My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Incredible, Non-Edible, Plastic Clown Head

It's time to talk about the most versatile tool in a baker's cake-decorating arsenal:

The plastic clown head.


Devotees of the Wilton brand know this staple of cakey flotsam has a long and colorful history:

A history made even more colorful when the clown-headed pink dog is pooping a giant pink rose.


(So, in his defense, this clown's poop really does smell like roses.)

Over the years, the plastic clown heads have really gotten around:


And around...



After all, they were so darn versatile!


I mean, what better way to perk up your flowers?


Or add a lively accent to that jungle theme?

Think of it as Bozo's version of Easter Island.

In fact, this time honored tradition continues today, only with slightly more modern sensibilities:
Death becomes him.

And the sprinkles aren't bad, either.


Yep, you could say today's Wreckerator knows just how to take these classic tools of the trade and use them to their fullest and most meaningful...uh...

I'm sorry, but do these uteri look funny to you?

Hey! Guys! What are you doing here? Your post was back here!


Ovary funny: don't try cramping my style, funny guys. I know a fellow peon's pro creation when I see one, period.


Many thanks to wreckporters Katie C., C.B., Hannah C., Penny H., Roisin O., Erica H., Meaghan W., & Melissa M., who think you should really read that last line out loud. Just...'cuz.


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

« Cake Wrecks Gets A Reboot | Main | Wedding Missed Marks, Vol. 458 »

Reader Comments (36)

Clowns are NEVER a good idea. NEVER.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

Now if there's a smile on my face
It's only there 'cause I'm made of plastic
So while I'm sitting on this cake
I'm feeling pain that's really drastic

I'm sitting here in globs of frosting
Looking glad is so exhausting
Really I'm sad, oh I'm sadder than sad
These cakes are a mess and so bad
Plastic clowns must appear to be glad (sad, sad, sad, sad)

We've seen some sad things on a cake
But it's oh so hard to fake
The smiles of a clown when it just wants to frown

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Ha ha ha. Clowns are funny.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

SuBee wins! You have done it again my friend, BRAVA! I just wish these bakers would stop clowning around long enough to realize their wrecks are creepy enough without adding creepy clown heads. I shudder.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

They're DEAD, JIM! They're dead!… look at their eyes; nothing but X's. (just like in A Christmas Story)

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Finally finished reading Stephen Kings It. Came to Cake wrecks and saw demonic clown uteruses. Well that's it for sleeping over the next week or three.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterZeenia

Burning questions:

1) Why are the Clown Uteri turd brown?

2) Is that first one actually a clown-faced dog pooping a rose, or is it El Seed's cousin Rosario, wearing a clown-head codpiece and pooping balloon-sperm?

3) Why are the Clown Loa and the monkeys in what is clearly a mountainous, deciduous forest?

4) How many "uterus" puns does one need in one sentence?

5) What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Arghhhh! Those clown heads are the stuff of my nightmares!

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDNA

Found a box of these at work the other day that I had labeled
scary clown heads and shoved on the back of a shelf. I threw
them away.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAna

No need to egg you on. So many puns go down the tubes buy yours, like a cheap cupcake, sticks to the wall. <pregnant pause> And yet so humble, you never get swollen with the fruit of your (literary) labors.

Clowns are scary AF and should never come in contact with the heaven of buttercream. Ana, you did the right thing!

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSmarie

The last email features an item that I think should be called a Pooterus.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterStephen

Very punny ending :P

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Wait! Monkeys live on ski slopes among pine trees?

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSandra

I love clowns. I have a collection of clown music boxes in my bedroom and a Red Skelton clown print on my wall. But bleeding clown uteri on a cake? My mind reels. What kind of person can inflict such suffering on a poor, innocent cake? I may never sleep again with all the accusatory clown faces staring at me.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

Why does everyone hate clowns so much? Clowns make you laugh.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Long ago, when I was taking Wilton classes, I was working for the local public library. My mom was taking classes with me and since we didn't need that much cake in the house I would take my practice cakes to work for break time. When we learned how to make Wilton style clowns, one of the librarians immediately named my cake "The Stephen King cake." It was a well deserved title.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRikki

Well. That's some good nightmare fuel.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAidan (not Aiden)

Plastic clown heads,
Sock monkeys,
Ventriloquist dummys,...
...all creepy.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBrieanne


August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Yes, the last crop of crap clowns DO look funny to me--thanks for asking...I'm also a bit worried...If a customer comes in a big hurry and needs a clown cupcake fix (it happens ALL THE TIME), they may be in such a tizzy that they could trip over their big clown feet and the cupcakes could fallopian all over the place. Oh, the calamity! =^-.-^=

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Sooooooooo agree with KimS and Brieanne - NO clowns puhleeze! Too creepy. Especially on CAKES! Yech! I'm afraid that, for the most part, clowns do NOT make me laugh and besides as another poster pointed out - THEY'RE ALL DEAD! DEAD! Definitely DEAD CLOWNS are on the no-funny list!

Bravo SuBee - HILARIOUS. I'm still snorting! Too funny.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

@BADkarma:Your mother was a hamster & your father smelt of elderberries!

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

So, as a German reading your blog: Those are very prevelant during our version of mardi gras... the funny thing is, they are used to decorate a sort of mini-cake, filled with jam and buttercream and come in a variety of different designs. I remember, when I was in Elementary school, having a comlete "set" was considered an accomplishment. So we would very carefully clean those styrofoam heads and keep them for a few days until our parents threw them away... ^^ I sometimes eat those cakes just for the nostalgia but they are almost unbearably sweet.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBeate

When I took cake decorating lessons, two clown heads came in the supply kit for whatever reason. I think decorators use them out of obligation.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

Send in the clowns,
There has to be clowns
Don't bother, they're here,

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDiane1611

I don't have anything against clowns (my husband is a volunteer clown) but that carousel of clowns cake is really disturbing me.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHolly Denghel

No they don't, Nancy. No they don't.

August 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterVickie

@BadKarma: Is that a European sparrow?

Poor Monkeys. Not only is his/her jungle birthday cake suffering from "clownus interruptus," but he or she got stuck with the name "Monkeys!"

August 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

Those clown heads were on my first birthday cake. I'm having terrible flashbacks...

August 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBec

Those things should be banned from every bakery and birthday party around the globe. Clowns = Creepy. Even before "IT".

August 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJT

Hahahahaahahaah! Yes they do Vicki! Yes they do! Hahahahaahahha!

August 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

I think that clown on the second to last (green) cake has Zika.

August 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

Nerts! Jen beat me "poo" it.

August 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

You've featured poo-wangs for years, so why not poo-wombs?

August 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPenny in Texas

I looked at this on my phone, so with the screen small I didn't notice the clown heads on that first cake, so.... Yeah, it looked to me like a giant squid wearing baby booties.

August 4, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

Nothing beats having cakes with dead clowns on them.. this post has me laughing and wanting to hide under the bed at the same time lol. I really hate clowns. Sadly these clowns were on my first birthday cake as my mom happily showed to me.. so glad I was only one lol.

August 5, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>