All Dolled Up & Nowhere To Run
August 4, 2014 Believe it or not, doll cakes can be tricky! Observe:
Stick the doll in too low, and she looks like she's being swallowed:
;)
Too high, and she's being abducted by aliens:
;)
Not to mention there's all that pesky "understanding how a doll cake works" thing:
;)
"Wait... the cake is supposed to be her skirt? OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Happily bakers are putting their own spin on the classic doll cake, though, and now there are so many more styles to choose from! Like:
The "Just Woke Up From A Weekend In Vegas":
;)
Best served with warm Tequila and a cold shower.
The "Smart Women Stand In Blue Meringue Pies":
;)
The "Fish Story":
;)
She's little in the middle but she's got much... tail?
The "Frozen Princess... Defrosted":
;)
Oh, and that reminds me:
;)
YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, RITA.
And finally, my very favorite:
The "Creepy Doll Bridal Party":
;)
This one has a fun feature: when the time comes to cut the cake, they all turn their little heads in your direction and just. STARE.
Thanks to Tina L. Sandra, Anne S., Kylie M., Kimberly C., Lia A., Katy M., Meghan W., & Kelly K. for getting all dolled up on us.
(If you're wondering why that last one's my favorite - and you have a high tolerance for creepy dolls - you might like this. :D)
*****
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Reader Comments (47)
So she's got some bass.
No need to carp about it.
Your life needs porpoise.
I was thinking to myself, "Some of these really aren't so bad," until I had a chance to look at the awesomeness that is yesterday's Sunday Sweets.
Your heart on your sleeve
and your meds on your ballgown -
Wear them both with pride.
OK, parodiests -- I've got nothing. I await your brilliance.
I DO like the Pepto Bismol marshmallows on Vegas Barbie -- that's really thoughtful.
all i could think of with cake #1 was "i'm drowning!" your caption on the creepy bridal cake made me laugh out loud - in the library - fortunately i laughed quietly.
I always wondered if there were fat mermaids.
Anyone else having problems with the site loading slowly over the last couple of days? All my other sites load fine, but Cake Wrecks lags big time now. :(
(Editor's note- Hi WM! Can you email me so I can try to figure this out? I hate when our site is slow. Thanks! -john (thoJ) comments@cakewrecks.com]
That mermaid has big hips....Wait! Do mermaids have hips? oO
As for the CREEPY wedding party.....Chalk this up to bad idea, bad planning, bad execution, and, as if the exorcisst green wasn't enough, the feeling that they are going to rise up and slaughter the guests....
I did my best to type with high pitched, Frankie Valli fingers. Also, I'd like to note that wreck number four looks like Michelle Bachman (double wreck?)
(To Rag Doll)
Oh she was just a doll dressed in a frosting gown
They always laughed at her when she came into town
Called her Wrecked Doll
Messy Wrecked Doll
Such a creepy face
Should be sent to space
Ooh, ooh
Ah, Wrecked Doll ooh, ooh
Wrecked Doll, ooh
I’d change her fish tail
Lose the fish scales
If I could
Baker’s won’t let me
‘Cause they’re plainly just no good
She’s a wrecked doll
Tacky, dreck doll
No one loves her, OH
She’s a frosting ho
Ooh ooh
Ah, Wrecked Doll
Seeing you left me with a scar
Oh, Wrecked Doll, ooh
Oh, Wrecked Doll, ooh
It's possible the creepy doll bridal party are after the ' braaaaaaaiiin (s) !!!! ' on Vegas Barbie's skirt .
O_o
Just waiting for the parody of Aqua's Barbie Girl now.
Fans of The Young Ones might remember this:
Got myself a sinkin’, drownin’
Long-legged, frownin’
STUCK IN DOLL
Gonna drop her in the water,
Think she oughter
HAVE A BALL.
Had a Vegas high, then found some pie and
Sank that gal and scroll….
Giant fishy tails in golden scales – that’s stuck-in dolls…
Melting Elsa’s trapped, let’s call the wrap on stuck-in dolls…
Creepy bridesmaid’s eyes, that’s some surprise from stuck-in do-ho-hollllllssss.
Ba-DUM dum
For Creepy Doll Bridal Party - it looks like the bridesmaid dresses are toilet paper rolls covered in frosting. Perhaps the baker had a bunch of leftover crochet the doll dress toilet paper cover kits. The doll bodies, color scheme and hats look eerily familiar.......
@normajean ~ ME TOO!!! @mel ~ Can you help us out here?
Oh wait!
I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world
Life in frosting, it's exhausting!
You can brush my hair, put frosting everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
There's a start for you @Sharyn!
Mondays are better
When Haiku Joy is around
I'm glad she's my friend
:-)
I DON'T have a high tolerance for creepy dolls, but I do check Epbot every day...and I don't remember ever seeing that before. I'm sure I've blocked it out...and now I have to work hard to block it all out again.
To quote a very old joke, no.6's vital statistics are 36,24, $10 per pound.
What I want to know is do these doll cakes have the legs of the doll jammed into the cake, or are the legs removed so that it's legs don't get caught by the knife when the cake is cut? I don't know which is worse, but I do know that knives should not be left next to that last cake in case those green things get hold of one. I've just watched Small Soldiers which renewed my deep distrust of Barbie....
Peter, Peter, berry eater
Had a wife and couldn't keep her
Stuck her in a blueberry
And there he kept her very merry
OK, I'll play Devil's Advocate for the third one b/c I think it's supposed to be Thumbelina and (compared to the others at least) it's fairly well done.
I kind of love the Vegas Hangover one; I'm sure it wasn't the baker's intent but I would totally pick that up for a wild girls' night out/bachelorette party.
That Bridal Procession though..... 0.O
Your comment, "they all turn their little heads in your direction and just. STARE" made me snort coffee all over my desk. Yes, that's exactly what they do. Thank you.
Question: Do bakers NORMALLY make Barbie Cake skirts out of blue cotton candy? or is that point here? Vegas Barbie is AWESOME in its wreckiness...that one should be framed!
@SuBee- you're right, it so DOES look like her, (it's #) brown hair-check; perfect makeup and skin-check; vacant look in the eyes....DOUBLE check!!! Which of course means DoubleWreck!
@Chaos Theory: I'm with you on the third cake. However, inquiring minds want to know: What is the pink thing around her hips? Is that part of the costume there? Or was Barbie amputated there so she'd work with a cake, and this is what keeps her upright?
It's unfortunate that the mermaid cake was not made to scale, because it was actually nicely done.
But the bridal party Barbies: Love the caption! However, it's time to head over to the open bar and drown out the memory of these. . . . .things. Not. Going. Closer.
I headed over to Epcot to read about the dolls. That is very creative, if a bit disturbing. Better start shopping for this year's Halloween!
What happened to the hair on the doll with the green dress and the orange bow? It looks as if she's wearing a tin foil hat. (Which probably explains a lot.)
For the mermaid (??) cake, all I could think when I saw it was:
I like big bass and I cannot lie
Aw, those poor brides! And (aww) the poor, no-talent, "You'll get paid for this mess IN YOUR DREAMS" bakers! And don't forget the (awww) relatives who may have traveled great distances, at great expense, only to be humiliated...or at the very least, nauseated...and ALSO forgot their Pepto Dismal! I vote that all of these be put on ice, and saved for the next edition of Sunday Sours (or an unreasonable facsimile). All in favor say nothing; just quietly leave.
@miss_paper: I'm going with "Yes." I feel that mermaids must have hips, because without a way to flip and flop their tails (like a fish), they'd flounder. =^~.-^=.
At least the Alien Abduction cake has cyanide tablets for Barbie to take once she's taken prisoner. You'll never take me alive!
I wish I had seen that bridal procession before I got my wedding cake. That would have been MINE!
The first one reminds Monte of Violet from Willy Wonka after she ate the gum.
The first one reminds me of Violet from Willy Wonka after she ate the gum.
My 4 yo daughter was looking at these with me - "Oh look a mermaid! But she looks kind of....globby."
My 4 yo daughter was looking at these with me - "Oh look a mermaid! But she looks kind of....globby."
Am writing from a fetal position from under my desk -- I looked at the Epbot Creepy Doll Mobile! May never sleep again.
Laughed SO hard at Vegas and blue merangue barbies!!
Doll too low -- Now I want someone to bake a Wicked Witch of the West cake where the witch is melting, melting!
I just knew you could not have found all those doll cake beauties yesterday without some wrecks along the way.
The creepiest party is when a preteen boy wants to lick the frosting off the doll, at the 4 year old's birthday party! Ewww!
Yes I find this site slower than others on my mini iPad and had to load a couple of times to see it. Only for Cake Wrecks am I this devoted.
[Editor's note- Hi, Marian. I've been looking into it and oddly enough, it's mostly due to our unusually long posts as of late. For instance, the front page has 23 pictures at around 100 kbs a piece. That means that our site with banners and side bars is loading around 3 megabytes. The average fast site loads a tenth of that. I'm still playing so with any luck, I can speed things up. Have an awesome night! john]
Okay, I thought that wedding doll with procession was seriously creepy before you made the comment about the heads turning...I may never sleep again. So I had to go look at the doll mobile--Wow! What a scary piece of Halloween art! I don't normally put up decorations for Halloween, but I may have to make one of these for this year. Seriously creepy stuff. Thanks.
@Jodee -- sorry, I didn't have time to play today.... :-(
Here's my contribution, FWIW, sung to Motley Crue's "Girls, Girls, Girls":
Monday night and I see a fright:
Cakes decorated with a switchblade knife?
Handfuls of icing on the mermaid's not right.
But what we need to make them right are . . .
Dolls, dolls, dolls!
No legs, giant cakey hips.
Dolls, dolls, dolls!
Meltin' down and startin' to drip.
Dolls, dolls, dolls!
Iced with . . . fingertips?
Not a treat sweet to eat
On Halloween or New Year's Eve.
Barbie dolls, they just can't be beat,
But they're not the best when they have no feet.
Ah - finally got to see the pics! I couldn't load the full page on my PC at work - Windows OS with Google Chrome. tried a few times this morning and then got too busy. At home it loaded right up -- using the same Windows/Chrome combo.
Doll cakes really, REALLY creep me out. Why would anyone want one??? *Sigh* There is no accounting for taste, I guess.
@Pamtha, I agree! My grandmother had a crocheted TP roll cover - but it looked like a Sunday Sweet compared to the bridal procession!
@Jen, I enjoyed the Epbot mobile far more than I expected to (it's been *that* kind of summer!), but now all I can think about is the Twilight Zone episode with Telly Savalas and (shudder!) Talky Tina. ;)
Vegas Barbie is my favorite!
Why does it look like in that last cake that the bride doll is running in fear of her life from the little bridesmaid dolls? Heck I would too if I saw them coming at me lol.
The bride doll in that last photo looks like she's trying to escape the crazy bridesmaid dolls that are chasing her.
#6 must be a farm-raised mermaid, they're always a bit fattier than the wild-caught ones. Either that , or she's swollen with roe. (what? how did you think mer-people procreated?)
#8 looks like a chibi version of Android 18 from DBZ to me....but um, why is she naked behind the plastic decoration? Is it supposed to be some weird fantasy of Krillin's?
#9 So the bride wasn't enough, they just had to make little bridesmaids, too? God help us all.
"they all turn their little heads in your direction and just. STARE." I spit on my screen laughing at that one, I guess I just have a very vivid imagination & I could picture that happening. Creepily, hilariously absurd.
Looks like Sophia the First is sinking into that cake quicker than quicksand!
My husband just walked in to see me bawling my eyes out and laughing hysterically, and he said "what's wrong??" I just pointed at the screen and tried to say in between gasping and coughing : "creepy doll cake, the cake will eat us from the inside". At the first picture I smiled, second one I snorted, fourth I laughed loudly, the fish one sent me into a fit of laughter.. The last one, and particularly the comment about their heads turning, made me lose it completely.
Not sure what it is about this site, but I always end up laughing until I cry when I read it. Thanks Jen for keeping it going!
OMG I don't think I've laughed this hard in a very, very, VERY long time. Thanks so much for being here !! And I also want to say that I appreciate the intermingling of true inspiration . Some of these cakes are beautiful.