Wednesday
Jul062011
Free Throws
July 6, 2011 A while back one of our readers suggested a fun activity for the next book tour: set up plain frosted cakes, and let contestants hurl various bits of candy, flotsam, and ribbon at said cakes. Whichever looks "best" wins.
Unfortunately, I think some wreckerators out there took this as career advice.
And believe me: there are no winners here.
Wow. I didn't know you could get that kind of distance out of mini marshmallows.You know what they always say about edible splatter paint!:
Nothing, actually. They're all too busy trying to avoid the pieces with the poo-colored jelly beans.
Here's one that made use of the drop method:
Most of it even landed on the cake!Of course, when you're lobbing across such great distances, some breakage is to be expected:
Boops.You can see that a lot of throwing went into this one:
(Psst. Throwing up counts, right?)Hang on a sec, something's wrong.
This one's making me hungry:
Mmmm.Curse you, Wreckerators, and your nefarious mind-washing piles of whipped cream and berry goodness!
[holding head] We're too late! AAHHHH!!(The 'kill it' caption was added by Serious Eats, btw, which has a hilarious episode recap here. I wonder where they might have gotten their inspiration, hmmm? :D)
Thanks to Jill N., Ashlee M., Cassie G., Julie V., Kimberly B., & Elizabeth L., who all get to be first in line come book-tour-throwing time.
Reader Comments (85)
The jellybeans on #2 look like slugs to me. Maybe I've been spending too much time in the garden and not enough time throwing things at cakes?
My nine year old daughter said of the first one, "what's that supposed to be? throw up?" LOL
Do you suppose cake #2 could count towards your daily intake of greens? Or is it the result of someone who ate too many greens and then leaned over a cake....
Hunh. I thought the things on cake #2 were chocolate rocks. Or jelly beans. But they do look more like some of the chocolate rocks I've bought at science museums. Either way, they do nothing for the, um, "cake."
TXRed
WV: surthrew. "That last one surthrew me for a loop."
.......... I'm so confused. I think .. I need to go lay down ....
The second cake looks like it has candy slugs.
I thought that second one featured snails, but your guess on poop-colored jelly beans fits great too. Oooh, yummy!
I take some pride in making birthday cakes and such for my own family (to have fun and save money). Especially after reading your blog, I don't put too much pressure on myself for my work to be beautiful. I do wonder though, how could anyone get paid to make these "creations" and how on earth could someone walk in and choose to spend their money on them? Yikes!
It might be that I just came out of the garden. but those jelly beans on second cake look like slugs to me.
I'm with Anonymous @ July 6, 2011 10:16 AM re:cake number two:
I thought they were slugs in the grass... ew!!
Sweet marshmallow cake! My brother-in-law is making my daughter a marshmallow gun... think she'll let me borrow it so I can decorate her birthday cake with it? Ha!
@Mel:
I tried the "winking, nodding and absolute quiet," fell asleep, and the only thing that happened was that I dreamed I was a geisha.
No matter~~those are smashing good analyses!
So! The reason I'm calling is to ask this:
Would you be my shrink? My last one fired me.
Look, my brain can't be more than one-fifth as screwed-up as those cakes are, and probably wouldn't make you sick (like that fifth could). *urp* On the down side, though, it's not as colorful as the cakes, either (it's mostly gray...and quite possibly fondant-based).
Think about it?
=^~.-^=
If you guys didn't like the sixth cake.....how could you! Don"t you see that the decorator was trying to express the chaos in the world through cake? The white on white setting signifies the bleakness of life! This cake is full of so many symbols.....and you people just*sob*.....LAUGH!
Waiter! There are snails on her cake! Now get them out of here before she sees them!
RogerBW said...
When all you have is a shotgun and a bag of jellybeans, everything looks like a cake?
Oh, Roger, Roger, Roger. What have you gone and done. Somewhere out there (probably here in the South) some idiots with shotguns and too much time on their hands are raiding the cupboards for mini marshmallows, jellybeans, sprinkles, and assorted confections. I'm sure there will be a news report about some damn fool who shot his foot full of chocolate sprinkles when he dropped his gun.
That first one is especially funny because it is not one-of-a-kind. Look at the one it's sitting on top of. Clearly it is a well thought out and repeatedly executed design...
ok, you say that on the second cake it is poo coloured, i thought they were slugs on a cake sugesting that we should save the habitat of the slug. seriously, they look like slugs. and this is coming from a 13 year old.
@Amy: I was wondering if anyone else thought of marshmallow guns!
My son's Cub Scout pack used marshmallow guns at an event and I think they could have done a better job decorating.
One reason people really should use at least a 'handle' if not their real name is that referring to 'anonymous' is impersonal and awkward.
That said, @Anonymous @ 8:28 has the right idea with the existential angle; these cakes look like the wreckerators were using the 'Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook' as their inspiration (if 'inspiration' is a word that can possibly apply in this case). The only thing missing is the 'Black Forest Cake', which is made with five pounds of cherries and a live beaver.
Meanwhile, @Sharyn invoked the SL. Did we really need that? Aren't these cakes bad enough already?
@Craig:
"...'anonymous' is impersonal and awkward."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I agree. And it is also dangerous!
Why, in this day and age...it could be almost ANYone! ((SHUDDER))
I say we should petition to have the designation changed to this:
A. Non Ymous (pronounced: Ay-Nohn-Eemoo)
Ititials: A.N.Y.
Adorable, yes?
It looks like a "real" name (sort of), sounds (somewhat) distinguished, and is gender non-specific. (One may preface it as one wishes with "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Miss", "Ms.","Sir", "Madame", "Honorable", "Senator", "Don", or what-have-you.)
A huge step above impersonal and awkward.
=^u.u^=
@Craig,
You're right. It was wrong of me to mention She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Please accept my apology for that serious lapse in judgment.
Sharyn
Hmm looks like that first cake got some lovely fruit flavored marshmallows. Why they decided to just fling the cake in the marshmallows one will never ever know. Though knowing me unless it is angel food I would eat it lol. Sad but true my love of cake knows no bounds apparently.
Anonymous 11:08am said: The decoration-tossing game could be made even more fun by having the contestants do it blindfolded. :)
Umm, I'm pretty sure these wreckorators were blindfolded.
I am glad that you said those thingies up there were jelly beans, because at first, second and third glance they looked like olives, and for a second there I was all "mmm...martini cake," and then I was all "wait, frosting and sugar yuck," and now it's time to end this comment.
Haaaaaaaaa Kill It With Fire. Oh, yeah.
Joan
Those are some strange looking cakes. Who would actually serve them.
The throw up one kind of reminds me of a dish that was served on a TV show "Come Dine With Me".
The dish was the dessert, a 'trifle with a twist'... the twist being that it had whole sausages in it!
BTW: incase you don't know, the show is people running dinner parties for each other and secretly scoring them. Needless to say, she lost
Run down of that show is http://www.channel4.com/4food/on-tv/come-dine-with-me/come-dine-with-me-extras/come-dine-with-me-coventry" rel="nofollow">here.
The third one looked like a Jackson Pollock homage to me. And the abstract one, with the berries, whipped cream, and standing bits of solid icing - that one is just BEGGING to be eaten!
Next Challenge- Make a cake that is a wreck! (It has to look good of course.)
AbbeyD, you're not 13 yet. Your birthday isn't until Monday, silly girl.
Are there slugs in Florida? They're plentiful in the Northwest.
I don't know why the "Boops" got to me so much, but I am still giggling.
The marshmallow one looks like the mermaid pie from the movie Waitress. Perhaps that's what they were going for?
JenW
Ewwwwww! Cake #2 looks like it has slugs on it! *barf*
The one with the marshmallows looks like someone was trying to make a church window, but didn't roll it up or freeze it, then just threw it on top of a cake and drizzled chocolate on it. Also, I think they should put labels on cakes with ribon:
WARNING: NOT FOR CHLDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 3. RIBON MAY INDUCE CHOKING.
-Μαρία Βάγκνερ
Late to the party (and such appetizing treats *snort*) but had to let you all know that there ARE marshmallow guns available...
http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=marshmallow+shooter&tag=googhydr-20&index=toys-and-games&hvadid=6121800551&ref=pd_sl_39txhmuik8_b
My niece's hubby got one for Christmas last year...it can shoot a mini a good 10 feet!
How 'bout in the next one, bakers throw the actual cake? If edible, I'd eat a cake that's smeared on the wall up to seven inches high!