No Butts, No Cuts, NO BUTTS
September 1, 2014 (Warning: Mildly traumatizing cake ahead. Not safe for overly inquisitive children.)
For Labor Day I thought I'd continue one of my personal labors of love:
Convincing bakers to stop butting in on baby shower cakes.
;)
Now, see, this next cake was fine. Why dump half a toddler on it?
;)
'Cuz here's the thing, bakers: even when a butt cake is well executed, it still looks, well...
;)
...executed.
But(t) no matter what I say, you guys just keep making them!
And if anything, the butts are getting MORE disturbing.
;)
o.0
;)
WHOOPS.
Not a butt. My bad.
[evil grin]
That said, some of these are getting SO ridiculous it's actually kind of awesome:
;)
Heck, I want to see this turned into a sit-com. We'll call it Two And A Half Babies. Short Stack here will wear a cute little hat on her waist stump and be perpetually waddling into walls. The other two babies will take turns stealing her boyfriends. Eh?
Oh, you know you'd watch it.
***
HAPPY LABOR DAY!
Thanks to Andrea B., Renee W., Anony 1 & Anony 2, Kiri S., & Susanna F. for the rear view wreckage.
*****
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Reader Comments (59)
Not sure I'd watch it, but there is so much crap on T.V. you can never say never...
But.... but..... these bakers didn't put in much labor at all!
HRK ..... really don't know why this is a thing.
The second-to-last cake is horiffically disturbing. Cannot unsee...
But I would watch the sitcom.
This is a butt cake?
I thought it was a pizza,
the bulbous kind.
How you feel about these cakes depend on whether you see the baby as half living or half deceased...
I actually like the concept of the last one! It's not just putting half a baby on a cake. The tuchus could have been positioned better. Lol
I just do not get these cakes. WHy a baby butt? And as for the va-jay-jay cake, I for one would not want to see that at a baby shower much less eat a slice of it! That just seems wrong on so many levels!
I hate making these I just don't get it
These are horrid. People really need to stop this nonsense. This as well as the tiny dead babies on top of cakes and the equally horrifying pregnant belly cakes with the foot forcing it's way out of the side. Have a little class people!
I was born on Labor Day, butt today is not my Birthday. (Tee hee)
These cakes deeply disturb me. What disturbs me more is that bakers wouldn't make them if people would stop ordering them. Vicious cycle: pregnancy, friend planning baby shower, disturbing baby shower cake.
The legs on the one with the tutu? I think I'm going to have nightmares for week! Ack!
That fifth cake puts the "labor" in Labor Day. O.o
And it puts me right off my breakfast, too. :-p
So wrong, so wrong, so wrong....from the pickled jalapeno apple slices to the baby with its head caught between the crib and the mattress (call 911!) and then the "you might also like" window says "MAN THONG"! I am greatly disturbed...
Yikes.... and 1/2 babe #4 has the worst case of jaundice the world has EVER seen... or those legs are made out of mustard poo. Yuck!
the notification for this post was immediately followed in my FB feed with the link to the all farts version of Nicki Minaj's Anaconda video... now I can't stop giggling about the idea of farting baby butt cakes!
The vagina cake looks like it would take a long time to create. So why didn't the baker question what they were doing?
Plus, how do you slice that without making episiotomy jokes?
Why is the vajayjay on butt cheeks? That is so wrong on every level. I do love the use of chocolate jimmies for hair though.
I thought that the buttercream legs were croissants. We need to start making these out of those round loaves of bread and croissants and serve with dip.
Dear god why? Won't someone please think of the children?
#5 I know where Cabbage Patch Kids come from and there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with that cabbage! I will forward that picture to my horticulturist* friends and see what they say.
Waiting for response . . .
Hmm. Apparently that cabbage is infected with a disease known as LMFAO. I learned something today! :)
*Which reminds me of one one of my favorite Dorothy Parker quotes: "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
Butt - ugly or asinine ?? I can't decide .
Yep, that face one still looks like it's on a butt. And the last one looks more like a teddy bear's legs. Weird!
Cakes perhaps made by
Depression era bakers:
Half better than none
(sorry, Haiku Joy....and congrats on the new job and "new" kids!)
I am truly traumatized by the 2nd to last cake. That's disgusting.
Aaaaarhhh!! My eyes! Seriously horrifying, per usual.
Also, I'm shaking my fist at you for that Not A Butt cake!
Skipping over the unfortunate accident that left this poor woman without legs, why would anyone eat a cake on which you could choke on not one, but TWO kinds of hair, one of which is nylon? Hair ball!
And tutu butt baby's legs remind me of a former flame's, um, "third leg." Really. Poor guy.
The first one is a pizza head for sure!!! That's a thing, right?
And absolutely NO warning while scrolling down and being assaulted by that cabbage patch kid coming out of that, well, other patch? And isn't the whole "thing" upside down???? I read the warning at the beginning, but still was totally unprepared. The stump children were horrifying enough.
These are so scary and why?!?!! Especially #5, I had to cover my eyes. Who does these things?
When I looked at that first cake I thought the diaper looked like a pizza. Mushrooms, pepperoni, on a bed of Mozzarella! I was thinking what does pizza have to do with babies?..
disturbing... on so many levels...
As a kid, I was the mother of twelve Cabbage Patch Kids, so the second to last cake is disturbing on multiple levels. Where is the body? Did they decapitate the CPK just to make that awful cake? (What a horrible job that would be!)
Why does Cake #4 have two sandworms on it? Are they referring to "sugar and spice" or (referring to the movie) the tremors the mother will feel?
And @Sara: Cheers from another Sara born on a (semi) holiday! In my case, I was born on Father's Day; the eldest, so it was "Happy Father's Day, you're a father!" But(t) it isn't my birthday every year, either.
I thought she was putting the 'naughty' (the most charitable word I have for it) stuff on the other site? I'd hoped we'd be safe from that disgusting junk. Putting the birth cake here was a tasteless thing to do. But evidently that's how she gets her jollies. That's not much better than the crude people who ordered and made the cake. Time to take a break from this site and its sponsors.
[Editor's note- Hi Heather. We do occasionally put a slightly naughty cake on Cake Wrecks though we are always careful to post a warning at the beginning. We thought putting a birthing cake might get a startled laugh and since we're a humor site, being jolly is kinda what we're going for. As always, I'm sorry we offended you. Have a fantastic day. -john (the hubby of Jen)]
Not everyone likes every cake and some cakes are executed better than others. When a customer sends a picture of a cake to a baker and the customer is truly happy with it, that's all that matters.
These cakes would have been just fine if the wreckerator had left off the half-babies. Except the va-jay-jay cake. Nothing can save that, except a blender and a garbage can.
And someone needs to give that person an anatomy lesson. Babies don't emerge from women's butts.
That last cake looks like a PSA for crib safety. "This is what happens if your crib mattress height is not properly adjusted!" Or maybe if you don't use the right crib bumpers. Either way, don't let this happen!
Didn't the BEE GEES sing something like...
If I can't half you
I don't want no body baby ?
Yay, @Sandy!
Was there a switch on the first cake? Why do people keep talking about pizza when it's a monkey on a butt? Did I miss some cultural reference?
I thought cake #4 had those Bugle snacks for legs . . . horrible, over-sized, salty, disgusting Bugles. On a cake. With a tutu.
I thought, "well, there's my nightmare tonight."
Until I saw Cake #5.
Even I cannot repeat what my husband said when he saw the Cabbage Patch Birthing Cake. Goodness knows how many people I'd offend if I did...
It was pretty funny, though.
Did someone up there really complain about cake wrecks posting a...cake wreck? Just because it's tasteless? Ohhhhh I get it- "Heather" must've made the vajayjay cake, that's why she's all up in arms over it appearing here.
I'm mad too- but only because I can't unsee the awfulness and can't stand the thought that somewhere, walking around, is a person who thought that would make a GREAT cake, lol
In defense of the bakers (who make them well at least), I have to say the blame for this trend not dying is often on the customer. it is disturbing how often I get requests for these or baby bump cakes. All you can do is make it well in the hope everyone who hates these things will not think you're a totally incompetent baker for doing so.
Showed my hubby the cabbage patch cake and he says "that's Alotta Fagina!" Now we have to watch Austin Powers...
Blog performance art!
"Monkeys Ate the Pizza" is
about my childhood.
Who else has the urge to draw a face on the tutu-butt one?
@FM -- I saw Bugles the first time I saw it, too.
Oh my gosh - "it still looks, well…executed" had me laughing SO hard!
@bob, I keep going back through the cakes looking for pizza. Jon (thoj), was there a change?
[Editor's note- Yup. Sorry about that. We had a baker ask us to take down a photo so we replaced it. Baby butt posts always end up with take down requests so we have backup cakes. Yeah. -john]
@Connie is right. These cakes were executed. Are these half babies' heads hanging over the edge and being sick over the whole thing? Are they buried in the cake, unable to breathe? Buns and legs may be easier to make than the upper half of the body, but why do either? Tutu cake's "legs" remind me of geoducks.