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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May242010

The Baby Cake Gets Cut Down to Size

You know how sometimes you see a baby cake that's not too horrendously awful, and your first reaction is something like,

"
Aw, just lookit that face! Who's a cute widdle boopsie woopsie baby? Is it you? Yes, it's you!!"


(Actually, sorry, that's John talking to our cats. My bad.)

Anyway, my point is that while some of these baby cakes might be just the teensiest bit cute, you have to remember one very important thing:

It's all fun and games 'til you cut the cake.

Yes, I have an example. Brace yourself.

Here we have the standard old man baby cake:

I say we call him Benjamin. ('Cuz he's cute as a Button!)

[Quick side note: in case you're wondering, as I did, why he's on a food court tray: it turns out that's a new type of cake board popping up in bakeries. Weird, I know. Ok, sorry to interrupt. Let's move on.]

And just so you get the full effect:

Just lookit that face!

No really, look at it. Aren't you glad the eyes aren't open?

[shiver] Whoah. I just gave myself the willies. (Or should I call them the "bennies?")



Okay. So, ├╝ber realistic baby. Been there, done that. However, here's where things get...

...cutting.

I would insert some side-splitting commentary here about how stabbing someone in the back always gets you the cold shoulder in the end - but as you can see, there's no need. He's already "waist"ing away!


Oh, Oh! Wait! I have one more:

Hey, Benji! You just got served!

Bwahahahahahaahaa!

Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.


Anyway, we still haven't gotten to the worst part yet. The worst part actually, literally, in real reality, honestly gave John nightmares. Seriously. So now he won't let me post it here. Instead, I'm going to link to it. But please, all joking aside, choose your clicks wisely. I'm here to make you laugh, not give you nightmares - and this thing puts the "ick" in "squicky."

Ok, enough warnings (since I'm sure they're having the opposite affect anyway): Click here to see the final photo.

Thanks to Kimberley K., who will never again say to a child, "I could just eat you up!"

Note from John: I initially made that last picture a separate post and linked to it, not realizing it would show up in Google readers before the actual post. Oops. Sorry to those of you who clicked on it with no warning! Oh and if the new link doesn't work, you may have to refresh the page.

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Reader Comments (270)

DEAR FSM!!! That's just not right.

Although the "stuff of nightmare" picture makes more sense (that hit my blog reader first for some reason). I had NO idea what I was looking at.

Kind of wish I still didn't

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~me

That last photo came up first in my reader feed. Yeah, definitely nightmare fodder, with no warning. I wondered how people dealt with the actual cutting of the scary baby cakes. Don't think I could do it myself.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterelizabeth

I'm glad it's not a red velvet cake..

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKira Zobel

Who does something like this? Don't people think this through?? Eyagh!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

ahhh! I don't get how people want to cut into babies. SOOO creepy.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

Holy wow! That is really creepy....Yeah...I think I'd have been gagging at that shower.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEkio Locatiare

This cake is for cannibals :(

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlilly piri

If that last photo doesn't convince bakers that realistic baby cakes (maybe baby cakes in general) are just WRONG, I don't know what will.

I think I like my cake in abstract, geometric shapes.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

WTF this is not right

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Saw the last picture first and couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was...not sure if I'm better off knowing.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

Good thing it's a chocolate cake and not a strawberry cake...maybe.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGiik

So wrong. So very wrong. So very, very, VERY wrong...

*hides under bed*

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

No couldn't do it. I have trouble cutting into a picture of a person on a cake.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

That's truly rather horrifying.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEG

This creeped me out so much, I will not be able to eat breakfast. Seriously. WTF? I don't leave too many comments here, but this is just awful!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJelliDonut

That goes on to my hated list of thing you can't un-see. Seriously disturbing.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Whoever ordered that cake needs a serious smackdown! There is NOTHING right about that!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlex Getts

That last pic actually made me jump. Urg, no WAY would I ever make something like that, no matter what the customer was willing to pay. That's just wrong on soooo many levels.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

"Baby, the other other white meat."

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

Oh, God.

I thought it was a cake of sushi. A California roll.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieP

Yep, definitely a rainbow roll. See, the pink is salmon, and the green is avocado.

TRUST ME.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieP

Well, yes that is quite disturbing... but imagine if, when cutting the other end, hot, melted chocolate fudge came running out...

I think I lost my appetite for cake for a few weeks...

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKen

I usually just lurk here, but...Egad! Cakes that resemble real people or animals are cute/cool, but I don't think I could eat them.

Same with pinatas offered in birthday/holiday catelogs. If they are shaped like animals or have pictures of characters, bands or tv personalities, why would you want to smack it with a stick???

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCathy in AK

Why, why, WHY did I let myself click on the link?? My eyes! They burn! My stomach! It heaves! The HORROR! It's like the Bride of Chucky had an affair with a Cabbage Patch Kid and got herself knocked up. With THAT being their offspring. That's the most disturbing thing I've seen in ages. That poor mother. I hope she recovered from her shower before she had her baby.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterD Dennis

That it is on a LUNCH TRAY just makes it so much worse!

WV: Potbo - When you want to give the gift of medicinal herb to someone on their birthday, you put a big potbo on top.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

The picture in the LINK seriously made me want to cry.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterConnie

I was thinking what Kira Zobel already wrote - SO glad it's not red velvet!!!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSylph

I'm going to echo the "at least it's not red velvet cake with raspberry filling" sentiment. Creeptastic indeed.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTori

You were so right! That was at once hilarious and disturbing.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

That's somehow wrong, no matter how you SLICE it!

That last photo is a CUT about the rest?

OOoooh, the bad puns keep coming! I'll try to stop!

how about tasteless jokes?

why'd they start at the side? So they could watch the expressions?

Great post you two!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJimh.

When I saw the chopped up baby face last night with no explanation or warning, I thought it was sushi.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKevin Phair

i saw the last photo first, and i won't lie to you... it was highly disturbing. i actually thought that maybe i was looking at a sliced up whole roast pig cake or something. *shivers* yuck.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNobodys Nothings

Yeah- I got the last photo first, and I thought it was supposed to be one of those 6-foot-long party sandwiches, made of cake. I thought it looked gross, but no biggie. THEN, when I found out what it was today, I was really disgusted! (shudder...)

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbamatam

I have never seen anything more disgusting or ill-advised. I'd love to know who really thought that was a good idea.

Give me carrot jockeys any day!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimmie

Hahahahaha! That is so nasty!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermelon

*Long sustained scream of horror*
*breathes*
*screams some more*

YOU HAD TO POST THIS THE DAY AFTER MY SISTER GIVES BIRTH TO HER FOURTH BABY?!?!

WHY?!?!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn Holton

I'm so thankful it was NOT a red velvet cake....I was bracing myself for that! :( Sickos. This idea for a cake makes no sense; it's just nasty!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

Okay. I guess I'm a sicko or something, cause that last photo made me laugh. Not with glee, but at the ridiculousness of it.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPromise

Oh thats sick, WTF were they thinking??

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

i must be demented. That photo didn't freak me out. I looked at it and thought "It looks like a Dali painting"

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Please, may we all LEARN from this.

I can barely stand to cut up one of those cakes with an enlarged photo on it.

Nightmare indeed.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

Baby, the OTHER white meat?

Top comment of ALL TIME.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

The link won't work for me... :( can you post a new link?

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think I'm going to throw up. And that will look better and be more appetizing than that wretched cake.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterimspiffier

Peptide cake, with mint frosting?

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDoc

Oh the HORROR! That last cake was Japanese horror movie scary!

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Aw, geez...that's just not right. Not right.

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKae

"If they are shaped like animals or have pictures of characters, bands or tv personalities, why would you want to smack it with a stick???"

I think that depends entirely on the character.

YEAH, PIKACHU! I'M LOOKIN' AT *YOU*!!
*waves stick menacingly*

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

After 3 nights on, taking care of newborns, I can only HOWL with horror!! Realistic baby cakes have always been the only cakes that truly disturb me (bring on the fung-y feet and the squishy piles)

Going back to sleep now w/ the relaxation DVD turned to HIGH. My condolences & understanding to John.

Wv: BULAB: an organization one of you could start: Bakers United Lobbying Against "Babies"

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiteNurse

If it makes you feel less guilty :), I saw that in my reader last night and thought it was a carrot. The horror didn't come until I read the explanation this morning, thankyouverymuch. :)

*shudder*

May 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaura W.

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