Let's Get Physiological
March 2, 2011 A tale...of where you came from.
...in a trippy oil painting from the 70s.
"Geronimooooo!"And some say it's Superman:
Which, if you think about it, makes about as much sense as the stork.
These are all lies.
And I think it's high time you learned the truth.
The truth is, you didn't arrive by bird, plane, or Kryptonian. You arrived by:
Ram.And by "ram" I mean "Mommy's magic baby bag."
See, it all started with these brave little tadpoles:
Er...It all started with these brave gigantic tadpoles.
Together the tadpoles ventured through the winding Fallopian Forests of Ovarium, fought the wily Va-dragon, and ultimately joined forces with the mighty She-Ra in the magic baby bag.
At first you were really ugly. Barely even edible, really:
You just floated around, day after day, flicking your fingers.(*flick flick flick*)
So, right armpit during the day, lower hemline at night.
"Eeeaaaaat meeee."Finally the emotional day arrived, and your mother and I were simply overcome at the thought of witnessing such a beautiful spectacle of radiant new life. [sigh]
And then a rainbow shot out of your mom's hoo-haw, tossing you a good 10 feet. Haha! You should've seen it, man. It was awesome!Oh, don't look so worried. You turned out fine.
Thanks to wreckporters Paula L., Elizabeth S., Cariena B., Reed D., Valerie B., Kate M., Ashlee, Amber M., & Anony M., who will never hear "Rainbow Connection" the same way again.
Reader Comments (163)
is it bad that im kinda interested to see what the last cake looks like without the rainbow? hahahaha.
#1 looks like a scene from "The Last Dodo." Apart from that, why does the stork have rubbery legs? People viewing it, I can understand, as they try to suppress laughter.
#2 Note that the emergency slide is deployed. Baby Express: Taking euphemisms to a whole new level. Notice I didn't specify up or down.
#3 Sandra Lee has been at it again, I see...
#4 Brown? How did that find its way into the color scheme? Never mind, I really don't want to know.
#5 Aww. Ryan made his first deposit at the sperm bank, and received a cake. He certainly seems to be a very... er, *manly* fellow...
#6 Is that baby pregnant?
#7 Oh, dear -- the wreckerator would have to have been absent from school that week. Now it has come back to haunt him / her, just like the biology teacher foretold. Is 'mommy' wearing fuzzy pink slippers in the polka-dot rain, or is there more anatomical confusion afoot?
#8 The Three Stooges: The Beginning. Ok, it's really 'The Six Stooges', but that would make no sense.
#9 Where to begin... The first thing I thought of: "Push 'em out, shove 'em out, waaay out!" (Cosby, 'Natural Childbirth') Then I noticed the slight concession to modesty at Nicole's top. Why was that theme abandoned?
Finally: What does it all mean?!?! Thanks for adding the rainbow, though; 'Barely There Censor Bear' would have been awkward. Like this cake doesn't redefine that word, already. It could have been much worse, though; at least no gelatin was involved.
Yay for the Dilbert reference! That baby must get paid for flicking his fingers, too.
I have absolutely no idea if this is what you were referencing with the *flick flick flick* but it definitely drew to mind the dilbert cartoon from the 90s where they realize they get paid even if all they do is flick their fingers...
http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/1994-11-24/
OK, here is the deal. If you REALLY want to see the final cake without the rainbow, it's out there.
WARNING: It's very disturbing! There's a good reason there's a rainbow strategically placed on that image. WARNING! You have been warned.
You can google "Push Nicole Cake" and it will come up in its full uncensored "glory" or you can click this link:
http://nowaygirl.com/photos/push-nicole-the-best-ghetto-baby-shower-cake-ever/
Shudder. Cannot Un-see.
This is pee in your pants funny! Thanks for the day brightener!!
And I shall save this link for my children when they start asking those pesky "where do babies come from" questions. :)
I am 9 months pregnant and my 5 year old wanted to know how the baby got in "there". I didn't know quite how to explain it...until TODAY! Thank you Cake Wrecks for this handy teaching tool.
I think the one with two baby heads is actually twins. "they are two and soon will be four".
the cupcakes with the songogram pictures are the worst!!! really you invite people to your house, make them bring you presents (lol) and then they have to eat pictures of the baby!!!! what ever happened to duckies and bears
There are no words to describe the last one, and I am never speechless...
Charlie said...
I was waiting for you to finish the story with, and the babies all came riding out on giant carrots.
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hahahaha, well people leave cookies for santa, parents leave carrots out for the stork....
I'm so curious - and horrified - about what "sperm day" is...
That last one was just so very wrong. On many levels.
Not digging the sonogram picture at all. That is just creepy wrong. I on the other hand can enjoy the funny wrongness of the push cake. Also the "ram" cake is actually really pretty if you just ignore the big uterus on the top :)
This get better and better... I love you, Cake Wrecks. I love you!
I laughed so hard I can skip my workout! Oh man, still laughing . . .
Nice rainbow!
Who puts the baby's face on a cupcake? Am I the only one who thinks that is wrong?
I'm sorry, but the next baby shower I host will not have a cake! I'll serve pie or green Jello or orange popsicles, but I'm not going to risk cake.
When I went through infertility treatment years ago I had dr. appointments at 6:00 a.m. every other day for 2 straight weeks involving blood draws, hormone shots daily and ultra sounds in the rainbow region. At the end my husband complained that he had to go at 10:30 the last day to make a "deposit" and how much work it was to fit it in his schedule. I asked him if he wanted a cake for that? I think I know what the sperm came must be for, but my hubby''s name isn't Ryan?
omg those face cupcakes made me gag. If I was at a baby shower and was expected to eat one of those I would think it was a joke and laugh, then ask where the REAL cupcakes are. flick-flick-flick..
That last cake must be a recreation of when the King of All Cosmos's wife gave birth to their son, The Prince....Hahahahhaahahaha....Get it? Get it? Royal Rainbow? Katamari Damacy? Yes? ........well I'm sure some fellow dorky person gets it, and to whoever that is...you're welcome! :D
Did you are the rainbow in as a censor? Or is it exceptionally well defined (and disturbed) piping?
Oh dear Lord ...
Some things should never be depicted with or on cake ... or anything else edible. Those foetus cupcakes are REALLy disturbing. I could NOT eat those. *shudder*
As for the "Push Nicole" cake ... well I really wish that my son had been born like that, I'm sure it would've been much less agony than the 6 hours of pushing I had to endure.
And seriously is that the baby's name up in the top left corner??? I'm sure it's supposed to be some "creative spelling" version of Journey, but Journee is French for "day".
Elizabeth
Sydney, Australia
We had three invitros and I never thought to get my hubby a cake celebrating his contributions to the process. He only got pornos and a big roll of paper towels.
And... oddly enough, our daughter did arrive by plane- from China. We were pretty careful to wait until we landed to throw her out the door, though!
Happy Sperm Day? I don't want to know. My best hope is that this is a "The Kids Are All Right" type of situation and Ryan's two moms consider that as important as his birthday and it's the one day a year he gets to see his biological dad.
I, for one, love the realistic sonogram pics and wish they existed when I had my kids, BUT NOT ON FREAKIN' CUPCAKES! The only thing more disturbing that the person who would do this is the person who would eat one!
Nicole's cake--wow! I can just imagine her hubby or partner calling up the exotic bakery. "Hey, remember us? We ordered a cake for our anniversary about 9 months ago. Well, guess what. We need something like that again, only this time . . . "
OH MY GOD, A PREGNANT BABY T. REX!
I think Nicole's baby's name might be "Journey" (or is this wishful thinking?) If so, that has to be one of the most fitting names ever, if the delivery went anything like what is depicted in the cake.
--kate
That last cake may have scarred me for life. I'm no longer going to be able to associate rainbows with anything other than vaginas and child birth.
Poor Nicole.
Odd baby head placement aside, the umbrella cake is very artistic and well done by a true frosting master.
Bwahahahahahaha! I love your descriptions!
Debbie from Illinois
Most of those, sure, I get it (a bit, or a lot strange), but edible prints of your child's ultrasound?! Eek.
~Ashlee
http://theDragonsHoard.bigcartel.com
Mommy's magic baby bag pushed me over the edge with laughter. Thank you.
I'm more freaked by the fetus cupcakes than Nicole's vagina...but it was a close race...and who said the world is going to crass and a handbasket!
Oh my gawd!! That last one made my day!! Who are the crazy people who order these cakes??!! AND eat them???!!!
Oh wow! Can you imagine the recipient's face? Or the guests?? And I almost peed my pants laughing at them here! I'd hate to be the person who got the rainbow piece!
This is one of my favorite posts ever.
Ultrasound pictures...on CUPCAKES?! *runs screaming from the room*
I am laughing out LOUD! Love your posts!
OMG... My jaw literally hit the ground when I saw the last cake and I couldn't close it for a whole minute.
The fact that so many of these cakes were well executed makes it so much worse... Aren't the bakers allowed to say, "No"?
Beautiful story though. I will be sure to show my kids this post when they start asking questions :D
Hahaha. Omg. Those cupcakes are so freakin' HORRIBLE.
I lost it at the flicking fingers. XD And then I whaaaa at the Push Nicole....wow...just ....wow
Tackiest, most horrible cakes EVER.
"Hey everyone! I got one of those 3D sonograms at the mall, and I put copies of the little bundle of joy on your cupcakes! Eat Up!"
So awkward!
I will never think of that song quite the same way ever again..or even want a baby for that matter. Whoever got that last cake must have wanted to hurl it at someone lol. As for those horrifying cupcakes..all I can say is why??
You could not PAY me to eat one of those fetal cupcakes. O.o
I saw those fetus cupcakes and immediately thought of "Eraserhead". Ugh......
I knnow I'm a day late, but man, I'm at work and I can hardly contain my laughter! Loved it!
my jaw actually dropped at that last one. Hil.a.ri.ous!
I love the Eleventh Doctor reference for the airplane cake - Geronimo!
That last cake - LMAO! Tossing the baby 10 feet image is still in my mind - too funny!
wv: hortins - new expletive to replace socially unacceptable ones: Hortins! did you see how he cut me off?
Today's post is, by far, the funniest one I've seen in a long time. The creepy ultrasound face cupcakes are the best! 8-)