Wednesday
Dec102008
The Haunted Holidays
December 10, 2008 [creaking door] "Welcome, foolish mortals, to Santa's Playhouse! Mwu-ha-ha-haa!" [dog howls]
"Please, come into the firelight, won't you?"
"Our candles are made with only the most festive blood-red wax. It helps bring out the holiday spirits, you see." [wind blowing]
[water drips] "Don't mind the cobwebs; we find they give the Playhouse a homey feel."
"Now, I'm sure you're just dying to meet Santa, aren't you?" [heart beating] "Well, here he is! Ahahahaha!"
"Loook into my eeeeyes..."
[door slams] [running feet]
"Wait, where are you going, my friends? Don't you want your Polaroid? Only $12.99!!"
Beth A., Deanna T., and Bradley W., hurry baa-aaack. Hurry baa-aaack!
Reader Comments (138)
Aaaaaah! Are bakers still stuck in Halloween? What's with the spiral eyes?!?
The first cake??
My loony cake is fine Benny Lava!!!
Actually, I just couldn't pass up the verify word:
manduc
GREAT post. That Santa gave me the shivers right up my spine. Brrrrr. Creeeeepy.
I am dumbfounded by the cobweb holiday cake.
Brilliant. You made me lol.
Seriously, what is the blue thing on the side of the web cake. It looks like a blue Big Bird
I love your sense of humor! It's always a pleasure reading your hilarious blog!:)
I thought the first one was a dead chicken.
Love all the references to Haunted Mansion. The Ghost Host lines in the beginning were the best and fit perfectly!
uuummmmmm!!!!guau!!guau!!
Dear Lord, I might have nightmares from that Santa one.
My friend and I are getting a cake made for the end of the semester. It's going to say "No more Pre-cal!" in celebration of the schedule change. I'm secretly hoping it's a cake wreck. Cross your fingers...
My husband looked over at the "candle" cake and asked what was up with the severed limb spouting blood cake. LOL
Word verification: (Extremely appropriate I think:
SMESS!
That was a candle??
At first glance, I thought it was a melted Santa whose hat had static-electricity problems.
I take it y'all don't know the http://www.essortment.com/all/christmaslegend_rvao.htm" REL="nofollow">Legend of the Christmas Spider? This is the German version, but there's a fair number of Nordic and Germanic variations. I'm not saying that's what the cake was, but there is a Christmas spiderweb legend.alor
That is one scary Santa.
A candle? Seriously? I keep doing the head tilt trying to see it... yep, still not seeing it! Melanie
santa on crack comes to mind.
The Santa eyes would be bad enough if they were the white cream swirly caramels, but red?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAA....your blog makes me LOL for real, not that fake lol when people are all like "lol!!!" but they DIDN'T REALLY LAUGH OUT LOUD.
That just cannot be a Chanukah candle. I refuse to allow it! I choose to believe it is a decomposing Santa, stuck in the blue polar ice.
As for cake #2, there's a reason that the sign says "Happy Holidays." It's celebrating a combination of Halloween, a Hawaiian luau, and the winter solstice, all wrapped up in one nasty package.
word verification: "prouder"
(Ha! I got English!) I couldn't be any prouder of these bakers if I tried! True cakewreckers.
That is a candle- well, if you say so. I can't tell what the heck it is.
I do agree Santa looks psycho. Otherwise, I can't figure out how anyone can't tell the first one is a candle. Looks like a candle to me.
I... er... okay. This has to be the creepiest cake combo I've ever seen.
And I'm saying this as someone who made "Armageddon by Chocolate" cake which had a chocolate Stonehenge around the cake, Cthulhu-inspired tentacled monster on top, surrounded by chocolate chicks and sacrificial chocolate bunnies with (jelly) blood splatters all around.
this is my favorite CW post ever! i was totally imagining paul frees' voice just like in the haunted mansion.
Wow, you're awesome. That was a hilarious post. Great job on the creepy voice and the stage sounds in the background.
I'd hire you for a screen play :)
Ummm ... I don't think that's red wax. I think someone stabbed Santa with a candle!!!!! RUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!
That is some messed up... uh, stuff. Ahem.
Honestly, the first thing I thought of when I saw that "Santa" cake was the Kandyman from the Doctor Who episode 'The Happiness Patrol'. Creeped me the hell out, I tell you.
For visual confirmation, check out these:
http://www.doctorwhoworld.org.uk/kandyman.html
http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/classic/gallery/monsters2/happinesspatrol.shtml
Ok, the Santa Cupcake is just downright scary. And the other ones look way out of season. It's supposed to be about Christmas, not Halloween. Obviously, the cake decorators don't know what they are doing.
Wait... so you're saying that that thing is a candle?
... Really? Are we sure? Is it officially a candle or is that just the best possible guess?
...I seriously had no idea what it was when I first saw it. And it still doesn't look like a candle to me. It looks like a mauled and mangled snowman. If snowmen could bleed, that is.
And why does that "Happy Holidays" cake have both a snowman AND cobwebs?? (Or whatever) I mean, I don't think one cake can cover both October and December very well, but maybe that's just me.
OK 128 posts and nobody has mentioned that creepy little snowman in the lower left of the spiderwebbed cake. I know it's one of those plastic jobbers for people with no imagination, but with the cake behind it it just takes on Caspar overtones.
;^) Jan the Gryphon
aka Jan Combs at http://gryph-wotd.blogspot.com/
I'm not sure if it's okay to swear on here, so I'll just type: J**** C***** that f****ing Santa is scary!!!! Also, Jen, I love that you spoofed the Haunted Mansion in this post.
HAHAHAHAHA did i just walk into the christmas version of the haunted mansion @ disneyland?
my thoughts on this- looks like someone had leftover halloween cakes!
Also- that Santa scares the bejeebes out of me...
What the FLOCK is that top one even supposed to be??? a Candle?????
That santa is cracking me up!!
my friend recently introduced me to this site & it is hillarious!! everytime i think of that santa with the eyes, i laugh :)
bleeding candle = TAMPON!
That Candle looks more like some sort of snowman that got his head blown off and has TONS of blood gushing out. Creepy...