Do The Floppy Flips
August 23, 2016 Ahh, flip-flops. The quintessential, mandatory summer footwear of summer-dwelling people who also have feet.
;)
Look closely. You're about to forget what these look like.
Here in Florida, you'd be hard pressed to find a person NOT wearing flip-flops right now. That's because we're actually required to have a minimum of 6 pairs each, along with an annual pass to Disney World, a full keg of OJ, and a sickly pale non-tan that helps us differentiate each other from the tourists.
But, I digress.
Naturally, bakers are RIGHT ON TRACK with the floppy flip sole train:
;)
By offering us spotted pickles.
(CHOOCHOO, MOFOS)
;)
And lei-wearing bam-hammers.
;)
And... uh... [reaching desperately] Pikachu smears?
And...
;)
OH COME ON
;)
[evil, deadpan glare]
Wrecky minions, it is with only the greatest horrified amusement that I announce the flip-flop CCC (patooie!) has officially warped beyond all recognition. I give you...
;)
The Tadpole Ghosts of Flops Past.
Rest in pieces, wrecky flops. Rest in pieces.
Thanks to Alexis H., Kris K., Rebecca K., Danielle H., Tina, & Zakiya P. for toeing the line.
*****
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Reader Comments (38)
That's easy enough to fix. Just add enough icing to make it look shaped like a foot, and then when they're going to eat it, scrape off the extra icing and give it all to ME! 8-d
Flip flops are dangerous. If you wear them in the wrong places. Wasn't there a woman in California who fell off a cliff while wearing flip flops? Anyone hear about that?
It seems to be such a simple design, too.
The first one: Why are the sunbathing pickles wearing thong bikini bottoms? Are they French or something?
There once (or twice) was a cake like a flip flop,
Which made your eyes twitch, itch, and pop.
The results were so poor,
The consumers were sore.
Come on, bakers and icers, just stop!
@Sue: Well, I hadn't heard that one about the flipflops being dangerous in the wrong places. Usually, they're on feet....
=^-.-^=
@SuBee, falling off a cliff? Yeah, would not surprise me. Was covering the EMS at a local Relay for Life event. Teams of people walk a track for a 24 hr. period. Should not be busy in the medical tent right? Wrong. Gravel track + teen girls walking it wearing Flip Flops = lots of cut up toes, toenails torn off, and angry teens that their pedicure is ruined. Thankfully none of these cakes are a wreck of that picture, uh gross.
Five out of six are cup cake cakes? Are you going over to the Cup Cake Cake side?
Noooooooo :O I think if you are going to be a baker, you should be required to take some anatomy and/or drawing classes.
WHY are all they all diseased? Or do they all have horrible cases of acne?
Oh! BADkarma, you saw it, too! These all present design options for a new line of condoms. POP!Goes The Condom probably isn't the best name but it's what came first. (Evil grin) Maybe "Sock It to Me" condoms, combining the bright, swirly colors of "Laugh-In" with that ancient come-on phrase. If you're old enough to get that last sentence you're probably NOT part of the prime condom -buying demographic.
I do believe Jen (and John?) have presented the first post to entertain the sugar-craving, cross-eyed foot fetish population. (Don't judge!)
Honestly, the thing that bothers me the most about the last one is the random blobs of icing on the cardboard. Why? What is the purpose? Are they encouraging people to eat cardboard? Or lick globs of icing off paper? Or just waste food?
I refuse to believe those last ones are actual flip flops. In fact, I suspect they had something to do with the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler who came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that last cake.
Not one of these "cakes" look like flip flops to me......... not.one. :-)
Sung to the pina colada song
If you want a flip-flop cake
Don't buy any of these
Because these crazy cake wreckers
Have no clue what that means
They'll make a CCC (patooie!)
That looks like a smashed brain
And spotted pickle frosting
Next to pikachu smear stains
(oh wow I think that came out really well!!)
BADKarma ftw!! I didn't originally see the pickles wearing thong swimsuits, but now it's *all* I can see! And it's making me giggle. Random bursts of giggling that will probably get me some very strange looks when I go out to donate blood today.
@ Aidan: They put extra icing on there for ME! 8-D 8-d
I like the yellow ones the best. The second yellow ones, the first are too lumpy. I mean the second last pair. They're actually not too bad.
Is i just me, or does those long, thin thingies sticking out from the flowers on the last one look very much like spider legs???
Spiders! Can we panic now?
@Juliee Obviously they are all therapeutic, massaging flip-flops.
My grandson discovered (the hard way) that running up the escalator in flip flops is not a good idea.
I sort of suspect they were going for paisley with that last design. Horrible, slightly foot-shaped, paisley.
@Aidan. Do you mean that there are people who DON'T lick extra frosting off of paper?
Why do they all have polka dots? As a sandal wearing Northerner, I have no idea why these flip flops look so weird. Civilized teens up here wear leather thongs with subtle decorations. Are Southern flip flops required to be diseased? (Please don't throw anything at me, unless it's cake).
The real evil in all of this is cupcakes! Who ever had the idea that any pleasing form could be achieved by lining up cupcakes and smearing a quart of frosting over the whole thing. Are the people who order these monstrosities not allowed to own a cake knife! My favorite is number 4, for reasons I will not state.
I am guessing the wreckerators don't know what flip flops look like and took many guesses hoping one would be correct lol. I love the pickles and the odd horse head shaped ones.. my goodness what do they wear in the summer???
After scrolling all the way through, the spotted pickles don't look that bad.
....and spotted pickles immediately made me think of spotted dick...the British treat, you sickos!
I'm convinced the last one is paisleys - as paisleys, they are pretty good, actually.
Nah, dude, those bottom ones have got to be parameciums. They gotta be. They're got flagella and a little nucleus.... so, maybe the baker was a really inspired biologist, and not a horrible sticker-togetherer of cupcake atrocities?
Just for fun, I showed these to the two-year old niece I'm babysitting. Her takes on them are:
1. "Cucumbers, but squishy"
2. "Dot dolls"
3. "Kitty cats! Kitty cats!"
4. "Sockies" (Hey, at least that one's foot-related!)
5. "Yellow penguins" (Now that she's said it, that's all I can see!)
6. "Nothing. Can I eat a cupcake now?"
(Silly auntie, showing pictures of cake when there isn't any... Now, of course, I either have to explain that I have no cupcakes in the house, or remedy that situation... I may be baking tonight! =-) )
For the Pikachu smear ones, they struck me as the yellow silhouettes of cute little ducklings, wearing flowered headbands. Now I cannot see anything else for those. They would actually be pretty good if that was the effect you're going for...
Oh, I just realized--! In some countries, on other continents, a previously-manufactured generation of flip-flops believed that the most beautiful flops were the smallest ones. The fourth picture is clearly of a pair of flip-flops that had subjected themselves to the painful process of flop-binding, in an effort to be beautiful. Cultural sensitivity requires me to comment on their lovely, graceful (if misshapen) flops.
Anyone else see chickens in the fifth one? The Red out line resembles chickens to me.
Cupcake cakes :(
why? for the love of all things sweet, why??
I'm honestly surprised that no one took an actual pair of flip flops and stuck them on a cake!
Helene - I saw the spiders too. Weird, scary, two-legged, floral spiders. Which means those green blobs around the outside are egg-sacs. Oh dear god, we're all doooomed!
If you put the pink "candycane" flip flops side by side the other way, they look like feet with severe bunions! How do I know this? Do I have to say?