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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Friday Favs 10/9/15

A few of my favorite submissions this week.


They asked for a Flash-themed birthday cake. You know, that new show on the CW?

Yeah. That one.


They got this:

So... A++ on really nailing those colors.


Speaking of which, Brittany M. asked her bakery to write, "A+ 100!" on her cake, either to celebrate good grades or a really obscure math joke.

Anyway, since that's all she wanted, Brittany asked them to write it pretty big.

You knew this was coming, didn't you.


Last weekend it dropped below 80 for the first time here in Orlando, so to celebrate:


Or is that a worm dragging potatoes?

Either way, I think it gets the point across: YAY FALL.


And now, the ugliest Christening cake... of all time:

This was clearly decorated by a hung-over, one-eyed, peg-fingered pirate prone to hand spasms and angry tirades about how much he hates cake. And decorating. And children.

Though judging by all the little scuff marks, he may have let the parrot help.


And finally, the submission that made John shout with laughter and then insist on reading aloud to me:


Tina F. writes,

"I was overseeing a conference of over 170 priests and deacons, and ordered 2 cakes for dessert. When asked how they should be decorated, I told the baker, 'no decorations - just make them look like dessert cakes. On the chocolate maybe some chocolate drizzle, on the carrot cake maybe little carrots and sprinkles with nuts.'"

I get the feeling the baker only wrote down the first part of what Tina said, though, because here are the two cakes she received:

Give it a minute.

Oh, what a difference an S makes.


Thanks to Samantha C., Brittany M., Melissa F., Laura, & Tina F. for not "deserting" us.


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Reader Comments (51)

Just as some families use the same cherished christening gown for generations, Noreen's family has used the same christening cake since 1959. It's a beautiful tradition.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Oh, hey, there's a new one; Happy Birldhay!

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

The christening wrong. What was it before the pirate got to it? The gold rings, the feathers (?) with the silver dragees, the weird blue squiggle, the obviously scraped spot...all so yummy. Urk.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJoybeth

When I crolled down to see the priests' cakes and saw the cacti, my first thought was, "Those are strange crosses!" I had to go back and re-read. (Yes, it's the end of a very stressful week.)

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Laughing. Out. Loud.
Little. Desert. Cakes.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterlynn

Personally I kinda like those dessert cakes. But what's with the mounds of slightly different colored frosting?

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJubles

I laughed so hard when I got to your parrot comment! Personally, I'm weirdly terrified of feathers, and would NOT be happy to find even fake ones on a cake. @Subee, I think you're right -- that thing's been recycled since 1959!

The cacti on the last one look good at least, but what are the round globs supposed to be? Ant hills? Cow patties?

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

What are all the bumps on the desert cakes? Sand dunes?

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLAT

The cacti on the desert cakes look rather good. Too bad the wanted cakes for dessert.

Easy way to remember spellings - sweets are desserts because you always want two. (Than you third grade English teacher for the learning pun).

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMelmac

I am convinced the christening cake was made ugly on purpose. There is no way on earth that thing was done with anything but malice in the heart of the baker.

Now, about the dessert cakes...that reminds me of the joke about the phrase "I like eating my pets and family." Don't be a psycho, use punctuation. Whatever, it made me laugh....don't judge....

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Paper

Sahara or Gobi?

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Omg that last one XD XD

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

The last cakes would be perfect for us here in Tucson AZ!

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJunebug

Wow. Just, wow at the 'desert' cakes. Now I'm wondering what kind of wreck would have happened if they tried to make 'dessert' cakes!

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterErica

@SuBee: That tradition started so no one had to actually EAT the cake.

I thought that feathered thing in the christening cake was a mosquito. Feathers? Not all that much better, surprisingly. *hurk*

The desert cakes: those odd colored parts are the lightening sand, of course! It is not exclusive to the Fire Swamp.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

I wonder what those desert cakes would have looked like if she had asked for them 'plain'?

buffaloes and grass? with pheasants? amber waves of grain?

[Editor's note- LOL. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. -john (thoJ)]

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKim

@SaraCVT, not Sahara nor Gobi, the Sonoran Desert is where saguaro cacti grow.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMariaTeresa

@Andrea, I think you hit the nail on the head! Lightening sand it is! We all love a good Princess Bride reference. (But you've all gotta keep your hands off my movie husband, Cary Elwes!)

@Kim, I'm with John -- brilliant!

So, it took me staring and blinking a few times BEFORE I read the caption on wreck #3 before I realized it wasn't supposed to be a dismembered butterfly. EEK!

No one has comment on the complete flop which is wreck #1. C'mon baker, you could have put SOME effort into it! That wreck reminds me of the awesomely campy Flash Gordon movie from the 80's. I've never gotten its theme song out of my head. "FLASH! Ah aaaaaaaa!"

And, wreck #2 gets a D- (It doesn't get an F because the flowers are nice.) and a 55.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

What was that movie in the 80s with Kevin Bacon and the giant worm things? I think the happy little cactuses (cacti?) are camouflage for something sinister under those freaky mounds.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

des(s)ert cakes ... *headdesk*

The Flash cake - did it come from the bakery like that or was it home-wreckorated?

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterChicago

Kim for the win!

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

Here is how I always remember the difference between desert and dessert. I ALWAYS want more dessert so it has more letters in it. Hey--it works for me!

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn

You would think that by now, customer would have dicovered the hazard of ordering pecific design or incription on their pastrie. The average cholastic ucce of the upermarket taff ytematically aure that thee mistake will continue to happen. Not that we're grouing. Keep the wreck coming, baker. We'll provide the nide comment and snicker.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Regarding cake #1, why would a bakery hire a serial killer to do the writing?
Regarding the last cake(s)? Now, that just sounds like a bad joke that would go something like...
A priest and some deacons walk into a bakery...
or about:
A priest, a deacon, and baker are stranded in the desert...
Yeah, that's a funny one!

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

@Kim Either that or pilots and runways!

@Bluebonnet Was Kevin Bacon in Dune?

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDB

Is it just me, or does the christening cake look like a re-purposed wedding cake? The white flowers, silver lollies of the valley, and gold rings say wedding or anniversary.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFelix

This is why I don't even try to get any cake type or design I can't do myself. I am a reasonably competent amateur, so I figure that "not absolutely perfect, but at least decent and legible" is far better than "total freaking fail for 50 bux or worse."

Problem is, my arthritis isn't getting any better. I'll have to train up my husband in cake dec before it's too late. lol

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered Commentergothchiq

@Bluebonnet, you're thinking of Tremors.

And @Felix, I thought the same thing. The ring is really misplaced on a christening cake. The whole cake needs to be sprinkled with holy water!

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I think the Kevin Bacon movie you are referencing is Tremors. That certainly could explain those desert hummocks!

A worm dragging potatoes...yeah, that's about right! Even if you were trying to make a branch with fall leaves attached, it should be a brown branch with green leaves speckled with fall sprinkles...

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

I was kind of relieved by the desert cakes. When the description said that it was for a conference full of priests and deacons, I expected something vulgar like oddly shaped rockets or chocolate poo piles.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermagicdomino


I know, but do you think these bakers have a stronger grip on geographic accuracy than they do on spelling?

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

As a comic book nerd, I have to point out that the lightning bolt on the Flash cake is also wrong. The Flash: lightning bolt with two pointy ends. Captain Marvel: lightning bolt with a flat top. Same colors, red with a yellow lightning bolt. So.... nice Captain Marvel cake.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermandy

The desert/dessert cake has been done deliberately in Super Mario:

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTachybaptus

A priest, a deacon, and a baker are in a bar having a drink. The bar is across the street from a brothel. While they are drinking, they see another deacon enter the brothel.
"Shameful," says the deacon. "It's sad to see a man of the cloth give in to temptation."
Later, a priest enters the brothel.
"Well," says the priest, "at least the ladies, who have been treated so poorly, have time to confess their sins."
Then they see a baker enter the house of ill repute.
"Hoo Boy!" exclaims the first baker. "Somebody's gonna get a yeast infection!"

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

I think the round blobs on the dezert (see how easy that was?) cakes are supposed to be tumbleweeds.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

How I love CakeWrecks! I'm left shaking my head on a bad day, holding my head on a worse day, and sharing with friends on the worst of all!

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRadiofiesta

Janet -- A British cake wrecker wouldn't need to simulate tumbleweed. It is sold here as a breakfast cereal under the name of Shredded Wheat:

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTachybaptus

Re the 1959 christening cake. I'll bet there's fruitcake under all that weird icing.

October 9, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Well that Flash cake looks like someone just dobbed mustard on it and hoped it looked like the symbol and that no one would notice lol. Blah. Hey at least the cacti looked like cacti on those cakes. They could have been much worse than that lol.

October 10, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Are those silk flowers on the "Christening" cake? There's NO WAY the wreckerator created them... they must be premade... but they look more like fake/silk flowers to me than hard icing flowers. Strange.

I scrolled slowly and stopped to figure out what reading just "the first half" might bring, so I was fully expecting desert cakes. The cactuses and borders are fairly cute for desert cakes, but I agree those random and consistent desert mounds are perplexing!! Were they supposed to be mirages of water? Or, most probably, sand dunes? But why are they so evenly spaced? And so circular? Maybe they're a hoax... this is the biggest mystery since crop circles!! INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!! :)

October 10, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterK Michelle

On the christening cake... are those dragonfly wings??!

October 10, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

"Though judging by all the little scuff marks, he may have let the parrot help."

— made my day.

October 10, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermrsbridgewater

That christening cake looks like a window special from days of old - where the baker would frost cardboard (pre-styrofoam, you know) and leave it in the front window to entice customers. Then it would fade from the sun, get dusty and a few cobwebs.

So now I'm trying to figure out if the baker had run out of cakes and still wanted the job. Or maybe Crazy Aunt Miriam had been walking past the window for 50 years and really wanted that specific cake for something!

October 10, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterElizabethB

The "desert cakes" at the Diocesan synod were too funny, now I know what was really weird about those cakes - the strange circular mounds beside the cacti. What did they have to do with the desert? Perhaps the cake decorator was thinking of Roswell, New Mexico and the mounds represented burial sites for aliens, or maybe not... the mystery continues....... Fr. John

October 10, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJohn Harris

Did Noreen die?

October 10, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCChris

The Flash and the Christening cake look like they ordered a plain cake and decorated it at home for no other reason than I can believe and actual bakery that sells cakes would still be in business if that is the mess they come up with.

October 10, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKami

@SuBee - thanks for the giggle-snort! I wonder if underneath the dusty frosting atrocity, lies the one fruitcake that exists in the world.

As for the last 2 cakes, perhaps the wreckerators just thought that the priests and deacons would like to revisit the last few books of the Old Testament. With the heat we've had in SoCal this summer, it sure feels like we've been wandering the desert for 40 years!

October 10, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

@ElizabethB -in Britain and some of the Commonwealth, a layer of the wedding cake is saved by the couple to have at their first child's christening. The wreckerator just took the top layer from the decades old window wedding cake, scraped off the writing, and added the new lettering.

Perhaps the swirly mounds on the *desert* cakes are dust devils for the priests to exorcize.

October 11, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterjeliecam

I THINK that the mounds are supposed to be suns, like you'd see drawn in comics or bad cartoons. Idk, just guessing. As desert cakes go, they're not bad. Too bad someone didn't know the difference btwn "desert" and "dessert". Honestly.

October 11, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterleadfootjen

I don't understand why you'd describe a sheet cake as a "dessert cake". That kind of cake IS a dessert. Is there a decorating style for dessert cake? What am I missing?

October 11, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSheila

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