The Wrecks Which Shall Not Be Named
November 19, 2010 There are two kinds of people in the world: those who know Harry Potter 7 is opening this weekend, and those who couldn't give a flying wrackspurt.
Now, since John is a HUGE Potter geek (and I'm only a regular-sized one), it makes sense for him to write today's Potter post. However, to make today's commentary enjoyable for all our readers, I, Jen, will be providing muggle-friendly translations.
Take it away, John!
Wow. I'd say I'm too proud to let this Wreckerator take me for a ride with this wreck, but that might seem...hippogriffical.Heh. Aheh. Heh.
What's that, John? Hurry up? Oh. Ok. I'm done. Carry on.
Professor Flitwick was not amused.
Cor! Has Professor Trelawney been foreseeing something GRIM here? [chortle][blinking]
It's a fortune teller joke.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give this wreck a 9 3/4. Bwahahaha!!
[whispering]
No, that was not me being sarcastic. You wanna see me being sarcastic? Ask me how I like your flip-flops.
[more whispering]
Well, where *do* you want to have this conversation? Because seriously: we need to talk about those flip-flops.
"What has it got in its pocketses!?!"
TRANSLATION: Muggle magic is to top hats and rabbits what wizard magic is to blowing your roof off. Word.
[stunned silence]Elizabeth C., Kala M., Holly E., Audrey B., Becca T., Rebecca J., here's hoping these wrecks were magically delicious!
Reader Comments (93)
Gollum! WTF?!
I am so sad I didn't see it last night.
Oh dear God, where to begin??? Cake 1 - did the airbrush clog or is that some kind of Chinese graffiti running across the cake dissing Harry for the whole Cho Chang business? And what is with the tip of that hat on #2? The little wizard is not amused, or erect either, apparently. C'mon look at it, I'm not the only one out there whose mind is in the Diagon Alley gutter...
Jen, I love your translations. :-)
Gollum and green donut ring toss?! Really?!
And on that last cake...sure he has a massive bald spot, blood running down his forehead, his nostrils have grown closed, and he's obviously been smearing bubotuber pus on his skin, but at least his eyes are green, right?
ohmygoodness.
That's really bad.
My "favorite" would have to be the one of Harry's face.
haha - after watching it last night these are the best! Shoot, on 3 hours of sleep I'm easily amused :)
I'm a muggle when it comes to Harry Potter (I read the first one, and I can't remember if I stopped there or after the second; I still haven't seen any of the movies), but even I, when seeing Gollum, started humming, "One of these things is not like the other. One of of these things just doesn't belong."
How's that for crossing the streams?
Oh... My...
Someone crossed the streams, and I can't believe you didn't mention it. Potter and Gollum?? I'm not going near that green doughnut thingy.
*Plus, "stupid bunny".* That one might have been fine without the rabbits/hats.
*shocked*
Poor Prof. Flitwick.
Love John's commentaries. Love the 'translations'.
~~Di
wv - brown. Just brown... since when are these REAL words????
I am one of the people who know that Harry Poter 7, part 1 is coming out today, who would go watch it at the theatre in Ravenclaw uniform, but who can't for lack of a Baby-sitter! (The sacrifices we do as parents!)
Harry Potter...Vulcan?
Who knew?
I agree with T - I'm easily amused on next to no sleep. I came here specifically to see if there were Harry Potter cakes and once again, you did not disappoint! Those are some seriously scary cakes!
The movie was AMAZING!!! The best one yet! I can't wait to see it again!
Uy, that last one looks less like Harry Potter and more like Snow White became a bit more bookish, decided to cut her hair hipster short, and developed a really bad skin condition.
The last cake is what you'd get if Harry had been a Vulcan. Or maybe if Mr. Spock had gone to Hogwarts.
Well you might as well go on and put the Epcot alert level up to "orange". You know that you're going to have TONS of people yelling that Harry Potter is of the devil...yada yada yada.
These wrecks are evil regardless of whether HP is or not.
Good luck fielding comments today! We actually got a babysitter tonight so we get to go see it tonight! YAY!
Gollum and HP do not belong on the same cake. Making it more wreck worthy.
I think that last one, the "portrait" of Harry, is made with the contents of a cheese ball, not frosting.
I hate flip flops.
I'm pretty sure that last cake is of Bentley from the jeffersons!
Oh, it's the Shorting Hat.
*ba-dum-bum*
I'm thinking that Little Wizard is, well, pretty little...
OK, is that first one cake or a bird swooping down on a plate of sushi? Cause those wasabi globs are makin me crave a shrimp tempura roll...
And the Gollum snafu... That wreckerator should be subjected to the same punishment as the Star Trek/Star Wars stream crossers. You know who you are! SHAME
Oh good, I was afraid they might leave Gollum out of the Deathly Hallows movie. This wreck gives me new hope.
....<_<
Oh god!! More Harry Potter?! I'm about ready to barf up a singing hat. I'm so sick of Harry Potter (I've never been a fan, I know that means I'm about to be ostracized but meh just isn't my cup of tea). And since I'm a college student EVERYONE was out last night in Potter gear for the premiere. Seriously.
On that first one, I think Harry is riding a hippogull--sure looks more like a seagull than an eagle to me!
Good translations too.
WV: bitym--bitym a little picky when it comes to details
Thanks @Sharon... even with the clue Jen & John provided, I could not for the life of me figure out what that wreck was. And I've inhaled all the books (finishing 700+ page pre-ordered books in less than 24 hours does not quite qualify as "reading")!
@Lisa B... you're quite right about the shape of the tip of the poor Sorting Hat! I guess our minds are hanging out together :)
And as for the last one... at least the wreckerator tried to do the design, rather than cheat with edible paper.
I was hoping you would do Potter wrecks today!
My husband bought me a non-wreck Harry Potter cake (a small, smoothly iced, modestly decorated cake with all the words spelled correctly and a HP toy placed appropriately in the top left corner) for my first birthday we celebrated together - partly because I'm a HUGE HP nerd and partly because Harry and I (and J.K. Rowling) share a birthday - and it was the coolest surprise ever. Had he presented me with one of these wrecks instead, I'm not sure if we would be married now. ;)
Shout out to John for being a super Potter fan! Have you been to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter? It's the coolest ever. Just, ever.
Thanks for being awesome!
Meghan
The first cake looks like Harry is riding a seagull over a field of deformed lettuce. Somebody call the Herbology department!
I still don't know what cake #4 is supposed to be, other than "ugly."
How much do you want to bet that "Little Wizard" was Peter's second birthday cake?
You know how in baseball the batter warms up and has weights on the bat? Maybe those are wand weights!
I'd like it to be of note that I couldn't see it last night. That's what happens when you have kids. They beg you to wait for them to get out of school. "For the love of Dumbledore, take us with you!" shouts the youngest while wearing footie pj's. Yes, we are nerds.
How can I ignore such cries? Of course we have to wait for Jeff to get off work too. Sigh. That's what happens when you have kids and expose them to fantastic literature. They become just as obsessed as the parents.
I would also like to add, we are not dressing up. Well, Jeff is going to wear his Gryffindor scarf my mom knitted him, but that's cuz it's cold.
Tell me that isn't Plastic Confetti like you put on tables, in cards, etc on the Abracadabra cake? Ummm... seriously? Stomach aches and magical poo?
Took me a full minute to realize #2 was a hat and not a blue pile of, well, #2. Stupid CCC.
Ok, maybe I'm missing something, but 9 and 3/4 isn't a funny fraction! You catch the train to Hogwarts on Platform 9 and 3/4s. But you knew that and so does everyone else, I'm sure.
Love the blog!
Jazz hands ARE magical. Watch! See? I'm invisible . . .
Love the translations, but my keyboard doesn't. When will I learn not to drink coffee and read your blog at the same time?
~C from MA
#4 reminds me of a barbecue (is that a building floating in that swirling vortex of striped gray icing waves?)
re: #5--Why IS there a green doughnut on a magic wand???
for non-Potter people...9 3/4 really refers to the location of the train station platform for the Hogwart's Express train. It's between the 9 and 10 platforms. apparently, young wizards must run into a brick column between 9 and 10 and voila! 9 3/4 is magically in there somewhere.
Just watch the first movie. it's pretty early on. :)
I'm too tired from waiting in line for 15 hours then watching the movie and getting home at 3 am, then having to get up and get my kids off to school to say anything clever. So I'll stick with...
Awesome. I love you guys.
All the King's horses, and all the King's men...well, they just couldn't put Harry Potter together again.
The last cake is obviously Harry in mid-Polyjuice potion transformation. Kudos to the wreckerator for capturing such a difficult scene. ;-)
Not being a true "geek" myself, I was amazed that I not only knew who Gollum was, but that he did not belong on anything HP related. If I know that, ANYONE else should, too!
Would have been funnier with Barney rather than Gollum....just a thought...
I think the last cake must be a portrait of Harry after receiving Hermionie's stinging curse...riiiiight... yeah, that's it. ;o)
Oh frick! That was utterly hilarious - the title of today's wreck had me gasping in expectation, and the hippogriff joke was about the best EVER!!
I'm soooo flipping excited that the movie is out!
I'm a HUGE HP freak, but I couldn't tell what some of the cakes were supposed to be.
Oh my gosh! You nearly Avada Kedavra'd me with laughter! Honestly, I'm sitting here at work, in my quidditch uniform...yes, for real, and the first wreck has my name on it! I love anything potter related, and the release of Deathly Hallows (which I'm seeing tonight!) has made nearly every blog I care about focus on it! :D I even blogged my fair share of Potterific sweaters on my sweater blog yesterday.
Oh, and that Gollum cake, whoever wrecked that must have been demented...literally!
As always, you guys are supermegafoxyawesomehot!
~Liz
That was hilarious!
As a huge Harry-Potter-books-but-not-the-movies fan, my favorite was the one with gollum and a random wand (maybe?) with a green ring on it.
OK, about that last one. It's perfectly acceptable to draw a Harry Potter who does not look like Daniel Radcliffe. After all, the illustrations on the books did not look like Daniel Radcliffe. So it's fine. Absolutely fine. Just... Why make him look like Stephen Hawking?
#1... Are green things those wads of gum?
#4... Okay... I am guessing Harry Potter with a 2-D Hogworts Express steaming down a 3D track... I am guessing Hedwig's cage on top of Victorian psychiatrist's couch... on top of stylized clouds? Clear as mud! WWHPD?
Ouch. Harry Potter looks like someone was trying to make the Brain from Pinky and the Brain (cartoon about two wierdo mice) and then said oh wait, let's make Harry Potter because he's more popular. This is the first time I have ever commented, and I've followed your blog for at least a year now. Brain Potter inspired me.
I could care less about Harry Potter etc. but I am so happy that so many kids and adults have rediscovered reading thru the books..but wait...Gollum on one of the cakes ? What the...??? ( I am an avid LOTR fan from way back, BEFORE the movies )That is as crazy as Godzilla VS King Cong !
some of those cakes look like something the dursleys would give harry for his birthday. if they bothered to remember it.
I've never wheezed out a laugh in my life, but with the Epic Journey cake, a sound unlike any I've ever heard before came out of me.
Had to be the pocket rocket joke. It definately was "precious".
Wow. Nice job, guys!
Oh maaaaaaaaaan.
Why didn't I see this coming? These cakes...wow. Just...wow.
Also that final cake seems to be staring at my soul, slowly eating it away D:
Aw, Harry died from a sharp blow to his forehead, else why the staring, lifeless eyes and blood seeping from his hair?