A Marriage in Idle
August 11, 2010 Our first contestant Susan has dreams of flying high, but does she have more than a wing and a prayer? Let's find out.
Darla: "I have to agree with Randall. When I look at you, I see JOY. But I just don't taste the joy. What? Nigel, why are you always laughing at me?"
Next up is Michael, who hopes his rendition of Under the Sea won't leave the judges all wet.
Nigel: [head in hands] "Oh, Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael."Randall: "Yeah, sorry, dawg."
Darla: "Maybe next year. Don't lose that sparkle!"
Can our next contestant Kelli win the judges over, or will her wreck get in the way?
"Hi there! I'm Kelli, and I'm going to do The Words Get in the Way."
Darla: "There's something very special about you, Kelli. A kind of hazy...colorful...haze. Yeah. In fact, I think...I think I love you. OW! Nigel, what was that for?"
Nigel: "Darla, don't make me take away your sippy cup again."
Kelli: "Um...so...does that mean I win?"
Kelli: "So...no?"
Wow, it's been a rough night for our wreckerators. Will Billy, our final contestant of the night, turn things around?
Randall: "Wow. Nice choice."
Randall: "Sorry, Darla. Here, have your sippy cup."
Darla: [from floor] "Bad! Baaaad!!"
Randall: "Yeah, I gotta say, dawg, that is pretty heinous. Nigel?"
Nigel: "I rather like it."
Jenna C., Josee, Diana B., & Katie C., I'd say your wedding wrecks and a snarky British judge are a match made in heaven.
Reader Comments (92)
It took until the third inspiration to realize this was a good vs. evil day. The first inspiration looks awful. The seashells are, I believe, my favorite Belgian chocolate, store bought and inexpensive (but delicious). That last pink one ... I can't imagine it even getting delivered, it is so bad.
Seashell cake wasn't too terrible (looked quite appetizing, actually). I might stretch and say the "words" cake was all right ('missed it by THAT much' to coin a phrase) but the rest make me shudder. My wedding was almost a year ago but looking at wrecky wedding cakes gives me a panic attack.
(Also: commentary = FTW)
Am I the only one that thought the first one was a wreck? I was actually surprised when I scrolled down and saw that it was the inspiration. Yikes!!
The second cake looks like it's covered in little novelty guest soaps. This is somewhat mitigated on the inspiration cake by the presence of chocolate starfish (*wicked giggle*), but I wouldn't want to eat the sand dollars or the surrounding frosting on either cake.
Am I the only person who thought that 3rd wreck sais "first kiss as Mom and Wife?". Which I guess is okay if they have kids. If not thought that's a tacky way to announce your shotgun wedding.
That last one looks like they frosted it with strawberry yogurt. Gross! I must admit that when I saw the first cake I thought that was the wreck, kinda ugly.
Love, love, LOVE! The twist you gave this post!
Is it just me, or does the "words..." cake say "...kiss as mom and wife..." ???
Anyone?
No, just me?
you look at those and think wow that's bad and then you remember that these are done by professionals in the industry and you're just blown away by the amount of bad that is sitting before you. My grandmother made our cakes for my sister and cousin and myself and I have to say, she's an amateur and our cakes looked a billion times better than any of these did. WOW
I think we can see the problem with the word cake. Kahlua did indeed take her hand!
The Chocolate seashell cake is actually an interesting study in "When to use frosting & when to use Glaze" The seashells look almost the same - they are by a french chocolate company, I think.
It's interesting how it only takes a few changes to make it a wreck. The pink cake is scary!
The best post ever!! So creative and funny!
Speaking of wedding cakes - did you notice the tilt on the top tier of Jenna Bushes cake? A mild wreck, but one that has pics everywhere!
It's always amazing that bakers can't seem to understand when a couple orders a pink wedding cake, they usually don't want it looking like it's made from cooked and chilled Pepto Bismol.
My 12 yo son said the last one looked like denture paste. It made me so queasy, I couldn't go back for a second look. YUCK!
LOL the writing on this is hiiilarious! And obviously, so are the wrecks. The first one had me in stitches, I swear!
I LOVE this blog. I love that the brides can send pics of their horrible cakes here...and enjoy hearing what others have to say about their cake wrecks as well.
"Wind Beneath My Wings" s/b "Wind Beneath My Sheets." I still see a poo theme here with the undersea-thingy...the rest are, well, indescribable.
The chocolate thing looks like the decorator just stuck some cut-rate Guylian knock-offs on top of a supermarket cake...
The one it was "modelled" on reminds me of a Sacher cake that I bought. We were carrying it home, I was carrying it with one hand and pushing a stroller. The box was just a tiny bit too big to grip without getting a cramp. The box slipped out of my hand, flipped twice and landed upside down on the sidewalk.
I didn't even want to look at it until we arrived home because I KNEW it was going to be a wreck.
We opened the box, closed out eyes, and lifted the lid... The cake was completely perfect... Not a crack or crush and even the cast chocolate flowers on top were perfectly fine.
AND the cake was delicious!
hehehehe
I`m trying to imagine how the transaction can best proceed in these cases. The bride asks the baker to quote on a cake she describes or shows a picture of. The baker agrees to do it. The bride pays a deposit for the cake. A monstrosity is delivered. The bride says, "This is totally unacceptable. It looks nothing like the cake I ordered. For starters I ordered a white cake, and this is grey. I am not paying for this. I want my deposit back. And [taking out camera] this is going on Cake Wrecks."
Maybe you take the cake, photograph it for evidence, then send a bridesmaid out for a can of spray-on whipped cream and cover the the horror in foam.
Or you send her to Wal-Mart to find a sheet cake that doesn't have Shreck on it.
I think that last cake is the zombie version of the model...
oh they are all horrible! But that pink color!!
This was one of my favorite posts ever! Thanks for making me lol.
Awesome post tonight! You hit it out of the park! I love it! ; D The commentary, NOT the cakes...
That scary chocolate frosting is melting on the cake that had shells on it as it appears to be falling into a sea of mush.. gross lol. As for the pink ribbon cake.. it too looks like it will melt into a pile of goo. Way to go wreckerators if melting goo cakes was what you evilly planned for the victims lol.
Cute approach, and no doubt not the first/las time. Songs for cakes are gorgeous... if you can work them out. Frankly, if there is a cake to go with the song "I'm Not Dead" by Pink, I don't wanna know. Nice work.
The originals looked great, the rest looked like they had been sprayed with a bottle of laquor to keep them shiny.
Daya, you are not the only one who thought the first "inspiration" was a wreck!
Also, Kahlua? WTF?
Having not seen any of those Idol realities I still manage to get the point so congrats!
The "starfish seashells" on top of the wreck look like soap.
wv: potiochi - italian spitting at a cupcake cake :)
The "words" cake reminds me of a tombstone.
"Marriage in Idle"
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
How do you guys come up with this stuff. LOL
These cakes underscore the importance of setting realistic expectations. Expect the worst, and you'll never be disappointed. (How's THAT for a way to start of a marriage?)
Good Sweet Mike!
You know, I can enjoy wrecks that are found in the wild, in shop windows, supermarket cases, etc...
I can enjoy cake wrecks that are well-executed examples of bad ideas (i.e. the baby butt cake), as I assume the bad idea belonged to the customer.
But these inspiration/perspiration wedding cakes hurt me to my little core. I put so much thought into my wedding cake and would have been devastated to see one of these show up. I wish there was a little epilogue for each one "And the bride received all her money back plus a 4-day spa package as an apology from the baker." "Not only was the bride victorious in small claims court, the judge confiscated the baker's Kitchen Aid, pans, piping bags, tips, flavorings, food coloring, fondant roller, and lazy susan." "The police made the arrest just moments before the bride walked down the aisle and the baking suspect in custody has been issued a temporary restraining order requiring that she remain at least 100 yards away from all ovens, countertops, baking supply stores, baking contests, cookbook sections in bookstores, and craft stores."
Those roses are nice in the last one...you know...the real ones.
Nigel? Like Nigel St. Nigel? From that episode of Psych?
Haha, I gotta say, I was too broke to afford a cake and so we went with Costco cupcakes, and after seeing these I think we made the right call! Discount wedding cakes are no good. :)
http://www.danoah.com" rel="nofollow">Single Dad Laughing
Ummm that last one makes me want to cry. So pathetic and sad in it's pink meltiness. Sigh. Really? wow. I've never made a wedding cake and I know better.
-Evie
GAAAH!
I dislike the "what they asked for" (none of those super-weddingy cakes are our style, not even a little bit)...
...and the "what they got" is just mind-curdlingly bad.
This is why we ordered a Wedding Tiramisu. I love cake, but not wedding cake.
BTW, anyone notice that the Uterine Scraping Cake (thanks, ex-nurse), compared to the roses on it, is something like six inches high? If that?
I also thought the first inspiration one was a wreck (feathers looked like sugar or gum paste, not real ones, so that's OK, but the horrible orange border), and the chocolate seashells inspiration was really 'blah'.
My fiance saw the word cake inspiration and said "That looks like a perfectly acceptable monolithic tomb".
I liked the idea of the original pink cake, for some people. Just not us.
WV: mezine - Clearly pink zombies are mezine with the bakers' heads.
Are these actually WEDDING CAKES? I could never provide something as crappy or tacky as these for such a special occasion as a wedding.
check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com
Maybe "Kahlua Ick" refers to how the decorator is feeling, and s/he is hoping to blame the wreckiness on a hangover? "TAKE my hand! I can't frost this cake alone!!!"
The middle layer also looks like it says "1st kiss as mom and wife".... awkward.
I really don't understand bakers who don't even know which type of frosting to use to get the look they need. Even I could use ganache to get the look on that seashell cake! And what kind of baker doesn't know how to use fondant??