Thursday
Jul072011
Parental Payback
July 7, 2011 Parents, when it comes to planning your child's birthday party, prepare for a lot of whining, temper tantrums, and willful brattiness.
Plus your kids might be a pain, too.
Well, here's one way to exact a little revenge: your kids' birthday cake.
Can't sleep. Barney will eat me.
"To infinity! and killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill."Hey, whatever doesn't make your children soil themselves in panic-stricken terror only makes them stronger, right?
"Now, don't worry, kids; Elmo's more afraid of you than you are of him!
"Billy, would you like to do the honors? Let's start with a good clean stab through Elmo's eye. Go on."Oh, quit crying. Birthday boys *like* eating Muppet eyes! And just look at that face! Elmo wants you to eat him!"
Ok, granted, you'll be the one paying for their therapy sessions later, but in the meantime...
Spongebob No Pants is here to say hello, kids!Besides, sometimes there are added benefits:
I'm pretty sure your daughter will never ask for a pony again.Thanks to wreckporters Laurie H., Stephanie L., Kevin H., Fraulein M., & Jennifer S., who think I should totally write parenting books. (Working title: Odds Are, They'll Live.)
Reader Comments (110)
Even though I plan on going through the rest of my life childless (just like you Jen and John), I would love to see your parent book and what kind of (hopefully funny) advice you would come up with.
And I like the title you have created.
Agreed - the first thing my daughter said, "That's not a pony, that's a dinosaur!"
*shudder*
*shudder*
Thought the last one was a "Godfather" reference....
@trista - i was thinking drag queen T-Rex.
a pony? really? wow.
If there's anything scarier than the Barney Song it's that Barney cake, and that Spongebob no-pants cake is pretty horrifying too.
If I squint my eyes the "pony" starts to look like simba from the lion king
Children everywhere LOVE
Decomposing Elmo!
For a second I thought the first one was Grimace from McDonald's...Grimace was one misunderstood dude.
HAHAHAAHAA! Oh my gosh! This literally made me laugh out loud. KILLKILLKILLKILL! After having a long morning of food poisoning, thank you for actually making me smile!
I love the little aliens behind Psycho-Buzz! They're like "EEwwww....! (Please don't let him kill us....)"
I am wondering if the horse head cake was left on someone's pillow.
That mafia horse's head is very very scary. Why has it got blood coming out of it? And Elmo looks like a sort of Edvard Munch "scream" version of elmo, his mouth is horrible.
wv: amiton Ami ton't like that horse's head cake!
It's not a pony.
It's a tonton: http://www.davidlouisedelman.com/wp-content/uploads/luke-skywalker-on-tonton.jpg
You guys make my day!!! Not many things can make me laugh so much. These are great!
That last one should be dubbed the Godfather cake...
"Leave the gun. Take the cannolis."
Or, leave the horse head cake, take scary Elmo.
bahaha...that is one of my favourite Simpson's references ever.
Top notch post as always!
-Annie
I'm channeling Mr. Bill on the Elmo cake: "Ohhhhh Nooooo!"
You need a "like" button like on facebook. Because I would really like to "like" the "Happy Birthday from the Corleones" comment.
Buzz Lightyear is TERRIFYING! It looks like his flesh is about to peel off his skull at any second! Ah, good old-fashioned Nightmare Fuel!
I'm having a "GODFATHER" scene flash through my head with that last one...
I thought the first one was the Hamburglar.
Buzz Lightyear! What are you doing with Minions? Have you gone to the darkside?
"Psycho-Buzz" and "Spongebob Flasher" will now haunt MY dreams. Thanks, John and Jen.
Oh, and If I'm not mistaken, that last one is a Hippogryph from "Harry Potter". Which in no way makes it any less disturbing, I might add... O_O
Does anyone else see that last cake and think "Predator?"
LOVE the working title of your book! I was told a while back that everyone should have a title to "their book" should they ever desire to write one...yours is CLASSIC!
Mine thus far is..."Does Anyone Know Why the Corn Flakes Bleached the Carpet?"
As for the cakes...Barney loses a lot in 2D...the horse is frightful...and Elmo...uhhhhh, who thought that was worthy of being for sale?
I question the placement of that "bow" on SpongeBob....
Glad I wasn't the only one who thought of velociraptors and "The Godfather" upon seeing the final cake. Also, I would totally buy "Odds Are, They'll Live." Then again, I once took a picture of my baby in a dog food bowl while wearing a onesie that read "dingo bait"...
DANG!!!!!! That horse!!!!! It is scary, ain't it! I know I have seen that horse before!!!
It's that horse from "The Godfather"???? I know it is! YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, BAKERY LADY!!!!!
I don't know which one was creepier. The horse head, the psycho Buz or the bug eyed Elmo LOL. It's a shame what people get away with putting in their deli cases lol.
Buzz to wreckorator:
"HEY!! YOU! Get OVER here, NOW!
Look, I didn't come all the way over here just to have you P*SS me OFF!
I agreed to be on the cake--NOT to be IN the darn thing...and NOT to be wearing some freaking brown-leafed HULA SKIRT!!! Get me OUT of here and give me my legs back! Look at my teeth! That is a grimace! It shows that I mean BUZZNESS--er, BUSINESS!
GRRRR!!!!
=^>.<^=
blink blink
I can't get past that Buzz Lightyear. I'm soooo gonna have nightmares.
I also haven't seen the pony yet. I did wonder if the mob was now leaving dinosaur heads in victim's beds so I'm relieve so many others thought the same thing.
-Barbara Anne
That's a horse? My first thought was.. huh.. someone made Draco from Dragonheart as a CCC. With his head cut off...
Is that last one an ode to Godfather?
psttt, Anon,
It's Tauntaun, not tonton
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Tauntaun
wv: Warcult: I don't know what this is, but it was too good to pass up reposting.
But parents, REMEMBER, when the kiddies are grown, they will be buying you YOUR birthday cakes.
That explains a lot about some of the 50th & 60th birthday cakes we've seen here.
wv: juyea - another spelling of July
altogether now.....
"never mind copyright infringement.... edible images"
LOVE that i can save $5.99 on the pony cake
Note to self: never read Cake Wrecks right before bedtime.
WV: nootings Buzz Lightyear and the horse cake are nootings for me to have a nightmare about tonight.
I thought the barney was kinda cute lol. Now the shrieking Elmo on the other hand may just give me nightmares forever. And why would anyone give their child a decapitated horse head for their birthday unless they are from a rival family from the Godfather? Lol scary cakes..
That last one -- the horse that everybody thinks is from The Godfather or a dinosaur of some sort --
The first thing I thought of when I saw it was, "Sleestak!"
And it's 10:30 on the west coast and nobody will see this, but I had to post it up anyway.
I have a sweet, wonderful, beautiful horse, but after seeing that cake, I'm afraid to go to the barn!
Seriously people, click on the pony. It's a cupcake cake!
A child therpist would love these cakes.
Buzz Lightyear looks eerily like Light-kun from Death Note. Oh and the pony looks like a dinosaur. Awesome blog.
Buzz looks like he’s had some really bad plastic surgery! Surprise!
a pony??? I was certain it was a T-rex.
--Kim
This is my favorite thing you've ever posted. The buzz lightyear is hilarious.
I second Trista, I literally exclaimed, "That's a PONY?" Never would have guessed.
wait... that's a pony? i thought it was a beheaded dinosaur. it's even got the blood and gore on the neck!