The Big Bang Theory
July 3, 2012 When it comes to cake fireworks, bakers like to start things off with a bang:
;)
Although sometimes they're less about writing the word BANG and more about...um...
;)
...exploding...hotdogs.
;)
Or...candy canes.
Or...
;)
...defying the laws of physics.
(Ouch.)
Hey, you know what every 4th of July needs?
Exploding balls, that's what.
;)
(Double ouch.)
I'm pretty sure this baker only works for tips:
;)
"Ready...aim...."
Figures. Just when I find some fireworks that almost sorta kinda LOOK like fireworks...
;)
...I realize they're supposed to be surfboards.
Because that totally makes sense.
Well, I guess it's only fair that we go out with a big bang:
;)
Just make sure you have it home by 11.
Pro Tip: icing elevations lasting more than four hours may require professional attention. Discontinue piping and call your baker if you experience dizziness, sudden sugar cravings, or the uncontrollable urge to make cupcake cakes.
Thanks to Meredith M., Erin W., Holly A., Elisabeth M., Shara S., Laura R., Natalie & Jennifer for the bang-up job!
Reader Comments (68)
Remind me not to go to a fireworks display at the homes of these cake decorators. I'm more than a little afraid of what they've displaying if they think these cakes look like skyrockets!
So what have we learned today? Professional cake decorators don't get enough loving.
That 4th cake looks like it needs a visit to the clinic- anything that phallic looking with that kind of discharge needs serious help!!! LOL!
Sung to “American Pie”
A long, long time ago
I can still remember how
Good cakes could always make me smile
But now I never get the chance
The cakes all make me look askance
I haven’t seen a good one for a while
The blue “Bang” cake makes me quiver
Exploding …hotdogs don’t deliver
Candy cane’s a misstep
Please cover up that red schlep
Exploding balls make me cross-eyed
Half dozen weenies side-by-side
The surfboards take you for a ride
Viagra suicide
So
I’ll buy an American pie
There are plenty of cakes ready but they really won’t fly
And food shoppers just walk right past them and sigh
Thinking, “There’s just not one cake I would buy. There’s just not one cake I would buy. “
The one with the balls crashing into each other makes me think of a planetary collision. Which would create a big "bang" but would also at least partially destroy the planets!
I can't even tell what the wreckerator was going for with #6.
I suddenly have the urge to go to my local WD with my camera. They always have bad CCC's but I never have my camera with me!
Does anyone else see Bart Simpson (shouting "Bang!" [or maybe eating it]) in the first wreck, or is it just me?
Work Warning Work Warning! Oh thank goodness for scrolling fast. The last thing I want is this website to be blocked at work. How else will I get my giggles in at work.
1: the first cake looks like someone is capable of pooting the word "Bang," which is like 15 kinds of wrong.
2: Sharyn's "American Pie" parody? Genius.
Bwahaha@frosting warning and Sharyn's song. XD I do wonder how bakers could not see what we are seeing-are we cakewrecks readers that pervy?! D:
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.
@Sharyn - This is your best yet! Thank you for my wide grin.
WHAT is wrong with these decorators? I'm thinking most of them must be pretty hard up because there is no way they CANNOT see what we see. Unless, of course, all of us just consistently have our minds in the gutter because Jen directs us that way. :)
I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that much male anatomy since my urology rotation in med school. Yikes! And these are for family friendly celebrations? Perhaps these should have been placed with yesterday's post.
Judging by the entries the last two days, I move we just vote the 4th of July the "most phallic American holiday" and move carefully on.
Some of these cales are clearly visual aids prepared by a urologist for a special Fourth of July picnic presentation. The second cake, for example, would carry the caption "When red's in yellow, call a medical fellow."
The third cake patriotically points out the signs of ringworm.
The fourth cake/cookie is clearly a visual display item regarding retrograde ejaculation ....(yes, that's a real thing...)... and is followed by a visual representation of the dreaded results of the infamous "blue ball" phenomenon.
It is always swell when the medical arts and the decorating arts come together and shower us with their combined artistry.
Happy Phallic Fourth to all.....
@ Sharyn: spp
Uh...usually I'm happy to have my daughter check out cakewrecks. Today...not so much. Doesn't mean I didn't giggle my head off, though.
@Sharyn--Brilliant, m'dear. Utterly brilliant. I have to wonder which one is Jack's candlestick, 'cause something there got sat on, I'm just sayijn' ...
Surely, surely people don't expect these cakes to be displayed in the presence of children. I mean, if you were going for a more adult audience I could see it, but general audiences need not apply. I think it could count as allowing children access to porn.
Giggle snort giggle
head hitting desk with a thump
coworkers are concerned
OK. So I was looking at these monstrosities. And I clicked on No.4 because I could not BELIEVE what I was seeing. And what happened? The Chief Executive of my organisation came up to my desk to ask me a question, that's what happened. Oh, the horror.
Oh, my gosh - the pro tip at the end nearly made me fall off my chair! When will I learn not to try to read CW while I'm eating my breakfast? O.0
I have serious questions about how unintentional the eroticism is on these cakes. I just wonder if the managers ever look at what their decorators are up to.
Am I the only one who comes here not just for the awe-and-shudder-inspiring wreckage, but also for Sharyn's hysterical song puns...? :-D
Another genius rework, Sharyn! :-D
Yes; THESE are phallic. Not yesterday's.
Proving, YET AGAIN, that Independence Day offers the most opportunities of any holiday... EVER... For unintentionally phallic wrecks... O_O
(And surfboards disguised as fireworks, evidently).
I have to share a phallic 4th of July story... I'm in a marching band and one year we were a couple of units behind this one very large rocket float. It was sitting vertical on the back of a truck. Here's the kicker. Every once and awhile the rocket would "grow" about double in height and when it finished, it spewed popcorn out the top and shrunk back down. We all were no good for the entire parade!!! We never saw that float again :-) No cakes were wrecked in the telling of this story, but I had to share.
Every year... it never fails. I can't decide if the wreckorators just don't see what we all see or if they're doing it on purpose - and which is the less disturbing of the two.
BAZINGA!
The 4th cake is most clearly a penis. Come on baker - you're not fooling anyone with the "sparks"...
Cake #4 had to be made on purpose thst way, right? Right? Or not on purpose, but the powers thatbe in the bakery found it hilarious and put it out anyway? Ay yi yi...
To Jen's frosting warning and Sharyn's song: Simply superb
Sharyn, that was EPIC!! The fireworks, not so much.
Please tell me they made #4 like that on purpose. Pretty please!
What is up with the exploding easter eggs? And why is the last one pink?
OMG
WTF
. . .
LOL
Sharyn=brilliant!
Do these bakers really not see what we see? I find that hard to swallow. Anyone buying these cakes is really getting the shaft.
Too Funny LOL!
All Dave and I could think was "Skyrockets in flight, Afternoon delight..." when we saw number 4. Good lord. What were they thinking??
#4.....dead.................Any one else see a teeny little carrot, or is it just me? O_o
When I saw number 4, I literally gasped (and not in a good way.)
Is it possible the decorators are using subliminal techniques developed by marketing guru James Vicary in the 1950's? Perhaps they're just not talented enough to create images below our thresholds for conscious perception. Some Sunday we may just wake up to a "Sunday Sweets" depicting beautifully decorated cakes loaded with overtly sexual images that we cannot consciously discern.
Until then, enjoy the penis cakes...
So....Dildopolis is selling cakes now?
Maybe it's because I was watching the Supper Guppy land in Seattle, but Cake #2 had me nostalgic for NASA's primer red booster rocket (presuming the space shuttle is not visible 'cuz it's on the other side.)
O.o
What. The. Heck.
I agree with the above poster. Definitely subliminal messages.
As for Sharyn...LOVE the parody! :O)
@JustMe: Yep. If Bart Simpson were a Smurf with his eyes closed, wearing a tiny hat and yelling "Bang!", that is exactly how it would look.
@mel: Thanks for the Retrograde Ejaculation theory. That is much less wince-enducing than what I was originally thinking...
My new theory on how wreckerators make these kinds of "mistakes": The wreckerators hate their jobs but do not want to quit because they need the income. Thus, they devised a plan to get fired, which would allow them to receive unemployment pay. The joke is on the wreckerators, however, because their bosses a) don't know, b) don't care, or c) are wise to the wreckerators's plot and refuse to fire them on priciple.
Where did you get the font you have "Cake Wrecks" in at the top of the page?
[Editor's note- Um, I don't know. I think my designer found it. Email me and I'll try to find it for you. -john]
I do believe that these bakers believe that the 4th of July is a MAN'S HOLIDAY!! LOL!!!!
When I saw the thumbnail on facebook, I actually thought #4 was a squid and wanted to know what the connection was between a squid and July 4.
Also, I thought #2 was a carrot.
Also also, +10 internets to Andrea for not spelling "principle" as "principal".
Curse you!! Now I'll need a Jaws of Life to get my knees apart.
#4 Bobinski anyone? The miracle of reattachment surgery.
I am so offended. Two days of phallic posts in a row. Really. (sniff) I wasn't even going to comment...til I read " Exploding …hotdogs don’t deliver." bwahahahahahahahaha Bless your heart, Sharyn!
That first one reminds me of opening one of those cursed cans of biscuits and nearly dying as it does its infamous loud BANG! Sheesh my heart can't take those anymore lol. And now I will never look at fireworks in the same way again thanks to these evil wreckerators.
If you look very closely at cake 2, the, um, firework has veins. Veins!
Did everyone else look really closely or was it just me?