Cake After People
November 24, 2017 What would happen if every baker on earth...[dramatic voice]...disappeared?
This isn't the story of how they might vanish. It's what happens to the cakes they leave behind. This is just part of the journey that will take us to the future of once active bakeries, as well as haunting sites already devoid of taste. Welcome to earth, population: zero.
An abandoned ring and silk flowers bear mute witness to the echoing loneliness...of desolation.
In the depths of bakery windows everywhere, dust gathers. Icing crumbles. With no workers here to clean, once-sweet treats become deadly harbingers of disease.
Sun-bleached displays now resemble so much worn, waxy marble, making it impossible to distinguish what once was a timeless tasty treat.
Uh. Lot of alliteration in this half of the script, huh?
Sound guy: Alliter what now?
Never mind.
Geothermal flash floods bring with them river rock and debris. Amazingly, the petrified pastries persevere.
Seriously? "Petrified pastries persevere?" Who wrote this?
sound guy: I think it was the new guy; he had to finish up when Jerry took leave. Look, just go with it; we're on a roll.
[sigh] Fine.
In dank, darkened displays, filthy, festering folds of fondant mask the moldering malformed mess, made more malignantly misshapen in much...
[throwing script down] Oh come on!!
sound guy: What?
I'm ad-libbing from here. Deal with it.
Fine. Let's wrap this up.
Yeeeeee-haw!
Come and get it!!
sound guy: Seriously?
Seriously.
*****
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Reader Comments (15)
I knew Twinkies would be in there!!!!!!
Did anyone else read that in Morgan Freeman's voice?
How do these abominations exist?
Okay, then! I GET it!!
The bakers of the past were the same folks who preserved the mummies!
(And they've been calling it a *mystery*, alll this time....)
=^-.-^=
Clearly the confectionery creators of these crusty cakes have cast aside their commitment to cleanliness.
I miss Earth after People!
Who displays cake on a bed of river rock? Those can't be anything but river rock!
I am confused as to why the rocks would be in there with the cakes...
I think the Twinkie one is kind of cute - but the others, not so much :)
@Lori: Zefrank's, anyway.
I will take the twinkie cake lol. I love those things. Besides they can't be as scary as the rest of those wrecks.
That 'After 10 years' wedding cake looks MUCH worse than the 100-year-old cake in the museum in Basingstoke, here in the UK (it was found in a retired baker's attic, not in a working baker's shop!).
1. I read the title "Cake after People" and thought it was a new Abandon Ship policy - like Children before Adults.
2. I asked hubby why people would put rocks near cake, he said "Maybe to attract geologists?" So I asked him to see if he's attracted to it, being a geo. For the record, geologists are not attracted to cakes surrounded by dirt and rocks.
And I thought the petrified piece of pastry my cousin brought to my parent's 40th anniversary celebration was an abomination. She'd actually saved a piece of their original wedding cake - and once the celebration was over, said cake went right into the trash where it belonged.
These photos are all from Chernobyl, right? RIGHT?? Except that last one, the Twinkies. That's obviously from Kansas.