My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Completely Inappropriate First Birthday Cakes

I'm pretty sure most one-year-olds will never remember their first birthday cakes, which is why I'm here to provide an invaluable service: reminding little E.J. that her (yes, her) parents got her this:

Any guesses on what EJ will be getting for her 12th birthday?


Correct me if I'm wrong, parents, but I think age one is a little young for boys to be discovering their bananas, IF you know what I mean.

And if you don't, just look at this:

Don't worry, George, all monkeys get curious eventually.


Things I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Like:
- Cheerful colors
- Cute animals
- Putting things in their mouths
- Pooping

Thing I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Do NOT Like:
- Guys with guns
- Who are shooting cute animals


This next one isn't a first birthday cake; it's a christening cake. So little John was, what? A couple of days old maybe? Right. SOMEONE GET THAT KID A GUINNESS.

Honestly I don't know what all is happening here, or what in that mess is considered edible. And I think I spied a tiny plastic poodle in a Santa hat in front of that tree stump with a face before my brain broke.


John: [seeing cake] "What is THAT? Hahaha! He must be Irish, huh?"
Me: "What?! That is a terrible stereotype! How dare you!"
John: "There's a pot of gold and a shamrock."
Me: [looking] "Oh. Right. Ok, maybe they're Irish.")


"But you look good for your age, Levi. Really. And hey, one is the new six months! I read it in Vogue!"


Something here just doesn't add up.


And finally...

Please let his last name be Johnson. Please let his last name be Johnson. PleaselethislastnamebeJohnson.


Thanks to Anita T., Amy N., Jill B., Amber, D'arcy, Vinny A., & Melissa M. for the memorable first impressions.


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (27)

There's something laying passed out drunk behind the stump in the close-up of the "Irish" cake. Perhaps for the child's first birthday, someone should get him a life-time membership to AA.

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Little boy babies find their "bananas" long before their first birthdays....

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

By now I bet someone else will have pointed it out in the comments, but the christening cake is dated March 17: St. Patrick's Day. That (potentially among other things) would explain all of the Irish touches.

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHirayuki

The sad part is the drunk baby cake is well done, it's just a cake that makes you go WTF?

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMindy1

The best part of Cake Wrecks is listening to The Squire have fist-thumping hysterics over the cakes. Keep up the good work!

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

His last name could be Dick. Or Cox.

I don't consider the cute monkey all that wrecky, except that he looks a little old to be utterly baffled by a banana.

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Wow. There are no words...except...

Young ones cakes aren't meant
to be borderline vulgar
what WERE they thinking?

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBossyHeifer

More proof that we, as a nation, are doomed.

Re: The "Happy 1st Birthday Ricnic" cake that's shaped like a 2. Perhaps the baker was hoping to congratulate Ricnic on completing his (her?) first year and entering his (her) second. It's a very positive message, especially when you compare it to poor old Levi's cake. You go Ricnic!

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I remember that Over the Hill cake, when we all wrote Odes to the Rogue Blue Dot. I do not, however, remember the Ode that I wrote. That's probably a good thing.

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

It used to be considered perfectly acceptable to put Guinness in the baby's bottle to help them sleep ( it certainly explains a lot about my father)

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

At first I didn't get what was wrong with the '2' cake. Then I remembered the title is 'baby's first cakes' oops.

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNathan R.

I agree with Allison... Little boys have discovered their bananas long before their first birthday, that monkey one is quite appropriate.

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Please tell us what E.J.'S parents asked for that resulted in this kind of decoration. It would probably be a public service for parents of small children to know what not to say when ordering cakes.

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJ

I love that SJ's parents are promoting literacy amongst the one year old set. Imagine if I had the benefit of a subscription to Field and Stream at that age. No telling where I would be in life today.

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

Hooters? Really?

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNeeta

:D I laughed so hard at this. You & John just Wreck me every time.
<3 Johnson!!! :D

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDeb in atlanta

I'm howling at these Wrecks.... so lucky the honoree is too young to get "it"...whatever "it" is.... At this point, I'm not sure even the parents know!

Again, I'm w/ SuBee here... THIS is the future of our country! :;-P

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

Do SJ's parents plan to give all their kids the same name? It reads, "Happy Birthday 1st SJ" . . .

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Hi Jen and John. I don't know if you've been hacked but there was an extremely NSFW pop up coming here via Facebook. I wonder if Curious George was behind it?

[Editor's note- That's weird. Yours is the only report we've had. Would you email me at and give me as many details as you can? I would really appreciate it. -john (thoJ)]

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSam

I see the poodle /Santa hat, too, now. Yay, we all win and can all go home to reminisce about a hunter shooting Bullwinkle on a kid's second first birthday, or vice versa, and call it a day, see see see?

=^c.c^= see?

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Shirley - I'm glad I'm not the only one to spot the dead leprechaun behind the tree stump.

March 22, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKismet

It's a shame poor Ricnic wasn't 2. For a CCC (patooie), it was tolerable.

March 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Well, I guess babies like boobs. It's just that their motivation for liking them, probably is quite different to that of the usual Hooters crowd.

March 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDavid

I think it is Richie entering his second year....

March 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

Actually, my toddler boy definitely started discovering his banana before age 1. But that doesn't mean the cake needs to give that away...

March 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Oh man the laughter right now. The Hooters cake now that is hilarious but well done. It does look like an owl at any rate. Too bad that is for a first birthday lol. Also the Irish cake there looks like a dead or drunk leprechaun behind the tree stump lol. Just why..??

March 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

I had to laugh at the Peter cake. We have a friend and yes, his name is Pete Johnson. Until I read this post, it never clicked.

April 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJacki

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