My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Mist Marx

And now, everyone's* favorite:

(*May not be your favorite. You may prefer cakes that look like wangs. Which is totally cool. Weirdo.)


Ashton H. wanted a pretty princess carriage like this:


...but I think she picked it up after midnight.

Womp WOMP.


Felicia F. ordered this stunner for her Uncle's birthday:

"I like... GOOOOLD!"


But instead, she just got stunned:

Shoulda gone with a schmoke an' a pancake.

Also, sometimes I like to amuse myself by referencing Austin Powers villains.
Because everyone needs a hobby.


Jyoti K. asked for this adorable princess cake:



But instead, got this:



Nicholas W. actually had his baker send HIM this photo, saying this is what the cake would look like:



Turns out...

It didn't really look like that.


And finally, Roshnid H. ordered this peacock cake:

Now, I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Roshnid's cake ended up looking like the Loch Ness monster with a bunch of shaving cream on its nose?"

Well, my friend, YOU ARE IN LUCK.

Because yes:

Yes, it would.


Thanks to Ashton H., Felicia F., Jyoti K., Nicholas W., & Roshnid H., who suspects that may actually just be a floating log - but WE BELIEVE.


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Reader Comments (49)

No wangs I guess, but that first one does look a little, hmmm...

Shall we say it also seems somewhat gender specific?

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSteve

I'm calling for a Mass Baker Intervention.

Bakers - you must KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS.

You just can't keep hurting the unsuspecting public like this.

And I believe taking money for these . . . um . . . Confectionery Abominations could constitute fraud in at least 16 states.


That is all.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

Don't you just love the added ashtray and stinky cigar butt on the second last example? That added suggestion of aroma does soooo much to enhance the grunge-worthiness of that cake offering.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

When I first saw the inspiration picture for the humidor cake, the brand "COHIBA" was automatically changed in my brain to "BOHICA". Appropriate, don't you think?
BTW: BOHICA = Bend Over, Here It Comes Again.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMoira

Evidently, the Loch Ness Monster went to Rio for Carnivale this year...

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Oh, and I'm digging the superfluous and meaningless Marzipan pear on top of the knocked-up, wheel-less carriage.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

In what universe does that shaving cream glop look anything like a beak?!?!

Why do I even question what these bakers can perceive at this point?!?!

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

The 60th birthday cake was so shiny it reminded me of Grease.

All these wrecks, they’re multiplyin’
Bakers losin’ control
Just one look here and I’m dyin’
It’s just terrifyin’

You better shape up, ‘cause I need a cake
I don’t want my guests to spew
You better shape up, please try to understand
Here, I’ll show these pics to you
Here’s what I, here’s what I expect from you

Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oo,Oo,Oo honey
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oo, Oo, Oo honey
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oh yes indeed, don’t make me pleed.

Can you make this confection?
Here I’ll try to convey
These concise and clear directions
Don’t feel your way

You better shape up, ‘cause I need a cake
That will keep me satisfied
You better prove that - it’s well worth the price
And not bad, and won’t make me want to hide

Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oo,Oo,Oo honey
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Oo,Oo,Oo honey
Here’s the cake that I want
Here’s the cake that I want
Do a good deed, don’t make my eyeballs bleed

PS I kind of love the Nessycock. Look at her face. She knows she's not what the customer ordered. Poor dear...

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Why would anyone want a cigar box full of turds?

Yup. These are some of my favorites. Unless you count the misspelled piping cakes. Or the wang cakes. (Weirdo.)

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

The baker of the last cake should have been ashamed to even ATTEMPT to give such an abomination to the customer, forget making them pay for it. >:( The gold cake for the uncle was at least passable.....

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

That uncle's cake is VERY CLASSY! Did they paint black with gold, or gold with black? Inquiring minds want to know!

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjust me

BADKarma, thank you for clarifying that the thing on top of the first cake is a marzipan pear. I was completely baffled as to why anyone would plop a piece of fruit on top of a cake like that. Marzipan makes a tiny bit more sense.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

SuBee - Nessycock does kinda look like she's having an Existential crisis, doesn't she?

Oh, and thanks for almost making me spew coffee..

TLC - Nothing about PreggoCarriage Cake(tm) makes sense. NOTHING.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I do like the box of turds and the photo they sent.I wish I'd heard the conversation that went on in the bakery.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterhotclaws

So the "wheels" on the Rindercelly wreck remind me of the mosquito coils we useta burn when I was a kid at our outdoor functions here in Florida to help keep the beasties away. This, of course, was before Zima virus. Perhaps we should resurrect mosquito coils. Wreckerators could also use them on cakes!

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSue W.

Oh come on, that carriage window looks like a labia.

And I am convinced things like this happens because people post on facebook community groups "I want a fantastic work of art piece cake, but don't want to spend a lot. Who can do this for me?" (which happens all the time!) And then they get mad that they get these.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShelley

Nobody going to comment on the fact that the missed mark 60th birthday cake has rabbit droppings all around it?

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRabbit Dropping

My first thought about the carriage cake was "vagina". And then I felt guilty for having such a dirty mind, until I saw that several other viewers had the same thought. So now I don't feel guilty, but I do wonder why so many of us see lady bits in cake.

My dirty mind also saw poop segments in the cigar box cake, and a large wang with excitement on the tip in the peacock cake.

It always amazes me how bakers and decorators don't see the potential naughtiness in the cakes they make when they've spent several hours looking and handling them up close, especially when so many casual viewers immediately notice the similarities after just a quick look at pictures.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMSTeacher3K

I'm just grateful that they didn't make the "carriage curtain" pink!

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJennC

Oh my gosh, the cigars looked like little turds! Perhaps the Loch monster made them?

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBev

I can picture a scene in which the stupefied customer is carrying the cake to the car, and the wreckerator is running behind shouting, "Hey, wait, you forgot your smear of white nose frosting and wooden deely boppers!" The dumbfounded patron must have mumbled, "Um, okay." I mean, did they really make this worse? I think not.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

4th wreck down: Well, "Nick"... ...Time for your BIRTHDAY CAKE......! It's a clever, special design, to reflect the EXACT TIME you were born!! READY?? TA DA!!!>> SIX TURDY! =^-.-^=

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

All hail SuBee, CW's poet laureate, taking over from Mel, who is resting on his (her?) laurels. Or laureatles. How lucky are we to have such amazing talent here? Seriously, SuBee, how you come up with these perfect parodies so quickly is astounding. I bow to thee...and btw, this was also one of my favourite (< I'm Canadian) posts of late, too.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShekuse

Turd cigars! Nice touch, especially inside that flesh-colored box. 0.o

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

"Happy Birthday, Nick. Here's six turds on a cushion."

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

Close but no cigar!

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I'm making a 60th birthday cake as I write and I'm thinking omg please don't turn out like any of these...however I'm not actually accepting payment as it's for family and the peacock-a-saurus is quite the showstopper...maybe I'll get the drawinvg board back out!

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShoecake

Why, yes, missed marks ARE my favorite, thank you! Followed closely by creepy baby shower cakes.

Also, I was surprised that the cigar cake WASN'T the one that could double as a human anatomy lesson today, but also, why are the cigars encased in Spam and uncooked bacon?!

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterWaffre

1. Albino Apple With Genitalia, Female
2. Disappointed Wonder Woman Falls Flat
3. Lumpy Granpa Confronts Darkness
4. Funeral for Dog Turds (RIP)
5. Nessie Hatchling, Post-Chernobyl

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered Commenters.marie

So glad others saw a different kind of "curtains" in the carriage cake. Y'all are all sick mfers... I like you! :)

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLadybugFaerie

I prefer the "6" used on the uncle's cake to the original. At first it reminded me of an elephant's trunk but then I realized the top is a swan's neck, curved toward the "0", it's mouth opened in shock as it realizes what it is sitting on.

I like Nessie. She may not be what the customer ordered but she is adorable in her own right.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJane

Whoever made the "curtains"... ahem... yeah... "curtains" on that first cake should be required to register with the local police as a "Cake Offender". That is just so creepy.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

The first cake is either to "eat" or to "eat out". dunno.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAdam Lane

Nessie was dressing up for her annual masquerade ball. Unfortunately she went with a knock-off dressmaker instead of her usual designer.

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

I must be the only one diggin' the "lochcock" cake......

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterWeirdo #1

Hey, I like wang cakes! They're puerile, and childish, and immature, and completely inappropriate for an adult, and they amuse me enormously. Poo wang cakes, well, what can I say, double the childish immaturity, double the fun...

Not those cigars, though. They are not poo wangs. They're just poo. And now I'm disappointed at such a missed opportunity. I mean, if you're going to stuff up a cake design, you might as well make it hilariously puerile, right?

June 16, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterdr handle

Ummmm - I'm not sure who 'Ashton' is, but that Princess Carriage cake photo is mine...?

June 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Well that baker who sent the pic of what the cake would look like probably got that pic out of a magazine and sent that lol. Oh man those cigars look so.. poo like. Cannot look at brown frosting ever again without thinking it always looks so gross.

June 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Curtains/labia ... tomato/tomahto

June 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCali Kath

Little upset about the cigar cake, the second one. Obviously someone has been following my dog and collecting her"cigars" for this cake!!

June 17, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterrebecca

The original cohiba cigar box cake is here:

So, the baker swiped the picture from the blog?

June 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSlughorn

I constantly quote Austin Powers villains, too... Isn't dat veird??

June 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCieLa

Is it just me, or does the door/window "curtains" on the wrecked Cinderella coach look similar to lady-bits?

June 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMavis

The Uncle cake was passable, depending how much the person forked over as payment.

I do not understand how the person effed up the peacock cake. He/she has some skill, but didn't bother looking at the size of the original peacock in relation to the cake. Had the peacock been 2/3 rds smaller and without white goo for a beak... an honest attempt?

Bakers...know your limits. If you can't do 3D work, don't promise a peacock, then show up with Nessie. are making Baby Jesus weep. You brow beat a friend, who can make a decent basic cake, and want them to create a $1,000 PInterest cake for $100. Then get all stabby when it isn't *perfect*.

June 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTawaki

I think for #1 they took the same mold and design that they use for pregnant belly cakes. That would also explain the, um, suggestive shape of the doorway.

June 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJamoche

I don't know why, but when I saw the broken wheel on the first one I laughed even harder.

And for all the regulars here, didn't you just inherently know that the Cohiba cigars were gonna look like turds before even scrolling down? Amirite?!

June 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMel

The curtains on that missed mark carriage look rather ... ahem ... ladylike to me. Anyone else see the resemblance?

June 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHolly D

I wonder if the "cigars" were rolled on the thighs of Cuban virgins? I hope not...

June 24, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermarilyn

Hey! The original black and gold 60th cake is mine! For inquiring minds, it's gold painted onto black. :)

September 11, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDiane

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