As We Fumble Along
January 9, 2014 After extensive research of all the baffling, exclamation point-riddled status updates I've been seeing on FB and Twitter, I've concluded that something either is happening, has happened, or will happen in the world of sports.
After a few wild guesses and a Magic 8-Ball consult, I've concluded that these happenings are "most likely" football-related.
;)
Is this a football? "Ask Again Later."
This has me at a distinct disadvantage, since frankly I know about as much about football as I do that mysteriously emptied Reese's Chocolate Clusters bag on the kitchen counter. Which is to say absolutely nothing.
(Ok, that's not entirely true. I think I saw the cat sniffing the bag of chocolates earlier. So I'd definitely question her, John. Yeah.)
Still, I can guess that this frankenpoo butterfly with fuzzy monster wings is supposed to be a football:
;)
And that this next one is probably a "football field" in some Wreckerator's wildest dream:
;)
(I'm talking a What Dreams May Come kinda wildest dream here, not a Field of Dreams kind of dream. But you probably got that already, right?)
Besides, you don't have to know the game to realize that fecal footballs are really never a good idea:
;)
Especially when placed next to perfectly decent-looking football picks.
(Bakers, ever hear the expression, "Don't park your ass next to a thoroughbred?" Just curious.)
Could be worse, though. It could have fecal footballs with urine-yellow icing and a big ol' dual-meaning inscription like "Go Team" on it. Not that anyone would ever do something that...
Oh, no.
Really?
Really.
[sigh]
;)
Well, there it is.
Although now that I look at it, I'm actually kind of disappointed there isn't a "We're #1!" on it somewhere, or "Go long" or something with the word "pass" in it. Hehehe. Wow, I never realized there were so many potty puns in sports! That almost makes them slightly more interesting. (The puns - not the sports.)
Finally, here's one more design someone clearly didn't think all the way through:
;)
Ok, let's be generous and assume the Wreckerator meant "Touchdown," but for some reason couldn't remember how to spell "down."
Even then, you know there are FB pics out there of a bunch of drunken guys posing with this cookie cake held in very, shall we say, strategic locations. Not good, bakers, not good.
Could Diana A., Marisa H., Sue B., Meryl, Julie M., & Jessica L. be the best Wreckporters ever? Signs point to yes.
Reader Comments (27)
Sung to: Take Me Out to the Ballgame
Bake some cakes for the Bowel game
Shiny, glistening and proud
Someone just had an ExLax attack.
"Sorry, Ma'am, but you can't bring that back."
Come on! Poop, poop, poop for the home team.
If they don't win, you're to blame!
Ewwww!
Number 1, too? Knock yourself out!
Arrow cake's ... just... lame!
Oh, and I should have added -- Go Broncos! (Um, not THIS way, mind you, but in the more sports oriented meaning of go...)
Surely there must be one or two "wild and crazy" guys out there who wouldn't even have to be drunk to pose with the arrow cake pointing South and put it on fb...or maybe even dance with it and YouTube it! =^~.~^=
I can see those drunks holding that last cookie, using that arrow and saying "Wanna play peek-a-boo/" with that half a football at their long suffering wives that couldn't care less abt the game.
The third cake looks like the football field is covered in snow, like most of the country is right now!
"Fecal footballs"
BUAHWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jen, love all the puns.
The leather egg game
should be played with ostrich eggs.
Now <I>that</I> I might watch.
Sharyn bahahaha :D. Those cakes put me off chocolate-almost ;)
The third cake is actually the layout for an indoor game called “Loomis.” Developed in the frigid Northland eons ago, the game was played indoors using a basketball court (pictured). The yellow lines show the route the players had to follow, called “serpentine,” (see Peter Falk in the 1979 film “The In-Laws”). The game involved two teams of three players each, and the object of the game is to knit a shirt-like garment. [Historical note: Because this sport involved a lot of motion in a warm space, by the end of the game the participants were perspiring profusely. Consequently, the finished shirt-like garment was commonly called a “sweater.”]
The game is played in two parts, each called a “Sleeve.” At the start of the first Sleeve, the two teams are on opposite sides of the field. One player from each team attaches the end of a ball of wool to a stick and must run in a serpentine manner, following the yellow lines, back and forth between the other two team members, forming joined loops of the fiber until he reaches the football in the middle of the field. When one teams reaches the ball, the first Sleeve is completed, and that team gets one point. The second team stops wherever they are, and is penalized a point for being “short-sleeved.” The teams switch sides and the second Sleeve begins. If the winner of the first Sleeve wins the second Sleeve, they win the game, having completed their “sweater.” If the winner of the first Sleeve loses the second Sleeve, the game ends in a Tie. [Historical note: in the early ages of the game, when this happened both team captains had to wear their unfinished garment loosely knotted around their necks for four days when they went to work, but could take them off on what was called “casual Friday.” Also, when both teams lost, there frequently was heavy drinking, often referred to as “tying one on.]
Because there were no uniforms, the game was played “shirts and skeins.” This was an intense sport, and often in the heat of play teams became unraveled. The all-time champs were the Polar Vortex, who continually put their opponents on ice. In fact, when word came that they were coming to town a noticeable chill swept through the area.
(In all fairness I must note that literature on this sport is a bit sketchy, so I’m not sure if this is true…or just a yarn….)
My question about that last "cake" is how much frosting did it take to fasten that plastic, basketball colored football to the cookie? That little peek of blue from under the point is so telling.
Go teams! Whoever's playing.
Unfortunately my earworm today isn't @Sharyn's amazing song. No sirree... I've got the Divinyls song stuck in my head!
@mel ~ Well played, sir! Hope you're staying warm!
@ mel : The inside of your head must be like a carnival on a summer night: sparkles, lights, crazy rides, and fun! (That was was even better than a Thneed!) =^~.~^=
Ah, memories.... Takes me back to all those OLD FASHIONED CHOCOLATE PICNICs my family used to go on...
I have never, ever posted a comment though I have lurked (and LOL'd and thrown up in my mouth a bit) for quite a while now but MEL!!!!! I must say, BRAVO!!! BRAVO!!! Such creativity and frankly the way I prefer to spend time "watching" sport. Well done.
The thing that "cracks" me up is that the wreckerator of the GO TEAM cake after making one not-a-football continued to make 19 more not-a-footballs just like it! And even after all that practice they don't ever get better!
@ Sharyn, you should be a professional lyricist.
@ Mel, Oh you and your ways!
"Touch what? Oh, THAT? No, thank you. Really, no. I said, NO! Do you want my foot to connect with your ball? Then GO AWAY!!"
And this is the song I'm currently hearing in my head. I need to hear this today. Perhaps some of you do, as well. http://youtu.be/iCNgOaCGBEM
Commentary from my 3 year old:
"Is that really a football?"
No, honey. No, it's not.
You were disappointed there wasn't a "We're #1!" on the "Go Team!" poo cake.
Shouldn't it have said "We're #2"?
@mel Ithink I'll go with yarn
@Sharyn: Bravo! And to paraphrase Cole Porter..."How do you do that doo-doo that you do so well?"
Fecal Footballs -- great name for a grunge band.
Jen, Sharyn and mel: bwahahahahahahaha...snort...<deep breath>...giggle
@Jodee: thank you! And yes, it’s warming up a little here…just in time for Friday’s freezing rain…. I just don’t know what happened between my care-free days as a kid in Wisconsin in the winter and now….
@sendingtheclowns: that is exactly what’s inside my head…at one time there were marbles, too, but I’ve lost those….
@justme: thank you so much for commenting and those kind words! I am humbled…. I, too, started by lurking and laughing, and finally eased in with a few comments now and then. Of course, now I can’t shut up. This is the funniest site in the world, led by the incredible humor of Jen and john(thoJ), and augmented by the clever, quick-witted CW team member Sharyn. There is so much laughter generated here not only by them but also by the many, many Wreckies who comment here, well, I feel privileged to be able to play here among all these fine folks. Lurk as long as you like, but know that you, too, are welcome to play here anytime. And thank you again for your kindness.
@sandy: thank you…and if you think my ways are something, you should see my curds….
Hmm I can only assume with these poo cakes that the Super Bowel is coming lol. I look forward to this as much as I do the turdkeys for Thanksgiving. Lol such fun to be had.
@Ela...hahaha...good choice...take that yarn...and make a sweater....
@Zippy: thanks :-)
Well done, Mel. No one can weave a tall tale quite like you. You had me in stitches the whole time.
@jackwire: lol...thanks...just as long as I don't needle you....
My earworm for the day is "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" as cake #2 looks just like that!