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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

It's Worse Than That, They're Dead, Jen

So Jen wants you to think our national parks are all fun and games and kayaking and snuggling baby otters and stuff. Well, we live in Florida, man! We have the Everglades where literally everything wants to kill and eat you. Or kill you and leave your body for something ELSE to eat you. But definitely with the killing thing.

What, you think I'm exaggerating?


That's right, a smashed cake alligator wants to kill you. It's serious down here, guys.


And then there's the snakes:

"Help meeeee!"

Which this baker has so helpfully illustrated mid-murder.


We've got poison toads:

"I want you to croak."


And snakes:



And giant angry spiders:

Who team up with killer bees...


Did I mention the snakes?



Not to mention the armies of squirrel-sized mosquitoes:

They're very friendly. No sense of personal space.





And panthers.


Because of course we have panthers. Why wouldn't we have panthers?! I mean, what would a swamp be without FRIGGIN PANTHERS?!?!?!

To sum up, if you come to one of Florida's many beautiful national parks, you're gonna die. Probably. Best not to chance it. Just go to Disney and marvel at the animatronic deer and bunnies, which are super lifelike this time of year.


This has been a public service announcement from Cheryl G., Kelly V., Tracey S., Anony M., Sarah G., Andrew W., Ashley M., Kelly R., & Gretchen T.


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And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Reader Comments (27)

What occasion calls for a snake eating a small animal motif?!

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMindy1

That poor little kitty was terrified!!! What'd you do? Offer him a souvenir??

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I remember when the baker said,
"Do you want a cake that'll knock 'em dead?"
And I said, "Yes, I do."
He said, "Make yourself right at home.
I'll show you things that have never been shown.
If you're game."
I said, "That's cool."

And so we took the stroll,
Along the displays he wanted to show.
And he said, "I can make these for you."
I freaked out when I saw the frog,
With one eye and as big as a dog.
And I stared at it.
And he said, "Will this one do?"
I said,

"I don't like spiders and snakes,
Especially when they're on cakes.
Baker, you are a fool.
I don't like spiders and snakes,
These are awful, for goodness sakes,
And I hate them and I hate you."

Well, I think about that baker from time to time,
As well as his creepy baked goods line.
I think, "Albino piranhas, they just ain't cool."
And I can still remember when,
I saw that gator and I said right then,
"You know, I'll stay out of the pool."

I still recall after so long a while,
Giant mosquitoes that carry West Nile,
That's the kind of thing I really fear.
I'm still on edge as you can guess,
That man eating panther, it causes me stress,
So from that bakery, I will steer clear
And I said

"I don't like spiders and snakes,
Especially when they're on cakes."
That baker, he was a fool.
I don't like spiders and snakes,
Those were awful, for goodness sakes,
I hate them, and that baker, too."

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMike

Not only a lion but a lion with a 70s porn-star mustache. Classy.

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterdutchgirl

That panther is obviously a LOT more frightened of them than they are of him.

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Fourth one is decently realistic except they forgot the fur on the rat. Seventh one has nice flowers.

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNorah

The first two snake cakes ( snake wrecks ? XD ) look - dare I say it ? - professionally made compared to the sloppy rest of the group . Disturbing and can frighten young children , yes , but still decent work done on those two .
Idk , I like them !

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterOnce a CRB

That poor little kitty was terrified!!! What'd you do? Offer him a souvenir??

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Is it just me or does the "panther" look like an over-fed Pomeranian?

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLisaP

We come in peace. Shoot to kill!

I'm pretty sure the biting flying insects in the Everglades think DEET is a seasoning.

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterCraig T

The scariest part was $46.99 for a funtastic albino piranha cake!

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJAS

Why does the "lion" look like Sonny Bono?

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAng

Florida: America's Australia!

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterHeatherS

Okay, I kind of like the snake-eating-a-mouse one. Surprisingly realistic.

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKai Lowell

Good going Mike, I see what you did there.
I kinda like the piranha. He looks very friendly. Er, except for the blood on his teeth...

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLoriZ

That snake looks like it vomited up white slime!

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterChris C.

"Funtastic piranha"

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJ'NaeNae

These may be cake wrecks but I know a few young boys who would LOVE them!

Evil me wants to bring the snake/rat cake to work...

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Do you also have mosquito-sized squirrels? That'd be right impressive.

April 23, 2018 | Unregistered Commenter3Davideo

That piranha cake looks like a giant black hole about to eat the customers face lol. How they come up with these I don't even want to know.

April 24, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

This post should have an anxiety trigger warning.

I'm going outside to breathe for a moment.

April 24, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterTintifee

To complete the “Hazards of Florida” set, you really needed to find a Ravenous Fire Ant cake. And yes, I am certain someone has made a Ravenous Fire Ant cake.

April 24, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterHolly Nelson

Snake wrecks...

April 24, 2018 | Unregistered Commentermarilyn

I LIKE the second cake. I know plenty of 11 year old boys who would love to have it as a birthday cake.

April 25, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterFordPrefect313

I lived in Fla for two years (WPB) and everything you say is true. How scary is that? Great comments. Loved Mike's poem.

April 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230


The people who work at that bakery and I have very different ideas of what qualifies as fun.

May 2, 2018 | Unregistered Commentersmerch

Come and live in Australia for a while, then we'll talk about wildlife.

May 20, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSacha

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