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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

On Your Mark, Get Set, WRECK!

John and I've been binge-watching The Great British Baking Show over on Netflix, and last night's episode had the contestants making Lady Fingers to wrap around whatever obscure, unpronounceable European pastry concoction I'm half-convinced they make up each week just to make us Americans feel clueless.

ANYHOO, so imagine my delight when I sit down to this week's submissions to find a different sort of Lady Finger wrapping a cake.

And by "different" I mean it's less like a Lady Finger and more like a Dude Dangle-Dongle, IF you catch my gratuitous drift and elbow-nudging.

Go on, tell me that's not intentional.

Drat, where are Mel and Sue with a good pastry pun when you need them?


Thanks to Teril for the excellent example of that German classic, Schlängehosendinkenküchen.


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Reader Comments (33)

I've never seen a finer example of a cakey dude's dangle- dongle!!! I'm so glad I wasn't eating or drinking when I read this!!!
ROTFLMAO, as always.


March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaryo1230

*Insert pastry is hard to do joke*

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMindy1

How oft when thou, my music, music play'st,
Upon that blessed wood whose motion sounds
With thy sweet fingers when thou gently sway'st
The wiry concord that mine ear confounds,

Wm. Shakespeare Sonnet CXXVIII

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I've been watching The Great British Baking Show too! When I read your title that's immediately what I thought of. I love that show!

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

"TennnnnnHUT!!! Look SHARP, TROOPS! IF you can't look sharp, at least try to look stiff!"
(Whispering:"Man! They don't call that "SHORTBREAD" for nothing!")

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I've been watching, too! Was I the only one who didn't think those 'nuns' looked like nuns? (I couldn't pronounce the name, either!)

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

I'm beginning to wonder why they don't hold a baking competition year-round now. Food Network just got done with the Kids Baking Competition, & have been advertising the Spring Baking Competition. I know there's also the Holiday Baking Competition, the Fall Baking Competition, & the regular adults Baking Competition. Now you tell me about The Great British Baking Show, which I had forgotten about. At what point does it become absurd & they consolidate the baking competitions?

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

To me, they look like pilgrims in cloaks clustered round a shrine of berries. Do you think that your tendency to see any roughly cylindrical object as a penis and every splurge of chocolate icing as faeces might be getting a shade out of hand?

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTachybaptus

Love "The Great British Baking Show"! It is so, um, British. And so much better than all the Food Network food competition shows. Much more civilized.

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

I'm British and to be honest we think most of the pastries on the bake off are made up too! ­čśÇ

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHansy1612


March 7, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermsally99

Also binge-watching The Great British Baking Show!!!

Alright bakers, time is up. And so are your eager little creations!

And on next week's show, spotted dick (it's a real thing--look it up! Er, maybe don't though. Just in case)

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMel B

Tachybaptus, no it isn't getting a shade out of hand. In fact it's probably in her hand! Anywho, my suggestion is if you don't like her descriptions don't read them. I mean she, or Jon, usually give a warning first.

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

This cake really rises to any occasion......

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Have they renamed it for the US? It's called The Great British Bake Off.
It's like Harry Potter all over again. *insert pun about wands that I'm too tired to think of*

[Editor's note- It turns out that Pillsbury own the American copyright to the phrase Bake Off. So to air it on PBS, they had to change it to Baking Show. Stupid, I know... -john]

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMe

Im looking kind of cross eyed at these cockeyed concocktions....

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMoonflwr912

Maybe it's sublingual advertising?

(Yes, I said sublingual, not subliminal.)

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJules

Um, I was just going to mention that today is my dad's 66th birthday and how the cake mom baked for him wasn't as fancy as The Sunday Sweets but it was made with a lot of love... but now I feel too dirty to do anything but jump in the shower. Bye!

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLora

I've been binge watching it too! Now I'm imagining the commentary from the peanut gallery (ie. Mel and Sue)...

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

It's completely ironic.. but I'm sitting here binge watching The Great British Baking show.. and decided to drop in on Cake Wrecks. I finished season 3 this weekend and decided to go back and watch season two. I'm halfway done....

Great minds!

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKatie Kelly

Watching Season 3 formthe second time -- on the finale! I LOVE this show!

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Any other non-German-scholars wondering about that German at the end of the post? Because Google Translate tells me that crazy-long word means "shed" and now I'm more confused than before I looked it up.

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKay S

My 4 years of high school German couldn't figure out anything other than the "kuchen" part, so I went to Google Translate. I also got "sheds". So I figured it must be too much of a compound word and started inserting spaces. The results were possibly even funnier than the cake.

"Schl├Ąngehosendinken k├╝chen" resulted in "swimming pools".
"Schl├Ąngehosen dinken k├╝chen" became "pants slippers".
"Schl├Ąnge hosen dinken k├╝chen" is apparently "wallets for women".
It asked if I meant "Schlange hosen dinken k├╝chen", so I said OK. It replied with "Snakeskin throat kitchens".

I finally got it to understand "cake" when I plugged in "kuchen" without the umlaut. I love the internets. :-)

March 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMsMayhem

Oh how can the wreckerators not know what they are doing when these are made? I can't stop laughing and coughing all at once. Darn colds and wreckrators for making me laugh so much lol.

March 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Bwaaaahaaahaaaahaaa!!! It's not really German at all is it?

March 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSara Grace

Love the show. But what would Paul and Mary say about the dangle-dongles?

March 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

The word you want is Schwanzkuchen. No need to muck it up with nonsense words.

March 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

Okay I'm from Austria and so I think I can say that I do speak German ;) but I don't have the slightest idea what Schl├Ąngehosendinkenk├╝chen is supposed to be. "Hosen" are pants, "K├╝chen" are kitchens, but without the umlaut it could be cakes just like MsMayhem said. "dinken" is not a word, and "schl├Ąnge" isn't a word either, although there are "Schlange"(snake), or "Schl├Ąge" (strokes, beats, whams), or "schl├Ąngeln" (to wind, meander).

March 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDarklittle

I love The Great British Baking Show! I was so upset when they took it off Netflix a few months ago. I actually sent them a request to bring it back, and they did...THREE WHOLE SEASONS OF IT. I just watched the lady finger episode last night.

March 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I'm assuming you mean "trouser snakes" rather than "snake pants" which is Google Translate's best guess when I separate the compound words)?

March 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNonie

Word of the day: Wangtastic.

March 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKismet

If you dig on the hilarious Sue Perkins as much as I do, and have any kind of interest in British or French history, you MUST check out "The Supersizers Go...", a series from the BBC she did with food critic/historian Giles Coren. Each episode not only details the foods of a specific era, prepared by experts from actual historic recipes, but features Sue and Giles dressing and living appropriately. Learn history while you laugh yourself goofy watching their faces when they taste something dreadful! The snark is SO witty, and the costumes are fabulous-- a must-see!



March 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterStorm


April 2, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

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