Like a Boss

Employee Appreciation Day is coming up this Friday, so I'd like to take a moment to talk to all the bosses out there.

You heard me, peons; we need to discuss how to make you feel appreciated, so scram. Go on.

Are they gone? Just the employers here? Good.

Ok, guys here's the deal: we all know the BEST way to make people feel appreciated is to pay them well, provide excellent benefits, and allow them plenty of time off to spend with their families.

But, luckily for you, cake works just as well.

In fact, I've got some great ideas to improve your company's morale year-round, and all within the budget-friendly confines of your local bakery. Check it out:

1) Cake Memos

What are cake memos? Exactly what they sound like:

Thumbs up for less e-mail!

Even better? Interactive memos:

Just provide each employee with their own colored tube of icing, and watch the communication efficiency improve!

2) Cake Compliments

Single your people out from time to time with a spontaneous compliment. If you can't think of one, just copy a line from the "strengths" column of their last performance review:

[insert lack of "profigency" in spelling joke here]

And don't worry; if you screw it up we both know your intern will just get blamed.

3) Cake Jokes

As with the home, the workplace can sometimes experience disagreements and strife. At times like these, it's helpful to remember that nothing diffuses a tense contract or labor union dispute quite like a little humor:

After you all share a big laugh, no one will mind having their share deducted from their paycheck!

4) Cake Sympathy

Though they may say otherwise, sometimes your employees don't want you to fix their problem; they just want your validation and sympathy.

And just like that, it's alllll better.

5) Cake Kicks to the Curb

And finally, when one of your work family moves on to another company, always be sure to part ways with good grace and affection:

And also maybe a security escort.

Thanks to today's workers Allison O., Sala C., Brittany K., Gary W., Matt I., Bethany H., Jennifer P., & Beth H., who all have profigency in wreckporting.

Comments

[Vivienne@yourbrainmedia.com]

Hey - "Accounting" is also mispelled in one of the cakes. This is so fun fun fun!

[Tracy,]

Brilliant. Just a totally fucking brilliant post from top to bottom, Jen.

Give yourself a raise and an additional 2 weeks paid leave. I authorize it.

[LJ]

I told my friend that I want the cake that says 'Here's your EFFIN' cake'. Knowing her, she'll probably give it to me. In a public place. And I'll laugh until I cry.

[Karen]

Wow, this one might just be the best. I love Cake Wrecks!!!

[Ellen]

I like the fact that, after all of those cakes, the last one is a cookie. Sort of add to the "this is all you deserve, schmo" feeling.

And I still want to know Lydia's new ext.!

[Anonymous]

OMG the first and last are horrible -- especially the last one! Who has that much anger and spite? Hmmm, I'm understanding the reason for the 3-hour lunches...

And what is that thing on the sociopath cake? is that a FOOT sticking out of it? Eeeeeee

Seriously, the sociopath cake should be a staple in bakeries from now on....it is so needed. And the variations are endless: your bus driver, your ride buddy, your kid, your cat, your parent, your neighbor, your husband, your wife, your co-worker (that one would start some fun), your neighbor (oh, did I say that already?) ...and oh yeah, your boss.

Thanks for the pre-work laugh!
--Blondie's Mom