Oh, The Turkeys Are Screaming, Alright
November 25, 2013 You may have noticed a certain turkey ice cream cake that gets to be all the rage around this time each year:
;)
That's the one.
Of course, that's also a company promotional photo. Your own results may vary.
Like so:
;)
Or so:
;)
Or so:
;)
It's like that scene in Basic Instinct, only with more giggle-snorts.
Britney S. takes home the prize, though, with her dad's birthday cake:
;)
Sweet Staypuft, why is there a face on it?!
Ahem.
Britney tells me she was disappointed to learn that, in addition to looking like that, her turkey cake didn't even have any cake in it; it was just all ice cream.
Left with no way to secure the birthday candles, Britney's family improvised - and rather brilliantly, I might add:
;)
YES.
Thanks to Ilana, Kate G., Aayesha, & Britney for the flaming drum sticks. And for the rest of you: please don't go burning your houses down with your ice cream cakes. Although the irony would be delicious.
.................
Hey, did you know I wrote a holiday book? Full of funny cakes? That makes a perfect gift? 'CUZ I DID. Only $6 on Amazon, too!
Reader Comments (50)
Sung to "Fire" (I used the Springsteen version)
I'm looking at those cakes
My head is screaming, "No!"
One's snail-like up close
The other one's for Sharon Stone.
I say that I like them
But you know I'm a liar
The answer is... (oooo ooo) FIRE!
<GASP> I literally gasped aloud when viewing the photos of these whatever the heck they think they are... They mostly look like congealed turkey gravy. Not the least bit appealing, but maybe it's just me.
Gaaaaaak! #3 looks like uncooked meat paste, and #4 looks like cement.
… or worse, TOFURKY!!!
Setting fire to the pantaloons on that ice turkey was a fitting end for it.
I love ice cream cakes, but I'm not a fan of these. Who could really blame me though when faced with these choices:
1. Turkey dipped in aspic
2. Charred wood turkey
3. Raw turkey
4. Hand-formed cookie dough turkey
5./6. Turkey dipped in melted chocolate
None of them sound appetizing to me.
Thanks for reminding me that I need to make an appointment at the gynecologist.
=^-.-^=
I still really, really want this cake...well, I want the one in the first picture with it's disturbingly shiny outer shell. I don't really want the others that are just disturbing so much.
Okay, this has got to be some kind of American thing...never never NEVER have I seen this in Canada. Of course, ice cream cake of any variety in the middle of fall just seems crazy to me anyway - f**g, it's COLD OUTSIDE, people! But then too, it's Thanksgiving fer****sake, you're ALREADY MAKING A TURKEY, why do you need an ice-cream dessert turkey at all, and if you did, why does it have to look like THAT?! Any of them. Except maybe the first. Setting the damn things on fire is not only the best way to turn them into birthday cakes, but is also a necessary and merciful euthanasia.
No more turkey cakes. Ever. Mmmmkay?
That last one is so bad it's funny :D as for those other cakes...how on earth could anyone make those and feel ok about it?
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha! What a plethora of poultry putridness!
The second one looks like a turkey whose skin was dried out after over cooking on low for many hours! Words just cannot desribe the horror of the rest of these cakes.
today, we don't scream for ice cream...but at ice cream.....
My dear fellow commenters,
I am concerned. Thanksgiving is just days away; we have turkey-ish cakes to laugh at, but unless I missed it, no one has yet quoted that wonderfully hilarious WKRP line. You know the one I mean. I don't think Christmas will come unless some clever soul finds the perfect time to quote Mr. Carlson. Please, my friends, someone get on this! For the sake of the children, please!
Thank you,
zoomom
I'm afraid the cake-less ice cream cake has been the standard for some time. I was most disappointed when I bought one. Fortunately, they're pretty easy to make (time-consuming, but easy).
Whenever I see someone with one in their cart, I'm severely tempted to point out that there's no cake in them. Ice cream that looks like cake is not ice cream cake. (And ice cream that looks like a turkey is definitely not ice cream cake.)
And those turkeys are scary. Don't the wreckerators get directions with their promo pictures (the way Wilton gives directions with their shaped pans)?
my Thanksgiving feast
main course and dessert in one
icedurkey nom nom
leftover sandwiches from
a mass of cold melting meat
3rd Cake:
The corduroy turkey,
A bird seldom seen,
He hides in the thicket
Where he does often preen.
He walks with legs splayed wide,
No matter the weather,
So they don’t make that sound
When they both rub together.
@Meg; I am firmly of the belief that it's NEVER too cold to eat ice cream. Or ice cream drinks. Or blended frozen drinks, like margaritas. But I digress.
Cake no. 3 is lookin' for LOVE, baby! I'm hearing the late, great Barry White in the background. Cake no. 4 wants to tag along to the bar, but I fear will not be as successful.
Oh, and Britney: I want to party with your family. Sheer genius. Can I come for Thanksgiving?
Is it just me, or does that third one look as though they just went ahead and frosted an actual turkey?
@zoomom ~ "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"
Only for you and the children.
I may have to make a turkey this year just for my house because I NEED day after turkey sandwiches! I'm pretty sure you're supposed to thaw it out before you eat it though,
The face on Dad's turkey almost cost me another keyboard. o.O
Yay @worecourderypants!! Loved the poem.
Start with smoking lambs.
Now we have smoking turkeys.
Next: Smoking Cupid.
Good thing I'm reading this at lunch - uncontrollably laughing at the corduroy turkey comment!!! :D
Blast Off! I'm going to try that with my actual poultry based turkey!
Oh my goodness. I'll never look at turkey the same after seeing this.
Perhaps I am shopping at the wrong stores. I had never seen this particular iteration of the ice-cream cake. Ever. No turkey ice-cream cake of any kind.
Perhaps, all things considered, I am actually shopping at the RIGHT stores. Well done, Me! LOL
Cake #3 kinda looks like they were going for Pikachu but then didn't give the poor thing a face!
How to make a two-tailed fish with one run-away eye look even crazier? Add some flaming jet packs. Yes. That'll do. That'll do...
OMG.... they all had me cracking up. But I guess I see something a little different in #3 - it looks like the head of the snails and slugs in my garden - the two little horns and blank expression... Yikes!
@zoomom "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could freeze."
Now all we need are turkey birthing cakes - you wouldn't have to make dinner because all the guests would lose their appetites!
I just really, really hope you are going to be able to show some Thanksgivukkah cakes
What's with the tilted heart on the side? Or is it supposed to be a letter B, as in #2?
Befuddled.
Awww, it's like a little brown jet-propelled whale surfacing above the Sea of Green!
If you are in the US, WKRP is on Hulu for free. Enjoy the turkeys.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/322#i0,p4,d0
My favorite is "Oh, the humanity."
@teresa from Portland - that's what I was gonna ask...
@zoomom - I think we jumped the gun on the WKRP quote back in October when Jen posted T-day for the Canadians. Does that count?
#3 & 4 look like they're naked ice cream without frosting, and #3 (the corduroy special) looks like it might be pumpkin ice cream.. :s
I recently saw, in a major magazine (Good Housekeeping? Parade? Somewhere...) instructions for making your very own turkey-carcass cake, covered in sheets of warmed, kneaded, rolled-out caramel. With stuffing made of cubes of (separately purchased) pound cake and drumsticks made of half a Twinkie and 1/3 of a big pretzel stick. Y'see, the cake mix Is baked in two round-bottomed mixing bowls, one large, one small. I forget why you need two, though, 'cause you cut slabs off the big cake to make space for the drumsticks, and then those are made of the Twinkie/pretzel combination, and it's all coated in caramel - - I have NO idea how you would cut it without squashing it beyond recognition. Not that it was actually that recognizable to begin with, anyway.
But it was as fine an example as any of these!
Oh, @Theresa from Portland? I think the tilted heart thing is supposed to represent the wing, maybe. Should be more of a tilted fat "V", but these are wrecks after all....
OMG - the burning turkey reminds me: Thanksgiving starts on the first night of Hannukah this year. Was that a menorkey? (Menorah + turkey.)
the second and third cakes look like they're at the gynecologist and already are in the stirrups - very disturbing.
re: Cake #2
That's not a cake. It's really a leftover from yesterday.
It's a Who alien.
Cake 3, Wreck 2, pregnant belly cake???
For @zoomom --
Don't forget to add, "Oh, the humanity!"
@Jodi and anony mouse: thanks…wore ‘em in grade school – the only kid who did. I hated them because they made noise whenever I walked …fffffffttt, ffffffffttt, ffffffttt…. I don’t know who invented these pants – but my money’s on a guy who was a one-man-band and needed just one more sound as he marched….
All I can think is who would pay $32 for the disaster that is picture #2.
That last one, with the flaming drumsticks...
That's amazing! I'm not even mad, bro.
Well those would certainly turn me off turkey cakes lol. No way would I even think of bringing them home unless I was bribed or had no dessert lol. Even then I might get chased out of the house. Sheesh.
THE FOURTH TURKOID IS REACHING FOR ME! MAKE IT STOP!
@zoomom: The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!
Gobblegobble, freaks!
Storm
that last turkey reminds me of something allie b (hyperbole and a half) would draw. especially in the face-type area.
Ode to Britney and her family:
I think I love you!
So what is that turkey made of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A wreck there is no cure for
I think I love you!
Isn't that what life is made of?
For your dad on his birthday
Flaming turkey wreck, Yay!
@Merry-The instructions for "TURKEY CAKE" were in Sunday's USA TODAY insert for our local paper......OMG it just looked NASTY!!! I make cakes all the time-including an catfish cake that was kind of interesting looking-but absolutely refuse to make a turkey cake.........BLEH!!!!
Yeah, I used to work for That Particular Chain that makes ice cream cakes. Lemmie tellya, we hate those turkey cakes.
Ok, first off, let me preface by saying that ice cream cakes are HARD to make. There is a very delicate window of time when the ice cream is soft enough to work with, and when it is soft enough for any decorations to slide off. You often have no idea if you're reaching that critical time, and even if you pop it in the freezer again, it may take long enough to chill that things start having problems. Thankfully, it often responds rather well to the 'scrape off and re-pipe' technique.
Now then, those turkey cakes in particular. The display one there is glazed in caramel, which has to be applied warm, or it doesn't spread properly (see picture number two). This means that the ice cream under it is melting. So you have a layer of congealing caramel atop a layer of liquid ice cream, and you're trying to make it all look even as it slides about. Good luck. Additionally, those drumsticks never want to stay on, as ice cream is not known for its structural stability. There's usually a long ice cream spoon hidden in each leg.
Not that this excuses any wreckery, mind you, but **** do we hate those cakes.
Of note, the owner of the stores I worked with was colorblind. I forbid him (on penalty of death) from making any more rainbow cakes after he made one with the following colors in order: Lime green. BROWN. Hot Barbie pink. Cobalt blue. Purple. Lime green again. He thought it looked fine.
I bought one of these last year and it looked amazing. I'm glad it didn't turn out like the ones in this post.
If you're in LA, the store on Beverly does a great job.