Tuesday
Dec012009
Merci!
December 1, 2009 Have you heard of the Croquembouche [CROCK-you-EAM-butchy]? It's a French thing. Well, if not, here's what it's supposed to look like:
So kinda like old, cobweb-wrapped monkey bread. But in a yummy way.Well, a certain anonymous person - who shall remain unnamed to protect her anonymity - found this gem at a wedding which she may or may not have anonymously attended:
I believe her exact words were, "it looks like some kind of primitive jungle cake being attacked by a swarm of lactating spider-wasps."
Mmmm, lactating spider-wasps... Well, uh, Jane D. [wink wink], thanks for putting a new spin on these things.
Update: I think it's important to ask yourself a couple of questions before commenting here on Cake Wrecks:
Question: Did John and Jen really intend to give us the pronunciation of a word?
Answer: No.
Question: Are John and Jen complete and total idiots?
Answer: No.
Question: Do they...
Answer: No.
Question: Would they...
Answer: No.
Question: What about...
Answer: No.
That is all.
- Related Wreckage: MORE Weird Wedding Cakes (with the famous "albino booby tower")
Reader Comments (168)
omgew. it looks like some sort of upside-down rotting pineapple. why would anyone want to go near it ? much less eat it.. D|
Now you can watch cake wrecks in the making: Bake Decorate Celebrate! runs on our local PBS station. I watched today as the "expert" demonstrated how to properly write on a cake. You could barely decipher her writing.
website: http://www.bakedecoratecelebrate.com/
Hilarious AS ALWAYS! (I can't believe you needed to add the update. You'd think people would figure out the humor on this site by now. Never overestimate the intelligence of the internet.)
The first (proper) picture actually looks rather gross to me. The next ones looked grosser. That being said, I'm sure the croquembouche is actually delicious. It's the cobwebs that turn me off!
I can only think that the baker was being mean...
And about the update: I love it when I'm not the only overly literal person in the world! Or as Hermione would say, "It's not "croak-em boosh", it's "croak-EHRM-boo-shay"!
@ Eric 10:51 -- LOVED the google comment!
@ anon (midnightcyn) 5:14 PM -- After I looked at the pictures, I said to myself, "Hmmm, it's been a while since I've made monkey bread. I should make some today!"
I do use caramel to soak my monkey bread and it definitely looks better than both of these pictures. However, it's not very light, so there's no comparison to the french pastry cake. (I'm not even going to attempt to spell that word!)
And I just have to add . . . the Tiki gods must be very angry!
Every time John and Jen's wonderful sense of humor peeks through in a Cake Wrecks post, and some geniuses decide to correct them (remember the EPCOT/Spaceship Earth cake?), whether said individuals are robots with no humor sensors, uptight readers with some sort of complex, or just plain dumb, I want to beat my head against the desk. I almost did tonight. And that is just sad.
That being said, if I saw this at a wedding, I don't think I would have been able to remain anonymous. The raucous laughter would have made me a little bit conspicuous, indeed.
WV:pormectr -
Person 1:"Did Mectr see the croquembouche that the bakery delivered?
Person 2: "Yes, she's pretty upset about it."
P1: "Pormectr."
Croquembouche is heavenly and divine. Or at least it's supposed to be. If you haven't had it, you should. Just maybe not from that particular creation.
Ha ha, to make this even better, On www.marthastewart.com, where there is a "pretty" one, it says Croquembouche means "crunch in the mouth". Palm fronds are cruncy.
Holy cow, that's just awful
I like to call them a profiterole cake or tower. Much easier. These were all the rage in Australia this year due to it being a challenge on MasterChef. The chefs all got burns to their fingers whilst trying to spin the sugar and probably also the hundreds of viewers who thought they could do it at home.
That Croquembouche, looks like one of Marie Antoinette's left over wigs....
Are they?
Funny as heck? (keeping it G rated)
YES!!
I like the green spikes! They're kinda manly- they prevent it from being so poncey and FRENCH!
I have to admit the spiderwebs look diseased though. Shudder.
Dear sir or ma'am,
I applaud you for taking the higher ground; had I been at a wedding where the cake looked like that, there would have been an ensuing series of "poke it and see if it gets angry" photos.
-Angela
I want your update as my email signature.
No, wait, I NEED your update as my email signature.
And perhaps on a t-shirt.
JEN. THAT IS NOT CROCKERBUTCHERS. THAT IS EPCOT. DUHHHHH.
hahahaha first time commenter but that was priceless. Especially loved the butch-ery of the name. :)
And I agree.. WTF?????
Uh, even the real French croquembouche doesn't look that appetizing... but the wrecky version of it is downright frightening.
Jeremy - bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
Awesome Musical Youth reference...
Don't try this at home:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIGaidsM-NI
Pastry balls stuck together with toothpicks are just asking for lacerated tonsils...
wv: haryor -- har har haryor croquembouche is ridiculous!
That's a scary looking cake. Timbits and cobwebs aren't appetizing up in Canada either...makes it look like it's been sitting out for awhile.
What's with the pointy parts though on the cakewreck? At least the original I could see eating knowing what it is, but the wreck? Yikes!!
They've made this twice on Australian MasterChef and both times even the contestant's versions have looked better than that 'real' one, and definitely better than the wreck one!
This isn't a terrible good photo of it, but this was the professionally done Croquembouche the second time they made it: http://www.masterchef.com.au/4459.htm
I'm actually kind of impressed about how they managed to get the sugar out in corners like that... That's talent. Wrecky talent, but talent :P
They just did these in the last season of Master Chef (in Oz). choux pastry, filled with cream or custard (the ever tasty profiterole) are dipped in caramel and arranged in a cone mould, and decorated with some additional caramel spun over the piece. additional decorations may be added (they did sugar butterflies for the competition).
Looks like they got a little carried away on the spun caramel on this one... and neither seems to have used a cone mould to shape the stack (which is what gives the croquenbouche its elegance.
kinda makes all those nasty CCC look pretty o.k. doesn't it! ;)
"I like to call them a profiterole cake or tower"
Um, NO. Profiteroles are puffs filled with vanilla ice cream and covered with hot chocolate (yummyyummyyummy). Croquembouche is a traditional wedding cake made with a bunch of cream puffs held together with caramel. Hardly the same thing.
(French Brainy Smurf talking)
Both of those croak-em-barfs are equally repulsive looking. What a horrible excuse for baked goods . . . no wonder the French always act slightly pissed.
hmm, the greenery looks like palmetto leaves. Giving me the idea that this fiasco happened somewhere between the Mason-Dixon line & Cuba.
Humidity & spun sugar don't mix. Just don't try it.
WV: elthic = an Irish health nut?
I think it's pretty.
Oh.... my... goodness....
I don't know which was more amusing... the horrifying spider wasps *shudder* or reading all the comments. I have tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing so hard!!
LOVE the google comment.... and also want Jen's update on a Tshirt... and the wv's... and.... and.... and... LOL!!
wv: pyrothnb - what each of these croquembouche chefs suffered from after burning their thumbs on all that hot spun sugar time and time again.
*cough*balls*cough*
bahahahahahaaaaaa
VW: buggin.
I saw that thing and decided I was buggin out.
I surely can't be the only one that the example of "real" Croquembouche (I totally just had to copy/paste that word) looks just as unappetizing as the wreck...
You have to give the Wreckator some credit. It's not exactly a pretty dish. I honestly thought the first picture was the wreck, until I scrolled down...
Oh mon dieu!! Mes yeux!!!!!
Jen, John, seriously... you guys just do stuff like that pronunciation to see how many morons "correct" you, don't you? I laughed when I read it, and then I died a little inside before I ever got to the comments because I knew what was coming!
I guess if you're going to bother with spun sugar, it seems like you might as well keep going 'til you run out of ammo.
John and Jen complete and total idiots ;P
tee-hee, love your update almost more than the post.
Seriously.
I had one of these! I loved it, but it didn't look anything like this weirdly ninja-like 'bouche. Did they stick chopsticks in the top to support that?
Merde!
That is one ugly dessert, in any language :P My teeth hurt just thinking about trying to bite into all that sugar :P
Way too bizarre! What is it supposed to be? http://blog.sweetservices.com/sweetscandyblog/
Wow - this should be just the thing should Howard Goodall remake the comedy revue song, "I Hate the French!"
I think thhat each one of those little "balls" are called "profiteroles". Well, at least in Portugal. lol
They have usually cream inside and chocolat outside. I love it!
I mean, I love it, but I woudn´t try the primitive jungle...
Oh. Oh. Oh.
I so glad that I learned to stop sipping coffee as I read this blog.
It looks as though the spider from Harry Potter relocated to a jungle den and laid a pile of precious eggs, then protected them with deliciously magical webbing.
Somewhere in an alternate universe, magical jungle spider eggs nested in maternal webbing is probably a delicacy. Or maybe I'm just thinking of the Amazon.
The croak-em-butchy comments are the best I have ever read. I am in tears!
Any person that went to a culinary school for their pastry education would not only know about, but how to assemble a croquembouche. At Le Cordon Bleu schools it is the first thing you will create in the wedding/celebration cakes class.
As for their design, the tower should be significantly taller and thinner than the example image and the spun sugar, while an option, is not the only way to decorate this dessert. (And judging by the wreck, should probably be avoided by people with no idea how to do so.)
The first 'correct' one actually looks worse to me than the cakewreck approved one. Least the second one looks like it's a bunch of doughnut holes sheltered under a shiny little web. First one looks like it sat on a table too long ala-Ms.Havisham.
~R