A Cup of Holiday Crazy
December 24, 2014 Has Christmas gotten a little too predictable for you this year?
Well not to worry; these bakers aim to baffle.
;)
I never knew empty eye sockets could see so well... INTO MY SOUL.
Half a mustache or a bloody nose?
;)
Ugly sweater or brick chimney?
;)
French fries or those crunchy things you put on casseroles?
;)
And is that a pig?
;)
YOU DECIDE.
I assembled a crack team to decipher this next one, and both cats agree: it's not NEARLY as interesting as their own butts.
;)
Oh, and remember, if you see a pretzel jammed in a pile of frightened poop today, it's probably supposed to be a reindeer:
;)
;)
No one really knows why, and frankly, this one has me afraid to ask:
;)
o.0
[backs away slowly]
[bumps into table]
[knocks over huge pile of metal pans, cymbals, and hub caps]
[bows]
Thank you.
Now, just a few more inches, and Nick the Neck Beard will FINALLY get his first taste of tinsel:
;)
All together now:
WOO!
;)
Thanks to Louise B., Darla S., KM, Anony M., Kristi B., Lisa C., Nick M., Liz, Chelsea W., Katherine H., & Melinda H. for keeping it weird.
*****
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Reader Comments (47)
Is it possible that excess exposure to icing causes a deterioration of the brain cells in the region of graphic symbol creation?
"Nick the Neckbeard"--ahahahahaha! Reaching for that tinsel...and he'll never get it! I don't think I should find this quite so funny.
The first and last wrecks look like direct descendants of Mr. Bill - Ooooooooooooooooh!
AUUUGGHH D:
#3: The Grinch is actually well-done, it's the CCC that makes the chimney/plaid Santa suit so dreadful.
#5: Deck the halls with boughs and hoggies.... Either that, or it's a reference to The Boar's Head Carol (too geeky?).
That's no pig, that's a house elf!
Cake 2:7 - And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in vanilla frosting, and laid him upon some crunchy chow mein noodles; because there were no french fries available.
The Baby Jesus "hay" in the manger is actually some of the Pik Nik shoestring Potato Stix. Kind of clever - they're nice and dry, so they won't make the cake mushy. (Although they would be no good themselves after a while.)
Actually, the pig is pretty well-done. It's supposed to be Piggie from Mo Willems' "Elephant and Piggie" books.
Deck the hogs with cows and collies. I think it's a Boynton thing. A poorly executed Boynton thing.
I'm with Ranger today. Maybe we shouldn't, but we do. So I'm going with it.
I have serious misgivings about cutting open and eating Baby Jesus, shoestring potatoes or no.
I think the pig and St. Nick Neckbeard are really cute, and the reindeer "piles" are hilarious! But the CCC gingerbread man is just sad. How, why, do these things keep getting made?
Poor, poor pig! In a frenzy of holiday spirit he went hog-wild on granny's Christmas fruitcake and pigged down the whole thing. Alas, the formula contained food-glues designed to keep the entirety held together and the unfortunate swine found himself severely constipated! Nothing would move, though he gave it his best efforts, squatting and straining manfu...er...pigfully. (In respect to those around him he'd taken a fragrant evergreen wreath into the loo with him to mask any odors.)
The first one reminds me of Krampusz, the scary figure who accompanies St. Nicolas in Eastern Europe St. Nicolas fills children's boots with sweets on December 6--if they were good, that is. If not, Krampusz uses a switch on them. (I've seen him portrayed with devil horns.) UNLESS that cake is supposed to be a reindeer... either way, mighty scary!
1: "Arthur" (public broadcast station kids' show that my kids used to avoid at all costs). The photo credit is calling it a "reindeer jpg?).
2; If it's not a bloody nose, it should be; going out in public with no clothes on, and......oh.
3>BOTH! It's a sweater designed to look like an ugly chimney.
4*I think they're french fries-only because I like them more than I do potato sticks (the other option).
5::The actual photo CREDIT calls that a"pigelephantthing". I wouldn't dream of questioning it.
6< You know your "crack team" that you assembled? I think they're going to need more crack.
7,8,&9~ Well, of COURSE it's going to be frightened! The putrid thing is made of S***!! The same goes (pun intended) for the "chocolate" farte torte, and "the family that sticks together, stinks together."
!first runner-up: Santa is in a neck cast because he really is a "jolly old elf" and that little pervert elf was caught trying to peek up a lady's skirt.
!2nd runner-up: ("chocolate cake" "White Cake")...the label says both. You be the judge. BTW, I wonder if that was a camera they were pointing at him, or a gun!?! ("Reach for the sky!") =^~.-^=
Well, the first cake is obviousky a leftover football cake that didn't make it to the playoffs. Take off the white laces, add some sort of . . . features, and voila! Let the customer figure it out.
The baby Jesus cake is bringing forth terrifying visions of a new tradition: baby shower cakes + baby Jesus = Christmas cut-ups you'll never forget. Ever.
Merry Christmas, everyone. Thanks for the gifts of your laughter and wit. A special thanks to Jen and John for all the work they put into this blog. These are gifts I treasure!
1th: First instinct thought: Uniboob with inverted nip issues?
2st: Santa after a drunken bar brawl, or maybe just before the brawl but after he got socked in the nose.
3nd: I got NOTHING...which, for me is saying a lot...well, except it’s not a lot, it’s nothing...
4rd: Somebody get that poor baby off the kindling pile! Um...WHHHHYYYYY???? Shoe string taters in ANY form on a chocolate cake is just...<hurk>...WRONG, in so many ways.
5er: It’s the missing link between mammals of the elephant and porcine species (sorry.... been reading “The Greatest Show on Earth” by Richard Dawkins lately) We should call it a elephig, although that sounds like there could be something elegant about it and we ALL know THAT’S not true...the animal...not the rest of the cake decor, I actually like the light string and the bow is very well done...
6nt: <snort> you said crack...<double snort>...you said butt...Oh my...I just had a flash of the weird: The story of O combined with the santa clause....I TOLD you it was the weird, that doesn’t mean it’s inspirational.
7rd: Okay, would someone PLEASE tell me what brand of “allegedly” chocolate frosting that is, because it’s horrifying with the little red spots...<double hurk> make that double hurk in to a double hurk with a HUH? for 7rd plus one...what happened to their antlers? Why are their antlers now horns? Poor doody deer!
8st: I do not belong to that family, and for that I am eternally grateful!
9rt: Why do people think a neck beard is attractive in ANY way? It’s not, it’s <shudder> JUST. NOT.
10: poor Gingie, look what happened when he tried to make it on his own, is he a crackhead living on the streets now? He needs to go back to the swamp and hang out with Shrek and Donkey, maybe they can help him through rehab...I sure hope so.
Well Happy Hole Days to all the CW crew, you guys are amazing. Merry Hoo Hoo to all the fellow commenters and lurkers as well. Anybody seen mel lately? I miss his insomnia inspired witticisms!
SuBee - You win the internets!
Oooh, someone did a Hogswatch cake!
Have you seen the Christmas tree cake Sandra Lee made?? It's like 37 lbs of icing... It's kind of horrifying
http://www.buzzfeed.com/norbertobriceno/icing-icing-icing-icing?s=mobile
#6 is Santa's tambourine. The last one has his O-face on.
The Grinch on the chimney is actually rather good, especially for a CCC. And it's on sale! The excessive red food coloring may kill you, though.
The baby Jesus on a manger of French's potato sticks makes me happy. My favorite things -- potato sticks, cake, and icing. And it should count as a vegetable. You know, potatoes.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all wreck on.
The first one is clearly Arthur.
I see the kids cartoon and book character Arthur in the first one!
@Steph M - That reminds me, when's Kwanzaa?
The Happy Birthday Jesus cake is...troubling. While I think that the use of shoestring potatoes (we call them "Hickory Sticks" here in the Great White North and they are quite tasty) in place of hay, cutting up and consuming the baby Jesus is taking transubstantiation to a whole new and slightly scary level.
Then again, I've never really understood ritual cannibalism as part of worship. In the olden days, missionaries were quite clear about that sort of activity being particularly "savage".
A very Merry Christmas to all my Wreckfriends and best wishes for a happy and healthy New Year!
Just me again; I forgot that I wanted to wish you-Jen & John & Sharyn & all of your crew-AND all of the other folks here-a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and/or other seasonal holiday! You're all so special!! If you weren't here, I'd have to dig out my old MAD magazines from the 60s. =^~.~^=
The pretzel-poop-reindeer looks as if who ever donated the "pile" has some problems with their digestion. They should probably reduce the fibre in their diet. I mean, they can't even digest raspberries properly anymore.
Obviously I aught not to post when distracted...I meant to say that using Hicory Sticks instead of hay on the Happy Birthday Jesus cake was a pretty neat idea, at least as far as looks go. Eating icing and Hicory Sticks together on the other hand...ew. But they have to get points for at least choosing something edible that sort of resembles hay.
Thank you to Jen and John (thoj) and Sharyn and the Cake Wrecks crew for all your hard work to bring us a plethora of laughs, snorts, hoots and giggles throughout the year. We treasure you. <3
Love these wrecks! Omg plus the commentary as always. The round red one is supposed to be santas belly. Although the design is not finished. I had to make those >.< But mine actually looked good.
WOO!!
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Festivus for the rest of us.
Huh, Rather than Aruthur, from the "hair" at the top my first thought was of his sister D.W., but then when I went looking for reference pics I found this one http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb9zlh2MUp1reugqko1_500.png that seems to indicate it is actually Arthur's friend The Brain.
Also, unless I miss my guess, I think people would have an extra difficult time cutting up "Baby Jesus" I think it is just a doll rather than edible.
I'm less concerned about Santa's bloody nose than all those bloody stools. Seriously, get that checked out. Give your loved ones something they really need this year: a colonoscopy!
That Grinch isn't too shabby.
Ho,Ho,Ho brother.
Maybe Neck Beard Nick is really a toilet paper cover. Merry Christmas, wreckers! I enjoy this site sooo much!
Its 2am and "All together now...Woo!" made me laugh so hard i nearly woke up everyone in my house, thanks for the giggle :)
So now the decoration criteria is anything edible? Shoulda just gone with hay.
# 1 - definitely Arthur; why not start the Christmas Aardvark tradition?
# 6 - Should I be worried I recognize Santa's buckled belly?
@ ute: OH MY GOSH!!! I totally didn't even THINK of a Hogswatch Cake! Do the folks in Discworld celebrate with cake? I would imagine they do, I KNOW they make pie, Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler is renowned for his pies...full of..."GRAS meat" (borrowed a term from the FDA there, I hope it's not trademarked...if so then they'll probably be banging on my door in the wee hours soon. I suppose I need to read Hogfather, I've not consumed that particular volume as of yet...Merry Hoo Hoo!
Poor baby Jesus. I still wouldn't want to eat the cake especially if it has a baby on it lol. Most of these have me laughing til it hurts especially poop deer. Poor thing lol.
Looks like they mixed up piggy and Gerald by Mo Willemshttp://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1423133080/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1419577334&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SY200_QL40&dpPl=1&dpID=41dKnT2-62L&ref=plSrch.
I laughed out loud at "WOO!"
I must be getting jaded, because Nos. 3, 4, and 5 don't look that bad to me. At least I didn't need captions to help clue me in on what I was looking at for those.
No. 1 makes me wonder if somebody was going for a kind of Tiki-style holiday coconut-head look, but then they got too bored or rushed to see it through.
The first one just made me think of Pink Floyd's The Wall. I'm just gonna leave this right here...
It's not a pig, it's a donkey.