The Funniest Way To Unfriend People On Facebook
November 17, 2014 It's National Unfriend Day, a day for all you Facebookers to get out there and purge those friend lists!
Of course, sometimes unfriending people CAN cause bruised feelings, but not to worry; I am here to help.
See, the trick is to make your soon-to-be-dumped friends GLAD you unfriended them. How? EASY!
STEP 1) Post your choice of the following carefully selected photos & captions to your Facebook wall today:
Caption: "I DID IT! I FINALLY DID IT!!"
;)
*****
"I know I missed a bunch of birthdays the past few months, so this one goes out to all of you:"
;)
*****
"Actually it's just a picture of a cookie cake - and wait'll you see the 350 photos of the lake I'm about to upload!!"
;)
STEP 2) Next, for more targeted effectiveness, post at least one of the following directly to the soon-to-be-unfriended's Facebook wall. Trust me, after this, they'll never even miss you.
;)
"Have I mentioned I don't have insurance? But don't worry; I'm sure that'll buff out."
*****
;)
"Your secret is safe with me! Good luck making up with [significant other's name]!"
*****
;)
"I TOLD you it wasn't herpes!"
STEP 3) Congratulations! You may now "unfriend" at will - assuming, of course, everyone hasn't already saved you the trouble.
;)
Thanks to Rita C., Nancy L., Anony M., Nicole T., Samantha B., Jacob H., & Katie D. for helping put the "social" in "antisocial."
*****
Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.
Reader Comments (33)
Needless to say (but I'll say it anyway), the scrawler of the inscription regarding the car, was obviously drunk , blotto, smashed, pickled… etc., when the incident occurred.
Go for you on today's posts, Jen.
SNERK!!
The Friend Song (with apologies to the Jets and West Side Story….)
When you’re a friend
You’re a friend all the way
From your first kitten post
Until Unfriend You Day.
You were a good friend
But I’m tired of you, man,
Do you think I really care
About what’s in that pan?
Don’t care where you’ve been,
‘bout the foods you did eat,
Vacation pictures…
They were just not a treat
Can you say “delete”?
You were a friend
With a capital F
But it’s time to forget,
I’ve had enough today.
You’re Unfriended,
Now go
Away!
Is that 6th one supposed to mean/say/read "probationary"? And the one right above it, for the "Retirimint" (?) party: with Fuinds(??) like that, who needs enemas (or ketchup and mustard drizzles, for that matter)?
The most fun I'm having with this post is this: When I scroll up and down... UP and DOWN-while STARING at the 3rd picture down (the black & white-bordered cookie), the BORDER APPEARS TO BE MOVING!! Try it at home!!
=^O.O^=
Ewww on the 2nd-to-last one! Was that supposed to be "probationary discharge?" Because I'm a prosecutor, and I went to court last week to stop someone from getting that. It's a public health service.
Oh dear... O-_o
The second cake has the slimiest looking roses -- what kind of frosting from the Land of Ooze did they use?
According to both Merriam-Webster and the Oxford, "probatory" IS a word and the decorator even spelled it correctly (will wonders never cease?) It means "furnishing evidence, or proof" or (second meaning) "serving to test, try, or prove". (...and the more you know...)
My guess is that this cake is from a nurse in a specialty practice to a personal friend who had a particular test and passed it. The rest of the world wouldn't know what the @/$* they were talking about.
For a single horrifying moment, I interpreted the drunken squiggle-cake to read "Sorry I hit your cat." Such news would, logically, require a frosting poo-dog to soften the blow.
Dee, just Dee: Maybe those roses are made from "probatory discharge"?
FYI, I googled "probatory discharge" and the first thing that came up was a notice informing me that "smoking pot is illegal". What do you think of that?
"Sorry *your* not at the lake"? I'm sorry that the wreckerator couldn't use the correct version of "you're". Unfortunately, the person who ordered it probably got it wrong first, but I would never let that slip by if I were decorating a dessert. I often weep for the future of proper grammar and spelling.
I thought it said "Sorry I hit your cat." Oops.
So do the same rules apply to delete family members?
@sending ~ I just made myself sick scrolling UP and DOWN to look at your moving squiggles. O.O
@zoomom, your entire post made me LOL. (Yours too, @Dee, just Dee!)
I wonder if the first one is from the day-old rack. Looks like it was repurposed from a b-day cookie to a...1st poopy cookie.
The only people I would like to unfriend are family members and they would notice. Then my mom would hear about it and then I would hear about it. Sigh. I keep trying to get them to unfriend me, but they must like endless streams of internet memes. Maybe the probatory discharge cake will be the last straw. Hope springs eternal.
@ zoomom; In the same spirit of things, I decided to look it up as well, first google tried to correct my spelling, then when I went to "exact phrase" it pulled up a book called "Annual Reports Made to the Governor of the State of Ohio" published in 1859!!! =O_O= Wow, okay. The second thing that came up....THIS SITE!!! LOL! So evidently a LOT of people did the same thing. I always enjoy googling the same thing as someone else and seeing the differences. I do it frequently when I am on the phone with my son, he lives in California and I - obviously- in Virginia Beach, VA. I'm curious, where are you at? Just wondering what the "mary jane" laws are in your state...I think it's hilarious what came up when you googled it. LOL!
And yeah, the idea of "probatory discharge" is well...sounds like an acute medical condition that should definitely be treated with antibiotics ASAP!!! and.... EEEEWWWWW!!!!
@MelindaB: "I often weep for the future of proper grammar and spelling." I do, too! I've been out of school for a long time, but I have heard things. Scary things.Things that go "bump" in the night...(usually it's one more thing that's been dropped from a curriculum.) I've also heard that people don't even care about it, either! Theres' allwayz spel chek....wrighte?
Go for you! is my new favorite phrase.
@ Jodee~ Well, YOU just made me laugh my arse off!! Maybe I should have given out motion-sickness pills with my seasick comment ~~~~~~~
I think I have a few cookies to send...
@zoomom: it's good to see you here again!
@VaBeach alemaP: Thank you for your interest in the story of the hats from Friday's post. Unfortunately, I didn't get it posted until Saturday...sorry....
Such a stellar array of cakes, and so amazing is the "probatory discharge" that nobody has even mentioned "CONGATS."
You obviously don't know my friends. "Happy birthday you whores!" is the typical birthday message.
Lol that first drunken scrawl. If the person could read what it said I would be shocked. Cake would be nice after you tell someone you hit their car but I still think the law would get involved cake or not lol.
@Ginger: A couple of ways to get around "I can't unfriend relatives".
1) You can Unfollow them so you don't see their posts anymore. I've had to do this.
2) You can create a list of "Everyone except relatives" and post only to this list most of the time. Post a few things to your entire Friends list every now and then just to keep the relatives thinking you're still connected.
If this doesn't make sense, reply to me here and I'll post links to directions.
If a friend was good enough to send me a cake, me wouldn't care what was written on it.
Now I REALLY want a cookie cake...not one of these, but. COOKIE!
But seriously, couldn't they have written ANYTHING on the potty-poppy cookie? Let's hope the kid isn't old enough to read it yet.
Personally, I never celebrated my kids' bowel movements ON the potty. Maybe it's just me, but I was a bit happier when it went IN the potty...
To zoomom: It's illegal only in the other 48 states. For those of us in Washington, and our friends in Colorado, it's a different story.
"Probatory discharge" means being released from being on probation. I think you would usually say "probation discharge," but "probatory" isn't really wrong.
Are you sure the message isn't
"Sorry I hit your CAT" ?