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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen


Warning: A supposedly naughty cake ahead. (But good luck seeing it.)


"We asked for Mike Wazowski from Monsters, Inc."



"This was our Hello Kitty cake:"



"They told us those were flames."



"Believe it or not, it's supposed to be a penis."




Thanks to Amy J., Cindy P., Sara W., & Sarah H., who all knew it was bound to happen sooner or later.


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Reader Comments (59)

Wow - those cakes were EPIC in their awfulness. But those drawings!!! Bwahahahahahahahaha
Love the cats - Hi Lilly and Tonks!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

You just know if they had asked for a cake that looked like the thigh bone of a rhinoceros, it would have looked like a penis.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Well, it looks like a bone alright.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Wait. so all those times bakers aim for castle turrets and rockets, they end up phallic. The time it's supposed to be phallic, it's . . . I don't know what that is, but it is NOT phallic. SMH.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMoira

Silly people, any CakeWrecks follower could have told you that if you want a penis cake you have to order a rocket or a castle or a space shuttle or a baseball I missing anything?

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

The Hello Kitty--it's watching me! Get it off geritoff!!!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

The post in which the proper head tilt for determining "what IS that thing!?" is demonstrated. WARNING: Use of head tilt does not guarantee results. Excessive use of tilt can result in Bonk. No cats were harmed in the making of this episode.

Did anyone else think "Ow" once it was revealed that "Thang" was a penis and noting the candles?

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermsanthrope

It's totally a penis. Now, what animal species it belongs to, THAT is the mystery!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterErica

John(thoJ), I absolutely adore your illustrations!

On another note: what is that fleshy red thing on the right of the hippopotamus thigh bone supposed to be? Looks rather unhealthy.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLcp

The cakes are hilarious, but the highlight is the appearance of the cats. :)

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

I love the way Tonks and Lily are trying to see whats going on, and/or trying to "help"--cats are like that... yeah, they are. =^~.-^= But ...?? on the bone/boner. It looks more like a bloody, headless torso with candle-nipples and a backward butt. (OR, a guy packing quite the *package*.)Never mind-!-just KILL them all with the FIRE on the "Harley" "cake"!
@Kathryn: Let's see...maybe a banana, hot dog, finger, nose, eggs and a hot dog...there must be more, but it's hard to think of others...

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@SeBee....hahahaha! I thought the same thing. I took one look and said it looked like a brontosaurus femur. A bone yes. A boner, um, yeah ....noooooo. bonk!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered Commentercookiemama

Damn, I wrecked my post. I meant "@SuBee". Quick, get me a job at any wreckie bakery!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered Commentercookiemama

It's not a bone it's a "Fonebone"!
I was a big Don Martin (The legendary cartoonist for Mad Magazine) fan when I was a teen.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3460,

The penis cake looks like it has some sort of contagious...something....

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

The return of John! Yay!
And I'm glad to be introduced to Tonks, after Lily. Any link to Harry Potter?
And after all of these unintentionally vulgar cakes, I never thought the reverse could be actually possible… an erotic cake missing the mark. Silly me, underestimating the power of Wreckerators!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAthena

@msanthrope: Yes! "Ow" was the first word out of my mouth. And then I wondered about the candles. . .

Sorry, can't go there on a Monday morning!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

The "flames" look like a flock of ducks attacking the motorcycle and the poor penis looks diseased. It had better get to a doctor and have that looked at....

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Paper

Bwah ha ha ha ha ! This post, its captions, and the comments have officially made my day -- make no bones about it!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

It's really sad when innocuous and innocent things look like a penis but they can't make a penis look like a penis. Loved the drawings!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

Cake #1 would be passable if they'd stuck to the one eye and a single mouth, but there seems to be "stickers" for three different characters there.
"We need to make a 'Mike Wazowski' cake, here's the features stickers."
"Right, wait, which one's 'Mike Wazowski' ? I can never remember."
"I don't remember either, I'll go get the design book and check."
"Naw, don't bother. Reading's for losers anyway. Let's just put all the stickers on."
"Omg, that's genius."
"That's why I'm head decorator."

Cake #2......*squints*
I don't know, maybe if Kitty had fallen into the acid vat with Jack Nicholson in "Batman" she might look like that.

Cake #3 Isn't against labor-laws for bakeries to employ five-year-olds as decorators? If it isn't, it should be. Not for the children's sakes, for the customers'.

Cake #4...*jaw drops*
Egads...and after all those accidental penises in last Wednesday's post.
"Jim, we've been getting complaints that all your cakes look like penises"
"Sorry, boss. They really weren't supposed to look like that."
"Well, it's got to stop in any case. I'm giving you one chance here. If the next cake you make looks like a penis, I'm going to fire you. Are we clear?"
"I'll make sure I never make a cake that looks like a penis again."
*boss exits, co-worker enters*
"Hey, Jim, we just got a new order in. It must be for a bachelorette party, they want a giant penis-cake. You can make one of those, right?"
" problem..."

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

@Kathryn: a flesh-toned hose being held by a fireman

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNight Owl

Was the last cake made by nuns? If it was made by nuns or possibly lesbians I think I'd be OK with it. Not sure who else could get it THAT wrong.... and why is it sitting on a bed of flowers?! And why does it seems to have a diseased red patch on it??

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Nautilus

Most of the time when you post horrifying cakes, the problem is now UNseeing them. But that penis cake? Uhhh.... I just don't see it! If someone looks at that thing and says, "Oh hey, a penis cake!" I am seriously questioning their sanity. If they think that is what one looks like, I am afraid for them. Remedial 5th grade health class is in order.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSixkidsmommy

The cakes are bad, but the drawings are awesome! Make me laugh every time.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

The third cake? I swear I heard Calgary scream. Yes, the whole town.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSherri

It's obvious that the person who made the "penis" cake had no clue what a penis looks like...
And yes my use of quotes is correct cause that ain't no penis....

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterPenny M.

First- LOVE the cats! >^..^<

Second- it looks to me like the penis-ishy looking cake has at least two infectious something-or-other conditions. Yipes!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterChicago

Don't tell me that the second one on the left on the "flame" cake isn't a duck looking up. Yep, it's a duck-up!

Sooo on that one, you know, THAT one, is it possible they asked for a "boner" cake and the sweet little grandmotherly bakery clerk didn't quite understand what they wanted? Either way, they certainly did bone it!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

The candle sticking out of the pee hole on the supposed weiner cake!!!!!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJennC

I once made a penis cake for a girlfriend, complete with hairs and all. You could definitely tell what it was. We wrote 'blow me' on it, and after she blew out the birthday candles, we sprayed whipped cream out of the tip. I think the guys at the party were the most embarrassed!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterIce cream

Now I know what Hello Kitty looks like before makeup and airbrushing. Sigh. Another childhood illusion destroyed.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLuLu

What is the red patch on the wee wee? A rash? An abrasion? I am very concerned for whatever animal this thing came from. Also "Excessive use of headtilt can result in Bonk" should be the disclaimer on every CakeWrecks page.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Dang! Even Tonks and Lily look confuzzled! Can't really say as I blame them!! BTW, how is Lily doing?

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSue W.

Lorena Bobbit cake?

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKae

@ Brooke If you look closely at the red patch, it has writing on it which appears to say "Ham", and it looks like it may indeed be a slice of ham! Mystery solved deepened!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

Great---cartoons, comments and the wrecks that prompted them,

Laughing 'til I cried. Thanks, all!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMary Kay

The cakes are fantastically wrecked, but when John's head fell off I nearly wet myself! Bravo! Bravo!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

Those aren't flames, they're rubber chickens!!! It's the Highway to Clown Hell!

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterflowergirl

That "penis" just killed me. Not literally, though.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCary Vaughn

I doff my to you, john! That last cartoon is priceless; is it Lily or Tonks who is checking you out?

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

This is why nuns should not be allowed to make erotic cakes.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Nothing dong. (Oh I have wanted to use that for so long!) [Read if you don't know why ... Nothing doing...]

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBriana

Hee hee! "Excessive use of head tilt may result in Bonk." I agree, definitely should be the CakeWrecks disclaimer.

@Bigg3460: I'm a Don Martin fan too! Fester Bestertester and Carbuncle! "National Gorilla-Suit Day!" (Soon to be rivaled by "National Rhinoceros Femur Cake Day.")

Oh, and that burning sensation? It's just the candles.

July 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

YAY Tonks!! It's nice seeing the whole family represented now.

and to the questionable content cake - yeah, only phallic in that it's a bone, although, if it is a penis, OUCH on that one candle placement. I don't have that organ but I certainly wouldn't want a candle placed there.

July 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterVickie

What the.. looking at the supposed penis cake all I can think of is that is looks like a chopped off leg bone or something lol. Wow. As for Hello Kitty she has some serious eyeliner problems that or someone gave her two black eyes. Poor Kitty.

July 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

@Kathryn: Jedi light saber.

July 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

The cat cake looks like Eben from Two Lumps when he is freaked out!

July 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTien

Figures. The one time you *want* a cake to look like a penis . . .

July 28, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRoxy Random

So, who exactly made that penis cake? Well, for starters not anyone who actually owns one!

July 28, 2015 | Unregistered Commentertgriff02

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