My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

10 Hilariously Inappropriate Baby Shower Cakes

Let's be honest, ladies: baby showers tend to turn us into cooing idiots. Suddenly EVERYTHING is "precious," and we find ourselves oohing and aahing over things like diaper cakes (two words that should NEVER be used together, btw) and nightmare-inducing sonogram pictures that by rights should have us calling for an old priest and a young priest.

Not everyone has succumbed to the cute mandate, though; some fight back with the most graphic, crass, and undeniably hilarious shower cakes this side of the "Here I Come!" C-section cake.


  Now there's a fresh slice of reality for you: Even the tiny elf baby has soiled himself.


I'm the kind of person who gets way too distracted wondering if this was actually news to the person who got the cake - and if so, HOW. Seriously, think about it. 

Ok, you can stop thinking about it now.

 No, really. Stop. We have more cakes to look at!


Tired of all the cutesy euphemisms for birth? Then let's get physiological, baby!

 Say what you want, but this is STILL less icky than a torso cake.


Speaking of which, nothing screams "snack time" like a naked woman mid-birth, amirite?

I still feel partially responsible for these things; I posted The First Censored Cake Wreck a few years back, and then, bam! Suddenly these "push" cakes are EVERYWHERE.


And as if that's not bad enough, this baker decided I just don't have enough trauma associated with beloved childhood characters:


I've never once wondered what a blow-up doll giving birth would look like, but now I know anyway. THANKS, BAKER. (I also started to wonder what kind of obscene Suessian rhymes she would spout out, and things quickly went from "disturbing" to "I WILL NEVER LEAVE THERAPY.")

 Maybe we should just go back to sperm cakes.

 But supposing you want a sperm cake that's also adorable? What then?

Admit it: at first you were all, "Whatever, Jen, you're just messing with us." But then you were all, "Omigosh that is totally an adorable sperm cake." Right? Right?


And if you'd like some cupcakes to go with the adorable bow-tied sperm cake:

Oops. Ok, now we're back to creepy.


That was a good run, though. Yep. Remember that cute sperm cake? Yeah. Good times.

 Hey, ever wonder what the most intensely awkward inscription for a baby shower cake could be? Yes? (Me, too!!)



No, please, DO GO ON.

I desperately want this to be Part One of the shower desserts, you guys. And then this would be Part Two:


 [Psycho Shower Music]


Sorry, sorry; I'm just imagining your reaction over here, and it. is. priceless. Did you notice the chocolate sprinkles up there? Did you?


I can't just leave you with that image, though, so allow me to present what I think should immediately become the new gold standard in baby shower congratulations:

 And I thought "handmade" was impressive.

Thanks to Maggie S., Jennifer A., Robyn H., Sara R., Katie S., Anony M., Deborah C., Cindy R., Libbie A., & Rachel C. for the inspiration. Assuming you never want to host a baby shower again, of course.


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

« Brides Tell All! | Main | Syfy Sacrilege »

Reader Comments (20)

That last one - a Sheldon Cooper quote?

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Just when I thought I couldn't laugh harder...

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSusanD

1) This cake is really crappy. In fact, it's returded. I guess the first cake was a flop and this is cake #2. It leaves me feeling down in the dumps. I know I'm all pooped out after seeing this one.
2) I don't know what you were thinking, Jen, but this is obviously a British cake and it was just a note to let the person know that they'd received a call on the phone.
3) This looks like an army of ghosts attacking a horrible, one-eyed monster. What do you see?
4) And to think that I saw women as the fairer sex that would never do something rude, crude and socially unacceptable. I've been proven wrong. This is the equality you wanted with the guys?
5) We looked, and we saw him come out with a splat.
We looked, and we saw him, his name, is it Matt?
"This place I just left, it was wet and was runny.
For the next 20 years, I'll cost you lots of money."
(With apologies to Dr. Seuss)
6) & 7) White sperm and black sperm. It's good to see that Cake Wrecks isn't bigoted, but believes in racial equality.
8) This cake makes me chuckle. Whenever our kids said "Eww!" when they saw my wife and I kiss, we always asked, "How do you think you got here? Osmosis?"
9) Let me bring you down, cause I'm showing you Strawberry (SQUEAL!)
Tell yourself it's not real. It's something that will gross you out.
(Apologies to John Lennon)
10) Was there any other way to do it? I thought the Lord was the only one to do it another way, you know, with dust and a rib.

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMike

The congrats-on-making-a-baby-with-your-genitals reminds me of the Dave Barry book about "How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home"!

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAva

How simplistic! How ....kindergarten!!
These have to have been a class for men........the wimps.
I feel the worst for the poor Cat in the Hat....his pitiful expression speaks volumes ....
"Do I HAVE to look at that?
Can't I put it where I sat?
I do not want a jelly head!
I only want to go to bed!!"

Wahh!' *gulp*...((choke))...!

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That head cake, WTF were they thinking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I actually like the cute sperm cake :D

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

OMG when will I learn not to look at this site while eating AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGG!

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAFJ

The physiological sperm have eyes. LOL

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterknittedbooties

Is #6 the sperm of Casper the Friendly Ghost?

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKathy J

"It all started with a kiss" is just giving me flashbacks to "Mr. Brightside" - it started out with a kiss / how did it end up like this / it was only a kiss / it was only a kiss" XD

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLM

Im just gonna go look at the bow tied sperm cake and cupcakes.. They're cute, and well done.

Nothing else on the page, nope, theres nothing else on this page.

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMoonflwr912

Oh my God....

I weep for humanity.

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNutmeg


January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

When I was a kid, one of the worst insults you could hurl at someone was: "YOU WERE A BUTT-HOLE BABY!"

Just an observation. I don't know *why* I thought of that just now...

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterHairfish

to me the Cat in the Hat cake looks as if the Mom to be wanted a Cat in the Hat themed shower to go with her CiaH nursery.... BUT the person throwing the shower really really wanted the push they compromised.

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

So I'm wondering who the hell
thinks this crap up and what is your mom, grandma, aunts and so forth reaction when they see these on the table.....hopefully they don't have to call 911 when granny keels over...

January 23, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterColleen Charles

Oh that first one is so gross who would even go near it? Lol I cannot believe they put an actual diaper on the cake I think my instinct to run away kicked in after seeing that and the head cake.. bleh.

January 24, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Mike, British people might say 'he knocked me up' to mean 'he banged on my door to wake me' (though probably not, because we all know American these days). There's no way 'you're knocked up' could ever be used in this sense.
When someone writes 'You're engaged!' on a cake, we don't expect this will be a surprise to the happy couple. The main problem with this cake is that it's terrible! It would still be a wreck whatever it said.

January 24, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

I'm British and would use "knocked up" in the "banged on my door to wake me" as well as "I am with child." "Banged up", however, would mean one was in jail."Banged " could still be used as the method of knocking up, but it's not as commonly used here, though we still would understand the usage,

But history never answered my question - who woke up the knocker-up in the morning?

January 24, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

"Baby Gentri..." And now all I can think of is Beth Orton's song "Bobby Gentry," with its chorus of "I'll keep pushing it..."


Thanks, Cake Wrecks. o_0

January 27, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterms_xeno

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>