My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Cake After People

What would happen if every baker on earth...[dramatic voice]...disappeared?

This isn't the story of how they might vanish. It's what happens to the cakes they leave behind. This is just part of the journey that will take us to the future of once active bakeries, as well as haunting sites already devoid of taste. Welcome to earth, population: zero.


1 year
after bakers

An abandoned ring and silk flowers bear mute witness to the echoing loneliness...of desolation.


10 years
after bakers

In the depths of bakery windows everywhere, dust gathers. Icing crumbles. With no workers here to clean, once-sweet treats become deadly harbingers of disease.


Sun-bleached displays now resemble so much worn, waxy marble, making it impossible to distinguish what once was a timeless tasty treat.

Uh. Lot of alliteration in this half of the script, huh?

Sound guy: Alliter what now?

Never mind.


100 years
after bakers

Geothermal flash floods bring with them river rock and debris. Amazingly, the petrified pastries persevere.


Seriously? "Petrified pastries persevere?" Who wrote this?

sound guy: I think it was the new guy; he had to finish up when Jerry took leave. Look, just go with it; we're on a roll.

[sigh] Fine.


In dank, darkened displays, filthy, festering folds of fondant mask the moldering malformed mess, made more malignantly misshapen in much...


[throwing script down] Oh come on!!

sound guy: What?

I'm ad-libbing from here. Deal with it.

sound guy: Ok, but you're telling Jerry.

Fine. Let's wrap this up.


10,000 years
after bakers


Come and get it!!

sound guy: Seriously?


Hey Carly T., Tom H., & Clair W., did you know that all these displays are for bakeries still open for business? Seriously.



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Reader Comments (15)

I knew Twinkies would be in there!!!!!!

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersillygirl

Did anyone else read that in Morgan Freeman's voice?

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLori

How do these abominations exist?

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMindy1

Okay, then! I GET it!!
The bakers of the past were the same folks who preserved the mummies!
(And they've been calling it a *mystery*, alll this time....)

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Clearly the confectionery creators of these crusty cakes have cast aside their commitment to cleanliness.

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I miss Earth after People!

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCarla J

Who displays cake on a bed of river rock? Those can't be anything but river rock!

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

I am confused as to why the rocks would be in there with the cakes...

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNicki

I think the Twinkie one is kind of cute - but the others, not so much :)

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie

@Lori: Zefrank's, anyway.

November 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

I will take the twinkie cake lol. I love those things. Besides they can't be as scary as the rest of those wrecks.

November 25, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

That 'After 10 years' wedding cake looks MUCH worse than the 100-year-old cake in the museum in Basingstoke, here in the UK (it was found in a retired baker's attic, not in a working baker's shop!).

November 25, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

1. I read the title "Cake after People" and thought it was a new Abandon Ship policy - like Children before Adults.

2. I asked hubby why people would put rocks near cake, he said "Maybe to attract geologists?" So I asked him to see if he's attracted to it, being a geo. For the record, geologists are not attracted to cakes surrounded by dirt and rocks.

November 26, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAA

And I thought the petrified piece of pastry my cousin brought to my parent's 40th anniversary celebration was an abomination. She'd actually saved a piece of their original wedding cake - and once the celebration was over, said cake went right into the trash where it belonged.

November 26, 2017 | Unregistered Commentercaircair

These photos are all from Chernobyl, right? RIGHT?? Except that last one, the Twinkies. That's obviously from Kansas.

November 26, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHairfish

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