My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Creepy Clowns vs Creepy Boobs: We Report, YOU DECIDE

Fun Fact: I can't stand horror movies, but I love - LOOOOVE - creepy cakes.

I'm not talking intentionally creepy stuff, like zombies or gore or "Baby Bump" cakes - no, I mean the ones that a baker finished, looked at, and thought, "Yeah, that's pretty cute."

I'm told this is some kind of clown.

I'm also told that a Hitler joke here will "get us in so much trouble are you freaking kidding me babe NOOOO." So never mind.


Kids can be creepy enough* as it is, bakers, so please, STOP HELPING:

[*True Story: One time John and I were meeting with a fan at a busy restaurant, and the table next to us parked their stroller - which had a beautiful little boy in it - right across from me. The toddler had ice blue eyes and a slack, deadpan expression, and proceeded to stare at me. The entire. Time. Then John and the reader left to get drinks, leaving me alone with Baby Demon Eyes, and I kept trying not to notice, but every time I glanced over he was STILL STARING, like he was trying to mind-control me into stealing everyone's souls and/or chocolate, and his parents were totally oblivious, and I started to freak out, and long story short, I only have a few dozen more hours of community service to go.]


Animal Safari Cake Claims Latest Victim:

Quick! Somebody throw the baby a rope! Unless he won't stop staring at you!


Speaking of staring:

Dang, Woody. You creepy.


But even that plastic menace is about to be eclipsed by the funky cake bazoongas of one not-quite-life-sized Dolly Parton cake:

I worry about her structural integrity, you guys. Like, she could topple over any second and smother you with her cakey fun bags. Which I guess is kind of like real life? Only more awkward, because in real life you probably wouldn't ever have to lick off Dolly Parton's boob smears, and wow did that go somewhere I didn't want to go fast.

[side eye]

[awkwardly sidles out of the room]


Thanks to Nisha T., Niki R., Paula, Tenley H., & Summer S., who agree we should all stop thinking about licking Dolly Parton's boobs now. Stop it. Stop it. STOP IT.


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Reader Comments (26)

OHhhh...I REMEMBER these. .. .. It hasn't been NEARLY long enough.....(Woody is back on the stuff, I see. ....sigh.)

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Of course Woody looks creepy. He's sitting there about to burn to death in a forest fire. Why is he just sitting there with flames all around him??

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Wait... I don't "get" that second cake! Is it the story, where the woman gets pregnant, then gets engaged or married and has the baby? Is it a marriage proposal? That is a diamond ring right? On a fist, or an animal paw? What does that mean, and why does poor Issac have a pregnant woman and a ring on a fist on HIS birthday cake?

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

So on that "Isaac" cake, what is the middle figure supposed to be? It looks to me like an engagement ring on either a foot or a fist. Are they trying to shame the mother for not marrying until after she was pregnant, or maybe she's still only engaged? Or is this cake to celebrate Isaac's 1st birthday AND mom's engagement? Inquiring/confused minds want to know.

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

What is the ring image on the second cake supposed to be?? (Between the pregnant woman and the baby)

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

On Isaac’s birthday cake, I get that the first picture depicts (sort of) his mom pre-birth and the third picture is him (sort of) post-birth, but WTF is the middle one? Mom at the baby shower trying to balance a ring on her foot? (Is that a thing—I’m not up on baby shower games.) Anybody see something I don’t?

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I'm guessing the middle image is the traditional newborn photography thing where they put the parents' wedding bands on the baby's hand or foot to show how tiny s/he is.

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterrushingtoread

Cakey fun bags 😂😂😂

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLucy Lou

We are debating WTH that second thing on the birthday cake is in the FB comments as well. Maybe a ratlle?

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterTerey

I saw that glorious Dolly Parton cake in person and it was every bit as weird, creepy, and unbalanced as you’re imagining!!!

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterDeb

I was thinking that ring thing was a teething ring???

but that first cake is definitely Herr Hitler. I don't care what anyone else tries to tell you.

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAddie

The first one is obvious...a cheap, canned ham with (for some reason, maybe it was hamming things up) electrical tape over the mouth. The second one is a mash-up of Gollum being born. His deformed hand holding the One Ring, his deformed, evil face. The staring blue eyes. And his poor mother, who lost both of her sons to misadventure. How sad!

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterChenaya I really need to know the backstory to these cakes, but at the same time I don't want to know. D:

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Is little Isaac's middle name "Shotgun"?

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLauraF

OMG. I totally want to nickname someone in my life "Cakey Funbags" now....

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMarshallPGH

Cakey Funbags!!!! Isn't that the porn star that . . . never mind. I think that was Dusty Muffins (which happened when I made blueberry muffins right before they came to fix my kitchen wall).

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterFM

I can hear Woody singing in his best Johnny Cash voice, "I fell into a burnin' ring of fire!"

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterBill C

I'm going to try to use "boob smears" in at least one conversation this week.

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterDances With Lasagna

Do NOT throw the giant baby head a rope! It's bigger than a giraffe! Making the entire baby Godzilla sized! No! Save us all from giant babies!

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterpat gann

It's not just Dolly:

January 26, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNM Photog

That first cake looks like a very angry potato to me lol. As for Isaac looks like the baby is holding an engagement ring that or is about to eat the thing I cannot tell which.

January 27, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Is the shrubbery around Woody on fire? If so, why is it on fire?

January 27, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

That first wreck looks as if somebody tried to make Hitler on a Mr. Potato Head. I suppose you could say he was some sort of clown . . .

January 27, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

The first cake looks like Hitler in a too tight bathing cap.

January 27, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterBryni Eisengurt

#3 Not only was little Aiden traumatized by the first Jumanji movie, the kid got to relive the horror by cake. On the plus side, the cake baby may be riding a giant carrot.

January 27, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAl the K

Of course Woody looks creepy - he's a wooden doll committing suicide by flaming cake!

January 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterFrosting First

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