Great White Snark's Top 5 Awful Dalek Cakes
October 25, 2008 One of the few blogs I keep up with these days is Great White Snark, a geek entertainment blog. Since Mike of GWS seems to enjoy skewering sci-fi cake wrecks there from time to time, I invited him to share the snark with us over here on Wrecks. I also (rather selfishly) suggested he do a feature on Dalek cakes, since I was raised a proper Doctor Who fan and love to stay in touch with my geek roots. (If that last sentence made no sense to you, then you're just going to have to bear with the rest of us geeks for today's post. Sorry.)
Now, Mike doesn't usually concern himself with our "professional-only" rule, but for this feature he did obtain permissions from the bakers in question - just so you can have all the guilt-free chuckles you like. So, enjoy!
In cakery--as in many things--good intentions and earnestness can only get you so far. And then you need good looks. Right? Imagine a world where Ross Perot has his own reality dating show on Fox and then tell me I'm wrong.
So when I swing a callous word or ten at these cakes based on the, uh... "likeness" of Daleks (mechanical mutant aliens) from the BBC TV series Dr. Who, remember that I'm a shallow, shallow man fixated merely on appearances. My words do not reflect upon the care, goodwill, and love that went into these cakes.
(Although, for my money, "love" means giving someone at least a halfway-decent-looking cake. C'mon, people.)
For the record, this is what an actual, honest-to-goodness Dalek looks like, for you non-adherents of esoteric British sci-fi TV shows:
And now... won't you join me in my callousness? (Or in my shallowness. Reader's choice.)
5)
This bloated bastard is the Dalek cake that ate the Dalek cake that had been recently chastised by its doctor for its dangerously unhealthy weight gain.
4)
Kind of a sad little guy, isn't he? I look at this and think, "The perfect 40th birthday cake for the man who's given up on his dreams."
This started down the road for "Dalek cake," but took an unexpected detour at "Nah, let's just cover a banana with whipped cream and stick some chocolate balls on it, because I've got a wicked case of the munchies after that bong hit I just had."
I'm sad to report this Dalek looked perfectly respectable before an ugly incident with an angry, runaway microwave.
Is it just me, or does the top half of this "Dalek" remind you of the giant, asteroid-dwelling creature from The Empire Strikes Back that tried to eat the Millennium Falcon?
Bad space snake. Bad.
Find more awful geeky cakes (and awesome geeky cakes!) at Great White Snark.
Reader Comments (94)
the one with the chocolate balls hanging off of it looked as if it were attacked by giant mutant mosquitoes. totally unappetizing.
Um...on #5...are those cocktail weiners?
Yes?
Yeah, I thought so.
Hail, shallowness!! No wonder Daleks hate human!!
www.goinggreenaccidently.blogspot.com
Nr 1 is great :)
I've seen some pretty awful Dalek cakes before, but these infinitely outshine those on the wrecks-scale.
Thank you - Thank you - Thank you! When the world seems glum, I shall think of the Dalek cakes and all will be well!
Love your blog
IPA
Cake AND Doctor Who - talk about a dream date.
Surely a TARDIS cake would have been easier, except for what would have to be toxic amounts of blue food colouring.
And can I point out that no true Whovian geek/nerd (yep, that would be me) would ever, ever refer to the Doctor as "Dr". Almost as big a sacrilege as those cakes!
Someone please exterminate! these cakes. Seriously, those poor malformed Daleks. The Doctor should just put them out of their misery.
A few of these Dalek cakes sure look like they are on personal dishware. Are you sure they are Pro Bakery cakes?
These are so awful, they barely even resemble Daleks. Yet, upon seeing them, i have the sudden desire to make my own, proper dalek cake, one that even the Doctor would like, despite the fact that the sight of them evokes fear in his heart.
I remember coming across a clip of Blue Peter that showed how to make a dalek cake...Most of which probably ended up like this. It involved a couple of jelly rolls set on end, I think.
By the looks of it most of those Dalek-cake bakers followed the instructions on the BBC Blue Peter website and when you take that into consideration you have to admit they're pretty good.
I certainly followed those instructions but I'm not telling you which of those cakes I made.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/bluepeter/central/thingstodo/bakeit/dalekcake
ROFLOL
must destroy
must destroy
someone please please set the daleks after these cakes.
they are absolutely the worst representations of a dalek ever. a turd with chicken pox comes to mind when i looked at a few of them.
"I'm happy you're glad."
"I'm glad you're happy."
(shoutout to anonymous-@8:48) :)
Well, it was nice for the loved ones in question to *try* and please their Whovian family members....
Hilarious pics, though. Thanks, GWS!
for this feature he did obtain permissions from the bakers in question
Both Tom and Colin? I'm impressed.
This is foolish. The fact that anyone would want a dalek cake is sad enough. Would you expect it to look 'realistic?' That's like wanting a cake to realistically look like a worn out pair of shoes. What's the point?
i am somewhat embarrassed to admit that we had dalek cakes at our wedding. let me say, they were for the groom's cake, and they were just the toppers for cupcake tree. i think, considering how nerdy they are, they came out pretty well...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pyjammy/423543116
and three years later, they are STILL in our freezer, looking somewhat worse for wear...
Extermi-cake!
i never thought i'd feel bad for a dalek, until i saw them all sad and melty!
ps- thank you eli for your extermi-cake comment. it made my day!
No, that last Dalek wreck looks like an Ewok! XD
Never seen the Doctor, but my friend and her family love that show to death...=)
Wow - those cakes need to be exterminated...
seems like those cake makers totally gave up and threw something together...
i looked at these dalek cakes and i felt tears in my eyes. i've never felt so sad looking at a dessert before
Exterminate Exterminate! The idea is there with these cakes, but they are just not quite...right...
These cakes are HILARIOUS! However, isn't your mission to display professionally made cakes? I don't but the "professional" label for any of these cakes. I mean, we can see the emptied bowl of frosting emptied candy bag in that last pic! Since when do professional cakes get served on regular dinner plates?
If, however, you're now including all wrecky cakes, then great. It's still pretty darn funny :)
I love our site!
I love those poor little wretched cakes.....
oh wow, this was so funny. Here I am sitting here at work trying so hard not to laugh. There are small tears running out of my eyes and my stomach is vibrating. Oh man, those are some of the saddest cakes that I've ever seen.
um, even my two-year-old is at a loss for words... the last is a frog.. the others are not even cake apparently!
Yes, but what the heck is breakfast juice (#5)?
I'm going to have to go with Dalek 1 looks more like Mr. Hanky the christmas poo from South Park. Dalek 2 wasn't such a bad effort really. Still, not good looking cakes.
Ewwww! I hope they taste better than they look!
(I'm here via the doctorwho Livejournal community.)
Rose Cat
Me and my friends made a Dalek cake that I think tops that.
http://echidnite.deviantart.com/art/DALEK-CAKE-65501753
I am simultaneously proud/ashamed.
i'm crying with laughter.
funniest thing i've read online in months.
I looked at the birthday one and thought "Well, you know, for a 4-year old it's not too bad. It's colourful and recognisable and 4 year olds don't care that much." Then I saw that it was actually 40... Ouch.
Extermicake!!! Extermicake!!!
As a Dr. Who fan, these cakes were PAINFUL to look at! Awesome.
I have unlimited sympathy for anyone attempting a Dalek cake, having made one myself for my step-daughter's 8th birthday (http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=45439&id=701383066" REL="nofollow">pictures here). She seemed happy, if not massively impressed, but her big brother and one of our other friends (who is in his 30s) both made very impressed sounding noises!
The most astonishing thing I learned from this post is...You're a man??? I've been reading all the posts and thought you were female the whole time! Now I may have to re-read all the posts!
Oh good lord...
I must say, a Dalek cake has gotta be one of the hardest things to do (and yes, I too have made an attempt for a friend's birthday - pics at sugaryflower.blogspot.com if you're interested), but still...
Thank you so much CakeWrecks for making me laugh - again! Love the site...
My kids are recently indoctrinated Whovians, so I had to search this poct for them...had them on the florr.
Jenna
"We are the superior beings"
Obviously not...
EXTERMINATE the bakers!
My son would love the Dr. Who ones. I'll need to show him. xx
Quick, somebody get a sonic screwdriver and HELP those poor Daleks! Seriously, I think those would make even the Doctor burst into tears of pity.
Da-wrecks
The Doctor should just get on over here and KILL THESE THINGS WITH FIRE! Who even *wants* a Dalek cake? These are just depressing.