Jane Austen's Baby Shower Chronicles
September 21, 2010 "Thank you all so much for joining me on this joyful occasion, as we celebrate the impending birth of my first child. It gives me such pleasure to see your smiling faces on this wondrous, happy day. Indeed, I am all amazement!
"I understand that you all mistook the "BYOC" on your invitations to mean 'Bring Your Own Cake.' [giggle] No matter, though! If we have no chairs, then we'll simply stand!
"Now, pray, show me these glorious confections you've brought for our afternoon respite! Eleanor, dear, you first.
"Lydia, what deliciousness have you prepared?
[blushing] "Good heavens! I...I thank you, for your kindness, Lydia. Truly. I'll just...put your cake over here. Out of the sun. Under this bonnet.
"Elizabeth, darling! What kindness have you done me, in preparing such a large platter?
"AAAEEEII!! [faints][coming to] "Oh, do forgive that unpardonable display of emotion, Elizabeth. I was simply overcome with unimaginable...that is to say, I...it's just that...
"Oh, c'mon, Liz. Really? I mean, really?
"Ahem. Do excuse me, please. I believe the heat must be addling my senses.
"Now, Lord Harrington, I understand that you have also prepared a dessert! I am honored beyond words that you would bestow such a kindness...
[crickets chirping]"Are you frickin' kidding me?!?
"Catherine, do I even want to know what monstrosity you've brought to ruin my party?
"Oh... [blinking]"It's actually quite nice.
[flourishing serving knife] "Cake, anyone?"
Reader Comments (73)
The nipples one is the worst. ew.
If you happen to know what that "Got Milk?" cake is filled with, please don't tell me.
Ha ha. Lord Harrington. LOL.
Love the "Baby G" cake, including the earring!
BTW tomorrow (Sept. 22nd) is Hobbit Day. So what sort of birthday cake would a hobbit like best?
Why doesn't Baby G have arms?
Oh my. It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I saw the "Got Milk?" cake cause I'd have sprayed it all over my monitor.
Absolutely hilarious.
Where are Baby G's arms?!
I do believe I have the vapors. My!
I have to admit, I'd be tempted to get my nephew Garrett the last one. I call him the G-Unit.
Of course his mother would probably kill me, so it's just as well.
So I looked up that "Ten toes up, ten toes down..." thing, figuring it was some kind of song lyric. The Googles, they do nothing!
This post was actually depressing. Seriously, those cakes are tacky (to say the very least).
Is my "old fashion" showing??? ;)
"Emily! My fainting couch...and give me your pearls. I need something to clutch to my palpitating bosom!"
...
"No, Lord Harrington! Not you!"
Too hysterical my dears! Absolutely LOVE Baby G, but yes, where are his arms?
Wow ... I'm pretty sure if somebody brought the "laboring mom" cake to MY shower, I would smash their face in it. How tacky can you possibly get?
Ohhhh noooooo
The "Got Milk" baby totally reminds of Mr. Bill
Pene said...
Love the "Baby G" cake, including the earring!
BTW tomorrow (Sept. 22nd) is Hobbit Day. So what sort of birthday cake would a hobbit like best?
Why shortcake of course!
Well here's hoping that the last cake isn't made of Red Velvet! Why, why do decorators make cakes in the shapes of cute things you would want to see someone go Psycho on?
apparently "Baby G" is what happens to parents who smoke too many cigars.
and wear too much tacky bling.
and probably got busy in a nuclear power plant while covered in radioactive goo.
just sayin'. . .
Baby G must be a thalydomide baby, poor thing. Either that, or he's reminding mommies of the dangers of smoking during pregnancy.
Those are all truly ICK cakes. Yuck and ick.
I like Baby G, actually. Don't you think that one must have been for a bris, though?
I never had a baby shower, and now I (almost) regret it because it could have been a cakewreck opportunity.
You know the funniest and perhaps the saddest thing about the Got Milk cake is that's pretty much exactly how you feel when your milk comes in, like your boobs are about to explode.
Uh, yeah, as has been pointed out, Baby G has no arms. I have to wonder at the tackiness of some people--those cakes are all awful. (Psst--Steve the Pocket; think about it.)
I had to laugh at the thought of Jane Austen using "butt-faced jerks" to describe anyone. (Although, is it too nerdy and/or anal-retentive of me to point out that Jane Austen died single and childless?)
I think the Got Milk cake is pretty funny. I mean, not for a "proper" baby shower, but for a Jack-n-Jill type shower, I'd laugh if it was mine.
Baby G cake, despite being horribly disfigured, is actually quite cute. And really, I cry for his lack of arms.
I am even more thankful that I am DONE with having kids now if those are examples of what might show up at a baby shower.
Where are my smelling salts? I fear I'm overcome.
Baby G doesn't have arms bcz they used the Wilton Teddy Bear pan for the basic shape
Oh God, it's like a nude Cabbage Patch doll.
I feel sorry for the poor sap at that baby shower that got the piece of cake with the pubic hair on it. Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd say....gak!
I fell like I'm missing something here. What does any of this have to do with Jane Austen?
OMG that was hilarious! Love the Austen theme. The nipples one is funny but the censored one is disgusting!! (are those pink lasagna sheets for the pillow?) that is one hairy baby head coming out. ew ew EW!! *scrubs her eyes*
I hope Darcy didn't see these...
once I got past the horrific nipples on the "got milk", I was disturbed by the one arm that appears to be attached "Eeyore-style" to the body. I guess if Baby G needs to borrow an arm, he'll know who to ask.
Boy, am I glad that the hostesses at my baby shower insisted Southern tradition dictated petit fours.
Today I happened to be reading this post with my 3y/o boy:
Cake 1)Me: "Oh, look at the pretty blue flower!"
Cake 2)(reading) "Ten toes up and ten toes down, that's what you get for messing around...." (he repeats immediately)
Cake 3) He says: "What is that?" me: "Um, it's a..." *scolls down before answering*
Cake 4) *keeps scrolling* me: "Look, there's a bird outside the window!"
Cake 5) Boy: "Ah! That one is scary!" *hides under desk* Me: "But that one is kind of cute!" Boy: "That baby has one eye!"
Now I know better than to read this blog with my son before I get a chance to check it out first...
If and when I ever have children, if anyone gives me one of these cakes, I won't be responsible for what happens. And it won't be entirely because I would be pregnant and somewhat emotional.
Just sayin'.
(but the 'Jane Austen' commentary was hilarious!)
My two-and-a-half-year-old saw the first cake and said, "Ew. What's that?" (Just imagine how disgusted she would be if she could read and/or knew anything about labor!)
The censored cake pillows look like little pink pierogies. And is the censored cake figure made entirely out of an icing substance? If so, just... ew.
And the last one looks suspiciously like that three-armed monstrosity from "Reality Bites."
WV: fingdo: smeared frosting, as might be caused by the careless use of a spatula in scraping off a misspelled inscription.
This was hilarious. I especially love how the last one has those dead amputated finger looking cigars, makes me think of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"! ;D
wv: I suppose I'll have a piece of cake, as you sinsts on hacking it up.
First, thank you for the Austen Fight Club! Ingenious.
Second, I do believe she would have approved and enjoyed the clip and your commentary!
Third, that said, those cakes are horrific. And hilarious. And mortifying for the mother to be. Good heavens, Lord Harrington!!
My comuter screen is most happy it was not afternoon tea whilst I was reading.
~~Di
There should be a law against making a pregnant cake and for sure one that is giving birth! That is wrong in so many ways.
Love the Jane Austen commentary. As usual, your writing overcomes the eye-searing awfulness of the wrecks. Poor Baby G.
@morriganscrow: HILARIOUS!! Ha!
that last one really is the stuff of nightmares
I wish you wouldn't black bar out the goods... now I'm really curious. LOL
Oh dear. Either technology has failed me, or my first comment was censored for exploring the possibilities of my absolutely-true-I-am-not-making-this-up wv, coche.
My apologies in the latter case.
Let me try my original intended message one more time.
*Ahem*
That is one supportive nursing bra.
So, I just recently found your blog, hilarious! And last night I had a cake wrecks dream! I dreamed that my husband paid this awful bakery for the worst rainbow cake ever. I was furious that he paid for such an ugly cake... well my birthday is tomorrow so lets hope there are no rainbow cakes on the menu. : )
Thank you ever so much for the post and the clip--I needed to laugh today. (Just one of those days, you know?)
Jane Austen Fight Club is going on my list of "things to show my husband when he gets home that will make him laugh 'till he can't breathe".
Thanks for keeping me entertained while waiting at the doctors. The video helped me tune out an old grouch loudly complaining to the staff. I love Jane Austin and found the video and commentary hilarious. (and oh, my, were those cakes hideous!)
#1 I'm guessing the inscription was interpreted as an instruction to whomever was holding the caulking / frosting gun. Big Jim and Billy Sol should have "blow'd it up real good."
#2 "Too much information, runnin' through my brain. Too much information, driving me insane..."
#3 Speaking of TMI: This poor 'lady' is a giant belly with various other things attached, which I'm sure is how it feels. It's probably just as well that the wreckerator didn't know how to make hands and feet, though the absence of same takes the overall creepiness level from 9 to 10-1/2.
#4 Managers, this is what happens when you decide to let a 16-year-old male 'cart retrieval specialist' fill in on the baker's day off. Another commenter noted the arm attachment on 'Mother Jugs', but check the baby (which in the mind of wreckerator Bevis is to scale). BTW, it has to be a tres leches cake. Just sayin'.
#5 Yo.
I have to say, as a currently nursing Mom, I can relate to the "Got Milk" cake. That is completely accurate! Of course, totally inappropriate.
Now I have that song stuck in my head! Bow bow bow bow bow bow...bow bow bow bow. Push it real good!
@Kira, I believe they were creating an unexpected contrast between the consistent decorum and mannerliness of the Jane Austen world and the complete lack of any sort of class, taste or indeed basic decency displayed in these cakes in order to provoke mirth. Indeed, it is the same humorous device employed in the attached moving picture show, of which I have long been a fan.
Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite books and I have to say you have maligned Elizabeth terribly. I'm sure she would have brought a most tasteful cake. You were right on the nose with Lizzie though.
The heck with Baby G's missing arms; why does he have the neck and shoulders of a weight lifter?
wv: wants. I wants 'prinkles.