A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
September 29, 2011 When it comes to naming pastries, you could say this bakery has really hit bottom:
;)
But then, maybe this is a tongue-in-cheek kind of thing?
{Ew.}
Butt seriously, I'm sure these doughnuts are out of this world.
In fact, I bet they're really popular on Uranus.
[rimshot!]
Thanks to Robert F. for showing us what happens when you assume you know how to abbreviate "assorted."
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Reader Comments (101)
So, I guess you can say that this baker didn't know his "Ass Ring Doughnuts" from a "Hole Pile" in the ground?
I guess there wasn't room on the sign to write it out... though I'm sure it might've been better for all concerned if they did.
"Assorted Ring Donuts by the 1/2 dozen -- 2.99 ea"
It is a good thing they weren't selling assorted doughnut holes.
Why consonants, ("t" and "d", specifically), are important, in one easy lesson... O_o
but but but... if they were that much bigger, wouldn't they have had room to spell out "Assorted"? So I think these are normal-ish size. Clearly, the "ring" refers to the ring of precious metal baked right inside. Like a king cake, except rounder.
So does this mean that if they were selling assorted doughnut holes, they'd be ass. hole doughnuts? Wonder what the price on those would be?
There's no dollar sign on that price folks, so it may well be something other than US dollars!
For example, in East Caribbean Dollars, 2.99=USD 1.11, so that price is not bad considering that everything's more expensive on an island...
Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland Oregon makes a bacon maple bar-they're great from what I've heard. I haven't heard of ass rings and they pierce just about everything here in Portland.
LOVE Cake Wrecks-I share you with all of my friends.
Oh Lord...There's a German woman who works in our bakery. She put out a sign one day that said "Ass'ed muffins". Granted, assorted IS a tricky work to abbreviate, but, come on! When we brought it to her attention, she laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. Ahhh. Good times.
Maybe we could get a 'hole pile' of 'ass ring' doughnuts for $2.99?
Straight from the Glory Hole Bakery
The same place that sells bacon-maple bars also sells "big-ass" doughnuts. They are, in fact, the size of dinner plates.
They also have doughnuts the shape of...um...we'll call them franks and beans.
Cream filled, no less.
I'm wondering what they would put on the sign if they were doughnut holes.....
Hahahaha! Janice, that was a great line!!! Made me laugh all over again!
oh gosh! As if this whole post wasn't funny enough, I've got the ad for the new book on the side. Happy Hole Days! I'm dying! ahahaha
OK, so I have been thinking about this all day. Maybe a "ring doughnut" is some sort of promotion where one of the doughnuts has a diamond ring in it? That's why they're $2.99 each; each person has a chance to win a diamond ring! No? OK, then I'm going to try to forget about these expensive "ass" doughnuts and wait to see what you have in store for us tomorrow!
Everyone keeps wondering if the donuts are really big. Obviously not, or it would have said "huge ass ring".
If they were the size of dinner plates, then they could list them as Big Ass Ring Doughnuts. I think they call that "truth in advertising."
Speaking of "Hole Pile," I made Monkey Bread last week but it kind of fell apart when I turned it out of the pan. I informed my family that it was Monkey Pile. My husband was grateful that there wasn't an "s" on the the second word. :-)
OMG. Are people really that unaware of what they are writing. I assumed that it was some kind of in- joke on Christopher street. Or maybe left over from a gay pride parade or sold right next to the other "adult" pastries some times featured on this site.
This is worse than a misspelling. But really funny! thanks
That reminds me... about a month ago my manager had made a list of things that needed restocking on the shelves.
One of those items was "assorted donut holes".
Yep.
Ass holes.
Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, Oregon makes bacon-wrapped maple bars, and, lucky me, I live so close, I can go there. Trust me--that's one of their less unusual creations. Chocolate doughnuts covered with Count Chocula cereal, a ring doughnut glazed with Nyquil, and, of course, the signature voodoo doll doughnut pierced with a pretzel stick. Good things really do come in pink boxes.
Maybe the sign was written by the Ass Man (Assistant Manager) of the store.
The cream horns are going to be renamed butt horns soon. You watch. XD
OMG, I am so, so, so glad that I was not eating or drinking anything while looking at this installment! While I've laughed at many a Cake Wreck, I've never laughed as much as at this one. It really takes the cake! (ba-dump-bump)
wow, offensive and expensive! And hard to take a bite out of, after the "offensive" part! :-)
Hilarious!
Must be I need to go to bed already... I read and re-read it about 5 times trying to figure out what on Earth the sign writer intended to say. Then I read the "Thanks" line. Thank you for helping my tired brain!
Kind of reminds me of how my workplace abbreviates "analysis." I work in a chemistry lab, and all of our training classes are called things like, "Basic lab anal," "Advanced lab anal," and "Diesel fuel anal."
At my job you see all sort of fun abbreviations, usually they just leave you guessing. My absolute favorite is the lady who insists on labeling cucumbers "cum". It cracks me up every time to walk into a cooler full of these labels.
Most asstounding post ever.
Lol!! Maybe whoever did that wanted to be fired. That or they just don't care who buys an ass donut as long as you pay 2.99 for the pleasure of it.. Nah I think I will stick with cakes :D
Thanks for the "assorted" note at the end - I was truly baffled. And I'm with the other commenters who feel that "Ring Doughnuts" is a bit redundant, especially as the pasteries are sitting right there for all the world to see.
So they abbreviate "assorted", leaving the period off; but spell out "doughnuts" fully & correctly?
And yeah, what's with the $2.99 *each*?!
And I have a sorta-funny "ass" story, too. Some time ago, when job ads (and other classifieds) were printed in the newspaper, and I was looking for work, I came across a want ad that read, "Office Ass needed." I figured they *must* have meant "Assistant", and maybe the person typing in the ad was getting their laughs for the day. I read that ad to my Dad, and he said, "the perfect job for you!" (And he's right!) I *SO* wanted to write my cover letter addressing what a perfect Office Ass I am, and wish I would've to this day. Didn't get the job ~ maybe if I *had* done my letter like I'd wanted, I might have! Hee!
I think Robert Duval said it best when he said, "I love the smell of bacon-wrapped maple bars in the morning!"
Voodoo Doughnuts needs to become a national chain. I can probably get along just fine without the Nyquil-glazed offering (probably not legal in the great nanny state of California), but the chocolate doughnut covered in Count Chocula cereal sounds awesome. Hmm. Portland is only about 18 hours by car...
lol - reminds me of when I was a kid and mum decided to freeze some left over rissoles ... there were only a few so the bag was too small to easily fit the whole word, so she abbreviated it to "r'soles" ... and wondered why my brother and I cracked up laughing until I read out what she had written, pronouncing it how she had written it ... she was suitably embarrased - LOL
Maybe they cost that much b/c ass doughnuts are harder to produce. I still don't think I'd want to buy them though.
I worked for a woman who was from Germany and she abbreviated "assorted" that way, too. I always used to chuckle at the orders she wrote for "ass cookies". Good times.
hindsight is 20.20. so these ass offerings are cheap at 2.99
This doesn't help my habit of pronouncing the "G" in the word. Doug nuts.
Imagine my surprise when the page loaded and the first thing i saw was "Vagina Grooming Mishaps" - turned out to be an ad, but i was REALLLLLLLLLLy frightened there for a second....
Isn't a "ring" donut redundant?
dough nuts are spellled that way because they are lumps ("nuts" ?) of DOUGH ... and not all of them are rings/have holes - jam doughnuts are round (ish) lumps with gooey red jam in them (u would be worried if that came out or your "ass" ;-)
btw ... not sure if URLs work in here (or if I typed the html rigth if they do ;-) but the wikipaedia article is interesting - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doughnut
drats ... now I want some oily balls ... LOL
(Olliebollen, not the OTHER sort!)
For those pointing out that $2.99 is a lot to charge per donut, these are special donuts. They're a** rings. You just don't see those every day. Rare finds cost more.
But seriously, $2.99 per donut is steep. Reasonable price for half a dozen but there better be some truffle oil mixed in for that price if it's per piece.
i'm surprised no one's said anything yet, but i thought it was ass ring doughnuts as opposed to ass hole doughnuts! maybe they sell doughnut holes as ass hole doughnuts? haha or maybe that's just my 14-year-old brain at work. i doubt this store would have that kind of a sense of humor with that no messing around pricing going on.
Bacon wrapped maple bars can be found at Voodoo Donuts here in Portland, Oregon.
Thanks for the all the laughs Jen. I came back to this post and cried from laughing so hard, AGAIN. Commentary has been priceless, or perhaps worth $2.99 in the very least. Janice for the win.
Ha! hey wendy, maybe the $2.99 donut is the size of a real ass??? and depending on who's ass it is, it could be extremely HUGE! now is that the donut or the ass I'm talking about...LOL
The only time I would ever pay 2.99 for a donut is on the Price is Right.
I work in a bakery XD this stuff is pretty funny(I do not decorate ANYTHING don't want to end up here).
$2.99 each! at a regular store, I can find them for 39 cents each.
and they aren't ass rings (I hope!)
I have to agree with the 2.99 pricing. For a "butt" donut (hey, it rhymes!), that's probably about how much its worth. Just kidding....
Late to the game on this one, but I recently was at Target and saw a sign for "Ass Fruit Cream" over some sample bottles of hand lotion.