Use Less, Wreck More
November 20, 2014 Today is Use Less Stuff Day - a time to push back against rampant materialism, reflect on life goals, and really ask ourselves the tough questions.
Like:
;)
Do Snow White and the Dwarves really NEED a helicopter?
I mean, maybe they're Ok with just a monster truck, motorcycle, jeep, Lightning McQueen, and an airplane:
;)
Or if not, Hulk could just throw them really hard.
And while we're cutting back, how many choking hazards do you REALLY need for a one-year-old?
;)
Or for your cupcakes?
;)
And why does Hilary Duff need so many Barbie accessories?
;)
(Hey look, it's the pink boot we all lost when we were six! [No? Just me?])
My point is, why waste so much plastic flotsam when a single, well-placed element can be just as...
uh....
;)
That is, I mean, sometimes it only takes ONE to... er...
;)
Huh.
Well, maybe if we just put our heads together...
;)
Perfect.
Thanks to Mike & Marja, Joyce W., Anony M., Nelly R., Melanie L., Mary V., & Susan S. for showing us how to get a head without paying an arm and a leg.
*****
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Reader Comments (50)
In answer to your question regarding cake number three: As many as it takes.
As if the Barbie heads alone didn't make that cake creepy enough, the wreckrator had to go and add a shovel. And are those bones in the pile of dirt?
Was this a cake for a serial killer?!?
Those disembodied Barbie heads with a shovel along side them is just plain creepy! Something out of a Stephen King novel!
Does that last cake come with Gravedigger Ken?
You really should read this blog by scrolling slowly, on a screen that does not show too much at a time. (Be careful of that resolution, folks - objects on the screen ARE closer than you think) Now, as you scroll slowly, enjoy the snarky, funny narration and then.... wait for it.... WHAM! The wreck! Ahhhh yeahhhh
#1 Snow Angels, anyone?
#2 Happy Birthday to the (child? adult?) who has many interests! And we tried to fit all of them on one cake
#3 Yes, everyone gets a toy from the cake. Don't worry - we have enough for everyone
#4 Rubber Ducky on my cupcake!!!! Wheeeeeeeee!!!!! However, that random floating Big Bird is just.wrong.
#5 She's 12, ok? 12 year olds like this stuff. Apparently
#6 ......... staring......... nope, I got nothin'
#7 *Hrk* Reminds me of that "Dune" book where Leto has almost fully turned into a worm, except for his face, waaaayyyyyyy back inside the mouth of the worm
#8 [Kermit flail] AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (eeewwwwww -- who wants fake hair in their frosting??)
Ok... reeeaaalllly wishing I knew what the occasion was for that last cake...
…And today's lesson is TASTE, as in #6 which looks like Big Bird's head stuck in a puddle of barf. Now THAT'S taste … urk!
Sung to "Video Killed the Radio Star" from the well-named Age of Plastic
A helicopter's not a thing Snow White would do
With cars or bikes or planes I'm sure that she'd make do
I'll bet those rings will cause a choking fit or two
oh-a-oh
Cupcakes aren't yummy with a plastic piece or three
Who knew there'd be so many things for Hilary?
Just one small piece can really set the scene for me
oh-a-oh
Dog ate the children
oh-a-oh
Why'd you behead them?
DecoPac killed the bakery star
DecoPak killed the bakery star
They took cakes and broke our hearts
I can't be kind. They've gone to far.
Title of 4th photo: "Alien Achieving Entry to Big Bird via Rear Portal, 2014." Yikes.
I know these people were following the spirit of Use Less Stuff Day, but all they did was hand their stuff over to someone else to throw out. Shouldn't all of this have gone into the garbage or recycling?
I completely understand the Barbie head garden cake. We live on a farm and raise a big garden. When my kids were little, they would bury "treasures" in random places and see if they could find it later. So, for the past twenty-plus years I have found the treasures that were forgotten; matchbox cars in flower beds, bags of Legos, pennies, stuffed toys.... buried on hillsides, in the garden, beside the barn. But the best discovery was 2 years ago. We were digging potatoes and found one that had grown a baby doll arm. I was ready to call a priest!
"EEEEEEEEEEEK! It's the attack of the mutant shaggy Diegos and Barbie Zombies!!!!!!"
Sounds like a good title for a Z-Grade horror flick.
"the Invation of the Mutant Shaggy Diegos and Barbie Zombies"
That's my pink boot. But, where is the other yellow sling-back? I loved those shoes and then one was gone and Barbie was left bereft of fashion...
NO, no!! I don't agree with everyone who's complaining, here. It can't be "Use Less Stuff" Day!
It MUST be "USELESS Stuff Day". What a difference a space (or the lack of one) makes, huh? These wreckorators went above and beyond...and back. =^-.-^=
Thank you, Sharyn, for the earworm.
Oh-a-oh!
Lorie wins for story of the day. That is amazing!
Snow White IS using less stuff. Case in point...in cake #1 she's only got FOUR dwarves, not seven!
WHAT is the story behind the Barbie Tar Pit cake?! "Happy Psycho Killers' Day?" "Happy LaBrea Tar Pit Commemoration Day?" "Death to stacked Blondes?"
@Lorie: Wow! That would have made me faint, I think! Potato Patch Kids, anyone?
Jen, you are a genius. May you live (and post cake wrecks) for all eternity.
It's been a rough couple of weeks around here. Thanks for the laughs guys! This evening we are off on an 8 hour car ride adventure to attend a Celebration of Life for my step-dad. I'll be entertaining everyone with CW.
Come on, this is Use Less Day, but it could be Reuse Day as well. As in: reuse the heads your son took off his younger sister's Barbies and put them on her birthday cake as a consolation. That should do it, right? Right?
Lol Lorie :D I wish you had a pic of that XD Sharyn ahahahahaha :D the last two cakes D: the rest of the cakes make me go WTF
I dearly love this last cake. The fact that there are TWO cheerful heads is just beautiful and opens up all kinds of possibilities. Did one head do the other head in? Were they both happily dug up by someone else? Whose bones are strewn around? The bones of small animals that strayed too close to these hungry heads? The mind boggles.
It also bring to mind one of my favorite They Might Be Giants song "Hall of Heads":
Here in the hall of heads
You look through the keyhole
This is the hall of heads
One step through the doorway
Roll out that special head
This is our favorite one
Please don't try to leave
Don't leave the hall of heads.
Maybe #6 is Big Bird doing a tribute to the classic Duck Amuck cartoon?
@Jodee: Hugs and condolences to you and your family. Have a safe trip.
Does the banner on that first cake say "Parabens"? Like the stuff in shampoo? What is even...I just...what?
In answer to the person who asked if the first cake says parabens, I thought so too, at first. But closer inspection reveals that the e is accented (parabéns), and Google translate (un)reliably informs me that it is Portuguese for congratulations.
Does that make it better? I don't know. But at least it explains the wine bottles on the same bit of cake-litter.
@Lorie: Could you make a cake that looks like the baby-armed potato by any chance? I would love to see that! Awesome story - Thanks!
The last cake seems to represent the Day of Judgement, with the resurrected dead emerging from their graves. Surely an occasion to celebrate with a cake.
"Parabens" is a birthday/congratulatory greeting in Portuguese, so I'll let that slide...But is that really how "Mellisa" spells her name??? Not familiar with that version. Not that it isn't possible!
Regarding #8, I now know what next year's Halloween cake will be. Assuming that I figure out the best way to sterilize a Barbie head.
That Barbie cake looks like something from Dexter.
That last one I shall call: "Dead Ex Barbie"
@FM - Thank you for replacing the earworm given to me by Sharyn with a new and much loved TMBG earworm.
Sharyn, that song was perfect! I'm scrolling back up to sing it again as soon as I post this...
I lost a pink sling-back. So maybe that will turn up in some other cake, along with Julia's yellow one.
I seriously LOVE the Barbie cake. I wonder what I would get if I took that picture to a bakery and asked for one just like it. I will let you know when I do it for my birthday.
I have learned to read this ( which is like an addiction) with one eye closed in case the next cake causes blindness. Some of these are so painful!! And always hilarious!!
Eons ago, it was common practice in Portugal to present a story in the form of a cake. The first cake is an example of an early version of Snow White. The story goes something like this.
Once upon a time there was an evil witch (which witch is was is unknown) who thought she was the fairest in the land, and asked her mirror if that were true. “Nope,” said the mirror (a rather casual mirror, it was), “Snow White is the fairest.” This made the witch angry, so she immediately went to the local farmer’s market where she sought an organic apple.
“I want an apple,” she said to the farmer. “Jonathan?” asked the farmer. “How dare you!” exclaimed the witch. “Do I look like a Jonathan? I’m a lady, albeit a witch, but a lady nevertheless.” “Pink Lady?” asked the farmer. “No, I am the fairest in the land. Just give me one of those,” she said, pointing to a pile of apples.
When she returned home, the witch poisoned the apple. Then, following her Garmin rather than her instincts, she sought out Snow White. It took a while as Snow White lived on top of a mountain, surrounded, as expected, by snow, though not as much as they have in NY and other parts of the Eastern United States (and if you live there, I hope you are all safe and sound). The witch knocked on Snow White’s door, and it was opened by a rather plain looking woman with mottled skin. “I’m looking for Snow White,” said the witch. “That’s me,” the lady answered. “You don’t look so fair,” said the witch before she realized what she had said. “I mean….”
“Oh, that’s OK,” said Snow White, “I get that a lot. My folks didn’t know what to call me, so, they saw all this snow, and, well, I’m Snow White.” “Oh,” she said then, “I see you have an organic apple. I haven’t had one of those in years. May I have a bite?” And before the witch could answer, Snow White grabbed the apple and took a big bite. She immediately went into a deep sleep and fell to the floor. Hearing the thud, four little ugly men came running to see what was the matter. “Who are you?” asked the witch. “We’re the four dwarfs,” said one. I’m Bill, and this is Tom, Dick and Harry. Oh, an organic apple!” And with that he took the apple and each of the dwarfs took a bite (yes, it was a rather large apple) and immediately fell down, deep in sleep.
“Drats,” said the witch. “This didn’t work out right.” Then she left and returned home. She had to do something with that mirror – it had tricked her – but she wasn’t sure what, so all the way home she reflected on it.
Meanwhile, a trapper came upon Snow White’s house, and as the door was open, saw everyone asleep on the floor. He was unable to revive them, so he radioed for help. “Everyone’s on the floor,” he told the dispatcher. “Where are you?” the dispatcher asked. The trapper was so upset he just went on. “Him a-layin’, him a-layin’, him a-layin’…..” “Are you in the Himalayans?” asked the dispatcher. Then the trapper saw the partially eaten apple, and muttered, “Fuji.” “Are you in the Fuji Mountains?” asked the dispatcher. Snapping back to his senses, the trapper told the dispatcher he was at Snow White’s place.
“I’m gonna have to send a helicopter,” said the dispatcher, and he did. Fortunately, the pilot was a prince of a fellow, and when he saw Snow White he was so smitten with her, he kissed her, thus breaking the spell and awakening her. “Oh, thank you,” she said. Then she saw the dwarfs. What about them?” she asked, hopefully. The prince looked at the ugly little men and thought, no way. “They’re dead,” he told Snow White. With that, they buried the dwarfs in a snow bank. (I know this sounds rather cruel, but the prince knew of some people who might be willing to revive them later and would give them directions once he was back home.) “Will you marry me?” asked the prince, and, of course, Snow White said yes, so the helicopter crew brought out some champagne and put out a sign that said “Parabens!!” (which is Portuguese for “Congratulations”) and then they flew back home. And true to his word, the prince found some people willing to kiss the dwarfs, so everyone was saved. The witch threw out her mirror, and, realizing that she really was the fairest in the land, disavowed her evil ways and became Snow White’s bestie.
Unfortunately, this story was not well received, most commonly called “rotten to the core,” and it never became part of anyone’s folklore. But later, some brothers reworked it a tad….
@Jodee: My sympathy to your and your family. An unlimited supply of hugs and good thoughts are on the way.
(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy) If your daughter requests a birthday cake with Snow White, a monster truck, a motorcycle, a jeep, Lightning McQueen, an airplane, the Hulk, and Spiderman (and some other dude), she just might be a redneck.
I less than 3 @mel!
Thanks @mel and @TLC. I'm grateful I don't live in New York! Thoughts and prayers to everyone dealing with snow!
I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!
Isn't Mellisa spelled wrong?
Does anyone know the name of the character whose head is on the dog in the second last cake? I feel like I've seen that head before, but can't place the name. Huh?
Jodee, condolences, thoughts and prayers. And hugs.
Looks like big bird blew up on that cookie cake lol that or got run over by a steam shove. Eeww. I think the wreckerators are out to kill customers with all the plastic on all these things.
Well done Mel. Appleause, Appleause!
@Bea: It's Diego, Dora the Explorer's cousin. Can you say "beheaded?" Bueno!
@Jodee : thank you, and hope you're doing OK....
@jackwire: thank's for the appleause...maybe I'll make appleause sauce....
@Lorie's future baby-armed potato cake could ride along with the naked mohawk carrot-riding babies!
I love that on #4 they ran out of official cake flotsam & raided the bubble machines for plastic aliens & rubber ducks!
I think since the first Snow White cake is missing a couple dwarfs that maybe the helicopter and the wheelbarrow and maybe the mushroom are substituting for them Let's see, there's Sneezy, Grumpy, Helicoptery, Wheelie, Happy . . . etc.
I also think it's weird that Snow White and the dwarfs are celebrating with booze. I don't think a single girl prone to passing out should be drinking with 4 (or 7) men.