Valentine's "Winners"
February 14, 2009 Hey, it's Valentine's Day!! May the sugar-coated cuteness and commercially-driven materialistic declarations of affection begin!
Just don't get your cutie-patootie any of these:
Sure, it looks like an internal organ: just not the right one.
These could lead to a lot of fun "what's that supposed to mean?" conversations:
Uh, your love kills me?
You make my heart unravel?
I don't know about you guys, but when I refer to myself in the third person in conversations with John (which is especially fun at parties), I usually prefer the designations "baby" and "your lover".
"Baby, your lover would like you to take the trash out."
"Baby, your lover is going to the store."
"Baby, your lover gets the not-so-subtle hint from your Valentine's present..."
"...but your lover has a headache." (cue "Broken Arrow" by Rod Stewart)
Now, these cake/cookie things may suffer from the whole bum-crack affliction:
...but they still look way more appetizing than these:
Hey, it's the ABC gum cake!Gabrielle H., Maya C., Anne M., Kandace H., Michael H., & Ben O., John's lover thanks you.
Reader Comments (69)
Did you notice on the desperate cake that even the icing is "whipped"? *snort*
I don't remember how I found your blog, but I have been enjoying it for awhile now!!!!
Love the wrecks you find!!! I'll keep coming back for more.
Brandi
Who would even THINK those look good? Scary, just scary. I would much rather my hubby forget V-Day (as usual) than spend hard earned money on something so scary!!!
Hee hee, I think the top cake is a pelvis . . .
Re: The "PLEASE?" cake...how apt that it has "whipped" icing. Why not admit it right up front?
C'mon, what's not romantic about a kidney? My boyfriend was one of my potential kidney donors. :)
That white square cake is quite pretty--why'd they put the butt cookies on it?
Now that you mention it, I guess that IS a broken arrow... Thanks for clarifying... I saw it as something else... :)
Oh sweet lord. We've had biological cake* references but the uterus cake with the sadly proportioned member (or is it a brown swimmer?) is by far the least subtle.
That was a slip but I'm keeping it in because it works.
Oh my goodness... It's so hard to understand why certain people think that decorating cakes like this is okay. And then to SELL them for MONEY!
Ack!!
Maybe the decorators secretly hate Valentines Day and the cakes give a subliminal message to all who look upon them that "Love" isn't really worth the bother.
Love stinks, everyone.
That first one is a pelvis! A bloody, bloody pelvis...
Those are too funny! I guess they would do for a last minute kindergarten party but they wouldn't be good for much else.
Thank you for starting my V-Day with a laugh! :D
~Colleen (cyberrblue.wordpress.com)
Horrendous. And priceless.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
Actually, the first one looks like a very unhealthy upside down liver. Which by Shakespearean standards ... well, no, still wouldn't work.
#3 & 6 are just piles of pink poo.
#5, so relieved you clarified that 'baby' was a pet name, not an actual baby.
The kidney at the top is just weird. The cup cake uterus, all I can say is I am glad I was not the only one to see that.
I love the ABC gum cake! Gross
Nice collection! I like the first one best.
WHY do wreckerators think wads of chewed gum on a cake look nice???
One should never use the word "lover" in public. I went to a wedding once where they kept saying lover over and over, and I just wanted to puke
The last cake looked more like poop hearts to me, than ABC gum. Either way....eeewwwww!!!
Speechless----again.
~Amy B.
I think that's a cupcake uterus, and the arrow is showing which end is up!
Obviously I never had any anatomy lessons. I saw cake #1 as a giant red bat, left over from Halloween.
wv: Perguni. The place bad cake decorators spend eternity when they die.
broken arrow, huh? Oh yes, NOW I see it.... teehee
Holy Jesus. That female anatomy decoration on the cupcakes is a little graphic! I'd snort if my boyfriend got me one of those.
On the ABC cake, my first thought was Cupid Droppings.
My 7 year old daughter is SO proud that a cake I found showed up on the site! (the desperate heart cake) Our grocery store is usually pretty good with the cakes they make, but seeing this one made me laugh and think of the site during my weekly shopping trip.
WV: walityp - the special icing tip used to make a Wreck.
I think your being overly generous with that last cake. Gum is not where my mind went. Honestly those look like the valentines my dogs leave in the backyard.
Uh, the "cookies" on the cake/cookie thing totally look like chocolate dipped chicken breast.
Ew.
The first one looks rather like a smooshed pigeon (road kill dove?) rather than an internal organ. I guess amorphous blobs of icing are rather like clouds - the picture is in the eye of the beholder.
Ross
The "arrow" is probably one of THE nastiest things I've seen on here.
Now, I just KNOW that I'm not the only one who sees something other than hearts OR ABC gum wads on that last cake.
Come on...use your imaginations.
There you go--see? They DO look like the spongy, shriveled-up butts of people- say, about 130-years old.
Just please don't ask me where *I've* see any....
Blech! Those last two are just awful.
I think the second one maybe something like 2 hearts beating as one, or having the same rhythm, or some such garbage. lol. I love abc's.
I thought the first cake was a Valentine version of the Bat Signal.
Tried to take a picture of a cookie cake today but hubby said I was embarressing him. Giant Heart cookie just said VD to you. No happy. Guess if you have a VD (mid-century term for STD) you ain't too happy.
Word recognition term:nistande I'm nistande anywhere near you taking a picture of a lame cookie in a supermarket.
I agree with some previous comments-- the top one is a leftover halloween bat, recovered in red icing. nice.
The first cake looked like a leftover from Halloween ... I was amazed cake could last so long! Now I'm looking forward to pink Father's Day cakes!
I just had to say that Robbie Robertson's recording of "Broken Arrow" is much, much better than Rod Stewert's cover.
Nate
last one looks more like six scrota to me...
I personally find the title "lover" distasteful. Bleck. Any time I see the word I hear it pronounced as "LUH-VAH" in my head and it makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Seeing this on a ccc makes me vomit completely.
ABC gum cake almost = lotsa prostates cake. Is someone asking for a rectal exam?
Between the kidney/liver/pancreas cake and the uterus cake, have you considered spending a week on a "we don't think they're supposed to be internal organs" theme?
Pic #6 looks like a uterus! WHY?!
Aw hell, these are all fugly. That last one (the ABC gum one)--I actually thought those little--hearts, are they?--looked more like feti. Like from the 3D ultrasounds? Blech...
I never knew how much I hated CCCs until just about...now.
YAY MRS. GABRIELLE! Ugh, these are absolutely disgusting. I'm glad I don't celebrate Valentine's Day; if my boyfriend (I don't have one, but still) got me one of those, I think I would die!
American Jewish Princess
Baby, You Make Me Feel Like I'm Flatlining (Call The Doctor)
This has to be the butt-ugliest display of wrecks I've seen yet. No pun intended. Oh heck, yes it was.
Train of thought: Love Stinks = J. Geils Band = "No Anchovies, Please."
"Oh my God ... that bowling ball ... it's my WIFE!"
Sorry. I get a little carried away sometimes. Hee.
Happy VD, everybody!
Anon - Luv-AH makes me think of that hysterically obnoxious SNL skit about the college professors in the hot tub...."my Luv-AH fed me grapes by hand while we frolicked about nakedly..."
WV: cring - I cring when I think of the people who bought these cakes and expected something totally different!
The labiolingual look of #7 should maybe be a turn-on.
But it was lost on me.
I think that the second cake is trying to show an EKG of atrial flutter*, so does that make it more or less wrecky? Is it saying, "You make my heart flutter," or, "You give me a supraventricular tachycardia"? As a med student, I'm amused by it. I think it is an attempt at a "bee mine" type pun for a rather small audience.
*Atrial flutter is an abnormal heart rhythm that causes the heart to beat very fast. The ventricles beat about 150 times per minute, but the atria beat up to 350 times per minute. Those extra beats that don't get conducted give the baseline of the EKG a saw-tooth appearance.
The first one really reminds me of a butt print left in the sand when you get up from sitting down at the beach.
Yum. Gag.