My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Friday Favs 8/28/15

Heather asked her bakery if they could add a unicorn to her cookie cake.

They said - and this is a direct quote - "Yes."


So just so we're clear: the professional baking people said yes, they could add a unicorn to Heather's cookie cake.



"Little did the princesses know that directly above their heads..."

"... lurked the tragically misunderstood tentacle volcano optometrist.


I hear it ain't easy.


"Hey Sal, this drunk melting blue cat just isn't weird enough, you know? Anything else we can add?"

AHA! Pirate chest hat!


Occasions That Call For Sh*t Balloons:

- Your First Hemorrhoid
- Anniversary of Your First Hemorrhoid
- Someone Else Asked About Your Hemorrhoid
- The Hemorrhoid Cream Worked!
- Your Boss's Birthday


Thanks to Heather C., Marie S., Chris H., Joy J., & Michele A. for the crappy occasions.


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:

« Sunday Sweets: Your Favorite Phone Games! | Main | Open Belly, Insert Foot »

Reader Comments (42)

Hmmm...some of those brown balloons could also double as wangs...

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

On the first one I see a pig wearing a Majorette's hat.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

"Your boss's birthday"-perfect! Thanks for the laugh.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel Schaaf

@ Jodi I was thinking that the further to the right the more they looked like winkies

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Paper

Pic #1.....Seriously? It would have been better to just pipe on "U Knee Corn" on the cookie-cake. I didn't know Mrs. J's Kindergarten class added 'cake decorating' to their crayon drawing activity. Wait, nix that, I'm insulting the kids. They would have done a better unicorn than this 'pro'.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered Commentercookiemama

In the first one, I see an aardvark wearing a teeny tiny blue chef's hat. Which is actually kinda fun, so if you just told everyone that's what you were going for, it could work!

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKim

When you write your next book and you go on a book tour and you have a cupcakewrecks contest I will make a tragically misunderstood tentacle volcano optometrist cupcake and I will win.


Thank you.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I guess if you're armed with a tube of pink frosting and a decorator's tip, you, too can scribble anything!

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

You missed the obvious pun...The cat with the pirate's chest other than Octopussy!

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Cats do not have six legs, therefore, that is not a cat.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterlizvocal

I agree with Kim - I'm thinking the creature on the first "cake" might be an extremely rare pink aardvark. But I think it has a blue tiara since it is a girl (after all, it's pink)

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

Between the 2nd & 4th cakes, I'm sensing another "trend" starting in grocery store cakes, "octopuses"....God help us all... (although, technically, #4 is a "sextopus")

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

Re: 'unicorn'. They said they COULD add a unicorn...they didn't say they WOULD. Big, BIG difference.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterUrgo

Sure the second cake isn't supposed to be a shoggoth?

And that third cake was actually meant for someone named Yoda?

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Is it wrong that I kind of like the octopus/tentacles with eyes?? It would be great for my favorite holiday, Halloween. Or maybe a Jules Verne party? Cats DO seem to grow 6 legs when they are angry, but I have never seen one wearing a treasure chest as a hat. That being said, pirate kitty looks much better than the, ahem, "unicorn" on the first cake. Thanks for making me laugh with these!

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

I so want a tragically misunderstood tentacle volcano optometrist cake for my next birthday. This is my favorite Wreck EVER! So beautifully executed and bizarrely random. Sheer genius. I'd like to be...humm humm...under the sea...

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

Yes, but an octopus does not have only six tentacles either, so therefore that is not an octopus.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

The tentacle thing is creepy. What happened to the front row cupcake with no eyeball? Some other creature got it? Wait, changed my mind, I don't want to know!

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuzannah

I have to wonder if some bakeries just decide, consciously, to totally wreckify a cake with the hopes that it'll end up here....

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered Commentereridun

@Subee, I will come to your tour with Jen, and I will vote for your octopus!

@Nerfbomb, you made my day! You're right -- it's a sextopussy! And it has a cocktail ring!

I was so busy looking at the winkies on the last cake, along with Miss Paper, that I missed the garishly Cheeto-esque border piping.

And finally, the "unicorn" cake looks like a pink Pumba warthog. Now THAT is much more believable than a unicorn!!

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

The six-legged cat is obviously a spider kitten from Odd Squad.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFelix

Lizvocal: I don't know about six-legged cats, but the logo of the Italian fuel supplier Agip was a six-legged dog, and later they added a three-legged cat. See

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTachybaptus

The first one went one better and gave them the even-rarer-than-a-unicorn uniwarthog. The rare uniwarthog doesn't have a horn coming from it's forehead like the unicorn, but rather a blue skin bubble that it can inflate and deflate at will. The uniwarthog is thought to be so rare that you can only ever see one on a third thursday after a full moon in a leap year after bathing in unicorn tears. So, basically, never. The depiction of the uniwarthog above was made with someone who really longed to see a uniwarthog.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

I have to say, I do like the octometrist cake very much!

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

"Sh*t Balloons" had me laughing so hard I cried.

I love the octometrist cake a lot, too. Always great when a wreck is a hidden treasure.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKarla in (very dry) CA.

I thought the drunk melting blue cat was holding a toilet plunger

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDavid

Times have changed SO much! No baker would make s*** balloons on my "Yay! I left that human hemorrhoid!" cake and now s*** is used for so many decorating applications.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered Commenters.marie

At first I thought that the blue frosting monster was creepy but now that I see it has a drinking problem that TOTALLY explains it's belief that a treasure chest hat looked good. (Note the pink champagne glass in it's left hand and hiccup bubbles by it's head.

Poor thing. It's going to hate it's blue frosting self in the morning.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJus

I had an idea! (don't be surprised, it happened once before) What about letting cake wreckers submit some of the orders their customers have placed so we can see where a wreck might start? Surely it isn't ALWAYS the decorator's fault.... it?

And for the record, that long legged pig aardvark looks great in a Marge Simpson wig so stop being so mean!

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermsanthrope

Here at my house, "cake" #1 one got the following interpretations: pink pig, boar, and bearded gnu, all with blue hat. As for the last "cake': Balloons? I think not. Bodies do not produce balloons, and whatever those may truly be, they are of obviously bodily production.

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered Commenternanalettie

The tentacle-eyeball monster reminds me of a 1958 B movie called "The Crawling Eye". No, really. I wonder if it's a tribute?

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Coltrane

Now I have "99 Poop Balloons" stuck in my head. (It's a song from 1983.)

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterHairfish

"Can we put a unicorn on the cake? Absolutely! Sure! Yes! We can!" *muttering to self* "We *won't*, but we *can*..."

Jen, when I got to the undersea spider-kitty, I could hardly wait to see what you would choose as the "something we can add" to make it "weird enough." I figured it would either be the treasure-chest hat, or the little martini glass tucked into his left-most elbow. Here's to undersea spider-kitties with treasure-chest hats, drinking martinis! Cheers! *clink* (I hope spider-kitty likes his drinks, um, "watered-down.")

August 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

The melting blue kitty is my favorite cake ever! I might need it on a T-shirt as well.

August 29, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTrina S

Oh man lol. That "unicorn" what exactly is it? I can't tell lol. And the poo balloons could pass for wangs too now I am thinking about the famous Thanksgiving turdkeys.. oh dear.

August 29, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

First one - a pink warthog. Are those pizza slices on Yoda's wreck? And spray cheese from a can on the poop balloon cookie? The drunken pirate kitty is kind of cute. When Trina S makes the T-shirts, I'd like an XL. And I'm with the others, the octometrist cake/ccc monstrosity is strangely appealing.

August 29, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Even allowing that one of those appendages on Pirate Kitty could be a tail, that still leaves one too many legs. O_o
@Julia, "a pig wearing a Majorette's hat" made me double-up with laughter. Now I can't see anything else.

August 30, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

Unbelievably, I can't see where anyone might have already suggested this, so: I submit that
"Tragically Misunderstood Tentacle Volcano Optometrist" be nominated as the name of The Unofficial Cake Wrecks Wrock Band. (WooHoo!!!)
All in favor throw rocks! =^~.~^=

August 30, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Does anyone remember the "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" series? Something about the way the "unicorn" is drawn reminds me of those illustrations. Only pink. Which somehow makes it more terrifying.

August 30, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSharell

Hairfish, I wish you hadn't put that song in my head!!

"99 Poop Balloons,
Splattering out of the summer sky
What kind of beast can Poop Balloons?
That, and get off the ground and fly?"

August 30, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

Okay so that "Sexopussy" (ha!) cake reminds me of Snooch from the webcomic Two Lumps when he's drunk on vodka and playing Captain of the Carpet Ship. Homage? Possibly.

September 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAquila

THIS post is just killing me. I lost it at the unicorn and never recovered. Thanks for the entertainment!!

September 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKahlia

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>