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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Somewhere In Germany...

"Tyler! Stop hitting your sister. Oh, look, hun! A bakery with an outdoor cafe! Let's stop in and get a treat for the kids. Whaddya say, Madison? Sound good?

"Oooh, wow, it all looks good! So hard to decide. Well, I think I'll get a couple of the chocolate donuts for the kids... Oh! And I'll have some of that cherry cheesecake. Yummy... hm? What's that, hun? Oh, ok. ...And my wife would like a big ol' slice of the dong cake, please!"


"Tyler! Get your face off the glass!"

Ah, Europe! You're so... European.


Thanks to Andrea G. (And yes, the smiley face really did have to be that big.)


Originally I told you guys to just e-mail me if you wanted to see the uncensored cake, and then I'd have John e-mail it to you individually. Hundreds and hundreds (and hundreds) of e-mailed dong cakes later, and John's thrown in the towel. So here. The uncensored dong cake. Enjoy. You dirty, dirty cake lovers, you. (We should do lunch!)


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« The Far Side Of The Bakery | Main | Here Comes The Snide »

Reader Comments (60)

The uncensored version is definitely, um, impressive.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTara

Oh my!!

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

1. They had THAT in the case, but the female one was clothed???
2. re- the uncensored version... that's actually not a bad likeness.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterIrene


August 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterdeb

Uhhh o....k O_o

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Hostess Ding-Dongs just can't compete.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Well, that is certainly ONE way to guarantee people will at the very least stop and look at your displays. I'm sure when Europeans visit the states they're probably wondering "Where are the nude body part cakes? These people are just way too modest" :)

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBossyHeifer

@Tara...Really? "It" looked very realistic to me. Just normal...if that can be said about that part of a man's anatomy.
I wonder what other gals think...

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin I wonder what series of events led to that ....display?

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHeather A

That's way worse than I could have imagined! I appreciate the link, rather than having it Right.There.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Why does the lady cake have her lady bits in a g-string? That baker might need to give equal time to their anatomy modeling.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaura

I really shouldn't have been surprised, really...I do remember seeing some rather incredible things made of chocolate while in Brugge a few years back. Really I shouldn't have been surprised, Europe and all, but still that is well, a surprise.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterkjill

Do I even want to know what was used for the hair in the uncensored version? I'm gonna assume it's cocoa-powdered shredded coconut. Yep. That way I can sleep tonight.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I doubt that you can get that one by the slice, I think one must enjoy the whole thing.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

Well,thank you, ever SO MUCH.....
....cream filled, I assume?
=^-.~^= (from Winken, Blinken, and Awed..)

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Uh, ur, are you gonna eat that??

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermarilyn

Oh wow. Just wow.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDee Dee

Calls to mind an old Simpsons episode.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKFH

Love how it is just peaking over the leg at the lady bits next to it as if it is waiting to be acknowledged.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPaola

Actually, the Hostess Ding Dong comment got me thinking. That would be a clever joke cake to use that mold and just stick a Hostess Ding Dong down there, lol.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMark

Surely I'm not the only one who thinks the uncensored one is unfinished. I mean, if you're going to go for it, don't leave any bits off.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPatty

That's the cake for me on my birthday today! Where can I pick it up?

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJen

drops mic. i am literally speechless.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

WOW! Do you bite in to it, or just lick off the frosting?

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

A reader asked for lady-opinions on the uncensored version... It's only impressive if he's a "grower".

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDani

Not going to address @BettyMartin 's opinion as to realistic size, but aside from that it is pretty authentic looking. Except for one thing. To me it appears the penis is coming out from *under* the testicles. It looks like it's wearing them as a hat. Maybe European men are constructed a bit differently?

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShkuz

That would kinda be evilly fun to slice into that uncensored one with a big ole knife. Might be too freaked to eat it though. 😜

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPenny

Is it CREAM filled????!

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJ'NaeNae


August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJules

It's the Penis de Milo! Ba-dum-bum!

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAmyB

@Jodi looks like a crushed up chocolate bar called a flake to me... Well atleast that's what most "batchelorette" cakes I've seen have used ... Unfortunately.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSugarRush

Germans are weird.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine

Read this while eating a frozen popsicle then howled with laughter at the irony...

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

As a European here (well a Brit, anyway) who has visited a number of German and Austrian cake/coffee shops, I have, thankfully, never yet seen any cakes of that type on display. I certainly wouldn't consider it to be a common sight. I don't think Europe is that liberal. However there is the PJ's chocolate factory just on the Belgian side of the border near to Dunkirk and Calais, which has an adult chocolate items section. Even though that section is hidden from childrens' view, they somehow always seem to leave the breast moulds on display in the workshop which you can see into.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterThe baking chemist

Kjill - Brugge [Bruges, Belgium] still has shops that display anatomical chocolates in the front windows. I had no desire to buy them. Some things just shouldn't be done in chocolate unless it is a special commission, IMHO.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

Oh. MY. Goodness!

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne Eye catching? Yes. Appetizing? No.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBlubonnet

What's even weirder is that it's no longer intact. Seems odd for Europe...

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLydia

@Dani: Upon reading your comment, I immediately heard Robin Williams (God, I miss him!) as Fender in "Robots" (a quite funny movie if you've never seen it) saying, "One's for blowing and one's for SHOWING." (He was specifically referring to noses, but everyone got it...ahem.)

And I would say this puts a whole new perspective on the term "eating *bleep*" Again ahem.

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

That cake is rather well endowed and disturbingly anatomical!

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Penis de Milo? I'm dying here, AmyB!

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterpat gann

OH MY GOD!!! That is awesome. And impressive. Wonder who modelled for the baker?

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSmothermother

My husband wants to know if it's a "wang" or a canolli! LOL

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDarnie

That cake looks familiar-I think I dated him once

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLiese

Was Lorena Bobbett visiting Germany, and in the mood for cake?

August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRepubAnon

That's so funny because most of the time we're laughing at unintentionally suggested dong!

August 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

Oh man I peeked. Now I wish I hadn't lol. Thank goodness hubby was out of the room but the choking on water sure caught his attention. Cannot stop laughing.

August 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Fair is fair--if he's bare, she should be too. Appreciated the (very good) laugh.

August 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLorraine

Hi Jen,

Long time lurker, first time poster. Thanks for Cakewrecks! I love it. Now, about today's post...

My 8.5 year old laptop is on the way out and it tends to do this thing where ~10 minutes after you boot up the whole system freezes for a good 4-5 minutes then resume as normal. It's not a lot of fun, but I'm used to this. However, I did not time things right when I had a look at today's post. Of course my curiosity got the better of me and I had to see the uncensored version of the cake (it was worth the look!) when my laptop suddenly froze.

On the open dong cake page.

And then my mother walked into the room.

So yeah, thank you for the dong cake and for one incredibly awkward conversation. Keep up the great work!


August 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKayla

Huh. Not sure if I'm impressed, hungry, or...who am I kidding!
Hand me the knife, Lorena! I'm gonna bob-it!

August 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRuthie

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