Cake Writing 201: "Congratulations"
October 10, 2008 "Alright, class, take your seats. We're going to need extra time to review yesterday's quiz, since once again you have all failed to meet even my lowest expectations. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, considering you each barely scraped through Cake Writing 101 - yes, even you, Doug, so stop looking so superior. How you all expect to be professional cake decorators when you can't even spell the most common cake word after 'happy' and 'birthday' is beyond me. Seriously, what do I have to do? Spell it out for you? Oh wait, that's right: I ALREADY HAVE!!
"Laura, so help me, if you run blubbering to the bathroom one more time I am going to fail your cotton candy rear faster than you can say "contralulations". Which, incidentally, is what you wrote on your cake:"
"And Laura? What in the name of all things holy is UP with that apostrophe? Does Ronan belong to Contralulation, whatever that is? Oh for goodness' sake...here, take a Kleenex. I don't see what you're crying about, though; I'm the one saddled with teaching you bunch of imbeciles.
"Ah, Chris, I see this isn't quite so funny to you now, is it? Mr. Chuckles looks a little worried! Could it be because you made the EXACT same mistake as Laura?"
"Who's the big man now, Chris? Huh?
"And Katie, could you please remind the class of the very first thing I said to you all when we started last week? Oh, I'm sorry; you don't remember? Well, obviously you don't remember, Katie, because what I said was 'there is no 'd' in congratulations'."
"Way to go, Katie; you inserted a 'd' and omitted the 'i'. Now, class, 'omitted' means 'left out' - I don't want all these big fancy words to overtax your teensy little brains.
"Sarah, this looks like 'Congratwat Jody Clarry'."
"Maybe if you would stop focusing on your cutesy little flowers for a few seconds, you could attempt to center your inscription, eh? How's that sound? Honestly, class, have you undergone some massive brain-wipe since The Art of Spacing? Do you remember NOTHING that I taught you?!?"
[breathing deeply]
"Alright, moving on: Doug, let's take a look at your cake:"
"Say, Doug, why don't you do us a favor and just say the word you wrote here, hmm? No, really, I want to hear you pronounce it. Go ahead.
"I'm waiting, Doug. No? Nothing? I see.
"And finally, there's Beth's cake:"
"Beth here apparently thinks my years spent teaching have left me blind as a bat. Wow, it's like I can't even SEE that gaping hole between the 't' and the 'u', Beth! And I certainly would never notice the 's' is missing, or the fact that the 'g' stands out more than my wife at an anorexics anonymous meeting. Nope, this cake looks A OK to me!
"Well, since I'm obviously not getting through to you numskulls, we're just going to have to try a slightly less traditional teaching method. The metal pens you see before you are not airbrushes, class; they're tattoo pens. Now, pay VERY close attention, because you're really going to want to get this next bit right..."
Becky W., Claudine, Katy B., Liz P., and Terricha, class dismissed!
Reader Comments (155)
The last one seems to have the gaping space because looking closely one can see that there was an R scraped off the frosting... so Congratrulation's on a great wreck lesson on an otherwise dismal Friday!
All those cakes are horribly HI-larious!!! A few guessed my cake (which was last) was missing the letter "r" placed by the special-ed cake maker...they're right! I pulled the damn thing off before I served it...still a wreck no matter how I tried to save it.
It looks like that space between the 't' and the 'u' is where an 'r' was removed! There's a slight blue stain left on the icing. So "ConGratrulatioN" became "ConGrat ulatioN". And nobody suspects a thing. Good save!
Ohh, tears in my eyes! LOLOL!!
"Terricha" is spelled right...I made sure that was spelled correctly...unlike other words...lol
When I decorated cakes at Dairy Queen, I posted a note in the decorating area, with words like "Congratulations" and "Anniversary" in large letters, so that there was no excuse for misspelling on cakes, even if there wasn't a decorator on shift to write on cakes.
o.O Commentary wasn't even necessary..
Would it be too much to ask to require cake decorators, especially those responsible for writing That Word, to have actually celebrated their own graduation from some institution of moderate learning? I'm not talking anything big here...perhaps elementary school would be sufficient.
Seriously.
That was fantastic. I really want "Congratwat Jody Clarry" on my next cake. Maybe I'll even get the quotation marks as a bonus.
I would just give up and write "Rock On" after awhile.
I just laughed so hard I cried at this post! Thanks for making my day w/ your teacher voice!
They should've just gone with Good Luck. Good Lick?
Angie (from www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
The mess of bright scribbles on the second cake is a wreck all by itself - and yes, it does look like silly string.
To those wondering about names - "Ronan" is a perfectly good name. It's traditional Irish. Terricha's name is I think less traditional, but it is spelled correctly. I'll even concede that Sophi's name is probably correct - although I did wonder.
I can't stop laughing - loudly - at work over "Congratwat." Made my day. Thanks.
It's Congtwatulations Jody AND Larry i think. God that one's horrible.
Ummm, teacher?
Uhhhh, yeah, I mean you, CakeLady......
Um, I think it's supposed to be "numbskulls," not "numskulls."
See, it's sort of like your "skull" (brain) is "numb,".....like sometimes happens after one of our classes, when you've had to rap too many of our hands with your cake spatula.....
Contraption-ulations?
Awfulness
I cant even believe they then sell those cakes with wrods (hehe) miss spelled.
This is such a funny post. I totally relate, as I have done this a few times. Now, I write out my sentiment on paper and copy it just to be sure I don't get distracted and spell the word wrong. I was making a birthday cake for a little boy once and accidentally wrote my name on the cake instead of his. Disaster. Your blog is a much needed humbling for us amateur decorators. Thanks!
I like all of these, but I believe I'll make a ranking of which cake made me laugh most:
1. Congratwat
2. Cangrtalation
3. Contratulation's
4. Congradulatons
5. ConGrat ulation
6. Congratulation's
Geez, after this long trying to get through school, seeing the spelling of my special cake would send me into an equivalent number of years of therapy....now try and spell that one. Congratulations on your Therapy
These cakes put all together were beginning to make me second guess my own knowlege of how to spell "congratulations". Help - I think it's rubbing off...
OK, after reading depressing news story after depressing news story about the economy tanking, your site has me laughing so hard I can hardly breathe.
My kids are wondering what's wrong with mommy.
Well, I just HATE it when I get called out, but I gotta (yes I know it's not a real word) admit, Jen is right. I looked up 'numskull' and it is an accepted spelling.
My bad, but a great blog anyway :-) Wouldn't miss it for anything (especially since I used to decorate cakes professionally).
These are really fantastic! Though I think my favorite congratulations error of all time was an earlier post of yours from May: Comguads! The longer spelling obviously Comguadulatioms. I was at work and had to walk away from my desk to compose myself from my fits of laughter!
I noticed, upon close inspection, the last cake with the wide gap USED to have an "r" there lol. Funny, they could fix THAT error but not the rest.
um...Terricha's cake...there was an "r" between "t" and "u" which has been scraped off. shows more clearly when you click and embiggen the picture. hence the gap.
:)
But the point is....these home- made cakes come from the HEART, and that's whats important!
It's cool that somebody cares enough to make you a cake in the first place!
I still think the fat joke/anorexic joke was out of place in a post about spelling. I wondered why nobody else had remarked on it, until I noticed tonight that my initial comment was never published. Your statement above implies only "profanity, mean-spirited remarks & blatant advertising" are grounds for censoring. Knowing that even polite critical posts are weeded out is very disappointing.
You can't do this to me. I'm pregnant, and when I laugh that much... I have to run to the ladies' room!
I can say with confidence that cakes are made in an ESL Home Economics class. I'm a teacher. At an ESL school. So I know.
C.B-Ger
You know, there is at least one person on every post that is offended by something:
"How dare you criticize spelling!?"
"The Batman franchise sold out!!!!"
"Naked babies on carrots!? What's that supposed to mean!?!?!?!?!
My point is that comedy, even the cleanest, most well intentioned comedy is going to offend someone.
Frankly, and truthfully, yours was the only comment in all that mentioned it and I rejected it as starting an unnecessary controversy. Since it apparently bothered you so much that you came back just to make sure that your controversy was in full swing, and then left yet another comment, it now sits here in living color for all to see.
Just to clarify, the man doing the writing in the story is a big, angry guy who probably brings up items of frustration from his personal life when he rants. This is common in dialogue and it was not meant to criticize big people or little people or medium people.
As a 255 pound man who is a member of a very heavy family, I was not offended by what was written. Maybe, just maybe, there is nothing to be offended by.
damn...lmao
they took out the r in the last one like that was supposed to make it better haha
Your sense of humor is great! But I think the blue and purple flowered cake says, "Congratulati (not congratwat) Jody & Larry" Congratulations is still spelled wrong, but I actually read it when I first saw it with the u-l-a-t-i on the cake. Must have ran out of room!
LMAO!
I thought the first "lesson" couldn't be topped, but you proved me wrong, happily. As a teacher, I really appreciate it... if only I could be so frank with my students! Hilarious, as usual!
Did anyone else notice that on "Beth"'s cake, between the "t" & the"u", an "r" or something seems to have been erased?
Craig, I just saw yours in the middle.
I'm guessing the first cake is for Ronan the Accuser, and the green is meant to evoke the blood of fallen Skrulls.
Oh these are just the funniest! I wonder which of these people truly didn't know how to spell the words and which realized they messed up but couldn't fix it without wrecking the cake. Beth maybe should have just left that "r" in there, lol.
I've been waiting all my life for a cake post like that! funny stuff.
Oh, I am crying with laughter here. Real dripping-off-my-chin tears. The best laugh I've had in a looong time! Love the way you wrote about these! :)
I never thought the word congratulations would cause me to laugh as hard as I did just know...I got all teary-eyed even!
Holy crap I just laughed so bloody hard. "Congratwat!"
Wicked writing.
I just noticed that the space between the "t" and the "u" on the "Terricha" cake is the result of an "r" once being there, and then being scraped off. Perhaps they should have just scraped the entire top off the cake and started over.
I'm laughing so hard I can't even breathe!
WOW! I have to agree that I can not get over the "Congratwat" cake. I also have an appreciation for "No really, I'd like to hear you pronounce this word".
I came across this blog today and have been looking over it for HOURS (no, seriously, it's been almost three hours). This specific entry has made me cry!
Thank you. Thank you so much.
"Congratwat". Enough said.
Did anyone else try to pronounce the word on Doug's cake?
I have just spent HOURS looking at this blog, and I am now in tears of this specific entry.
Thank you SO MUCH!
I would pronounce the word on Doug's cake "can-gert-a-LAY-shun".
The decorations were actually good on that one!!!!!
Congratwat..smells like a shirt...
OH. EM. GEE.
I laughed so hard at this post i had real tears flowing down my cheeks. no exaggerations.