Friday
Aug092013
Expect Less. Laugh More.
August 9, 2013 Have a heart, bakers.
;)
Don't do this:
;)
And never promise the bride this:
;)
When you're going to deliver this:
;)
Hey, while I've got you here, let's talk about zebra stripes:
;)
THESE ARE ZEBRA STRIPES.
These, on the other hand ...
;)
Well, I'm pretty sure those are zebra sperm.
But then again, things tend to be pretty black and white with me.
And finally, bakers, just because you might question a couple's choice for their wedding cake order:
;)
... that's no reason to punish them further!
;)
("Hey, you with the shotgun. Put this cake out of its misery.")
Thanks to Anony M., Courtney T., Michelle T., & RT for the bang-up job hunting these down.
Reader Comments (58)
It's pretty obvious with that first wreck that the bride showed her displeasure by setting those 'roses' on fire. 'Charred remains' should never be a theme for a wedding.
I hope the bride paid with monopoly money -- it's close enough, right?
Note to cake decorators; Red and Green are opposite colours. Mix them and you get mud colour.
Also, Note the background of the "outdoorsy" cake; Now, thet thar is one high class weddin' reception gymnasium!
Wait, why does the topper on the camouflage cake have two men on it? Was this a gay wedding? Oh man. I would feel so bad for these guys if that were true. Like, you are finally legally allowed to marry after all those long years, but then you get a cake like this. That's just salt in the wound right there.
The metaphorical gay cake wound that is.
I question peoples brains sometimes O_o
TIL that some whitetail does sometimes grow antlers; but the antlers only become smooth (as shown on this cake) if the deer is physically male. Which makes this the most QUILTBAG-friendly deer hunting wedding cake I've ever seen.
Why does the cake look like it's growing mold and green bugs? Seriously... no one noticed that BUGS were crawling out from between the moldy flowers?
I always forget to check the Sunday Sweets posts, so thanks for showing us some awesome nice cakes today! And, for the laughs at the other ones.
I guess no one played enough "matching" games with these wreckerators when they were toddlers. On the sweet 16 cake, the top has a black bow tie, not a gray loop bow. The pink layer has black, pint and white dots -- not white dots and black snowflakes. The top layer has a pink border around it, not white. The bottom layer doesn't have a border.
The sperm stripes. Dear God. Is that why they made just small white polka dots -- so the sperm strips could fertilize the "eggs"?
And the hunting cake has DEER on the top, not hunters.
At least the first wreckerator tried to match. Too bad they didn't have the skills to carry it off.
seeing wrecks like this makes one wonder if the baker's portfolio contains photos of work done by others or if the gave the job to a two year old.
Zebra sperm made me choke. O.O
I know SOMEONE is going to play the Fondant vs. Buttercream card because, well, I've been here long enough to know it will happen. And yes, we all know it's nearly impossible to make a fondant cake look the same using buttercream. But really??? This is like that "Nailed it!" thing I saw a while back with pictures from Pinterest and actual real people trying the same thing. o.O
The moral: It's okay to have big ideas. But you have to pair it with big capabilities.
I actually kind of like the one with the black squiggles. It's not zebra stripes, of course, but it is cute if you are determined to not see sperm everywhere.
I didn't see Zebra sperm. I saw Zebra intestinal parasites.
That's just the way I roll, Beeyotches.
Maybe because the bride said "I don't want those two middle layers, just give me 3 layers instead of all 5" the wreckerator punished her by delivering "pouting cake"
Also, loving the googly eye-m&m bag turkeys at the bottom of the hunter cake. I think I will make them as favors for thanksgiving get togethers this year.
P.S. it may not be a gay cake some women hunt too.
So we have the real cake, and the surreal cake.
Real #1, however, appears to be presented on a ceramic floor tile -- on the floor. The photographer wanted a better angle? Fair enough; have we heard of ladders? Standing on a chair? Hire a really tall assistant?
Surreal #1 is why you always decorate after baking.
R#2 Simple, elegant, yada, yada, yada.
S#2 Would be fine by me -- if done as a gift by sweet Aunt Sarah, who just wanted to do something. Otherwise...?
R#3 Ok.
S#3 I see miniature snakes or spirochetes, perhaps, but not 'swimmers'. This was someone's idea of zebra striping? Srsly?
R#4 "What would you like our wedding cake to be, deer?" "Let's buck the trend -- something with a hunting theme." "Ok, but make it classy -- we've got the doe."
S#4 The topper isn't necessarily two guys. A shout out to Ed, of Ed's Garage & Banquet Hall. Says Ed: "I guess I'm gonna have to tell Clyde to take a break when we have an event booked -- all the noise he makes ain't conducive to a memorable experience." (Spell check doesn't flag colloquialisms -- I don't know whether to be amused or concerned.)
Does anyone else think that a lot of these wrecks happen because people want a cake that is made out of fondant but they don't want the bakers to use fondant? I know a lot of people who don't like fondant so they ask to not have it, but you just can make cakes look as good without fondant(unless you have some amazing skills). If you look at the second and third cakes, for not using fondant, they are not that bad. Buttercream icing isn't easy to use for a cake like those. Does this make sense at all??
did anyone else notice the happy swans on the last cake? seriously...since when do we hunt swans....
My 5 year-old son looked at the last cake and said "what is that?"
1>"Charred remains" cake COULD be a "cute" theme for a messy and/or much-wanted divorce...maybe someone wanted to actually celebrate getting rid of the "B-----d" or the "B---h" ?OR, maybe someone's trying to say,"My heart burns for you"? Okay-I GIVE. What the bloody Hell IS that thing???
2> So it's not "technically" "gorgeous"...And maybe it's not quite "remotely pretty"...
At least it's...very, very heavy.
3> I don't care a drop about the sperm-y things; just get RID of the spiders.
4> That wreck is ugly, but I don't even like the "REAL" or "prototype" cake...I'm not a huge fan of disembodied wildlife. I DO, however, think that those googly-eyed whatevers could be "kind of cute" if they didn't look "too terrified to breathe".
I have to stop now; I'm all out of quotation marks.
=^e.e^= ...eesh!
Erin, I think those are turkeys-after a nuclear reactor spill.
Thanks Trasawee for explaining why the turkey-swans had M&M bodies.
Now can someone explain why the leaves on the cake look so shiny?
Love the wedding cake the couple expected to get, btw. It's too beautiful!
Being a hunter, I would like to point out that those deer on the top of the cake are both male. Wonder if that was intentional or the person didn't know female deer don't have antlers.
I like the first hunting cake. The attempt? Eh, not so much, although the black spiders on the Sweet 16 cake bother me a heck of a lot more. I could live with the . . . stripes . . . but I don't do arachnids.
See??!? I KNEW it would happen!
...both the deer on the cake are bucks, as in both are MALE... I wonder if they were just to dense to understand that does (females) don't have antlers at all. So that's like...
Father and son deer cake..
Or adult male deer and young male deer pedophile cake.
@Craig: CRAZY!! This IS crazy--you've GOT to hear it: I read this ONE line: "So we have the real cake, and the surreal cake" -and before I even looked, my "Inside-head" told me: "That's Craig." And it WAS! Man, when a person has an actually "identifiable" style...well...how bloody COOL is THAT?! Kudos, milord!
(There are several others out there, too!)
In the off-chance that anyone is silly/bored/crazy enough to be actually wondering: Yeah/yes; I expect I have (for what little they're worth), an "inside-head" and an "outside-head"...and neither one can explain itself to the other, OR to me, and neither can she. I don't even ask, anymore. I just sigh a lot. But I laugh more, so I'm "chill".
=^~.~^=
According to internationally-acclaimed cervine expert Wikipedia, female deer may have "small stubs" for antlers. Maybe the submitter will enlighten us, so that we don't remain stuck on the horns of this dilemma.
Do we know the professional bakers of the GOOD cakes? The sweet 16 pink n black zebra cake looks like something from "Dorene's Creative Cakes." I only found her Facebook page because 1) I wanted to see how many other Dorenes out there spell their name the same way I do, and 2) when I saw she makes cakes professionally, well..... I am obsessed with cakes since becoming a fan of CW!
I agree that the attempt of the 2nd cake was not too terrible, by CW standards. But the black and red rose mush? Eww.
The zebra sperm cake isn't too bad, either, if I had not seen the inspiration cake...
And I also wonder if the hunting cake(s) were intended for a gay couple, doe do not have antlers!
Thanks for all the laughs, Jen! Keep up the great work, I love the whole team, and the comments!
@Jennifer("...those deer on the top of the cake are both male. Wonder if that was intentional or the person didn't know female deer don't have antlers."):
Maybe they didn't know--I wouldn't have! (All of Santa's reindeer have them, and some of them are girls! Or so I thought...way to burst my childhood bubble!) ;-) Another thing to consider re: the non-issue of the topper is that it may not necessarily even be a "wedding" cake. It's not unthinkable that someone could have wanted a "really-big-and-also-HUNTING-themed" cake for two brothers/a brother and sister/two friends/cousins/a gay couple/an uncle and another uncle/two total strangers/etc.,etc. It's a pretty large world, after all.
=^-.-^= so I hear
@Jennifer("...those deer on the top of the cake are both male. Wonder if that was intentional or the person didn't know female deer don't have antlers."):
Huh! Maybe they didn't know--I wouldn't have! (All of Santa's reindeer have them, and some of THEM are girls! Or so I thought...I wouldn't think you'd name a boy "Vixen"...way to burst my childhood bubble!) ;-) Another thing to consider regarding the non-issue of the topper is that it may not necessarily even BE a "wedding" cake. It's not unthinkable that someone could have wanted a "really-big-AND-also-HUNTING-themed" cake for (TAKE YOUR PICK) two brothers/a brother and sister/two friends/friends who are also a gay couple/ cousins/ an uncle and another uncle/two total strangers/etc.,etc.AD NAUSEUM, to infinity and beyond--who cares?! It's a pretty large world, after all. ("For all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it's still a beautiful /wonderful world" (I forgot the exact quote...Disiderata?).
=^-.-^= I see dead cakes...
@TXRed:
"I don't do arachnids", either. I really, really, SO don't "do" them. It's not even LOGICAL with me,and THAT ticks me off-(no crappy-pun intended) because I don't like fear sans REASON. There's NO logical reason--I've tried to figure it out, thinking that I could "fix" it. I HATE being petrified by something so...(?) I don't know what! Centipedes don't even bother me like spiders do. I think it's just the way they MOVE...Even scorpions are arachnids, and while I don't think I want one of those as a pet, they don't freak me out like spiders do. It's nothing they did, bless their creepy little hearts...
=^-.-^= sure....you say that now...
@Erin ("...anyone else notice the happy swans on the last cake?")
Well, to be honest, I was not seeing "happy" as much as "freaked-out" or "apprehensive" in their eyes...
I like your view much better.
=^o.o^=
I loved the first picture of the rose cake..after that it all went downhill lol. Wow. Who would think flaming poo roses could compare to the picture before it? I think all the wreckerators should just go back to bed and stay put lol.
well... the wreck associated with the zebra stripe cake is actually from one of the order books... I really doubt the person asked for the zebra one and got that one. Odds are they asked for the one in the book which looks pretty close to what they got.
When I have someone ask for that cake and they use "zebra stripes" in the conversation, I stop them and clarify whether they want the cake in the picture which does indeed have black "squiggles", or do they actually want a cake with zebra stripes... because to me they are two different animals. ;)
The white, silver-topped dealy IS actually kind of pretty. If a family member had made it, we'd probably be all "aaawwwww, how pretty." But a professional. No. Nuh-uh. Nope.
As a female hunter married to a male hunter...I had to laugh at the camo cakes!!!!I have found there is no way to make a camo cake without it looking like mold spores are growing EVERYWHERE!!! not to mention that the two deer on the pro cake are BOTH MALE!!! The little one is a "spike", the other a full blown buck....unless this was a "gay" hunting cake or a father and son thing........the topper on the copy cake is probably a female and male hunter....my brother and sister-in-law had one on top of their wedding cake that looked just like it. The topper that is......and I am glad I am not the only one that thought that the second hunting cake was photographed in an automotive service garage!!!Craig and I were on the same wavelength!!
I love these posts! Seeing the inspiration for the wreck makes the baker's fail that much more appreciable.
I'm BORED! Where's Karate Lady? I want to ask her if Theardare can come out to PLAY!!!!
=^~.~^= (I've got catnip!)
Waow, put all of these cakes out of their misery, indeedey! :D Thanks for the laugh after a long week - hope you're doing well, Jen! If not - well - WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE (not really) and may be induced by whimsy small or great to arrive at your doorstep with ice cream, animal balloons, and good wishes! :D lol
My toddler just looked at the zebra cake, laughed and signed "caterpillar".
I often look at those horrible versions of a beautiful cake and involuntarily flinch. I can only imagine what I look like, head jerking all over, flinching at my computer...
Judging by the date on the first wreck, it was a Valentine's cake. Way to ruin the mood.
@TxRed - I saw black snowflakes instead of spiders. Perhaps we should count the points / legs - all snowflakes have 6 points (no matter what they show you in cartoons) and all spiders have 8 legs...<scrolls up to check> Well, I guess it's spiders after all...special spiders with either two extra long legs or six short dwarf legs. Hmm....perhaps a cross 'tween a Daddy long legs & a standard spider, 2 generations removed?
@BADKarma - ...perhaps you are having unfortunate flashbacks to the consequences of your wilder years?
Those zebra thingies look more like sperm or mini/baby snakes than parasites. Parasites generally have a bit more body to them & aren't quite so snake-like <peruses old microbiology book from college> ...even tapeworms have segments. In fact, parasites can be sperical or ameboid in nature...hey, where did everybody go? I'm trying to enlighten ya a little!!!
@AA - BWAHAHAHAHAHA! ;-) Hee-hee...that kid has a future here! :-)
@sendingtheclowns - Are you kidding me?! Since when am I Theardare's keeper?! I thought it was Craig that had somehow managed to get on his good side. I *still* RUN past Room 101 whenever I must leave my lovely video den or cage-fighting setup in the gym for the outside world...by all means, bring your catnip - I don't think it's possible for him to OD...just make sure it's a GOOD batch and not moldy...we don't want him trippin' out thanks to a bunch of fungal spores in his 'nip AGAIN. <shudder> And be sure to admire his statues in the atrium - he gets testy if you sweep on by without at least a lingering glance of admiration. Finally, scratch him behind the LEFT ear only - NEVER THE RIGHT. k? K. Good luck... Oh, and don't use Andrea's entrance unless you're heading straight for the spa. Theardare shouldn't notice, but then, you won't be able to get to him & hand off the catnip, will you? And I have dibs on the spa on Sundays - those Saturday night fights suck the life outta me! ;-) (I hit the evening church service, ok? After I've cleaned up & look respectable...)
Sendingtheclowns, don't worry about Santa's reindeer. Female reindeer DO have horns. This is because reindeer use them for scratching through the snow to find moss to eat. The deer on the cake are NOT reindeer.
@KarateLady ~ I just love you!
@Jodee - thank you! :-) ...which part, exactly? (Just curious...)
@KarateLady ~ Remember that image in my head of the tiny KarateLady getting all up in the 7 foot tall @Craig's business? Yeah, that part :-)
@Jodee - I'm *not* tiny, I'm 5'5", which is one inch taller than the average woman...and, unfortunately, is *seven* inches shorter than my sister and *eight* inches shorter than my brother, and I'm the oldest. :-( I still say it's cuz my mom smoked whilst I was in her womb, but with my diagnosis of celiac & other food allergies, that could be an alternate cause. Either way, I figure my growth was stunted & I was robbed! :-/
@KarateLady: But, but, but doesn't your less statuesque, er, stature just prove you were destined to be a ninja? Ninjas are much more stealthy when they are, um, lower to the ground.