Here comes the bri...AAAAUUGGHHH!!!
August 7, 2009 Brides these days. [shaking head] When the big day arrives, some of them can reeeally lose their heads, you know?
That's the wedding cake.Uh, maybe I should give you a moment.
[whistling]
All better? Have all your co-workers/family members gathered around the screen in response to your shrieks? Good. 'Cuz I want to talk about the consultation that resulted in this cake. Do you suppose it went something like this?
Bride: I want my wedding cake to look like my dress.
Baker: Sure, no problem. You want it on a dress form?
Bride: [scoffing] Uh, no-oo! It has to be on a body. MY body.
Baker: Wait, you want a full cake statue of yourself? Like this? [shows photo of infamous bride cake]
Bride: Ew, no! Who'd want to eat my head or arms? That's gross.
Baker: [relieved] Oh, good, 'cuz for a second there...
Bride: So just leave my head and arms off.
Here's another view: The limbless bride surveying her domain.
As you can see, the bride (the headed one, I mean) thought it would be cute to put her veil on the neck stump after the ceremony. Which certainly adds...well, a veil to the neck stump.
But you know what my favorite part is? Go on, guess.
No, not that. Or that. Hah! Good point, but no. Look, I'll just tell you, shall I?
Ok, it's this: the shoulder stumpies look a lot like outstretched, plucked chicken wings to me. Here, look at the first photo again and tell me you don't see a plucked headless chicken in a dress trying to flap off to freedom:
Flap flap flap.You see it, don't you?
And if not, rest assured Headless Plucked Chicken Bride will be seeing YOU - in your dreams. Mwuh-ha-ha-haaa!
Sleep tight, Anony M.
- Related Wreckage: The Infamous Bride Cake
Reader Comments (170)
What do you call a headless, armless, legless guy in a hole?
Phil!
What about in the ocean?
Bob!
What about in a pile of leaves?
Russell!
myolderbrothers.blogspot.com
Wow. Just wow.
- Katherine
Yowza.
WV: deatach: In order to make a truly terrifying wedding cake, you must first "deatach" the head and arms.
Oh my... That's unfortunate.
It IS a plucked chicken! Or turkey... all I can think of is Monica in Friends with the turkey on her head...
Ummmm.....words escape me
mysleepinghusband.blogspot.com
"Does this cake make my butt look fat?"
Oh dear God, no. This is almost as bad as the Lenin cake the other day.
When I was a small child, I used to have nightmares about dress-shop mannequins. I think I shall be having them again tonight.
I'd go to see that movie:
Attack of the Headless Plucked Chicken Bride!
Now at a theater near you....
this is the cake Henry VIII would've ordered if he could.
Yuck. I don't care to.... I just don't care to.
I TOTALLY want the armpit piece!!
Hallie
Maybe it did come with a head, but they saved it for their anniversary?
www.highglossandsauce.blogspot.com
oh dear, that's awful.... now I'm wondering, was the bride actually happy with this cake?
Really, you must start putting warning labels on these: "Swallow your coffee and put down the cup before attempting to read the following post" - it really would save on monitor mop-up
Does it even look like her dress? It looks all crumply and weird. she should have posed next to it so I can see.
Eating the head & arms would have been gross, but I wonder how many were demanding boob pieces???
Yikes. I really can't believe someone would order that on purpose, for a real wedding... I got the meaning behind the bride statue cake (if only the tradition of it), but this one? Yikes.
I took out my rant about the decline and fall of cakey civilization here--you can insert your own if you wish. Actually, the bakery did a great job--the cake looked nicely made, but the concept...
WF Phire. We need to empty the room, but don't yell phire. Just set out the headless, armless bride cake.
It's like the waist-down-only ballerinas yesterday. Or the baby legs and diaper with no apparent head. Or the hand with the ring on the engagement cake. People!?!! No body parts!!!! We don't want to think about eating flesh!
I really hope that the bride asked for a cake that looked like her dress and meant that she wanted the cake layers decorated with ruffles/beadwork/whatever and not the headless, armless wonder that she got. Kind of like the cake competition in Oklahoma that a few years ago had the theme of wedding dresses. Or maybe she was just crazy and liked the idea of a headless, armless wonder, your site has proven time and time again that people have questionable taste.
Let me get this straight: After the veil sat on top of presumably hair-product covered hair, presumably attached to a bride who may or may not have been sweating from nerves, the bride affixed said veil to a product which her guests were to eat?
I see nothing wrong with that.
(I will give her credit in that it seems she didn't actually jab the combs into the cake. It's really not as bad as I make it sound.)
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What I'm wondering is:
Did the bride and cake dress to match? Or did the bride quickly change once she saw the cake?
I need to buy stock in Unicorn Chaser if I want to continue to visit this site.
Most wedding just cost an arm and a leg...
Not only is the cake totally ridiculous and hideous, I can't stop thinking about the fact that the veil that was on her HEAD is now resting on that cake....the cake that people are supposed to eat! NO WAY!! Every single bit of this cake idea is GROSS!
Taylor, what do you call a headless, legless guy hanging on a wall? Art. Laying on the floor? Matt.
Heads are for chumps. The bride's just showing how enlightened she is by preparing us for the day we'll all be cool headless people.
I'm calling dibs on a slice of armpit!
I call dibs on a slice of armpit!
(oh and my word verification is Bridemis - as in missing? hahahaha)
I can only hope it was ordered by a bride that LOVES this site, and her whole family gathers round the phone every morning on a conference call to see the post of the day. So when it came time to order a wedding cake, the only logical answer was this....this thing, and they are all in on the joke and no one was traumitized. I hope.
Poor Great Aunt Gertrude has no phone or computer and they forgot to let her in on this little joke, she will never be the same.
Becky
So, the groom cake no doubt had him all in black and carrying a giant scythe, right?
i got a kick out of this post!
::sigh::
I know that it's the bride's decision. I know that we all have different tastes. There are, however, ways and means of designing a "unique" wedding cake without resorting to attempts at re-creating living beings (or, heaven forbid, using cheese). A good cake baker/decorator will sit down with you and help you design something nice.
Not a peach-coloured, wrinkly torso.
It's not pretty, and everyone will be hooting about it afterward.
Yargh.
I don't think this is really a wreck, we just aren't intelligent enough here on Earth to understand alien cultures ... obviously that's the bride in a Dalek wedding :-)
Wow...that's...wow.
Huh.
Is the bride on the "healthy" side? Becasue that cake looks awfully thick.
Like Meg I too wonder did she really like the cake...because I can see a hint of pride in these pictures.
so... I noticed the cake was on a half round cake board. Was this just another bad choice or is there an armless, headless groom cake to match on the other half circle?
-Amber
What do you call a headless, legless guy on a cafeteria table?
Trey
---------
What do you call two headless, legless guys sitting in a window?
Kurt and Rod
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What do you call a headless, legless guy on a baseball field?
Second base.
Brideshead Revisited?
Creepy. But not as creepy as the full-body cake commission of the bride from before!
Continuing Taylor (My Older Brothers)'s theme:
Headless armless guy on the wall? Art.
Front steps? Mat.
Water? Bob. Haha
Be afraid. Be very afraid. Chickens in wedding gowns are taking over!
~Amy B.
wv; thesly "The groom was sneaking some cake on the sly."
Gaa...I'll never be able to look a whole raw chicken in the face again...oh..wait..
LMAO! (mopping coffee off my screen...I should read the comments first!) By all means, save room for cake!
LMAO! (mopping coffee off my screen...I should read the comments first!) By all means, save room for cake!
Perhaps the bride is from Planet Claire.
*if you get that reference you win the internet.
Oh yes and...
What do you call a chap with no arms, no legs, and no torso lolling about in London? Ed!
Maybe it was just the lack of arms and a head, but the proportions on the wreck don't seem quite right either, or maybe the bride really is shaped like a wardrobe.
I do see the chicken wings flapping. Though I thought it looked more like the headless, armless corpse of a little person in a wedding gown.
Is that weird?
How much you want to bet she'll have the belly cake for her baby shower?
Do you think that her husband is headless too? Perhaps she was trying to be kind to the cranially challenged out there?