someone confirm, or disprove, this? Some of SL's concoctions are really, really horrendous. How about her wardrobe always matching the decor of her kitchen?
Are any of you aware that the dreaded S.L. currently has a show on the Cooking Channel (Food Network's sister channel)? No. Well, now you are! She tours bars and drinks, no less!
(Sandra Lee's Taverns, Lounges & Clubs)
Hold onto your seats, fellow snarkmongers, she also currently has a show on the Food Network called Sandra's Restaurant Remakes. Yup, two current shows (much like Jen has two current blogs- excepting the whole "talent" thing. Apparently, Jen has sucked all of the talent from the atmosphere* so maybe we should cut the dreaded S.L. a teeny, tiny bit of slack. No? Cool, I'm down with that.)
Also, the tablescapes in her Semi Homemade show were made mostly from her own items. She was quoted as saying that in an article I read. She bought them- not rented them from a Hollywood prop house.
I used to watch Semi-Homemade and got some good ideas off of it; in the beginning, she had some clever substitutions. However, I'm Southern so I like to cook and I'm good at it therefore I tired of that show fairly quickly.
My favorite trailer trash recipe comes from the Sweet Potato Queens (I am too lazy to look up which book but it may be "The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love"):
this is a toffee pudding
take a pecan pie (I'd personally make my own but since this is a horror show recipe try a bargain frozen one- not a name brand)
crumble the pie into a bowl with your hands. yes, the whole pie and I believe you should "smoosh" it.
mix in a defrosted container of Cool Whip (save the container for storing other food later); you can use your hands
serve.
personally, I've wanted to try that. you could use a batch of french vanilla pudding and that would be good, too.
* does that work better KarateLady? ;)
She is the girlfriend of the NY governor D:
Oh my God, HOW did I miss this horrifying bit of hilarity before?! I am a HUGE fan of bashing Sandra Lee. Pretty much everything she makes looks/sounds disgusting. My favorite was her semi-homemade "truffles" years ago, for which she bought some kind of cheap store-bought chocolates, spread them with canned chocolate frosting, and then rolled them in cocoa powder or nuts. UGH.
Oh my gosh, that St. Patrick's Day recipe... My baby is due on St. Patrick's Day and I'm almost certain I want that to be my first post-pregnancy feast. (But that could be the hormones talking! Lol)
Um WHY are you not playing Borderlands 2 with him? That game is amazing, one of my favorites! My husband and I play together; co-op is really fun. Give it a try! Also, this video is still just as funny as the first time I saw it.
OMGThat is a horrific cake. A store bought angel food cake is ok, not great but ok, but canned frosting...yuck. And why dump canned pie filling in the middle? I cannot believe that was actually aired.
And Sharyn, I actually sang your song out loud and laughed the whole time. You are funny!
Yeah, she's Gov. Cuomo's GF. I don't see it as a forever thing - one of them is bound to sober up at some point.
On the bright side, it appears that ol' Sandy isn't in the kitchen much anymore - she's got a new show:
http://www.cookingchanneltv.com/sandra-lees-taverns-lounges-clubs/index.html
She seems to have really hit her
stridestumble.@4kittiesmom: Sandra Lee is the girlfriend of Andrew Cuomo, governor of New York, so you're not mistaken. I can't imagine Sandra is hosting any official dinners, given her culinary "skills". Leave that to the executive chefs...
I hope she didn't break her teeth on those "acorns". My gosh doesn't she know what corn nuts look like? Lol. I will now watch that video each year and wonder how on earth she got her own show on the Food Network. Wow.
SL is the first girlfriend of the governor of New York. Wait -- that didn't come out right. Well, you all can figure it out.
Sharyn, Thousand Island? Really? I like Thousand Island -- or did, at least -- on hamburgers and salad. Regular salad. With greens and other salady stuff, nothing that even whispers, "dessert". Given what this 'pie' already looks like, the addition of TI would increase exponentially the emetic resemblance.
It's because I like you people so much that I didn't include the link to the site I found. Talk about something that needs to be unseen... (For the brave, searching "really bad recipes" should turn up the site in question -- the concoction in question will be the second entry. Don't say I didn't warn you.)
Robin R.'s cake is a definite contender. If substitutions are allowed, can we use M-80s in place of sparklers?
This cake is probably one of the main reasons she's not even on the Food Network anymore. Some of her ideas were pretty smart, but mostly they were just dumb and/or gross!
#1 used to watch semi-homemade until I realized that I would never suffer my family with her "recipes" so it was a total waste of time....
#2 you could feed a small third world country with all the food she wastes in her "cooking" process yet no one in a third world country would dare eat the finished result.....
#3 dear God what IS that thing?
#4 Ground Hogs Day Cake: Titled "Ground Hogitty Dog Delight" , take large square box and cut hole in center.......fill with marshmallows for stability of the garnish to come at completion....mix 2 cans shortening, 8 baga of confectioners sugar, 1 can instant coffee grounds (for color And texture) And a dash of molasses.....spread generously over box to give the effect of "ground"......next , crumble store bought angel food cake all over surface mixed with crumbled oreos and donut holes....smear more of the icing mixture on top....add various assortment of fake rock candies and earth tone Jelly beans....assemble "groundhog" garnish out of tooth picks and hot dogs......drizzle melted cheese into hole filled with marshmallows and place your "groundhogitty dog" in center of hole....allow 30 mins before serving as to allow the cheese to set up and hold garnish fimly in place......only problem is you can never consume the entire recipe as each day when you awake to Sonny and Cher it appears untouched!!
PS....she should have stuck with designing horrific puffy 80's curtains!
The "Kwanza" cake could have only been more offensive if she had used a whole box of Eggo waffles, toasted, layered with fried chicken patties, iced with vanilla icing flavored by adding one packet of grape Kool-Aid and garnished with watermelon wedges. BUT, I guess I shouldn't give her any ideas. Geez. That whole episode was horrible and I challenge The Food Network to give a valid reason it exists. It's completely irresponsible. Also, someone should note that acorns are poisonous to humans if eaten raw or not prepared correctly. So by her calling the corn nuts, acorns she could have effectively killed people. Happy Kwanza!
Ah, dissing on Sandra Lee. My favorite spectator sport!!!!
I know this is a minor detail compared to the rest of the train wreck which is the Kwanzaa cake, but to me the most disgusting part is that the frosting is chocolate AND cinnammon AND vanilla. Really? All three? Really?
Second, as a kosher-keeping Jew, I'm only somewhat miffed that her Hanukkah cake is not kosher -- that's actually an honest mistake, if a stupid one -- but I AM offended that if a cake is blue and white and has a star of David, that makes it a Hanukkah cake. The design has no relation to the meaning of Hanukkah whatsoever. Kitschy Jewy references are not all tied up in Hanukah. What will she do for Rosh Hashanah? Passover?
After seeing this disaster here i googled her and found a whole bunch of youtube videos showing her 'cooking'.. Being from Australia i have never come accross her before but am now sitting here sifting through all the videos having a quiet chuckle to myself and dying for my husband to come home (he's a chef) to hear his thoughts on her... I can honestly say it's going to involve quite a few wtfs and alot more b!tching about how she shouldn't have a cooking show etc. haha, i cant wait!
Sandra Lee's "efforts" made me think on a teacher's example of how a student earns marks (also applicable for other life projects). Allow me to paraphrase.
You are asked to make a cake for someone -
Using a store-bought cake - FAIL (someone else's work)
Using cake mix, pre-made frosting- - PASS (some effort)
Recipe from the cocoa tin (B, decent effort,)
An "A" is earned for following a recipe involving effort. For example, a family favourite recipe using organic ingredients, or the favourite flavours of the guest of honour, or that the recipe is finicky and tricky, involving several steps like folding whipped cream or melting semi-sweet chocolate.
Now I wonder how Ms Lee's effort level is applied to other aspects of her life since she literally showed us where she fits in the Cake Analogy.