The Jeers Of A Clown
August 7, 2014 Now if there's a smile on my face,
;)
It's only there trying to fool the public!
;)
But when it comes down to scaring you
;)
Now, missy, that's quite a different subject
;)
So don't let my glad expression
;)
Give you the wrong impression
Really I'm bad!
;)
Oh, badder than bad!
You've gone and you've made me so mad!
;)
Once you're alone I'm gonna be glad!
'Cuz there's some bad things known to man
But ain't too much badder than...
The jeers of a clown
;)
When there's no one around!
;)
"And I bet those jeans are relaxed fit, too."
Thanks to Tylar K., Amy H., Stephen M., Meggan B., Drew M., Karyn B., Jennifer, Kasandra G., & Emma P. for finding that last one on the cover of a vintage Wilton decorating book. o.0
*****
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Reader Comments (43)
When I want the kids
to leave me alone, sobbing,
I read cookery.
According to Dictionary.com:
COULROPHOBIA: An abnormal fear of clowns.
Abnormal? Sorry, I defy anyone to look at the last few cakes and NOT be afraid. (Now I'm going to go hide under the bed.)
I shall add the Wilton cover photo to my box of evidence that things were NOT better in the [fill in the decade in which you were young and which was, in your opinion, a simpler more wonderful time] - A time when children respected their elders, people were kind and helpful and clowns were not intent on killing you.
Offence is defence.
I see your packing peanuts
through the toothpaste, cake.
I actually like the second one. Oddly Aardman-like. She looks like someone the farmer from Shaun the Sheep would date.
The "You're Ugly" cake for some reason has croutons on it. Hope they are not garlic-herb.
Almost as frightening as the clowns are the croutons on the "You're Ugly" cake. What twisted mind . . .?
[Note: the following comment is NSFF (Not Suitable For Facebook). It contains intellectual snobbery by referring to the final line of the Italian opera, “Pagliacci,” (“Clowns”).]
I think today’s post proves what Canio said: “La commedia è finita!”
The photo credit on the last thing reads:"vintagepictorialencyclopediaclown". I suggest that we simply name it "Misery". =^e.e^=
Clownbusters
If there’s something strange in you’re bakery,
Who ya gonna call? Clownbusters!
They’re just frosting goo, not much cakery,
Who ya gonna call? Clownbusters!
With angry eyes (whoa, some look dead!)
Who ya gonna call? Clownbusters!
Sharyn's gone underneath her bed,
Who ya gonna call? Clownbusters!
I ain't afraid of no clowns.
That one just looks drunk.
I ain't afraid of no clowns.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
You had a dose of a freak clown killer
Think you better call, Clownbusters!
Who ya gonna call? Clownbusters!
Who ya gonna call? Clownbusters!
See the Scary Looking Clown
(with apologies to Bobby Goldsboro, who wrote and sang “See the Funny Little Clown” fifty years ago….)
See the scary looking clown
See him leering as you walk by.
You know what makes him happy?
It’s the look of total fear in your eyes.
Loves it when you’re crying,
Really hopes your dying on the inside
Cause he’s laughing on the outside, mm.
Run and hide, run and hide.
See the funny little clown, there’s evil behind that smile.
We all know he’s laughing
While our esophagus fills up with bile.
How he loves to scare us, see how his eyes look dead on the inside,
And he keeps laughing on the outside, mm,
Run and hide, run and hide.
This scary looking clown you never used to see him around,
Without his girl beside him to love and guide him.
Until one day he scared her away
And to this very day he says he never loved her anyway.
Mm, and now you know the history
How came to be that smiling, creepy clown.
See the scary looking clown…..
That third one is a scary combination of a Sphynx and a clown!
**Crawls under bed to hide with Sharyn, clutched in a fetal position**
I just have one word to say:
AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely blanket fort time.
Cake #6: Hmmph! I never wanted to be a cake decoration, but Mama insisted...I'm gonna run away to the circus!
That second clown is either really, really relaxed or has had his bones removed a la Bradbury's story "Skeleton." (Since we're talking about creepy . . .)
At least the "You're Ugly" is spelled correctly!
No. 5 just cracks me up. Frowny Clown? Those ice cream cone things, however, will have me eating ice cream out of a dish ONLY for weeks to come.
@Sharyn: you are not alone. My son also has coulrophobia. It's my fault: his nursery was a circus theme with many clowns, including clowns on the mobile I made for him.
Woowee! I'm a Wreckporter now! Or maybe, since I found that last creepy one in an old book, a Wrecky Archeologist.
Maybe that should be one word: Wreckyarcheologist. Wreck-yark-YAWL-ow-gist.
Hm. I kinda like it.
I really know I shouldn't be...but I'm shocked that the last clown is on the COVER of a cake DECORATING MANUAL!!! This website could've been started long before it was. If only internet was invented sooner.
@ Jodi- YES!!! I was thinking to my self "Self, why is there a Sphinx with a clown head on CW?" That's just taking advantage of a beloved icon and ruining it...Sphinx, we are very sorry for whoever created this clownstrosity, please forgive us.
@ Dorothy- I KNOW right! Like one of the few times I've seen the "you are" contraction spelled correctly here and it is just...WOW...
@ mel- farce indeed! If these had been ACTUAL clowns, we'd all be shivering in the blanket fort with Kymster or under the bed with Sharyn and Jodi....<shudder>
I wasn't really afraid of clowns until I started coming here. Now I'm terrified. I think I had a little clown figurine when I was little that had the same head as the 3nd one up there. It wasn't scary back then!
And for the record, I'm 67.5% sure the "croutons" on the You're Ugly are cheesecake pieces and that's a Dairy Queen ice cream cake.
Hey @Sharyn and @Jodi, skootch over and let me in!
@mel ~ So what you're saying is I should tell the future grandbaby to avoid dating clowns. Got it! Terrifying story, sir! Nicely done!
@SuBee ~ Thanks for the earworm o.O
When I was small - maybe 4 or 5 years old - my parents took us all to the circus, one of the old fashioned ones with animals, trapeze artists and, yes, clowns. I remember the clowns scared me so much, and terrified me with the loud bangs of balloons popping, that every time they came into the ring, I would head out to the bathroom. I was scared rigid. My mother remembers that trip as being the one where she spent an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. I'm not (so) bad with clowns now, but I still HATE the sound of balloons popping.
As for the cakes, Well, I wouldn't so much slice them up, as stab them with the cake knife just to make sure they couldn't come alive on me...
I knew that last one looked familiar. I think my mother had that book.
I'm not afraid of real-life clowns, but these things (especially the last one) are CREEPY! o_O
No wonder kids are afraid of clowns. Some of those may give me nightmares. However, I would like a slice of the cake with the croutons, please, with extra sprinkles.
#4 Mmm just what I always wanted on my cake; scoops of mashed potatoes in ice cream cones! *hurk*
I do not understand why people think all kids love clowns. The only clown I could ever stand to look at was Emmett Kelly, Jr. When I had my own kids, I banned clown-related articles from the house because people WILL insist that your kids love clowns.
I recall taking my kids to birthday parties where clowns were making balloon figures. I would end up sitting to the side watching for which kids didn't like the clowns. I would collect them under my wing and provide backup so they could get their balloon flowers or whatever.
These cakes do not assuage any lingering distrust of clowns that I have. I cannot believe that the last one is from a Wilton book. It looks like a burlap clown scarecrow. Horrors!
Pretty sure the "crouton" cake is one of Dairy queen's cheesecake chunk cakes... probably tastes a lot better than it appears :p and i wonder if I'm the only one under 30 who knows that song?? Haha
I'm surprised now that Wilton is such a successful company when it should have been destroyed by frightened villagers a long time ago.
Your just too funny!!!!! :D :D :D :D
My grandmother, whom I adore, died two years ago, leaving a house full of perfectly nice, non-clown-related knick-knacks. On her deathbed, she decided my two sisters and I MUST have the three matching clowns she crocheted. My clown is in the closet, in a bag that is inside a box that's in a bigger box. I miss you Meemaw! Please don't haunt me through the clown!
@VaBeach alemaP: I think if these had been actual clowns…I’d hate to think of the panic in the streets…dealing with clowns – it’s no circus….
@Jodee: yes…avoid dating clowns…and watch for these tell-tale signs: (1) owns more make-up than you do, (2) wears a squirt flower boutonniere, (3) thinks a large, red swollen nose is “sexy”, (4) has a closet full of shoes that are waaaaaay too big, (5) owns a bicycle horn but not a bicycle, (6) all his pets are balloon animals, (7) has a very small car but it can hold 15-20 people….
You just had to use my name in a post about clowns, didn't you? (shudder)
The really vintage Wilton books have stuff in them that would be Wrecky by today's standards. It's like the Stone Age of cakes.
Now THIS will teach me not to look at Cake Wrecks when I can't sleep! What's next, scary oompa loompa cakes?
Oh man lmao. If I didn't dislike clowns before I sure do now thanks to these wreckerators. Nightmare inducing wreckage. Time to find a place to hide lol.
What's on top of the (second) last one, marshallows? I know about the whipped cream and sprinkles, but the others?
Highfive Rachel CrazyMum that's exactly what I want to do when I see cake shaped baby shower cakes! I so much want to make sure they ARE just cake.
Am I the only one who doesn't think the second cake is that bad? I mean, that one looks downright friendly in comparison to the others, especially that last one. Or maybe I've been coming here too long and now find even moderate wreckiness to be acceptable...
Degera, I agree that cake #2 isn't SO bad, but it doesn't look professional. It's the kind of cake a home baker makes for a kid, provided that no-one in the household has coulrophobia.
Cake 7: Cyanide and Happiness.
maybe you've done it already, but what about a Sunday Sweets post with non-scary clowns? or clowns that are meant to be scary (like a Halloween cake)? cute clowns, funny clowns, acrobatic clowns...not nightmare clowns.
I'll never understand other people being afraid of clowns. They're not scary!
I don't know about y'all, it that last one reminds me of John Wayne Gacy..