Friday
Feb112011
Countdown to V-day
February 11, 2011 With Valentine's Day coming up, you might be wondering what to get your significant other for the occasion. Other than roses, chocolates, and cheap stuffed animals, I mean. Because, obviously, those are required. [stern face]
Well, fortunately for you, bakeries still have lots of sweet, romantic options tailor-made to fit your snuggly bun's personality to a "t." Check it out:
For the co-dependent:
When your boyfriend starts crying, you'll know it's only because he's so happy.For the stalker:
Quietly delivered when they least expect it.*Hidden recorder that plays your personal greeting available for an additional charge.
For the hopeless romantic:
You see plastic frogs and crumbling icing.She sees a chance to fix you.
For the one who wants something sexy:
With extra sprinkles for that really intimate experience.For the Class Act:
A temporary tattoo for a permanent affectation. "Which doesn't need a permanent tattoo, baby, 'cuz your love is a tattoo on my heart. You feel me? My heart. "Seriously, I'm not getting your name tattooed on my chest. So stop asking."
For the kid at heart:
Hey, it's only as disturbing as you let it be.[...]
Which, in my case, is pretty darn disturbing.
[sing-song] "Who wants to suck the icing off Barbie's leeee-eeg?"
Yup. Disturbing.
Reader Comments (113)
kingshearte @ 11:02 - Yes! My first thought when I saw the Barbie cake was the same - Barbie legs don't move that way!
My second thought was - her nipples are painted red?
Ay-yi-yi!
Barbie looks likes she's in labor! And... push... 1, 2, 3, 4 5...
That barbie one is just wrong.
I think Come Hither Barbie is actually sitting on rice pudding. Which is significant. And creepy.
Nothing says I love you like a severed foot. I think the boyfriend's crying because he just had his foot chopped off so he can't get away.
That lamb is just creepy. It has crazy eyes. I guess this would be the cake that a stalker gets the one he's stalking.
I'm not sure what's going on with the frogs. The orange is just odd.
Oh yes the sprinkles on a cookie with icing just adds that sexy touch.
I guess Bimbo Barbie plans on giving someone a naughty birthday treat. Hopefully it won't be Ken since I'm sure she'll be disappointed.
Love that 1st cake!
I'm wondering how long before that Barbie cake becomes the new baby shower cake craze.
I only wish there were a way I could make that Barbie cake my background on my Blackberry.
Oh, my. There's a joke in there somewhere about Barbie and being knock-off, I think. Except I can't quite find it.
...and if I squint hard, I think the name heart might say Mario? I'll pretend that's it, anyway. Would rather it be Mario than Mama....
Hmmm... maybe Labor Day Barbie could serve as a warning to any hormonal young person as to the potential consequences of... oh, never mind. Ew.
Happy Valentines to you two !!! hilarious cakes/posts... especially the Barbie one.
The first cake, the Together Forever one? It just makes me think of some terrible horror movie where the captive has to saw off his own foot to escape. Now THAT says love.
The creepy centerfold Barbie one made me kinda nauseous. It's just wrong on SO many levels!
Oh the barbie is scary and flashes me back to age 3 and a cake with barbie in the middle and a snapshot forever haunting of me licking the icing off a naked barbie. I remember how uncomfortable I was doing it - fearful it would mean I was gay... Well, thanks mom - you made me lick frosting off barbie so don't complain when I bring my girlfriends to holidays anymore.
O.o
I see a cursive "More" on the heart between Barbie's legs.
wv: broide: [in New Joiyzee accent:] Boy, honeymoon Bahbee is won hot broide!
#1 Meh.
#2 What is that even supposed to be?! I thought the creepy lambs were an Easter thing. Rushing the holidays might be the fashion these days, but this is really pushing it.
#3 Not sure which is worse; frogs happy about living in toxic waste or the fact that the containment pond has been breached.
#4 See #1.
#5 Is the 'Always' heart sit -- er, *resting* on tongues? What does the winged star say, and what does same have to do with the subject? Should the word 'temporary' have anything to do with Valentine's day?
#6 Barbie, Barbie, Barbie. Have you not figured out Ken's 'secret' yet? In his latest incarnation (the subject of a CNN story, I kid you not), he's wearing eyeliner and his lips are pinker than yours. You're wasting your time, girl.
Looks like the heart (the one between the calves, not *that* one) says, 'Mous'. Not sure what it means, but it's slightly less creepy than some other theories.
Oh geez, I just posted and the wv that comes up is...
enopenop. Barbie, how do your get your legs to enopenop like that?!
Jennifer @ 11:15 a.m. - Best.Comment.EVER!
What makes the Barbie one worse is it looks like the hearts say happy birthday in spanish...
*sigh* i wish my mom got that cake for me.
The sheep has bear feet. (It must be freezing, then!)
I think the name on the heart between Barbie's legs is Mario.
The "sexy" cookie looks like it is suffering from a maggot infestation!
Maybe the Barbie Cake is a "Birth"day cake and she is laboring under the assumption that the sexy negligee makes childbirth more fun. Breathe.... breathe.... PUSH!!!!!!!!!!
Uh, Jen? The Mattel people are on line one. They would like to talk with you about trademark infringement.
-whimpers- Gives new meaning to the song lyrics "Come on Barbie, lets go party"
What's funny is that the barbie cake says HAPPY BIRTHDAY in spanish. What kind of a Birthday cake is that?????
So Mattel came up with "Slutty Barbie"? In the packaging you also get miniature pink fur handcuffs and a pearl, um, necklace? And how about the matching "Pimp Ken"? He's on the next cake beating up the John that caused the bed to look like that.
I tell you, kids these days.
Is Barbie's pose supposed to be sexy?? She looks like she's preparing to give birth!
After all these weeks, I just realized what the wv comments mean...the word verication, as interpreted by our linguists here on CakeWrecks. I feel so "in" now!
wv: holpdis I "holpdis" post will help to enlighten other clueless folks like myself!
I have to schedule an extra session of therapy to get the picture out of my head of Harlot Barbie Cake. Thanks a bunch... I'm sending you my therapy & electro-shock bill at the end of the month ;-P
wv:hipswel=what Barbie's hips are gonna do once she's withchild after V-Day.
That Barbie one looks like she is scooting her butt across the carpet like a dog trying to scratch a butt full of worms. EWWW! Barbie has worms!
Looks like Barbie is wearing edible undies, and are those cherries intentional? *shudder**
That third one looks like a minature replica of a Jello waterfall.
Sara @ 9:34 A.M. -- Barbie (US version) was actually based on a hooker doll from Europe, so as for coming far since the 1950's, well...
And sure it's a birthday cake, but does that one heart between her ankles say "Mom"? Even. Greater. Awkwardness...
I, incidentally thought the stalker cake is some sort of bear...type...thing??
WV: stned I'm frankly stned that any bakers in the history of ever think ANY of these Wrecks were EVER a good idea! Yeesh!
Ball 'n' Chain: Yes, BF is crying *with glee*
Frogs: I don't think there is actually any cake in that thing...it looks like a toxic waste dump, with glitter!
Barbie: I can read the heart that says "Feliz", and the one that looks like it starts out as "Cumpleanos" but is wreck-ified towards the end and jumbled together. I, too, was unable to decifer the word on the heart between Barbie's legs (!), but I am really hoping....You know, I'm not sure which is better; if that heart says "Mama" or "Mark". Please don't be "Nina" (with the ~ over the n = little girl)!!!
Andrea
From what I can tell the Barbie cake says "Feliz Cumpleanos Mama". I am thinking that this cake was from a husband to a wife..some men call their wives 'mama', and I'm sure he meant it as a sexy gesture..unfortunately it missed the target by about 50 thousand miles.
I will never look at a Barbie the same way. Thank you to the baker who just destroyed the rest of my childhood.
Barbie's spread-eagled out on a blood-stained white chenile bedspread with surrounded by metaphorical "cherries." Perfect for every young girl.
The lamb cake is really, really creeping me out! The eyes follow you!!!!!! Thanks again Jen!
Cake # 1: SCORE!! A zombie cake for V Day! WOOT [urgent whispering] (what do you mean it wasn’t a zombie that ate the rest of him…it’s just a bad decorating job? BUMMER, I wanted a zombie cake!!)
Cake # 2: at least this evil, demonic lamb isn’t smoking a cigar.
Cake # 3: ……. I got nuthin’. Srsly. Frogs and orange icing by the pound?
Cake #4: I blame this on Justin Timberlake.
Cake #5: notice the absence of the phrase “non-toxic” on that tattoo note?? I did.
Cake #6: J, J & #1- hope your attorney’s on speed dial cause Mattel is gonna SUE! Bordello Barbie? I don’t think so.
-Barbara Anne
While ignoring the whole Barbie ain't wearing a bra to match those hot red panties...I wonder what are the cherries supposed to suggest?
This is rough. As if VD isn't bad enough.
Um...
Barbie, oh Barbie.....really? ....sigh. The only thing missing from this cake is one of the little plastic babies from a Mardi Gras King Cake...Happy Birthday Mama, you have a grandchild.
The barbie cake must be for a batchelor's birthday. They couldn't afford a stripper so got him a doll instead.
wv: phini - Barbie is waiting for some phini.
Oh God, that sounds awful. I think I'm still tired...all I can think of are sex-related jokes. And it's only 10 a.m. (and I'm only drinking coffee).
I can only say that it's a good thing my hubby doesn't go to stores for his valentine's cake. I make it for him, and he loves it.
Scary what's out there...
!!Di
Woah to that last cake. I will never look at barbie the same way again. Why must wreckerators destroy childhood toys? Are they not content destroying cakes? Lol definitely get these if you don't want a Valentine.
Wow, that last one is going to haunt my dreams. Makes me hear the Valley of the Dolls theme. Goootta get off... Goootta get off of this...meeerry-go-round...
Mario & Barbie? Does Peach know? Dolls these days have a more active love life than some real people.
That wreck hearkens back to another Barbie-in-bed 'cake' with a strawberry theme (the one that many mistook for a blanket made of lunch meat). Maybe she's a strawberry blond. (Ba-dup-dup!)Actually, I think this was inspired by the remake of 'Valley of the Dolls'. I'll stop now.
I would like to suggest that someone open a therapy center across the street from the EPCOT bunker. You know, where we can get rid of mental images of dolls in compromising positions. And babies in melting Jell-o. And babies made of meatloaf. Among others.
Great designs. and that's so yummy.