Friday Favs 9/30/16
September 30, 2016 A few of my favorite submissions this week.
It's not even October, you guys, but bakers are already trying to scare us.
;)
Fruit cocktail dumped on chocolate Tres Leches cake?
WHAT FRESH CANNED HORROR IS THIS?
And while we're bellowing rhetorical questions to the heavens...
;)
The eyelashes. Why?
The head wound/toupee. Why?
The person who eventually paid money for this. WHYGAWDWHY
Ahem.
Brides-to-be, let's talk about putting a blood fountain under your wedding cake.
Specifically, let's talk about how you should NOT do that.
;)
Granted, you almost don't notice the blood fountain under all the fake flowers, plastic staircases, feathers, and Mardi Gras beads - but unless Freddy Krueger is marrying the 80s, this is not a good thing.
The label says "Pumpkin Spice Cake," but Ashley wasn't fooled:
;)
She knows "Poo-mpkin" Spice when she sees it!
And finally, here's my new favorite butchering of "you will be missed."
;)
Judging by that splat behind the L, it's a shame the baker didn't.
Thanks to Joanna R., Brenna Z., Karen F., & Laurie - NOT "Lorie" - for the excellent wreckporting.
*****
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Reader Comments (36)
Red Wedding indeed...
I, for one, am pleased to finally see someone appreciate the genius that was Massive Headwound Harry...
unless Freddy Krueger is marrying the 80s = coffee on keyboard via nostrils
"Barely October"? Look at the date, you guys--it's NOT YET October. But the Halloween decorations/candy/flotsam has been out for at least two weeks, probably more. But the one that took the cake (no pun intended--really) was when, on September 14, I saw a display marked "Great stocking stuffers!" REALLY, people? REALLY?!?
[Editor's note- Good point. I changed it. -john (the changer or words)]
As much as I dislike canned fruit cocktail (don't try to convince me those are grapes!), it's not unusual to find "canned fruit" as a garnish ingredient in recipes for Tres Leches Cake! Not just "fruit," but "canned fruit."
Poo-mpkin Spice! :oD <snicker snicker>
Speaking - more or less - about missing the mark, I once saw an obituary which read "She will be mist".
Fix: "Lorry, you missed!"
The fourth cake? If you are a fan of "the Strain" (vampires taking over the world) TV series you would immediately see that the cake has been infected with those horrible worms that then crawl into your eyeballs and turn you into a vampire! DO NOT EAT!
I'd have been okay with the pumpkin spice cake without the plops! Diane, I'm stealing coffee on keyboard via nostrils, ROFL!
Thank you for telling us that it's fruit cocktail on the first cake. I first though it was a bunch of teeth or chicken beaks. When my rational brain said no to that idea, creamed corn came to mind. Imagine my relief to find it was the sorriest canned food ever. It's the least vile option so I guess that's good?
SaraCVT, I wish I could send you a picture of the horror we walked into on September 7th. Cracker Barrel was in complete Christmas mode, with decorated trees, carols and "Great Gift Ideas!" The even had holiday fragrance lotion in the ladies room! The first flippin' week of September!
Speak for yourself, this creepy-kid is TOTALLY going to have a blood fountain at my wedding! I didn't even know that was a thing I could do, but I WANT IT.
What that Krueger/80s cake needs is a row of feathers. No, wait, there it is.
Did anyone else notice that huge monstrosity will only feed like 20 people?
Freddy Krueger marrying the 80's! Ha! I'm guessing that bride/cake decorator is unfamiliar with the phrase "less is more."
And when I looked more closely, there were (shudder) cupcakes in red foil around the blood fountain....
:D The Red Wedding cake might work if your name was Sooookie!
Good grief, that can of fruit cocktail. Just no. Worlds of no.
Well, good news(?): you found out where Sandra lee is now working.
is it kwanza cake season soon?
It's a great day for a...red wedding yeah!
OH, the tragedy of a missed golden opportunity!
To think: they could have made the "Nice Day for a Red Wedding" wreck AUTOMATED....Picture this: The stairs:Boom! Escalator! (Uuuup and Dowwwn....Uuuup and--you get it.) You're SO welcome.
=^-.-^=(PS: john, tomorrow is October! I'd change it back!)
With the subliminally creepy garage-quality pegboard and door-jamb-in-disrepair, I think the wedding cake is in good Goth band company. (Still way too much red for Goth, though....)
I notice that the miniature attendants _are_ trying to lean _away_from_ the horror....
The first cake with the canned fruit dumped on it reminds me of the Kwanza cake with apple pie filling and corn nuts.
I thought that was CORN!! I'm not sure what is worse though.
I'd bet money that the baker originally wrote Rorie.
First cake - I saw corn and pearl onions. Not sure canned fruit cocktail is much of an improvement.
@SuBee - GoT reference FTW!
That first one is more like "Tres Retches"
That totally looks like someone "leggo their Eggo" on that cake.
I thought the first one was teeth and not canned fruit
The Poo-mpkin spice cake is what happens after you have eaten all those other Pumpkin spice foods!!
As for the rest -- there are no words for those wrecks!! The Vomit in the center of the cake it what happens when you suffer a TBI (bloody head wound) at the homicidal Red Wedding where you just narrowly survived Lorie's attack (She missed!!)!!
The bridesmaids and groomsmen look like they are being fed into the blood fountain the way they are all lined up like that lol. Oh man what a wedding that must have been.
That wedding cake isn't horrible per say.
I can't bust their chops. The reception looks like it's in a garage or industrial place from the peg boarding behind the cake. The couple didn't have a lot of money. What is it? Maybe 30 red velvet smallish cup cakes and a single layer cake? It looks edible. At least there isn't the bonus fly topper on it. (I have never seen anything so gross as that)
While it isn't the style of cake I would want, someone tried. I'm not into the goo gahs hanging off the cake, but that style is coming back. Have been to two weddings with similar cakes. One was a spoof of the tiered fountain cake, and the other was a $$$$ high end bakery cake. Better constructed, but it had Tidy Bowl blue fountain water.
I love red velvet. I hope the cake was at least tastey.
Are we sure the "blood fountain" cake wasn't for a vampire-theme wedding? :)
As for the "fruit cocktail", looks to me like the glop on that cake was already eaten once.
And what is up with the bride and groom topper on the blood fountain cake?
I've worked out the reason for the first cake. The buyer said 'Put Ralph on it'. So they did.
It leads me to wonder, if the buyer had said 'put sparkly cr4p on it', would they have made the apprentice baker swallow a whole tube of glitter?
I hope the cake was red velvet.
I put a blood fountain under a cake once. Mind you, it was an Ides of March cake with a little gumpaste dagger stuck into the top of it.
As awful as the Red Wedding cake is, I was totally distracted by the fact that the groomsmen and bridesmaids are standing at an angle because the cake is the wrong height for that particular plastic piece. To be fair, there are many things to distract the eye with that cake!
I don't think that medley of "stuff" on the first cake is fruit cocktail, which normally doesn't have corn in it. I think it contains lima beans and corn and is a dish called "succotash." Why one would put that on a cake is a complete mystery, but it definitely looks more like the vegetable dish than fruit cup. Put next to the Red Wedding cake, this one is practically edible. (No it's not, it's disgusting).