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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen


There once was a wedding confection

That failed the bride's final inspection

So we grabbed an airbrush

Painted it in a rush

And told Yanks it was for their election!



I'm finding it rather outrageous

That I have to spend some of my wages

On a cake for my Dad

Of a girl, partly clad

Is it me, or does she look contagious?



I hope you don't find me neurotic

But I'm sure my new heart is necrotic

It rattles and shakes

And I think that it's cake...

Did I mention my surgeon's psychotic?



Clap your hands for poor Tinkerbell

A bee sting has caused her to swell

Grab a fresh EpiPen

And inject her again

For she's really just not looking well.



 If you just can't spell "congratulations"

And your piping skills won't win ovations

You should find a career

Where you won't end up here




Or at least take extended vacations.



I once saw a cake in Nantucket

That had frosting applied by the bucket

Though it's called a nice gift

It's too heavy to lift

So I guess that I'll just have to chuck it.



Thanks to Fiona N., Annabelle K., Melissa J., Michael C.,  Miranda B., Wendy R., Erika H., and Arlene for making me speak in rhyme all day. (Hey guys, are there rocks ahead?)


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Reader Comments (39)

"If there are, we'll all be dead!"
LOVE the limmer-icks, Jen! Well done indeed.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

If there are, we'll all be dead!

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMrslittle

May I recommend a new last line for the final cake with the gag inducing bucket load of icing?

So I guess I'll just have to UP-CHUCK it.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

If there are,
we all be dead!

Stop rhyming, I mean it!

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMarnie

So where does cereal go to celebrate, anyway?

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

If there are, we all be dead!

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

PLEASE tell me all that fruit in the last one is solid icing. PLEASE. I have to believe it.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBea

I'm confused. What's wrong with the first one? I like the flowers.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterM. E.

'SpecialK'? Are they celebrating 25 years at Kellogg's?

Anybody want a peanut?

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKimS

Anybody want a peanut?

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCelest

"Novelty Cake" must be BakerySpeak for, "We found a way to monetize all that nearly-expired buttercream in the walk-in, guys!"

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

That's not Tinkerbell. That's the secret love child of Shrek and Tinkerbell. They call her Stinker, short for Stinkerbell.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

Congvatulations! You have baked a wreck that will feature on "Dracula: Dead and Loving It"

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

What really astonishes me about the first cake is that you can see that the flowers were airbrushed since some of them are in two colors, but they don't appear to consistently align with the airbrushing on the cake itself. Were they airbrushed in a hurry and THEN applied to the cake?

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBorg

Tinkerbell's so small an Epipen would kill her, or at least make her so much worse.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMadison

That "cornucopia ", is it just me, or is that label from Whole Foods?! I expect better from them. At least a lot less frosting.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPupfly

I think that heart looks more like a brain, complete with the cerebellum.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSally Jo

What the HELL happened to poor Tinkerbell? I don't think that can be the sting of just one bee -- I think she got hit by the swarm!

There once was a fairy with an allergy
Who swelled when stung by a bee.
The bees when they swarmed
Made her "unarmed"
And now poor Tink's an amputee.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Does anyone else look at the torso cake and see a surprised minion? No? Just me?

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

You know you've been reading this blog for too long when you think that the first cake doesn't look all that bad.
...I've been reading this blog for too long.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterErin Yvette

I love the "Made In House" burnt ham cake. It looks as if someone tried to cover it with garbage, so they could come back later and sneak it out of there before the vultures start circling overhead.
I don't think they need to worry.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The fruit in the last one is quite good, especially the grapes, but the cornucopia looks like artistically arranged poo.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

I feel like I've earned Carl Kasell's voice on my inbox. Really good job in those limericks!

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSarahbeth

@Betty Martin: For years, my SIL had a pet skunk she named "Stinkerbelle". Belle just recently left us, but I read your post possibly without the humor you meant. It's a familiar name to me.

@HAL: I remember that movie! Shortly after we were married, my husband dragged me to see it in the theater. I wasn't really keen on the idea, & after we watched I decided to listen to my gut more often.

And I never thought I'd be saying this, but that second cake badly needs a bikini wax. Unless it's meant as an emetic.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

There once was a blogger named Jen.
For hilarious posts, she had a yen.
Not one ugly cake
Could escape the fate
Of being skewered by Jen's wittiest pen.

(It tries too hard for the rhyme, but the sentiment's there -- and SaraCVT beat me to the "Day-um, someone needs a WAX!" comment.)

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

Call me crazy, but aren't bikini tops supposed to COVER the nipple?

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterColin

Bravo, bravo!!!

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJan in AZ

Not going to lie, I'd probably still eat that last one.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

I used to find cake wreckoration
Confusing bizarre aberration,
But I now have a thang
For a well-piped poo wang;
I blame Jen for the recalibration.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterdr handle

The last one actually looks really pretty, I was stunned that the fruit was so well made even if most of it IS solid frosting.

October 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNathan R.

To be fair, $18.00 does seem a bit of a steal for That Much Icing.

October 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCharlotte Vera

@ Mandy, I see the minion ... thanks, I think.

Folks -- What is the deal with "If there are, we'll all be dead"? A reference I don't know? Thanks.

@ Jen -- the limericks AND the cakes are amazing!

October 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMary Kay

Wait! Nobody commented on the macaroni on poor Mendon's cake?

October 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMary Kay

Mendon is actually an elementary school in southwestern PA.

October 20, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJai

Woo now this has me laughing once more. I am sick so I sound like a dying horse but still I can't stop laughing. Oh man. Limericks are wonderful.

October 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

@Mary Kay, since I haven't seen any one else reply to you yet: "If there are, we'll all be dead" is the response to "Hey Guys, are there rocks ahead?". Both lines are from Princess Bride, which gets quoted often on Cake Wrecks.

These lines and "anybody want a peanut?" are spoken by a character who speaks in rhymes.

As for the post, loved the limer-icks, heavy on the "ick"!

October 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterbelphebe

wreck #2 needs a bikini wax!!! I´m with @SaraCVT on that
BTW: It´s the first time I´ve seen pubic hair on a cake. I mean: who could ever think someone would have wanted PUBIC HAIR with his cake???

October 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaría

Come on shake you're body baby do that conga. Congadulation!

October 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNiki

The whole "Chay-Anna" made me cringe because I can't tell whether it's meant to be that way, or at least similar, or if it's a misspelling of "Cheyenne." Which, being my name, I've seen A LOT of incorrect spellings for, and many people have said they've never heard the name, city, OR tribe. So if that's what this is then it definitely... Uh.. Takes the cake, for being the worst spelling I've seen yet. But who knows.

November 10, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCheyenne

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