Botched Balloons
April 1, 2009 When it comes to cake decorating, you can't get any more basic than the balloon. One roundish blob of icing, a string, and voila! You're done! This staple of icing decor is so simple that even the most inexperienced of decorators couldn't possibly Wreck it up.
[pause]
BWAHAHAHAH! Hah, did you see what I did there? How I managed to keep a straight face? Hoo boy! [wiping eyes] Heehee!
Ok, seriously, let's count down the ways in which Wreckerators have managed to destroy the seemingly simple balloon, shall we?
1) Gravity Need Not Apply
I suppose you could say the writing is what's upside down, but even then those balloons look more like wrinkly piles of fresh paint than anything else. Yech.
2) Floaters, or Swimmers?
I see this problem a lot, and I don't think it's just 'cuz I have that V-day post on the brain.
It doesn't help when the "balloons" are swimming in a circle, either:
This balloon placement makes perfect sense...during tornado season.
This is no doubt a commentary on the vast, off-centered, blankness of life.4) Too big.
These behemoths are coming in for the kill with their teensy dagger strings.
Multicolored swirls look, at best, like lollipops. At worst, we're facing the Teletubby poo debacle all over again.
6) "You may use any icing color in the kitchen. EXCEPT THIS ONE."
Ooh, could those be a gaggle of failing organs*, or perhaps hacky sacks made from old pantyhose? Here's hoping!!
Janice L., Nezuko, Troy K., Helen D., Jessica G., & Bex, thanks for taking us up, up and away.
* Geese, organs - they're practically interchangeable, right?
Reader Comments (86)
On #1, the balloons on the right are clearly "lead balloons". ;)
Hacky sacks from old pantyhose....
LMAO!!!
Comment WIN!
OMG! I have got to stop reading this blog at work while eating my lunch--I almost needed a Heimlich from trying not to laugh out loud. #2 is definitely sperm, take it from someone who looks at them under a microscope for a living. And the last one--definitely testicles. What a disgusting color for a cake!
lol! i'm loving those tiny balloons
The tiny balloons are hilarious.
Mmmmboy! These certainly look tasty...to someone who loves V-Day cakes and "Prairie Oysters". (That's what the last cake looks like.)
nice blog, what about link exchange with my one?
let me know via comments or mail...
cheers
Balloons you say? I thought they were sperms. Seriously!
Are balloons really that confusing of a concept to grasp?
~Amy B.
My favorite of the bunch has to be the tiny balloons in the center of an otherwise plain white cake. Heh heh...it's funny!
Some of those balloons look like sperm!!!! ICK How hilarious!!!!
I'd swear that #4 is a Costco cake because that's exactly what my DS's cake looked like, & it was from Costco. And yes, the balloons are HUGE!
What cracked me up was, one kid at his party wanted one of those balloons & got mad that he didn't! Ewwwwww.
This is one of my favorite all-time posts (ok, maybe around my #4 pick). I laughed out loud at my desk. Who knew balloons could go so wrong?
I love how "Chris" has balloons on his 28th birthday cake.
I bet he loved it too. Happy Grownup Day Chris! Now blow out your candles and finish your jelly and ice cream!
HAHA! I love it!
I love, love, LOVE your blog. It make me laugh out loud, every day. Thanks!!
Your post reminded me of this Don Hertzfeldt cartoon- Billy's Balloon-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpc5vgi9zbM
"Too small"
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
*reads caption under pic"
haha ha ha ("self aware, stiffened laugh")
The tiny ones are kind of cool and give the impression of quiet solitude. (Said with a reasonably straight face.)
The last ones ... um ... Spauldings? No, I'll pass on that lump of icing, please. (It takes something seriously weird to make me want to pass on icing.)
I am reading this at work and seriously had to stifle my laughter at the tiny balloons!! I seriously love that cake.
Afterseeing some of those living dead wedding cakes the other day, where are the wedding cakes with balloons. Just because there might be a comment or two made about wedding night activities that shouldn't stop anyone in the name of good taste, right?
(recovering from a moment of sarcasm here)
Your comments on the cakes are funnier than the cakes themselves!
My sixteenth birthday cake (purchased by my mother without my input except regarding flavor) had sperm-balloons on it. Even worse, they were pink, blue, and purple. When I discovered this I had to exert every ounce of restraint I had to avoid cracking up in front of my mother, but once she left, ended up pointing it out discreetly to all my female friends - and much giggling ensued.
The color on that last cake...oh my what were they thinking. I don't even know how to describe it...lol.
Julie from
http://www.partiesandkids.com" REL="nofollow">PartiesAndKids.com
Oh sweet Jesus! The flesh-colored ballons are disgusting. They frightened me! Mommy, I'm scared!
The tiny balloons made me shoot milk out my nose. I laughed until I couldn't breathe!
Those are the most pitiful looking balloons I've ever seen... thank Goodness that brand new 5 yr old didn't know that those were sperm and not balloons on his cake.
have you ever been to the pioneer woman's blog? those blobby things on the last cake bear an enormous resemblance to the testicles that she hangs on her pesky brother-in-law's hat.
Oh man, I should have sent in my picture of balloon spermies that I recently took! LOL
So heinous but so funny!!
The "too small" one got me. So funny, those tiny tiny balloons in a sea of white. What was the decorator thinking?
The first cake has a beautifully realistic depiction of air-filled baloons left over from someone else's party. Poor Seth's birthday must be right after that of a younger sibling. I feel for him.
that's jacked up. i mean, seriously, who would be so stupid as to put upside-down, positively MINISCULE, or swimming balloons on a cake?
Looks like they are playing a game of "Musical Ovaries". When the musci stops, someone better jump in!
You should never use balloons on cakes. Balloons are evil.
So...I'm sorry to report that the ginormous balloons are actually a company standard of the good folks at Costco...You'll be hard-pressed to find any balloons that aren't family-value sized there....I guess it makes sense...