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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

And Who Are YOU Supposed To Be?

Last night those of us who celebrate Halloween had the pleasure of being mugged repeatedly by little hellions armed with the threat of trickery and plastic candy buckets.

I kid, of course. At least two of the kids who came to our door had full-size trash bags instead of candy buckets. They literally could have thrown themselves away. They also weren't with any adults and didn't appear to be wearing costumes, but I'm sure that just meant they were dressed as the always popular "ungrateful child with entitlement complex."

I kid, of course. I love children. To be far away from me. And quiet. Quiet children who are far away from me are awesome. However, I'll also settle for kids wearing charming homemade costumes which make me feel all nostalgic and superior, because I can TOTALLY paint my face better than that. Just sayin', Spider-Man.


Halloween costumes are a lot like these wrecks: you may not always know what they're supposed to be, but you can still appreciate the effort that went into them.

Or lack thereof.

Actually, that cake is exactly like the store-bought costumes we grew up wearing in the 80s: SOLID PLASTIC. All it's missing is a giant "BUGS BUNNY" plastered across the chest.

But with today's costumes - as with these wrecks - sometimes a little educated guessing is in order:

Is it mostly blue? 

Then you've got three choices: Smurf, Cookie Monster, or someone from Avatar.

Or possibly the ghost of Cookie Monster (note the translucent hand) wearing a Smurf's hat and wailing about a tree.

(Please note: I've never seen Avatar, but I know there's something about a tree in it. John HAS seen Avatar, and now thinks I'm a horrible, horrible person.)

If excessive sideburns are involved, then it's probably Wolverine:

Unless there's no cigar. Then it's Dora the Explorer.


 If it looks like a cross between Heathcliff the cat and a pile of crap, then, uh...

 I'm sorry, I was distracted by the sheer towering pile of crappiness here. I think I can almost see it wobbling -  but maybe that's the post-Halloween sugar high talking. (FACT: you can never have too many "fun-sized" Almond Joys. THEY JUST GET MORE "FUN.")

And finally, if it's wearing the stricken expression of someone who will give you all the candy you want if you please just don't hurt him...

...then you're probably looking in a mirror. So go have some fun-size Snickers and put your feet up, my friend, because you've earned it.

Thanks to James W., Rachel T., Nadine A., Alison T., Kathryn S., Becky C., for sending me all their fun-sized Almond Joys. And Twix. And Reese's Cups. Aw, you guys are the best.


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Reader Comments (34)

Elmo - JAZZ HANDS!!!!!

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

Well, my girls had pillowcases last night. But not because they were entitled. Because the dog chewed up their Halloween bags & I refused to spend any more money on a holiday that was almost over.

And because I told them they'd hold more candy. Heh-heh. *embarrassed laugh*

And they DID have costumes: Eldest went as (a modest) Harley Quinn, & Youngest was Dipper Pines from Gravity Falls. I doubt many people realized she was more than a trucker, but she was happy. She even had the birthmark on her forehead for his name. And I made them say "Thank You" at every house,too.

This might be their last trick-or-treat, but we gotta remember MANNERS.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Pretty sure Heathcrap is supposed to be Scooby-Doo.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

ELMO looks like he's being mugged.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLynne

With you all the way on the Almond Joys! Wish I still had kids...wait, no I don't. I was just remembering that two of them hated coconut so I scored the mini-Mounds, too. Good times., they weren't that good. The times, I mean, not the mini-Mounds. They were/are FABULOUS.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSmarie

JEN! You must watch Avatar. Simply must.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLizzie

Can I please say how much I love you? Because this post is a perfect example of why I adore you. The smelly plastic mask nostalgia, the recognition of Heathcliff-Doo, and "ungrateful child with entitlement complex."

I laughed, I cried; it was better than Cats!

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNagzilla

Does anyone else feel completely awkward when kids come up and say trick-or-treat?

*stammering* hiiiiiii Trick or treat. Here. Have a good night. *goes back to reading book on Kindle*

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

Heath-doo the giraffe 0.o And the Stick-em-up elmo. Both sound like scary toys that got banned if you ask me.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLike90

Wow, It's Crappy Doo!!! The very distant cousin of Scooby Doo who had his own line of potty training videos and materials.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMissieKittie

If you have seen Ferngully, you have seen Avatar!

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor

Elmo: "Hands up, don't shoot"

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

I think the fourth one is dosed to be Mike Patto and if it is Maya has interesting taste in music.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMark Boughter

@Classic Steve "Heathcrap" made my day! You nailed it!

Jen, I have the exact same feelings about kids as you do! Although Halloween is the one night I actually try to like kids since it's my favorite holiday and I love trick-or-treaters.

Heathcrap, by the way, has a giraffe neck. Or possibly a turtle's. Or a dinosaur's. Anyway, it's not good and there's too much neck!

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

SaraCVT, thank you. I have just figured out why there were four near-identical truckers out of my 20 trick-or-treaters last night.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRowan

Elmo looks like roadkill!!!!

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCassie

The Elmo flail just doesn't have the same panache as the tried and true Kermit flail, am I right?

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Laughed way too hard at Elmo!
I remember those plastic masks and vinyl costumes from the 70's and 80's very well. Sweating in the non-breathable vinyl then freezing 'cause it was cold out and barely being able to see out of the eyeholes that never quite lined up right. I had a Barbie costume and a Godzilla costume--eclectic tastes I guess!
Re: Avatar...Personally, I don't think you are missing anything. The CGI is pretty, but the story is meh.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

@Rowan: If your "truckers" had a hat with a blue pine tree on it, they were Dipper. That's his signature. But it IS kind of an obscure costume.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

ROTFLMAO - especially @ Lisa's comment. OMG!

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

Why are there leeches on Heathcrap????!?!?!?!

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJaneway

β€œIt was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Scooby-Doo did have a nephew named Scrappy-Doo, who I hated with the fire of a thousand Note 7s. So, Imma pretend that cake is of Scrappy-Doo. It is even befitting of his name (sCRAPpy).

Is it unhealthy to hang on to such anger towards a fictional, animated animal?

I think I need an Almond Joy. Off to see what the clearance rack at Stater Bros. looks like!

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

I was the smug lucky kid who ALWAYS had home-made costumes--the awesome kind, because my mom was a seamstress. Like, for money. Black cat, tiger, Grover, Jawa... and then, after Mom was no longer able to make the costumes, I made my own. One year, I wore a black leotard and tights, and, over that, a petticoat that I emblazoned, using fabric paint, with words like "transference" and "cathexis". I was a Freudian Slip!! After I got too big to go trick-or-treating, I dressed up to answer the door, with the goal of scaring the "fifth cake" out of all the little kids. Halloween: the one night of the year when there's no "wrong wardrobe choice."
*nostalgic sigh*

Wrong cakes, apparently, are a completely different story.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

Oh poor Elmo. He looks like he is about to be swallowed by the quicksand cake of doom. Run for your lives lol.

November 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

The mention of Cookie Monster "wailing about a tree" reminds me of a Sesame Street story I read as a kid, where a Muppet witch had a talking tree that grew cookies and she put a spell on it to keep it from giving any to Cookie Monster. But then she couldn't have any because the spell only let the tree give cookies to people who share them and aren't greedy. Those kids with the garbage bags could learn a thing or two from that story.

November 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLora

Poor Elmo is being sucked into the wreck. Had to work late last night so we missed the 200 or so little kids who normally terrorize our neighborhood. We live in a small town, but the street is level and has sidewalks and streetlights, so we get carloads of kids from the surrounding rural area. Actually, we didn't really miss them. Plus we've got all that leftover candy now...YUM!

November 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

@Just Andrea Oh my goodness, "the fire of a thousand Note 7s" is hilarious!! I'm totally stealing that! 😁

November 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterScapermama

Oh my, I think the Elmo cake is referencing a meme actually. Google "elmo fire" and I think you'll see it too.

November 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJanuary

#5 = Scooby Poo? Scooby Doo Doo?

Jen, stick to your guns. I haven't seen Avatar either. ;)

November 2, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

The children in my neighbourhood challenged me to a water-fight. I'm just typing here while I wait for the kettle to boil.

November 3, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterkismet

Love your comments on Halloween! You always crack me up! I remember the plastic costumes of the 80's...along with some strange plastic Wonder Woman and Batgirl full-face masks that had holes for the eyes, two little nostril holes and maybe a small hole in the lips, that looked freakishly creepy on the small children that wore them...aww, childhood! And, you aren't missing anything with Avatar (most of the time I wish I had never watched it). :)

November 3, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMorticia

I think the last cake is the source image of the Elmo fire meme.

November 5, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBat21

actually someone said this already, but the Elmo cake is actually spot-on. It's referencing a meme, and looks exactly as it's supposed to c:

November 8, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermiyna

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