Happy Hanu...Channa...Festival of Lights!
December 2, 2010 It's Chanukkah, everybody! I can't believe you didn't remember! I mean, I've known for... uh, weeks and... weeks. [poker face] And, naturally, since I knew this day was coming well in advance, I've been saving all the best Hanukah wrecks for this very moment.
Now, Jen's the one with the Jewish roots, but I believe this is called a "men-OR-ah."What's that, Jen? It's not a Hannnukah cake? But...but... it's blue and white!
Fine.
Everyone knows that Hanuchah is the Festival of Lights. So, um, here's a candle:
As you can see, it's very Jewish.
And here we have the great patriarch Moses, crying over the fact that the oil has run out for the holy Jewish lamps:
(For some reason Jen isn't looking very happy right now. Hm. Well, better just keep going.)
Channikah lasts 8 nights, of course, and each night the Ghost of Chawnucahs Past visits all the good little Jewish children...
(Ow! Stop that, Jen, I'm on a roll!) ...bearing holy Jewish Dream Catchers:
And finally, while Jen is busy nursing that headache, let's end with a traditional Hawnuka cake from the great Jewess herself, Sandra Lee:
Yes, I believe those are plastic pearl beads.
Um, Jen's just gone apoplectic, but through the screeching I think I heard something about showing you the video of Sandra making this culinary delight, so you can judge for yourself. So, here 'tis:
[Update: That was sarcasm; marshmallows aren't kosher. Unless they are. In which case, they would be kosher. Those, however, aren't kosher. Glad we cleared that up.]
And now you do, too.
It means no wo-rrieees... for the rest of your daaaaaays...
Reader Comments (228)
I'm not Jewish, but couldn't resist the clearanc price of some Kosher marshmallows last year. I was excited, because they dont' have corn syrup!
I ate one, and it was a gooie, fish tasting glob of nastyness!
I did have fun for a week letting my friends and kids try them. Oh those faces were priceless, espeically those to polite to spit it out!
I can only assume those who have never had marshmallows or are desperate jewish converts could enjoy these as a treat.
Looking forward to the driedle cakes that are sure to come...
:)
"Hakuuuna Matata... brm brm... Hakuna Matata...HaOOooona Matata... HAKUNA MATATA...Ha Ha Ha!"
John you are a punk:) I totally have the end of the song replaying over and over in my head... Thanks!
Really, thanks for this post as I had not yet been exposed to Sandra Lee's "specialness"
O.o
Did she really just do that?!?
Wow... just wow.
Could someone please explain to me how this episode didn't jump the shark?
@Upupaepops I noticed that too, and googled Food Network Humor and found a blog that makes fun of Sandra Lee and others from the Food Network. Unfortunately, I think FN is quite serious about her. :(
@BADKarma!--
Tell us where to look, and we'll all crawl out of the local epcot shelter to take some pictures!
Upupaepops, Sandra Lee is a multi-million cookbook-selling author with multiple shows on the Food Network. (It gets better: she's dating New York's governor elect, so expect Semi-Homemade gubernatorial events. Can't wait 'til she serves this Hanukkah cake to one of New York's Jewish communities!) She is completely serious.
Food Network Humor is a site devoted to making fun of photos and clips of Food Network's hosts, including Sandra Lee.
Trevor, don't worry, we've already recoiled in horror at Sandra's Kwanzaa cake.
OK, so maybe I should join everyone in the Epcot shelter with my bowl of marshmallows (or, as I like to call them to quote my favorite Vulcan, marsh-melons).
If I am not mistaken, Sandra Lee made a reference to "giving people what they want" while making this creation. Ahahaha!!
I watch Sandra Lee only for the laughs - anyone else notice how she's always "cooking" or "baking" whilst toting a cocktail??? It's no wonder she comes up with these Semi-Homemade monstrosities - she's always toasted! I saw a hoilday decorating special with her just last week on HGTV and was waiting to see her with a drink in her hand...not once; I was thoroughly disappointed.
LOVE CW!!!!! This was hilarious today! And I too can't wait to see what Kwanzaa brings :)
Holy Crap.
Even before you mentioned it, I too had Hakuna Matata stuck in my head.
What does it mean??!?!!!
Have you ever watched someone and been totally embarrassed for the person?? Yeah. Sandra Lee. I'm talking about you... you're not horrified, but I am. Probably enough for both of us... oh, and by the way, apparently your friends and family HATE YOU because they let you (and probably encourage you!) to do crap like this... I'm just sayin.
Love the Jewish Dream Catcher :)
I love Cakewrecks! But please help me out--I don't watch Food Network and haven't heard of Sandra Lee. Is this real? I watched the clip and it looks so much like a Saturday Night Live parody. I was sure that's what it was since her stage makeup was so obvious--and who would put marshmallows in the center of an angel-food cake? Surely this clip at least was created as a joke? (please?)
Oy veh! That is stupted up! This makes me want to drink some gin and tonica and smoke some marijuanica! And I'm a shiksa!
WV: yerliste
Yerliste of hanukkah cakes makes me want to plotz!
Anne-with-an-e -- aw yeah, marsh melons! Apparently in the 23rd century you can get marsh melons that don't have any cows or fish in 'em. Maybe someone makes vegetarian marsh melons to cater to the Vulcan market. That's my quest, to find some that are made with agar or something else that is not an animal.
http://7prasetyo7freetemplates.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">^__^http://freetemauntukhp.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">^__^
I am Jewish and I have a good sense of humor. I think it is very sad that you don't have any true Chanukah wrecks.
That being said....The Star of David is not a true symbol of God. It is a symbol of Judaism, of the Jewish people, and of Jewish identity, but we have other symbols for God, the most obvious and common one being the Chai symbol, which you will also often see represented on pendants of necklaces. So I'm not sure why Anonymous got so puffed up about it.
Anyway, that *thing* that she made out of wire and pearls is definitely *not* a star of david.
Also...frosting from a can? Really? Really?! *throws up a little* And to make matters worse, she referred to it as "icing." It is definitely frosting. It is fluffy and contains fats, rather than being thin and sugary.
When I am done banging my head on the kitchen counter, I'll start laughing. Thanks, Jen and John. I'm going to share this with my Jewish friends at the Chanukah party we're having on Saturday so we can all go in the Epcot shelter with our latkes and applesauce and laugh/commiserate together. =)
I think I'm going to gag after watching that video. WHO ICES ANGEL FOOD CAKE?!?!?!?
Sorry. Lost my head.
But Sandra Lee is perhaps the worst food program personality in the history of food programs.
Can't... stop... laughing...
Oh, John (hubby of Jen), your knowledge of Jewish holidays simply amazes and astounds me. "Hakuna Matata" is my new favorite Hanukkah song. :D
Be sure to use just the right shade of blue so that when your guests vomit piles of blue-spackled "cake" embedded with marshmallows onto your decor, you can rest assured it will match perfectly. Extra points for horking up pearls and wire!
I'm with DD on the candle cake. I about lost it.
@Serendipity: This episode wasn't shark-jumping because the program was already waaaaaay past the shark from the get-go.
WV: milisht. You know you're thinking it.
Sandra Lee has completely distracted me, and, it seems, everyone else, from today's other wrecks.
It's hilarious that her idea of making a cake is to take a store-bought cake and put a can of store-bought frosting on it.
And she apparently thinks that non-food-safe thing with the plastic pearls is a Star of David.
I can't tell from the video whether she used Kosher or un-Kosher marshmallows*, but what difference does it make? Nobody's going to eat that thing anyway, are they?
Here's my recipe for Beef Wellington:
Buy some Beef Wellington. Put it on a plate. Serve.
Can I have my own cooking show now?
*Yes, some marashmallows are Kosher. There are even vegetarian marshmallows. I've seen them.
Jewish candle. *snort* I love it!
Ugh - marshmallows, angel food cake and tinned frosting? The sugar overload is making my teeth hurt just thinking about it :( I'm all for convenience, and I've used cake mix and tinned frosting in a pinch, but her combination is just scary, not to mention yucky :P
I see what you did there, John; using Sandra Lee to keep the EPCOT under control. Smart move. ;)
As a californian, I would like to point out that A) it's not that warm here on Christmas, B) we like big, heavy holiday meals here as much as anywhere and C)even if we didn't, angelfood cake stuffed with marshmallows and frosted doesn't exactly sound like a warm-weather treat.
I'm a little nervous about the Kwanza cake. Blue is easy and look how she screwed that up.
HOW DOES THAT WOMAN HAVE HER OWN TELEVISION SHOW?
For shame food network. For shame.
I'm not even Jewish, and I'm offended for Jewish people everywhere.
noooooooooooooooooooo. I had to check that this was true. no. not possible. Really.
Holy cow! No one would dare!
Sandra: "You're going to just decorate this with..." *goes for paper towels*
Me: "Oh god, no!"
Sandra: "...some pearls and wire."
Me: "Phew. Wait. How is that better?"
Gary said: "Here's my recipe for Beef Wellington:
"Buy some Beef Wellington. Put it on a plate. Serve.
"Can I have my own cooking show now?"
No, Gary. You forgot the plastic beads.
I have to wonder if Sandra Lee is just laughing all the way to the bank!
Another excellent post.
That said, hailing from across the pond, I'd never heard of Sandra Lee. I looked her up on Wikipedia following this post, naturally assuming she was a spoof or sketch comedian doing a 'bit' on professional cookery experts.
Oh, how wrong I was.
And, of course, a happy Chanukah to all, regardless of faith, gender, or spelling preference. ;)
It takes true talent to wreck cakes for 3 holidays at once! The so called Hanukkah was horrible, but so were the other two.
Why do wreckerators insist on making stuff like candles and snowflakes out of cupcakes? It just doesn't work well.
That being said, I would just love to see some wreckage involving Menorahs and Dreidles. Or even Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin.
The lack of actual Hanukkah wreckage almost makes wish I was Jewish so I could get a decently decorated cake.
You dirty bastard. That's going to take the whole day to get out of my head. Wait! I know that antidote. A-ha's Take on Me! Taaaake meeeee oooooon! IIIII'l beeeee gooooone in a day or tooooooooooooooooo!
Ha!
Just to make sure I get the Sandra cake right, I shove marshmallows in the center and glob frosting on it? Got it. Now that's baking at it's finest.
I guess one advantage of adhering to a minority spirituality like paganism is that we are not likely to find horrid renditions of pentacles, etc. in local bakeries. lol. Our Yule is Dec. 21... mulled wine, hot cider, and delicious noms of any and all types! XD I may take a tip from y'all and make a batch of donuts myself. Delish!
CantStop, we look forward to the Chanukah wrecks that you will submit to the site for posting! ;)
I am so glad that Jen has a sense of humor. Though, I must admit that Sandra Lee can challenge anyone's good nature.
With all this talk about marshmallows, I had to throw in my vegan marshmallow expertise... Google "Dandies Marshmallows" and/or "Sweet and Sara" to find delicious hoof free marshmallows that taste A-MAZE-ING.
(Just please, please don't stuff them into cake holes. Even if it matches your decor...)
WHAT is going on with the first snowflake cake? The little things on the ends of the arms are cocked forward like... (grimaces in preparation for incurring Godwin's Law) swastika arms. Ewww...
I had seen the Kwaanza cake before but didn't realize she had a trifecta of decor-matching cakes (seriously?! who does that?!)
anyone else think that pic #4 looks like Moses with the 10 commandments...?
just sayin' ;P
Ulrike said...
'Gary said: "Here's my recipe for Beef Wellington:
"Buy some Beef Wellington. Put it on a plate. Serve.
"Can I have my own cooking show now?"
'No, Gary. You forgot the plastic beads.'
Darn! I guess I'm still not ready for prime time.
Say, you're not my friend Ulrike, from Kirchheim, are you?
Why is everyone hating on Sandra?? This is the holiday season of giving and she's given us a gift o laughter. And a drinking game. Every time she uses the word" grrrrreat" drink. Every time she uses a word that starts with "L", drink.
The great thing about that Sandra Lee video is that it distracts from all the offensive things you said! One long, non-PC post and I'm totally cracking up.
A face! Mary holding her baby? At 0:37, when the blue food coloring is mixed into the icing.
Clearly, a kosher cake.
I was sure "Sandra Lee" was from some comedy show, but noooooooo... she's real, and she actually has a show on the Food Network.
Ahhh, cable.
Makes me thankful that we watch t.v. with rabbit ears.
(My word verification for this post is "foigink." I think that describes Sandra Lee perfectly!)
So, was it Cake Wrecks or elsewhere they showed the Kwanzaa cake she made with corn nuts and called them acorns!!! Seriously, does she actually think corn nuts are nuts?!
I'm with whomever said this is humor disguised as serious cooking, kind of Andy Kaufman-esque -- is she TRYING to be funny? Or not?
In our home we celebrate Hanukkah AND Christmas (I'm trying to figure out how to celbrate Kwanza without getting funny looks,)yet you've taught me so much. Tonight we will wait for the Ghost of Chawnucahs with hopeful hearts. If I don't receive a Holy Jewish Dreamcatcher, I'll know that Santa is always good for a Blessed Christian Geegaw of some kind.
Amen
And happy Hanukkah!
Didn't Sandra Lee do another cake wreck way back in the early history of this blog? She must be the leader/queen of cake wrecks or at least running for the position.
The pain that this video inflicted was great.
Hakuna Matata what a wonderful...oh um..hehe THANKS ALOT!!!! lol
Sandra Lee, I am sorely disappointed in your 'cooking' skills. And Food Network? Shame on you for paying her!!!
Where is the bunker at ladies? I wanna join! I'll bring CHOCOLATE! =)