My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Sweet Dreams

As someone who's battled insomnia for most of my adult life, I know just how valuable a soothing bedtime story can be. So, my fellow sleepless-in-wherevers, this one's for you.

[hem ahem hem]


Once upon a time...

there was a baby who was very sleepy.


The baby's undead friends, however, kept asking:

Yes, throughout the long nights, the baby's best buds howled and screamed and demanded that he stay awake, and play!

One day the baby thought, Maybe if I disguise myself as a ladybug and hide in the forest, my friends won't be able to find me to ask me to play!


And so, chopping off his own arms and legs, he did.


But, alas! His buggy disguise soon attracted a sticky swarm of monster ladybugs.

They crawled in his hair and tickled his ears and the baby forgot about sleep for another night.


Maybe, the baby thought next, if I cover myself with a big blanket, I won't hear my friends calling me!

And so, plugging his little ears, he did.


But, alas! His friend Mr. Bubbles had a very loud and squeaky nose:

Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy.


I know! The baby thought at last. I'll hide in this cake! Then I can nap as long as I want.

And so, burrowing into the soft spongy layers, he did.

But, alas! The cake was Mr. Monkey's birthday cake.


***The End***


Now, who wants seconds?

(By the fabulous Leigh Henderson)



Amanda K., Alice N., Mary, Katherine L., Amanda H., Sydney F., Sarah V., & Eden C., sleep tight.


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Reader Comments (19)

I feel like there should be a full disclosure warning before that first cake. And maybe before the sadistic monkey too. Time to schedule some therapy!

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

!! That monkey is one honkin' hairball of a horror show!
....Hmmm....might that "fur" be chocolate coconut shreds??

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

OMG those cakes...I will be seeing them in my nightmares :O :O

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermindy1


December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBiffster

The monkey's already called "dibs", see? Hand/paw up? Clear sign to move along.....
Just wondering....Is that covered in chocolate coconut????
(Not that I'm interested...or..anything....much....)

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The toes!! The horrific monkey toes!!!

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPatti

The ad next to the first cake was for Johnson's lavender baby wash which promises "better sleep in just one week" . Haha
Why is the baby on the half-shell being attacked by black worms? No wonder he/she can't sleep.
I like the fluffy dog except for the plastic balls glued to the board with frosting.
The ladybug ones-ahhhhhh. Same for Mr. Bubbles.
Both the blanketed and burrowing babies show the typical lack of anatomical perspective.
The monkey is well done in a creepy 'Chuckie' sort of way. To me, he looks covered in toasted coconut.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJuin

That first cake looks less like a baby and more like a sensory homunculus.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSarah P.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! That tale is scarier than any Stephen King could ever dream of writing! We're all going to have nightmares for weeks now!

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

Baby cake #1 is definitely newborn Charles Laughton. Has to be.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterConbot

Is that... a cake made to look like a dead anacephalic fetus? (Note: if you are squeamish, Do Not Google That.)

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterdedicated lurker

Once upon a time, deep in the woods, was hatched an ugly, mutant baby. (I know babies don't hatch, but look at the picture and work with me here). When he opened his eyes, he didn't like what he saw, so he curled up in his half-shell, closed his eyes and tried to shut out the world. He didn't even stop to smell the roses. But the albino shar pei with the balloon feet would have none of this. (Yes, it doesn't have pink eyes - don't bother me with the facts). He wanted ugly, mutant baby to be his friend. But his squeaky balloon feet were like fingernails on a chalkboard to ugly, mutant baby, who decided to crawl away and escape. He came upon another building deeper in the woods. Little did he know he had stumbled into the lair of the mad scientist, who was experimenting with teleportation, using ladybugs. (Think THE FLY - there just weren't any of them available that day). Just as the scientist was flipping the switch, the ugly, mutant baby climbed in the chamber and shut the door. Of course, we can see the result, which put mutant baby/ladybug into a coma. The scientist never panicked, because he had a giant, ugly, mutant ladybug from an earlier failed experiment. So he brought the two of them together. The mutant ladybug thought this was her long lost mate and gave him a "true love" ladybug kiss. (Look, I know ladybugs have mandibles and not lips. Who's telling this story, me or you?) This immediately changed him back into the ugly, mutant baby thing and sent the mutant ladybug into hiding, and therapy to this day. The scientist, who had gone to take a nap, was unaware of any of this, so did not know that ugly, mutant baby decided it was time to chill out. And he did just that, pulling up a blanket and laying on a bed of ice, which the scientist had in his lair to keep his frozen custard cold. Sadly, this caused ugly, mutant baby to have horrible nightmares about mutant clown snowmen who wanted to put twigs in his sides and put carrots up his nose and coal in his eyes. So he woke up and crawled quickly away, deeper into the lair where he found a cake. By now, he was very hungry, so he climbed up on the cake and dove right on in. Unbeknownst to him, this was another of the scientist's failed experiments and was radioactive, and it turned him into an ugly, mutant monkey. Of course, he could now run away and not just crawl, so he left the lair and eventually came upon a fair where he found that people would give him bananas for doing silly monkey tricks. He found he liked bananas and the attention, so he lived happily ever after.
Mercifully, THE END!

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMike

*weeps* can't unsee cake #1!!!

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

That first cake looks like Quatto from (the first) Total Recall. Open your miiiinnd.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShell

Well, you can just rock me to sleep tonight.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJules

Why are black worms attacking the deformed baby on the half-shell? Next to the picture was an ad for Johnson's lavender scented baby wash which promised 'better sleep in a week'.
I think the creepy monkey is covered in toasted coconut. She/he is well done in a 'Chuckie' sort of way.

December 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJuin

Guess I know what I am getting for Christmas.. a therapist to deal with the scary wreckerators lol.

December 2, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

That monkey is what I call pure nightmare fuel (PNF).

Jen, you are one sick puppy! And I mean that in the best way!
Loved this horror story. 🤪

December 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJake & Me

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