Mailbag!
January 27, 2011 Jen, John and I get billions of emails every day. Some tell us how funny we are. The rest are "enlargement" offers, unique international business opportunities, and requests for the photo of the uncensored German dong cake (yes, they're still asking).
In honour of "Clean Out Your Inbox Week," we've decided to respond to a few of those emails here.
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Dear Jen and John,
I've had a hard week! With my in-laws coming to visit and my water breaking, I've had no time to myself! I finally found solitude when I locked myself in the bathroom for six hours on Saturday and read through the Cake Wrecks archives on my laptop. (Had to stop when Aunt Tilda had to go "Number Twosies.") Just wanted to say thanks for the laughs and also ask how do you keep from getting stressed out?
Crying tears of joy,
-Matthew
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Dear Matthew,
I assume you meant to write that your water "heater" broke. However, we recently found ourselves in a similar situation when family came to visit over the holidays (only we chose to lock ourselves in the closet, not the bathroom). We restored our sanity by relaxing, meditating, and focusing on the love we have for each other.
And we also got drunk and ate lots of chocolate.
Don't forget to flush,
john (the hubby of Jen)
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Dear Cake Wrecks,
While I generally consider myself a "humorous" person, I must admit I was deeply offended by a recent joke you made on your site. There is nothing at all funny in this punchline:
"What kind of joker put this cake together?"
As the dealer for the Vegan Underwater Polish Canasta Team, I think you should consider your readers who hold the Joker in high regard. It is not a joke, Cake Wrecks. It is one of the most important cards in the deck.
Unfollowing. It's been fun.
-Betty
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Hi Betty,
We apologize for offending you and the other members of the Vegan Underwater Polish Canasta Team. We realize the Joker can be very important and will be sure to reference it in a higher regard next time we feature a wrecked playing card cake.
We plan to post the following cake next week and we sincerely hope your team won't be offended.
All the best-
Number One
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Dear friend,
Please vote for my cat Smuckers in the Kennel Treats "Cutest Pet Sweepstakes!" The more votes my cat gets, the more chance we have to win! So vote often, and forward this email to all your friends!!
Vote now!!!
-Jeanna and Smuckers
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Dear Jeanna,
Though we appreciate your interest and highly personalized e-mail, I'm afraid we get too many requests for online votes to grant ours to little Smuckers.
Plus we thought this guy was cuter:
Best of luck anyway!
-CW Team
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Our deepest thanks to readers Fifi B., Theresa K., Jennifer D., Emily P., and Roberta for sending us emails with photos of cakes in them... and not just asking us to claim our winnings in the Euro Millions email promotion.
Reader Comments (70)
80 - 400 incoming per day?! I'm guessing submissions add to the total. Thanks for the factoid, @Aliza -- I had been wondering.
Having seen the comment section of other sites (which are moderated to much looser standards, if at all), I can guess what kinds of things don't make the cut. It must be doubly hard to be consistently funny when you have to wade through the muck that is out there.
CW team, a kudos to each of you.
Great blog. Curious to know how you have attracted so many readers to your blog. I started a humorous blog and am looking to get more readers to look at it but not sure how. Any help from you would be great.
>>Jen, John and I get billions of emails every day<<
Based on this, I would say that #1 is Carl Sagan! :)
And, as my mother always says "I've told you a million times to stop exaggerating!"
Lmao. I wish my email was half as interesting. I keep getting offers from a Nigerian prince to take his money. Sadly I never respond to such blatant idiocy lol but those cakes..wow.
These are some of the wreckiest cakes I've seen so far on this site. I actually jumped back from the screen when I saw the rat-thing cake.
Oh dear, that possum is truly hideous. Or else really great, because it looks so real. Thanks for all the laughs...your blog keeps me amused for hours on end.
Jack Daniels with cake. I can't take it.. (Just kidding) :-)
@Craig-- just want to make it clear that that was a complete guess, based on the comments different posts have, with a few extra that I presume aren't published. So this post (and other relatively low-comment ones) is at 60-ish published + 20 for eliminated by the moderator = 80. And then there were the super popular ones, not counting that contest.
I'll leave it to John or someone else with CW to give the official range... my guess probably is less factoid and more truthiness!
Aliza and Craig,
Here are some numbers from the last two weeks:
Lowest number of comments- 50
Average- 90
Highest- 178
Number we have to reject for language- <1 a day
Number of spam we have to reject- >10
Highest number of comments ever- 2,273 on Five awesome things
Number of cake submissions a day- about 50
As an avid reader of the internets, I'm extremely proud of the fact that our readers keep the boards so civil.
You guy rock absolutely.
john
No, John, YOU rock!
and PS, for those of you who don't know. #1 is a reference to Star Trek-Next Gen. Cpt Pickard often called his first officer #1 when giving a command.
Naked mole rat? My skin is still twitching. It is a work of demented genius.
Is that last one a Rodent of Unusual Size? As horrid as it is, I might actually understand why someone would want the cake if that were the case...
I think people who make these cakes are somehow related to people who paint on velvet. I keep asking myself - WHY????
I made the mistake of reading this post at 11:45 pm. Now I am going to have nightmares. I'm not sure if the nightmares will just be about possums or if they will involve hairy cake. Maybe it will be raw hide dog treats and cake. I guess there are just too many ways that last cake can haunt me. I'm now going to read horror stories in bed in the hopes of removing that vision from my mind.
I love yall but that possum cake made this Southern girl gag. That's worse than a bleeding armadillo groom's cake....
Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they ex-- AAAUUUGGGH!
Is it bad that I find the Jack Daniels wedding cake kind of funny?
My five year old daughter just started crying. She needs reassurance that nobody actually ate that, and that it was in fact just a rodent, and not a cake.
I am really hoping that Betty was kidding. if not she has no right to say that she is a humorous person.
I think you are disgusting ,and your cakes are horrible ,and you should be jailed for the princess cake , if a young child saw this ,how disgusting . I WOULD NEVER ORDER A CAKE FROM YOU AT ALL ,VERY SHAMEFUL AND DISGUSTING
Can't tell if @Paula Law is kidding or psychotic. :/