Tuesday
Aug142012
"Ham" Or "Pig Intestines?"
August 14, 2012 Do you like
green, eggs and ham?
I do not like them,
Baker, ma'am.
I do not like
green, eggs and ham.
Would you like them
at your wedding?
Would you like them
in that setting?
I would not like them
at my wedding.
I would not like them
in that setting.
I do not like them,
Baker, ma'am.
I do not like
green, eggs and ham!
Would you like ham thinly sliced?
Would you like eggs nicely iced?
I would not like ham thinly sliced
I would not like eggs nicely iced.
Seriously, lady.
I AM NOT EATING THIS.
Thanks to Tracy C. for inspiring me to lay off ham sandwiches for a while. (But never deviled eggs. Why can't I quit you, you eggy devils, you?!)
Reader Comments (71)
I fully expected to reach the bottom and find Sharyn as our guest poster today!
Seriously...um...WTF is that thing on top!?!
Lovely concept...the execution, on the other hand? YEESH.
@Amanda: Well, SOMEONE should be executed! :-D or at least whipped with pig intestines...
Definitely not ham. I think indeed to go
be sick now
Well, the obvious choice for today’s song is…
Lovely spam, wonderful spam
Lovely spam, wonderful spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam
Lovely spam
Lovely spam
Lovely spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam
…but that’s cheating, so
Sung to “Mary Had a Little Lamb”
Mary had a thing for ham
Thing for ham, thing for ham
Mary had a thing for ham
She kept her carb count low
Every cake that Mary made
Mary made, Mary made
Every cake that Mary made
Used ham and eggs in rows
She brought the bride a wedding cake
Wedding cake, Wedding cake
She brought the bride a wedding cake
That made the groom’s dog drool
It made the guests all gag and say
Gag and say, gag and say
It made the guests all gag and say
“I won’t eat that, you fool.”
If they took the pig intestines off, and the deviled eggs, and whatever that top thing is, the cake would be fine. However, I have no idea what pig intestines are doing on a wedding cake in the first place.
Fun Fact: If you took the intestines from an average barnyard pig and stretched it out to its full length it would be long enough to horrify guests at three standard weddings.
This really needs a picture of what it was supposed to be.
Thanks to reading this blog, I've seen worse
...that's just...offal...
My two year old was sitting on my lap while I looked at this and he said, "Chwimas twee!" And he knows his chwimas twees...
zoomom: I love your comments -- they're always snort-worthy, and you never screw up the dismount. (I think I've watched too much Olympic coverage.)
mel: You are the master. (It takes a lot of guts to use a pun that bad -- and by "bad" I mean perfect.)
@ mel - you made me *snirk*! :)
For some reason I keep thinking that the pig intestines are supposed to be rainbows - there seem to be "cloud" blobs at either end along with those calla lillies pretending to be eggs. Of course, if they were supposed to be rainbows, why did they make them the color of pig intestines? And why would rainbows be on their sides like that?
If you took off the the intestines that would not have been such a bad cake. But seriously, did they mix up the baker and butcher?? Sharyn XD XD XD
Dear god that looks like the tooth fairy took a...er...left a...ummm.....needed a diaper?
*hork*
What are those pointy things?!? Pig fangs?
The things that are being called deviled eggs, just look like someone *tried* to make Calla lilies but failed. I took a decorating course and I can tell that's what they were going for. Maybe if they'd toned down the pink bits and made them green vines instead it would have been a lot better.
Here's to hoping that bright flash at the top is a lit fuse, and the whole cake detonated shortly after the picture was taken...
Literally LOL'd at zoomom's comment!! :D
MY vote is pig intestines and deviled eggs. I agree with Donkaloosa that it was a very nice cake until they covered it with these thigns and whatever the heck is on top.
That looks less like pig intestines to me and more like the extruded chicken pieces they use to shape Chicken McNuggets, *shudder. Here's a tip: never tour a chicken processing plant, even if it's for a job.
a few questions.
Was this cake behind glass? what else would explain the random glare at the top?
Was this cake at a science fair?! It looks that way due to the what looks like horribly designed display boards behind it.
And finally.. I bet the inspiration was gorgeous.. Probably a pale minty green (or white, I can't quite decide) with a beautiful pink swag that looks like fabric and gorgeous sugar calla lilies..
I do not like Dr Seuss stories, I know that may be tantamount to sacrilege to some, but I dont, HOWEVER this cake deserved the treatment its an apropriate and witty use of a literary style. I laughed and tittered at the ,,THING..maskerading as a cake..do you think it was suposed to be wreathed in Cala Lilys?? or was the look genuienly meant to be totaly alien??
I'll second the earlier comment--Do we know what it was *supposed* to look like?
@Sharyn-thanks for another lovely verse that will wallow around in my head all day.
This post is brilliant!!
Why is it shiny? Frosting should not be shiny. Ever.
I'd pay at least a small amount of money to see:
1) a less zoomed-in picture of this cake. What on earth is in the background? Where is this cake?
2) the inspiration cake. I'm sure it was actually lovely.
3) the look on the decorator's face who did all that beautiful scrollwork, when they saw the finished result. It just can't have been the same person who did the underlying cake and the ghastly "swags" over it.
OMG, I have a sinus infection and can barely breathe. And now I'm laughing so hard I'm choking!
Jen, Dr. Seuss is bowing at your feet. Sharyn, brilliant! Mel and zoomom, I almost lost a lung.
The first thing I thought was, "Well, someone cut off a LOT of pig tails and straightened them out for this cake!" Ewwwwww. . . .
You know, my uncle worked for Hormel for 30+ years, and I don't think even HE would touch this cake. ICK!
I think it's pegasus poop.
LOL @ Sharyn, zoomom, and mel! An offal low carb count at that wedding, indeed!
What the hell!?? That's why I always tell brides "NO! Draping can NOT be done in buttercream!" ugh....
One one hand, that cake reminds me of the "deviled ham spread" in a can that my Grandma used to eat. On the other, now I'm craving deviled eggs!
Please, please tell me there's a 'what we wanted' photo for this somewhere....
They had to find a use for pink slime.
It's almost as if the "swags" all fell at the same time. More like a Playdough cake. Instead of nice piping, they just rolled up something to make the "snakes" to look like swag.
I thought they were getting rid of the pink slime???
There are several disturbing elements about this cake. The intestines draped all over it. The WTF IS THAT topper. And the things that looked like yellow penises with hoods. Fail.
This looks like several lengths of small intestines. Ewwwwww.
Holy crap, Batman! Someone ordered a chitlin' cake!
OMG tripe on a cake!! My sons want to know how much Silly Putty they used to make the spaghetti ropes.....this cake is beyond words that are even fit to say.
On a side note...I love this site!! I can't look at cakes in the grocery store anymore without having some comment run through my head, usually it isn't a good one ;) Thank you guys for bring a smile, a smirk and chortle to my day!
To me this looks like something from the 4-H project displays at a State Fair somewhere. I've seen equally over-ambitious projects from teenagers on display at our fair in a similar setting. It would explain the "behind glass" photo and the "artworks" visible behind. It would not, however, explain the cake itself.
Who wants pink slime swags on their cake?
For the folks wondering where and why the glass . . . I'm guessing state fair. Not sure as there's no ribbon *snicker*.
Unicorn horns and Georgia O'Keefe-esque flowers at the ends of pink rainbows? Do I detect a fertility cake??
This was taken in a window. That means this baker decided to showcase THIS cake?! Really?
I hope you are listing 3 things you dislike (i.e. green and eggs and ham). Because otherwise that comma after green makes no sense and I'm having a hard time getting past it.
after careful consideration, it looks like someone rejected the "base" cake - or never showed up. then baker #2 said, "hey, we can use this!" and added the intestines and eggs... uh, "swags" and "lilies." no one that would spend that kind of time doing scroll work would then desecrate the work with the REST of the story. i vote for two decorators, definitely. either that, or the doer of the scrollwork lost her mind after all those hours of concentration!
This cake is just begging to be wrapped in fabric--and then taken out to the trash.
@zoomom~ I think I threw up a little in my mouth with that image. Gross!
@Sharyn~ Awesome, another song stuck in my head today. Great job as usual!
note to self: Do NOT take a drink of ANYTHING when reading comments. Or when looking at pretty much anything on this site except Sunday Sweets.